by Melissa Yi
HUMAN REMAINS
by Melissa Yi
For Bill, Lisa, and Marie-Pascale
This is a work of fiction. Names, including disease names, have been changed or, if real, used fictitiously.
This novel portrays medical crises and death, as well as sexual situations.
Copyright © 2017 Melissa Yuan-Innes
Join Melissa's mailing list at www.melissayuaninnes.com
Cataloguing data available from Library and Archives Canada
Cover design by Design for Writers | www.designforwriters.com
Cover photo © 2015 Sutthaburawonk | Dreamstime.com
To advise of typographical errors, please contact [email protected].
Published by Olo Books & Windtree Press
Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.
—Martin Luther King, Jr.
Kill one man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill them all, and you are a god.
—Jean Rostand, Thoughts of a Biologist
Chapter 1
SUNDAY
Even if the terrorists don't win, they can make your life an icy hell.
My name is Hope Sze. Last month, I was one of two Montreal doctors taken hostage by a domestic terrorist/killer/idiot on an obstetrics ward, along with a woman in labour.
I survived "in body, although considerably rumpled up in spirit," as Anne of Green Gables put it. Unlike that spunky, fictional heroine, I felt paralyzed.
I couldn't even step out of my own car and into the mid-December darkness.
An ambulance siren wailed in the distance. I'd parked my Ford Focus a kilometre away from my destination, the Ottawa Health Science Centre's stem cell lab. The hospital's white on blue H lit up the inky sky.
Most houses had switched on their Christmas lights and activated their blown-up Homer Simpsons in Santa outfits, so I gazed at the deserted park to my right. I was more in the mood for empty swing sets covered in softly falling snow. Around the block, behind me, police had set up a stop to catch drunk drivers at the relatively ridiculous hour of 9:35 p.m.
I should have felt safe. I didn't, but I should have.
Fog built up on my windshield as I forced myself to inhale and exhale slowly, as per the instructions from my PTSD therapist.
Seeeeeeee the snowflakes dissolve as they hit my windshield. Feeeeeeeeel the cool air on my face. Heeeeeear my phone buzz with a new texxxxxxt.
Where are you?
Ryan Wu. One of the loves of my life.
My heart pounded in my throat. Only a few people in the world still made me feel something, and one of them was texting me right now.
I pulled off my mittens and picked up my iPhone. Parked near the stem cell lab.
He answered right away. Are you on Lindsay Lane?
No, first right around the park. RIDE program. Reducing Impaired Driving Everywhere was laudable, but I didn't need a Breathalyzer.
Wait for me. I'll walk with you.
I exhaled and shook my head. Security probably wouldn't let him inside the lab. Well, I couldn't blame him for playing bodyguard, although if I'd known he was coming, I would've worn my contact lenses instead of my glasses.
I flicked on my lights to make it easy for Ryan to find me. He's an engineer. Bankable and bangable. Once upon a time, Ryan and I had made out for hours in his parents' Honda, steaming up the windows like this. That was before we'd broken up and I'd fallen in love with another guy, Dr. John Tucker, in addition to Ryan. Because my life just wasn't complicated enough.
Breeeathe.
A car drew into a space on the opposite side of the road. Ryan's black Nissan Sentra? I couldn't tell. Too far away from the street lamp.
My breath hitched. I locked my doors.
The driver moved like Ryan, with a long and easy stride, but he was snapping a leash on a dog.
I scrunched down in my seat. Ryan doesn't have a dog. His parents, like a lot of Chinese immigrants, don't care for canines. Dogs bark, they pee, they poop, they make for expensive vet bills. My Taiwanese-born dad likes dogs, but my mom fits the stereotype better, so we've never had one, either.
The man shielded his eyes from my headlights, shadowing his face. Closer up, he looked even more like Ryan. Those hips. That runner's build, even hidden under a black parka.
Were there more than two guys in the world who could give me supraventricular tachycardia from ten feet away?
The man raised his hand in greeting.
I cracked my door open without turning off the headlights. The car screeched in protest. "Ryan?"
"Hope," he said. The dog pounced on Ryan's legs with its muddy front paws.
Ugh. I didn't like surprises any more. But closer up, the dog looked more like a puppy, with floppy ears and brown apostrophe-like markings around the eyes. I got out and locked my door. "Who's this monster?"
Ryan grinned. "Her name's Roxy. My friend Rachel got her as a foster dog."
Rachel. He never talked about a Rachel before. And wasn't that too cute for words—Ryan and Rachel and Roxy. They all matched.
I tried to swallow down the acid and breeeeeeathe. Ryan was here with meeeeeee.
Plus, it's harder to hiss when a puppy sneezes on you. I reached out to pet her head.
"You're supposed to let her sniff you and decide if she wants to let you touch her first," said Ryan.
I pulled off my mitten. Roxy licked the back of my hand. I laughed, and Ryan's teeth lit up the gloom as he grinned. "That's the first thing she did to me, too. I knew she'd cheer you up."
"How old is she?"
"A year next month. She's a Rottweiler shepherd mix."
"A Rottweiler?" I snatched my hand away.
Roxy woofed and wagged her long, black, elegantly-plumed tail at me.
"They were originally working and family dogs. Roxy's cool. I wouldn't have brought her otherwise."
I touched the silky fur on her ears. She nudged her head against my hand, searching for more rubs.
I laughed, and so did Ryan. He and I leaned together to pet her, our breath mingling in the cool air.
Then I raised my chin to look at him. We rapped heads, and I said "Ow!"
Ryan touched my forehead with his bare fingertips. "You okay?" I nodded. "You?"
He smiled, and I blushed, which embarrassed me.
Our fingers entwined in the soft fur between Roxy's ears. Ryan's eyes turned serious, watching me as his head bent toward mine. He was going to kiss me.
I felt numb, and not only because my naked hand was starting to cool off between Roxy-licks.
Ryan kissed the tip of my nose, just once and lightly, like an exclamation point.
I laughed. My heart started beating again. Ryan dropped back to pet Roxy, smiling a little.
I petted Roxy, too, before I reminded him, "I wanted to check the lab. I need to get the lay of the land tonight, so I don't mess up on my first day." I left nothing to chance anymore.
But first, I grabbed Ryan's face, one hand on each cheek, Hollywood-style, and kissed him hard, on his warm, full lips. If I died in the next five minutes, I wanted to go out knowing that I'd kissed one of the men I loved.
Ryan kissed me back so deep and so long that Roxy started trying to edge between us.
We both laughed. I said, against his chest, "How long are you keeping this dog?"
"Until Rachel picks her up tonight. But I kind of like her." Ryan patted Roxy's head, and I admitted, "I like her, too."
I pulled my mittens out of my pockets and aimed my body north, cutting through the park toward the Ottawa Health Science Centre's Central Campus.
Parks are creepy at night. The blue plastic slide could be hiding a marijuana stash, if not a guy with a knife. Ottawa has gangs
and shootings and hate crimes now. So I was slightly relieved when Roxy barked and Ryan fell into place beside me, our boots crunching together in the icy grass and snow. He pointed east. "Don't you want to take the road?"
I shook my head. I avoided people as much as possible now. I'd rather walk past the empty climbing wall and kid-free jungle gym.
"This isn't a trail, Hope. They don't clear it in the winter."
"Okay. If I get stuck, I'll take the road."
Ryan sighed. "You can't cut through to Lindsay Lane. There's a ditch between the tree line and the sidewalk that won't be frozen yet. And did you hear about the Muslim woman in Vanier who got jumped from behind while picking up her kids from school?"
"No, and thanks for telling me. I've got back up." I pointed south east, through the sparse screen of trees, at the RIDE police cruiser.
Ryan shook his head, but he and Roxy followed me into the park. Another siren whooped in the distance, setting my teeth on edge.
As a medical student, I'd loved the sound of ambulances bringing me traumas and other fun cases to play with. That felt like forever ago, but had only been last year.
Roxy drifted from side to side, testing the limits of her leash, before she sniffed a lump of snow with great interest. I glanced at the houses along the west edge of the park. A TV screen's lights flickered behind some horizontal blinds.
My boots sank in the overgrown, dead grass and the few centimetres of snow before I paused at the foot of a barely-iced pond now blocking our path.
Municipal money didn't stretch to maintaining off-road paths in winter. I couldn't tromp around the lab with half-frozen, muddy feet.
When I turned to admit defeat to Ryan, Roxy broke away from him, jerking her leash out of his hand.
Ryan swore.
Roxy barrelled east, toward Lindsay Lane.
Towards traffic. And drivers who might not see a black dog at night.
We both ran toward her, screaming, "Roxy! Roxy!"
I skidded on the snow. My right ankle turned over. I wobbled, pain knifing through my lateral foot.
Ryan spun around to catch me, but I was already righting myself— obviously a sprain, not a break—and yelling, "Get Roxy!"
He broke into a sprint. Even as I hobbled after him, yelling at our borrowed dog, I marvelled at the way Ryan cut through the trees, never missing a step, despite the darkness and the uneven, slippery ground.
I stumbled after Ryan. Tree shadows fell on me, but so did the street lamps and a bit of moonlight, so I concentrated on tracking Ryan, who had almost caught up to Roxy.
She wagged her tail, picking her way into the ditch bordering Lindsay Lane.
Ryan scooped up her leash, but his back stiffened so abruptly, I rushed to his side, gasping, "What?" as cars whooshed on the road a few feet above us.
He pointed at Roxy.
She was sniffing something that looked awfully like a dead human body.
A body with a black bag over its head.
Chapter 2
The body wore a shiny, new, navy ski jacket. It lay crumpled on its left side, its black-jeaned legs slightly bent, and one arm rolled up underneath it, while the other arm hung forward, half-blocking the chest. Its skimpy black gloves and beat-up Converses didn't look like much protection against the snow.
But of course, the most shocking thing was the black bag over its head.
Ryan stood frozen. His breath spun into the air, making white clouds in the night.
Roxy bent her head, tipping her floppy ears forward. Her nostrils flared and glistened under the dim light of the street lamp.
"Let me check it while you call 911," I said to Ryan. Before I finished speaking, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. With the other hand, he reeled Roxy's leash in tight to his body. He yanked off his left glove so he could work the buttons while watching the body.
If this was a crime scene, I shouldn't touch anything, including the bag taped around its neck.
But I was a medical doctor.
Okay, a resident doctor. But still. My job was to make sure he was alive.
And if he wasn't, my job was to bring him back.
There's a saying in medicine, "They're not dead until they're warm and dead."
Snow meant zero degrees Celsius or lower. This man was definitely not warm and dead.
I swallowed hard.
I had to do my job.
If only I could do my job with gloves and a face mask.
I crouched low. "Hello?" I raised my voice to be heard above the traffic, including the stuttering roar of a helicopter. Normally, I'd shake him, or do a sternal rub, but I didn't want to touch the body.
More snowflakes landed on the jacket.
The bag didn't flutter with the man's breathing. No airway. No breathing.
"Hope, he's—" Ryan didn't want to say it, but we both knew he was thinking the D word. Not Disability, but Death. "Don't touch it, Hope." If only I had an ultrasound machine to do a sono pulse check, looking for a beating heart, instead of going skin to skin. "Just the radial artery," I said. I reached for the closest arm, the right arm, sheathed in the painfully new ski jacket.
The wind carried Ryan's words toward me as he spoke on the phone. "Ambulance. But maybe police. We found someone with a bag over his head. He's not moving. He looks … gone."
I touched the man's sleeve first, through my mitten. His arm felt firm, even with that light touch, and it belatedly occurred to me that I didn't have to check for a pulse if the man had rigor mortis.
The arm did move, but only a few centimetres before I'd have to apply greater pressure. Yet it didn't feel locked-in, like I imagined rigor mortis would.
Was I feeling rigor mortis, or one very cold person?
I didn't trust my numb hands to undo the black tape around his neck, and surely there might be fingerprints or hair trapped in the tape that constituted police evidence, if this was a homicide.
I yanked off my mittens and used my nails to lift a bit of the right sleeve and expose the skin. In the dim light, I couldn't detect bruising or obvious lacerations on his dark brown wrist.
Since I didn't have any open cuts or sores either, it was probably safe to touch him bare-skinned.
Ryan was giving directions. "We're near the corner of Lindsay and Bullock. Yes, south of the hospital. My girlfriend is a resident doctor in Montreal. She's checking for a pulse."
I slid my hand inside the radial styloid, pressing hard to compress the artery against the bone and maximize any pulse.
His skin felt slightly cooler than mine, but not icy. Faintly warm. No pulse.
The radial pulse is the first to go. Unless you've got a blood pressure of at least 80 millimetres of mercury, the body shuts down circulation to the arms.
The blue lights of a police cruiser raced up Lindsay Lane toward us, its siren splitting the air.
"Ryan," I hollered, above the din, "there's no radial pulse."
Roxy barked twice and jumped onto her back legs. I sucked my breath in. Nice dog, but she was still a Rottweiler who wanted to snack on a dead body, as far as I was concerned.
"No radial pulse. That's right, no radial pulse," Ryan yelled into his phone while winding Roxy back into place beside him.
"I'll have to open that bag over his face!"
"What?" Ryan frowned at me, trying to triangulate between 911, Roxy's antics, and my voice.
I enunciated short, hard sentences. "The bag over his head. He can't breathe. Do they want me to rip it open?"
Ryan's eyes were so wide, I could see the whites glowing under the street light. "What? No, Hope, he's dead. I think they want you to leave it for the police!"
I was already reaching for the bag, bracing myself for whatever sick smell that would balloon out at me as I tore it. "Just ask them. He's still warm."
"Uh, my girlfriend, the doctor, she's worried about the bag over the head. Do you want her to take it off?" He shook his head. "Yeah, he looks dead, and he has no pulse, but he's still warm �
�� yes, I'll hold." He glared at me. "Hang on a second."
I nodded. In the ER, the staff and I could make the decision, but not in the field, at what could be a crime scene, with the police car screeching to a halt on the other side of the street.
I stood up, and my vision started to blacken at the edges. I hadn't eaten much today. Too busy packing and driving from Montreal through the snow. I blinked, waiting for my vision to come back. I'd never fainted in my life. I had no intention of doing so over a corpse.
"Hope, they said not to touch the bag. Hope? Are you okay?"
"Fine," I said, too loudly. My vision was starting to clear. "I'll do CPR."
I donned my mittens to nudge the body onto his back. He wanted to stay curled up. Ryan had to hold down the shoulder while I twisted the hips flat on the ground.
I dropped to my knees, stacked my hands on top of each other, and extended my arms to begin CPR. The new Advanced Cardiac Life Support algorithm is all about CPR. Get that blood pumping. Even if he's hypoxic with a bag over his head.
His ribs cracked under my first compression.
I've never broken anyone's ribs during CPR. It's one of the risks of resuscitation, but it's never happened to me.
I could be puncturing his lungs with the jagged ends of his own ribs, on every compression.
I swore.
"Over here!" Ryan's cry pierced the night air. Roxy barked ferociously as a police officer bolted across the road toward us.
Another siren whooped.
The first police officer yelled on his radio while I continued compressions, gritting my teeth.
Roxy barked and leapt in response. Ryan had to beat a retreat, holding her back.
A second officer sprinted to my side and took over CPR while I checked for a pulse in the wrist. It was strong, thanks to his efforts.
"Good compressions. Can I take off the bag?" I pointed at the garbage bag.
Sweat trickled down the side of the CPR officer's face as he pounded the man's chest. He shook his head and glanced at the officer on his radio, possibly for a second opinion, before turning back to his compressions.
Two more officers crunched through the snow toward us, already calling on their radios for more back up, but I was most relieved when an ambulance jerked to a halt on Lindsay Lane.
