“Do you want the simple answer or the complicated answer?”
When I look back at him, his face is stony, having no trace of his usual easy grin. He wants me to answer honestly, and this conversation feels way too intimate already. Do I want to go down this rabbit hole? Do I have a choice? My head swims with indecision. Varus is both beautiful and terrifying. Kind and vicious. A conundrum I don’t think I’ll have an easy time solving.
I say, “Whichever you feel comfortable telling, I suppose.”
I shove a handful of fries into my mouth before I say anything else. He pulls his eyebrows together when I do so, and I resist the urge to cringe. I have the emotional capability of a houseplant. Maybe living in the woods for so long had taken its toll more than I had originally thought. The only thing I know how to do is comfort a girl when they cry. A male’s emotions are a complete and utter mystery.
“Well, then I’ll tell you both. The simple answer is no. We have not had the fated bond snap into place yet,” He pauses while swirling a fry around in ketchup, then looks up, “But she’s the daughter of a high pack member, and a full-blooded red wolf. They say that along with my strong, albeit poisoned, arctic shifter blood we would breed perfect heirs.”
I use finishing my burger as an excuse to think about a more articulate response than that sucks. The situation makes me feel ever so slightly sorry for him. Despite me being the rightful heir to the throne, I've never known the pressures that come along with it. It must be the worst aspect of being a royal. All the expectations that your parents have, let alone the rest of the community, would be crushing.
“Wow, that’s. . .” I trail off, still not sure what to say.
He raises one dark brow, “Awful? You can say it.”
“Yeah, it’s awful.”
He throws his head back and laughs, making a small smile come to my lips. At least I can amuse him if nothing else. Hopefully, he hasn’t noticed how completely socially inept I am. I slurp the rest of my drink before leaning back on the bench with a groan. My stomach is so full that he could roll me across the floor like a lumpy bowling ball. The bench shifts and I feel his knees come closer to rest against the insides of mine. One of his hands comes to rest on my lower thigh, fingers curling around it.
“God Ashe, you don’t know how refreshing it is to have you around. Most people are so polite that I ought to punch them in the face.”
His voice is full of easy mirth. There’s no sign of sexual tension. Perhaps he doesn’t realize that his hand is on my thigh? Or maybe I’m the only one who cares. Either of those answers are unacceptable. I chance sitting up to face him and come within inches of his lean chest. His hand doesn’t move away from my thigh, in fact, his thumb brushes up the curve of my leg softly making me suck in a breath. Ours eyes lock again and his are full of midnight desire.
I can tell that he’s well versed in love making. He’s most likely had many lovers throughout the years which I try not to think about as he continues to lightly stroke my thigh. It’s not wrong to take lovers, especially in the shifter community. It’s encouraged to use sex as an outlet for the powerful emotions known to our kind. Plus, most mating bonds snap into place during a moment of intimacy. It doesn’t get more intimate than being naked pressed against someone else.
He whispers, “You’ve noticed that I’m a guarded person. Someone who isn’t easily swayed into trust or conversations I’m not inclined to have.”
His words aren’t a question, so I stay silent. Keeping one hand on my thigh, Varus brings the other up to caress my flushed cheek. My heart picks up, beating a mile a minute. I don’t know where to put my hands, so I splay them against his chest. The intimacy of our embrace compels me to close my eyes, but I refuse. It’s a reflex to close myself off to human connection, a trait that a lone wolf has. An omega.
“I come undone around you,” he chuckles darkly, yet there is no humor in the sound. “My darkest secrets slip out of my mouth like running water. My deepest desires show within my eyes. Tell me the truth. Do you have Arctic shifter within your blood?”
My eyes had drifted closed while listening to his deep timber, but they snap open at the question. Varus’s eyes look intense, but not accusing. It’s not a crime to have arctic shifter within your blood or else Varus’s life would have already been forfeit. It is a crime, however, to be a royal full-blooded arctic shifter in a room with the heir to the red wolf throne. My heart speeds up again, but this time from fear rather than desire. I lick my lips and feel no satisfaction when he follows the movement.
“My parents are dead, and I do not know of any relatives. If I have arctic shifter within me, I wouldn’t know for sure.”
He tilts his head as if listening for the tremors of a lie. I can only hope that he doesn’t recognize my voice enough to hear the slight tremble within it. Despite the abnormal time we spend together throughout the week, it would almost be impossible. We continue to look at each other, my hands across his chest, and his now cradling either side of my face. The fear in my heart deflates when he presses his forehead against my own.
His voice is raw, “I want you in a way that makes me feel foolish,” I endeavor to interrupt, yet he surges on, “It’s not love, I know that. Nothing of that magnitude comes so easily.”
I breathe. “I want you too, but I shouldn’t for so many reasons. Reasons that I can’t even talk about.”
Our lips hover together, close, but not yet touching. Sensual energy crackles through the air, striking my body like lightning. Varus makes a low groaning sound in the back of his throat before gently brushing his mouth against mine. Sensation explodes down my body, making me shiver and pull myself closer to his chest, knocking out knees together. He lets go of my face and I almost fall backward I’m so dazed, but he only grips my legs to pull me into a straddling position on his lap.
I’m astride him when he seems to remember himself, “Is this okay? Is this what you want?”
My core throbs in time with my heartbeat, and every patch of exposed skin is tingling pleasantly. Something that feels so good can’t be bad, right? I wrap my legs more tightly around his waist and shove my hands into his silky hair. His eyes darken with understanding before our lips crash together again. This time he possesses my mouth, commanding me to open wider for his tongue. My needy moan only fuels him further and he runs his hands down my back until they come to rest on my bottom.
A loud sound comes from the hallway and we both jump, our lips parting. Once we realize that no one is coming in, I laugh. His startled look only makes me laugh harder, gripping his shoulder for support. When I get ahold of myself Varus has an achingly beautiful smile on his face. It sends a pang of longing through my chest so strong that I sober completely. This is a male who has layers to uncover and is more than just strong and regal. Besides that, he also doesn’t belong to me and never will.
He says, “I think this is the first time I’ve really heard you laugh. It pains me to think it’s not something you do often.”
“I am a female different from every other shifter at this school,” He opens his mouth, but I put my finger over his lips, “And before you say it’s a good thing, I’ll stop you. I’m not the girl for you Varus. You’re better off with someone like Maia, who is safe and easy.”
He gives me an incredulous look. “Who prefers that? Not me, that’s for sure.”
I attempt to push off of him, but his arms locked around me like a cage, unwilling to let me go. Our eyes meet again, and I find the same intense longing I’m feeling reflected within his. What he doesn’t understand is that these feelings are orchestrated by our lineage. We don’t have some divine connection or, dare I say it, a mating bond. This is a made-up fairy tale. We aren’t meant to be because there’s no such thing. Not for me.
“You don’t understand.”
He doesn’t give up, “Then help me understand you, Ashe. You’re the first female I’ve met that doesn’t make me want to run in the opposite directio
n. You openly dismiss my royal blood, which would infuriate my brother, but it’s something I adore. You have secrets, I know, but I don’t mind waiting for you to tell me.”
His honesty floors me. He wants to know me, to become closer to me. No one, not even my sisters, have taken the time to do such a thing. If only my secrets wouldn’t get me killed. In this moment, I would tell him everything if I could. Does that make me foolish?
“I. . .” The gym doors burst open and we spring apart from one another as footsteps come around the bleachers. I pick up a fry and stare at it intently as Maia comes into view. Out of the corner of my eye I can see the look of annoyance on her face. What is she doing here anyhow? Isn’t it the start of fifth period? When she looks at me I shove the fry into my mouth and try to look like I wasn’t on Varus’s lap a minute ago.
She addresses him, “We’ve been waiting out front for ten minutes, Var. What are you even doing?”
Her eyes go back to me, and instead of shying away I glare at her in return. Fuck this girl! It’s not my fault that she’s a total bitch and Varus loathes being mated to her. Maia sits next to Varus and presses her chest into his left arm. He looks at me and cringes exaggeratedly, forcing me to stifle a laugh. She doesn’t even realize that what she’s doing is making him even less inclined to mate with her.
He leans away from her, “Uh, the time has gotten away from us. I’ll be out in a minute.”
She pops off of the bleachers, “I’ll wait for you.”
He gives her a leveled look. “I said I’ll be out in a minute. Go wait with the others.”
She pouts at him but doesn’t protest, giving me one more glare on her way out. He watches her go with an unreadable expression on his face. Does he want her? Is he attracted to her? Should I ever care? No. I’m the one constantly pushing him away. One of these times, my rejection will stick, and he’ll stop trying.
He turns to me. “Sorry about that. I didn’t even realize that fifth period had come and gone. I’m supposed to go to a bonfire tonight, you know, the monthly one celebrating the full moon.”
My eyes go to the clock in surprise, and I say stupidly, “Bonfire..?”
“No one told you. Well, there’s a monthly bonfire in the Great Woods tonight. Even the professors go. Everyone turns at midnight when the moon is the highest in the sky, and we run through the trees, howling to the ancestors.”
I laugh, and smile at him, “Sounds poetic.”
He grins. “Exactly, so come along with us.”
Thinking of Maia, I shake my head. “No, thanks though. I’ll come out with my sisters. Maybe I’ll see you there.”
With that I stand and gather all the garbage to throw it out. He watches me do so without comment. After grabbing my bag, him still sitting there, I gave an awkward wave and turn to leave. Ugh. Why do I have to be so weird sometimes? Varus suddenly grabs my arm and spins me into his chest. Our lips connect, sending that familiar fire down to my toes.
He whispers against my mouth. “Promise me you won’t shift in front of anyone else. I want to be the one to see it, to witness you in your most primal state. I want to know what your wolf looks like.”
Even the thought of shifting at the academy makes me sweat. There’s no way that I could do it and get away without suspicion. But my wolf longs to run to stretch her legs. I’ve never gone so long without shifting. Neither have my sisters, which is why I have to go back to the dorm to warn them. White coats are not common, obviously. The urge to run and become one with the Great Woods during the full moon will be strong, so perhaps we can go back home for one night. But I can’t tell Varus that.
“I promise.” I lie, hating myself for it.
Chapter Six
Back at the dorm my sisters are in the kitchen. Janna is sitting up on the counter while Liss throws grapes into her mouth. She misses one which makes both of them squeal with laughter. They’ve always been each other's best friends, and it has warmed my heart, until now. Now I know what it feels like to potentially have one of my own. Knowing that I must leave this all behind has proved to be more difficult than I had originally thought.
“Hey guys, how was your day?”
Janna glances at me, eyes shining, “Great! We met two boys that want to escort us to the bonfire tonight.”
Before I can protest, Liss cuts in, “Don’t worry, they’re Indian shifters, not red. We don’t plan to shift either, we promise.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Do you know how the full moon works? It’s a compulsion, not a choice. So, when you shift, not if, you can’t be around anyone, got it?”
Janna gets down off of the counter while trading an excited look with Liss. “Wait, are you saying that we can go?”
“Yes, you can go. You’re old enough to make your own choices. All I’ll do is warn you that if anyone sees your true nature, you will be jailed and killed. This isn’t a game of hide and seek, this is life or death. You need to understand that.”
They both visibly swallow before nodding, Liss asks, “Are you going? We know it’s different for you on the full moon. It always has been.”
I sigh and throw my arms around their shoulders. She’s right. The full moon has always had a different, almost strange effect on me. I become primal down to my thoughts, not sure of anyone or anything. All I want to do is run, hunt, and—embarrassingly—search for a mate. Good thing there never is one close to our old house, which is where I’ll be going tonight. Even my sisters stay away from me on those fateful nights. I’m a force to be reckoned with.
“I’m going, just to keep up appearances, but I won’t be staying. I’m going to shift and run back to the house. I promise to be back by dawn the next day.”
They nod understandingly before Janna pulls Liss into the bathroom to get ready for the party. When did they become such teenagers? It’s slightly sickening. I put on a fresh pair of jeans and a blue tee shirt that brings out my eyes. That’s the most I’ll do to look pretty. I spend the rest of the night before heading out on the couch, reading an old leather arctic shifter history book that I had snuck into the academy.
Someone knocks on the door and I stand to answer it, shoving my book between the couch cushions. There are two boys standing outside. I tower over them, my six-foot seven frame making them look like ten-year-old’s rather than sixteen. Their eyes go wide at the sight of me, and one of them shifts from foot to foot. They look nice enough, not too douchey, but handsome enough that they caught my sisters’ attention.
The one on the left asks, “This is where Lissandra and Janna live, right?”
“Yes, they’re still getting ready. Come on in.” I step back and wave them inside.
They practically stumble into the entryway and I swing the door closed behind them. I lean against the wall across from them as we wait for my sisters. Their eyes haven’t left my tall, lean frame, and the intimidation they feel is clear as day. Did my sisters not mention their formidable older sister?
The other asks, “You must be Ashe, they talk about you a lot.”
Ah, so they have mentioned me, “Yes, I’m Ashe. And what do they say when they talk about me?”
The guy gulps, but Liss sweeps in to save him, “Only good things, Ashe. Stop scaring them.”
I laugh, which instantly relaxes the two boys. My sisters have outdone themselves. They wear matching deep blue, borderline black, sun dresses. Their eye shadow is snow white and paired with sweeping raven's wing eyeliner and sparkling pink lips. Their hair—still a dull chestnut brown—has been braided in a circlet above their heads, coming together in the back to look like a crown. I’m not sure whether they did that on purpose to remind themselves that they’re princesses, even if no one else can know. The boys stare for a minute, open-mouthed, before offering their arms to the girls.
I let them leave first and shut the door behind us as they make their way to the elevator. I’m glad that Matt isn’t lurking outside my door again. Hopefully, I see him at the bonfire for a few minutes, so he does
n’t think I skipped out. That’s the point of even showing up at all. My skin is already itching to turn now that the sun has gone beyond the horizon. I can almost feel my wolf tearing at the walls inside me, trying to force its way out. It will be hard to stay at the bonfire for a few minutes, let alone the hour I wanted to be there for appearances.
We travel down to the lower level in silence, and I leave them to walk there alone as I make their dates uncomfortable. We step out and I throw on a strained smile before turning toward them. My sisters stop and look at me expectantly while their dates look anywhere but at me.
“Uh, I’m going to find my friends. You guys have a good time, alright?”
Janna’s eyes narrow, “What friends?”
My eyes go wildly to the other wolves roaming around the lobby and I spot Matt. I wave toward him. “Matt! That’s who.”
He waves back and I bolt toward him before my sisters can make more of a fuss about my lack of social skills. I grab his arm and steer us out of the building too fast for them to catch up. Matt is laughing while allowing me to pull him along behind me in a frenzy.
He cracks out, “Geez Ashe! Calm down, you’re acting like your tail is on fire.”
We slow and I collapse against his chest in mock exhaustion, laughing. His hands come to rest under my armpits, catching me in a swoon. We laugh together, and once my eyes open; they lock with Varus’ across the square. His eyes are tight as he watches us together, almost as if he’s jealous. A feeling a guilt washes through my chest, but we’re not together, and he has no claim on me, as he would say. Besides, Maia is hanging off of his back like a crazed monkey trying to climb a tree.
Matt lifts me back to my feet and takes my hand, leading me into the trees after everyone else. I lose sight of Varus in the dark, and turn my head away, chastising myself for even caring. The path down to the clearing, where apparently they have it every month, is lit by red fae light courtesy of the fire master Orin. The trees around us shine ominously, as if covered in blood. It makes me shiver and tuck myself closer to Matt; he responds by placing his arm around my shoulders. It doesn’t feel romantic or brotherly, as if he’s trying to let me decide that for myself.
Arctic Hunter Page 5
