"KIND AND DEAR FRIEND,--Forgive me: I am going to surprise and distressyou. My letter thanks you gratefully; and bids you a last farewell.
"Summon all your indulgence for me. Read these lines to the end: theywill tell you what happened after I left the rectory.
"Nothing had been seen of Nugent, when I reached this house. It was nottill a quarter of an hour later that I heard his voice at the door,calling to me, and asking if I had come back. I answered, and he joinedme in the sitting-room. Nugent's first words to me were these:--"'Oscar, I have come to ask your pardon, and to bid you good-bye.'
"I can give you no idea of the tone in which he spoke to me: it wouldhave gone straight to your heart, as it went straight to mine. For themoment, I was not able to answer him. I could only offer him my hand. Hesighed bitterly, and refused to take it.
"'I have something still to tell you,' he said. 'Wait till you haveheard it; and give me your hand afterwards--if you can.'
"He even refused to take the chair to which I pointed. He distressed meby standing in my presence as if he was my inferior. The next words thathe said to me--
"No! I have need of all my calmness and all my courage. It shakes both torecall what he said to me. I sat down to write this, intending to repeatto you everything that passed between us. Another of my weaknesses!another of my failures! The tears come into my eyes again, when my mindattempts to dwell on the details. I can only tell you the result. Mybrother's confession may be summed up in three words. Prepare yourself tobe startled; prepare yourself to be grieved.
"Nugent loves her.
"Think of this discovery falling on me, after I had seen my innocentLucilla's arms round his neck--after my own eyes had shown me how sherejoiced over her first sight of _him;_ how she shuddered at her firstsight of _me!_ Need I tell you what I suffered? No.
"Nugent held out his hand, when he had done--as I had held out minebefore he began.
"'The one atonement I can make to you and to her,' he said, 'is never tolet either of you set eyes on me again. Shake hands, Oscar; and let mego.'
"If I had willed it so--so it might have ended. I willed it differently.It has ended differently. Can you guess how?"
Poor Miss Finch Page 51
