Poor Miss Finch

by Wilkie Collins

  Changing from bed-room to sitting-room, from sitting-room back tobed-room; with the daylight always shut out; with the bandages always on,except when the surgeon looked at her eyes; Lucilla bore theimprisonment--and worse than the imprisonment, the uncertainty--of herperiod of probation, with the courage that can endure anything, thecourage sustained by Hope. With books, with music, with talk--above all,with Love to help her--she counted her way calmly through the dullsuccession of hours and days till the time came which was to decide thequestion in dispute between the oculists--the terrible question of whichof the two, Mr. Sebright or Herr Grosse, was right.

  I was not present at the examination which finally decided all doubt. Ijoined Oscar in the garden--quite as incapable as he was of exerting theslightest self-control. We paced silently backwards and forwards on thelawn, like two animals in a cage. Zillah was the only witness presentwhen the German examined our poor darling's eyes; Nugent engaging to waitin the next room and announce the result from the window. As the eventturned out, Herr Grosse was beforehand with him. Once more we heard hisbroken English shouting, "Hi-hi-hoi! hoi-hi! hoi-hi!" Once more, webeheld his huge silk handkerchief waving at the window. I turned sick andfaint under the excitement of the moment--under the rapture (it wasnothing less) of hearing those three electrifying words: "She will see!"Mercy! how we did abuse Mr. Sebright, when we were all reunited again inLucilla's room!

  The first excitement over, we had our difficulties to contend with next.

  From the moment when she was positively informed that the operation hadsucceeded, our once-patient Lucilla developed into a new being. She nowrose in perpetual revolt against the caution which still deferred the dayon which she was to be allowed to make the first trial of her sight. Itrequired all my influence, backed by Oscar's entreaties, and strengthenedby the furious foreign English of our excellent German surgeon (HerrGrosse had a temper of his own, I can tell you!) to prevent her frombreaking through the medical discipline which held her in its grasp. Whenshe became quite unmanageable, and vehemently abused him to his face, ourgood Grosse used to swear at her, in a compound bad language of his own,with a tremendous aspiration at the beginning of it, which always setmatters right by making her laugh. I see him again as I write, leavingthe room on these occasions, with his eyes blazing through hisspectacles, and his shabby hat cocked sideways on his head. "Soh, youlittle-spitfire-Feench! If you touch that bandages when I have put himon--Ho-Damn-Damn! I say no more. Good-bye!"

  From Lucilla I turn to the twin-brothers next.

  Tranquilized as to the future, after his interview with Mr. Sebright,Oscar presented himself at his best during the time of which I am nowwriting. Lucilla's main reliance in her days in the darkened room, was onwhat her lover could do to relieve and to encourage her. He never oncefailed her; his patience was perfect; his devotion was inexhaustible. Itis sad to say so, in view of what happened afterwards; but I only tell anecessary truth when I declare that he immensely strengthened his hold onher affections, in those last days of her blindness when his society wasmost precious to her. Ah, how fervently she used to talk of him when sheand I were left together at night! Forgive me if I leave this part of thehistory of the courtship untold. I don't like to write of it--I don'tlike to think of it. Let us get on to something else.

  Nugent comes next. I would give a great deal, poor as I am, to be able toleave him out. It is not to be done. I must write about that lost wretch,and you must read about him, whether we like it or not.

  The days of Lucilla's imprisonment, were also the days when my favoritedisappointed me, for the first time. He and his brother seemed to changeplaces. It was Nugent now who appeared to disadvantage by comparison withOscar. He surprised and grieved his brother by leaving Browndown. "All Ican do for you, I have done," he said. "I can be of no further use forthe present to anybody. Let me go. I am stagnating in this miserableplace--I must, and will, have change." Oscar's entreaties, in Nugent'spresent frame of mind, failed to move him. Away he went one morning,without bidding anybody goodbye. He had talked of being absent for aweek--he remained away for a month. We heard of him, leading a wild life,among a vicious set of men. It was reported that a frantic restlessnesspossessed him which nobody could understand. He came back as suddenly ashe had left us. His variable nature had swung round, in the interval, tothe opposite extreme. He was full of repentance for his reckless conduct;he was in a state of depression which defied rousing; he despaired ofhimself and his future. Sometimes he talked of going back to America; andsometimes he threatened to close his career by enlisting as a privatesoldier. Would any other person, in my place, have seen which way thesesigns pointed? I doubt it, if that person's mind had been absorbed, asmine was, in watching Lucilla day by day. Even if I had been a suspiciouswoman by nature--which, thank God, I am not--my distrust must have laindormant, in the all-subduing atmosphere of suspense hanging heavily on memorning, noon, and night in the darkened room.

  So much, briefly, for the sayings and doings of the persons principallyconcerned in this narrative, during the six weeks which separate Part theFirst from Part the Second.

  I begin again on the ninth of August.

  This was the memorable day chosen by Herr Grosse for risking theexperiment of removing the bandage, and permitting Lucilla to try hersight for the first time. Conceive for yourselves (don't ask me todescribe) the excitement that raged in our obscure little circle, nowthat we were standing face to face with that grand Event in our liveswhich I promised to relate in the opening sentence of these pages.

  I was the earliest riser at the rectory that morning. My excitable Frenchblood was in a fever. I was irresistibly reminded of myself, at a timelong past--the time when my glorious Pratolungo and I, succumbing to Fateand tyrants, fled to England for safety; martyrs to that ungratefulRepublic (long live the Republic!) for which I laid down my money and myhusband his life.

  I opened my window, and hailed the good omen of sunrise in a clear sky.Just as I was turning away again from the view, I saw a figure steal outfrom the shrubbery and appear on the lawn. The figure came nearer. Irecognized Oscar.

  "What in the world are you doing there, at this time in the morning?" Icalled out.

  He lifted his finger to his lips, and came close under my window beforehe answered.

  "Hush!" he said. "Don't let Lucilla hear you. Come down to me as soon asyou can. I am waiting to speak to you."

  When I joined him in the garden, I saw directly that something had gonewrong.

  "Bad news from Browndown?" I asked.

  "Nugent has disappointed me," he answered. "Do you remember the eveningwhen you met me after my consultation with Mr. Sebright?"

  "Perfectly."

  "I told you that I meant to ask Nugent to leave Dimchurch, on the daywhen Lucilla tried her sight for the first time."

  "Well?"

  "Well--he refuses to leave Dimchurch."

  "Have you explained your motives to him?"

  "Carefully--before I asked him to go. I told him how impossible it was tosay what might happen. I reminded him that it might be of the utmostimportance to me to preserve the impression now in Lucilla's mind--for acertain time only--after Lucilla could see. I promised, the moment shebecame reconciled to the sight of me, to recall him, and in his presenceto tell her the truth. All that I said to him--and how do you think heanswered me?"

  "Did he positively refuse?"

  "No. He walked away from me to the window, and considered a little. Thenhe turned round suddenly and said 'What did you tell me was Mr.Sebright's opinion? Mr. Sebright thought she would be relieved instead ofbeing terrified. In that case, what need is there for me to go away? Youcan acknowledge at once that she has seen your face, and not mine?' Heput his hands in his pockets when he had said that (you know Nugent'sdownright way)--and turned back to the window as if he had settledeverything."

  "What did you say, on your side?"

  "I said, 'Suppose Mr. Sebright is wrong?' He only answered, 'Suppose Mr.Sebright is right?'
I followed him to the window--I never heard him speakso sourly to me as he spoke at that moment. 'What is your objection togoing away for a day or two?' I asked. 'My objection is soon stated,' heanswered. 'I am sick of these everlasting complications. It is uselessand cruel to carry on the deception any longer. Mr. Sebright's advice isthe wise advice and the right advice. Let her see you as you are.' Withthat answer, he walked out of the room. Something has upset him--I can'timagine what it is. Do pray see what you can make of him! My only hope isin you."

  I own I felt reluctant to interfere. Suddenly and strangely as Nugent hadaltered his point of view, it seemed to me undeniable that Nugent wasright. At the same time, Oscar looked so disappointed and distressed,that it was really impossible, on that day above all others, to pain himadditionally by roundly saying No. I undertook to do what I could--and Iinwardly hoped that circumstances would absolve me from the necessity ofdoing anything at all.

  Circumstances failed to justify my selfish confidence in them.

  I was out in the village, after breakfast, on a domestic errand connectedwith the necessary culinary preparations for the reception of HerrGrosse--when I heard my name pronounced behind me, and, turning round,found myself face to face with Nugent.

  "Has my brother been bothering you this morning," he asked, "before I wasup?"

  I instantly noticed a return in him, as he said that, to the same doggedungracious manner which had perplexed and displeased me at my lastconfidential interview with him in the rectory garden.

  "Oscar has been speaking to me this morning," I replied.

  "About me?"

  "About you. You have distressed and disappointed him----"

  "I know! I know! Oscar is worse than a child. I am beginning to lose allpatience with him."

  "I am sorry to hear you say that, Nugent. You have borne with him sokindly thus far--surely you can make allowances for him to-day? His wholefuture may depend on what happens in Lucilla's sitting-room a few hourshence."

  "He is making a mountain out of a mole-hill--and so are you."

  Those words were spoken bitterly--almost rudely. I answered sharply on myside.

  "You are the last person living who has any right to say that. Oscar isin a false position towards Lucilla, with your knowledge and consent. Inyour brother's interests, you agreed to the fraud that has been practicedon her. In your brother's interests, again, you are asked to leaveDimchurch. Why do you refuse?"

  "I refuse, because I have come round to your way of thinking. What didyou say of Oscar and of me, in the summer-house? You said we were takinga cruel advantage of Lucilla's blindness. You were right. It was cruelnot to have told her the truth. I won't be a party to concealing thetruth from her any longer! I refuse to persist in deceiving her--inmeanly deceiving her--on the day when she recovers her sight!"

  It is entirely beyond my power to describe the tone in which he made thatreply. I can only declare that it struck me dumb for the moment. I drew astep nearer to him. With vague misgivings in me, I looked him searchinglyin the face. He looked back at me, without shrinking.

  "Well?" he asked--with a hard smile which defied me to put him in thewrong.

  I could discover nothing in his face--I could only follow my instincts asa woman. Those instincts warned me to accept his explanation.

  "I am to understand then that you have decided on staying here?" I said.

  "Certainly!"

  "What do you propose to do, when Herr Grosse arrives, and we assemble inLucilla's room?"

  "I propose to be present among the rest of you, at the most interestingmoment of Lucilla's life."

  "No! you don't propose that!"

  "I do!"

  "You have forgotten something, Mr. Nugent Dubourg."

  "What is it, Madame Pratolungo?"

  "You have forgotten that Lucilla believes the brother with the discoloredface to be You, and the brother with the fair complexion to be Oscar. Youhave forgotten that the surgeon has expressly forbidden us to agitate herby entering into any explanations before he allows her to use her eyes.You have forgotten that the very deception which you have just positivelyrefused to go on with, will be nevertheless a deception continued, if youare present when Lucilla sees. Your own resolution pledges you not toenter the rectory doors until Lucilla has discovered the truth." In thosewords I closed the vice on him. I had got Mr. Nugent Dubourg!

  He turned deadly pale. His eyes dropped before mine for the first time.

  "Thank you for reminding me," he said. "I _had_ forgotten."

  He pronounced those submissive words in a suddenly-lowered voice.Something in his tone, or something in the dropping of his eyes, set myheart beating quickly, with a certain vague expectation which I wasunable to realize to myself.

  "You agree with me," I said, "that you cannot be one amongst us at therectory? What will you do?"

  "I will remain at Browndown," he answered.

  I felt he was lying. Don't ask for my reasons: I have no reasons to give.When he said "I will remain at Browndown," I felt he was lying.

  "Why not do what Oscar asks of you?" I went on. "If you are absent, youmay as well be in one place as in another. There is plenty of time stillto leave Dimchurch."

  He looked up as suddenly as he had looked down.

  "Do you and Oscar think me a stock or a stone?" he burst out angrily.

  "What do you mean?"

  "Who are you indebted to for what is going to happen to-day?" he went on,more and more passionately. "You are indebted to Me. Who among you allstood alone in refusing to believe that she was blind for life? _I_ did!Who brought the man here who has given her back her sight? _I_ broughtthe man! And I am the one person who is to be left in ignorance of how itends. The others are to be present: I am to be sent away. The others areto see it: I am to hear by post (if any of you think of writing to me)what she does, what she says, how she looks, at the first heavenly momentwhen she opens her eyes on the world." He flung up his hand in the air,and burst out savagely with a bitter laugh. "I astonish you, don't I? Iam claiming a position which I have no right to occupy. What interest can_I_ feel in it? Oh God! what do _I_ care about the woman to whom I havegiven a new life?" His voice broke into a sob at those last wild words.He tore at the breast of his coat as if he was suffocating--and turned,and left me.

  I stood rooted to the spot. In one breathless instant, the truth broke onme like a revelation. At last I had penetrated the terrible secret.Nugent loved her.

  My first impulse, when I recovered myself, hurried me at the top of myspeed back to the rectory. For a moment or two, I think I must reallyhave lost my senses. I felt a frantic suspicion that he had gone into thehouse, and that he was making his way to Lucilla at that moment. When Ifound that all was quiet--when Zillah had satisfied me that no visitorhad come near our side of the rectory--I calmed down a little, and wentback to the garden to compose myself before I ventured into Lucilla'spresence.

  After awhile, I got over the first horror of it, and saw my own positionplainly. There was not a living soul at Dimchurch in whom I couldconfide. Come what might of it, in this dreadful emergency, I must trustin myself alone.

  I had just arrived at that startling conclusion; I had shed some bittertears when I remembered how hardly I had judged poor Oscar on more thanone occasion; I had decided that my favorite Nugent was the most hatefulvillain living, and that I would leave nothing undone that the craft of awoman could compass to drive him out of the place--when I was forced backto present necessities by the sound of Zillah's voice calling to me fromthe house. I went to her directly. The nurse had a message for me fromher young mistress. My poor Lucilla was lonely and anxious: she wassurprised at my leaving her, she insisted on seeing me immediately.

  I took my first precaution against a surprise from Nugent, as I crossedthe threshold of the door.

  "Our dear child must not be disturbed by visitors to-day," I said toZillah. "If Mr. Nugent Dubourg comes here and asks for her--don't tellLucilla; tell _me._"

  This sai
d, I went up-stairs, and joined my darling in the darkened room.