“He told us not to tell you, but I’d feel like I was lying if we didn’t. And he is going to tell you. He just hasn’t had a chance yet,” Mia added.
But he’d had time to tell them? And put them in the position of keeping a secret from her? Not cool, Steve. And he’d had time to buy decorations and a tree and decorate his place for a party but not include them? Also not cool, Steve. She wondered if breathing into her napkin would be the same as breathing into a paper bag. Maybe. But it would also freak out her daughters.
“So when are you guys supposed to celebrate Christmas with him? He’s still planning to do something, isn’t he?” Her voice was tense, and she knew she should be asking Steve about this, not them, but the question came out before she could stop it, in a voice she didn’t recognize.
“He wants to talk to you about that, too,” Mia said. “He wants us with him over New Year’s Eve. He was, like, really insistent about it, and I told him we’d probably have plans with our friends, but he said it wasn’t optional. He said that since we’d be with you for all of Christmas, we should be with him for New Year’s Eve.”
Tess was staring down at her plate, hands in her lap, but Carli saw her dash away a tear, so although she wanted very much to have a tantrum of her own, at the moment, she had to hold her shit together and try to clean up the emotional shrapnel left behind by Steve’s actions. It certainly wasn’t the first time she’d done that, and she was technically the adult in the room, after all. She could have her own meltdown later, in private.
“Well . . . I’m sure Dad didn’t mean to hurt your feelings with any of this. Maybe he figured we’d be doing some special stuff over here and so his tree didn’t matter so much. I’m not really sure about the vacation.”
“One family, two houses,” Tess murmured.
“What?”
“That’s what you guys promised us when you said you were getting divorced. You said we’d still be one family but with two houses, but it doesn’t feel like that. I mean, I know you kept things around here the same for a long time just for our sakes, but honestly, you could’ve changed everything the day Dad moved out, because even if it looked the same, it still felt totally different. I’m honestly kind of relieved that you finally painted the walls and got some new stuff, but over at Dad’s, everything is new and different and it’s like when we’re there, we’re just visiting. We don’t actually live there.”
Carli reached over and squeezed her daughter’s wrist, but Tess wasn’t finished.
“And ever since Dad started seeing Jade, he’s been super distracted. She’s nice enough, I guess, but she acts like it’s her condo. She told us we had to keep our coats in our bedroom because there wasn’t room for them in the entryway closet. And the other day she told me I couldn’t make microwave popcorn because it stank too much, and Dad just stood there, like she was in charge. And when we tried to talk to him about it, he said we were being selfish.”
“He said that?” She couldn’t keep the screech of surprise from her tone. For all Steve’s faults, he did love his daughters. In his own way. And accusing them of being selfish seemed heavy-handed, even from him.
Tess dashed away another tear as Mia nodded and said, “Yes, he did say that. He also said that we needed to listen to Jade, because if we didn’t, she’d think we didn’t like her and that would hurt her feelings.”
Her feelings? That’s what he was worried about? Jade’s feelings, rather than those of his own daughters?
Where to keep their coats and when to make popcorn weren’t really the issues, but Carli could read between the lines, and what she saw was two girls longing for some attention from their father. His priorities had shifted, and as always, the rest of them just had to adjust.
“I’m sorry, you guys,” she said. “This is new territory for all of us, and I wish I could make it easier for everyone. I’m just not sure how. But what I can promise you is that you are not selfish. I’m super proud of both of you, especially for the way you’ve handled all the changes. I’ll talk to your dad about this.”
Tess’s chin jutted forward even as she sniffled. “Don’t bother. I’m over it. I hope he gets sunburned in Aruba.”
So did Carli. In fact, she kind of hoped he’d get eaten by a shark. One limb at a time.
Chapter 26
“What’s Steve’s email address?” DeeDee asked Carli as they sipped peppermint martinis at the first stop of the Third Annual Monroe Circle Holly Trolley Pub Crawl. “I’ll sign him up for every digital newsletter on the internet.”
Carli was surrounded by her girlfriends and had filled them in on Steve’s holiday vacation plans, which sent DeeDee into overdrive, plotting out a suitable revenge strategy. It wasn’t that DeeDee was so convinced he was doing something insensitive—she just really loved tormenting people in untraceable ways. If there were ever any suspicious deaths in the neighborhood, her browser history could undoubtedly land her in jail.
“I’ll forward his address to you,” Carli said. “And all the passwords I still have. He’s too lazy to change any of them.”
DeeDee rubbed her hands together with glee. “Excellent. Time to do some shopping. I love messing with my ex’s Amazon accounts. Last week I put a bunch of men’s underwear in Greg’s cart, but not, like, regular underwear. I loaded it with pink jockstraps and lime-green banana hammocks and all sorts of see-through and mesh stuff. He must not have noticed, because when I checked his orders yesterday, he’d actually purchased them all!”
Erin, Renee, and Lynette laughed along with Carli.
“Maybe he saw them in the cart and thought you were trying to send him a message,” Erin said, signaling the waiter to bring them another round.
DeeDee shook her head, her reindeer antlers wiggling. “I doubt it. That guy couldn’t interpret a message properly with a team of cryptologists helping him. I just wish I could see his face when he opens those boxes and finds the leopard-spotted thong.”
“Well, now!” said Erin’s husband as he came up behind DeeDee. “What’s this about a leopard-spotted thong?”
“I’m getting you one for Christmas,” Erin answered.
“What a coincidence,” he replied smoothly. “That’s just what I was planning to get you.”
The evening was rolling along, with a dozen Monroe Circle couples plus Ben and Carli enjoying drinks and conversation. They’d started at Renee’s, where she served them homemade eggnog in glasses rimmed with nutmeg before everyone boarded a party bus decorated to look like Santa’s workshop on wheels. The mood was merry and bright, and even though Carli was frustrated with her ex and feeling slightly worried about her kids, she was primed and ready for a night out. Work had kept her busy lately, and she hadn’t gone out with friends in ages. Tonight was a welcome and much-needed boost, and she’d put some extra effort into her appearance—because it was a party, and not at all because Ben was there. Hovering. She’d only spoken to him once or twice since seeing the yellow Volkswagen in his driveway. Not because she was upset with him, but because it was just easier to avoid the whole situation and all the messy feelings. Being near him felt . . . big. Confusing in a way that was, well . . . confusing. She didn’t want to waste energy thinking about him, and the only way to really do that was to stay away. So she’d done her best, walking her dog in the opposite direction so she wouldn’t pass Ben’s yard and turning down his invite for a late-night cocktail. She’d even passed on the chance to go over to his place and watch a football game when Tess and Mia had been invited by Ethan, saying she had to take care of some things at home. She’d focused on work instead. And her kids, and training the dog, and dealing with Steve, and heaven knew that was enough to fill her mind.
But it was impossible to avoid Ben tonight, because he kept ending up in her path, almost as if he was doing it on purpose. Was he doing it on purpose?
“You look really nice tonight,” he said as they boarded the bus to go to the second pub. And then he squeezed in right beside her when he could�
�ve just as easily, and more comfortably, sat on the other side. His thigh pressed against hers as the bus lurched into motion, jostling its rowdy passengers, and she wondered how she’d get through the evening without asking him about the overnight guest. Because it was none of her business, even if it felt like it was.
He was wearing a dark blue sweater over gray pants and somehow managed to make that look just a little sexier than it would’ve looked on any other guy. Maybe it was the way the blue enhanced his eye color, or the way the cashmere accentuated his nicely broad shoulders. Of course, most of the other guys were wearing ugly Christmas sweaters, but even if they’d all been dressed in their Sunday best, somehow, Carli knew Ben would still look better than any of them. It was a problem.
By the third pub, and her third martini, she stopped trying to avoid him. She stopped wondering if he kept seeking her out simply because she was the only single woman in the group and he was the only single guy, because even if that was the reason, she was okay with that. At least for tonight. Because she missed him. She missed talking to him. They were friends, and she liked him, even if the idea that he was probably screwing some woman who drove a yellow Volkswagen did make her want to kick him in the shin. Tonight she was full of Christmas cheer, and vodka, so all was forgiven.
“I just wish I could do something really special for my kids this Christmas,” she told Ben as they sat at the end of the bar, away from the rest of their group. “You know, something to make up for the fact that Steve is literally going to be phoning it in this year.”
“Like what?” he asked, leaning in closer as if to hear her better. As if they were sharing something private. His cologne was nice. She’d noticed it once before, when she was leaning over his shoulder looking at lamps online, but tonight, her nose practically craved it. Their knees had bumped once or twice, and some might even say he was sitting closer than necessary. None of her friends would say that, of course. DeeDee had been telling Carli for weeks that she should just forget about the damn Volkswagen and plant herself on Ben’s lap. Even Erin had suggested that maybe it was time for Carli to get some action and that maybe Ben wasn’t such a bad option, in spite of him being a neighbor. That was easy for them to say, though. Carli would be the one who had to deal with the repercussions. So tonight, she’d stick to talking about benign stuff, like what to get their kids for Christmas.
“I don’t know. I have the sneaking suspicion my furnace is about to give out, so it can’t be anything terribly expensive, but I’m trying to come up with something really memorable. Something unique, because this Christmas is a tough one. I know Tess really wants to go to the Nolan Hart concert in January, but the only tickets left are either in the nosebleed section, where we’ll need oxygen masks just to breathe, or the ones that cost about five hundred dollars apiece. I may suck it up and get some of the cheap seats. Hopefully she’ll think that’s better than not seeing him at all.”
“Nolan Hart? Why does that name sound familiar?” Ben asked.
“You’ve probably heard Addie talk about him. He’s a singer, obviously, and according to Tess, he’s the hottest of all the hotness that ever was. He started out on some Disney Channel show, but then he had what Mia calls a glow-up. That’s when puberty hits and all of a sudden a dorky preteen scarecrow blossoms into a Grammy-winning heartthrob.”
“Well, now I’ve got to google this kid. He sounds dreamy.” Ben smiled and pulled out his phone and tapped at the screen until a myriad of images popped up. “Well, I’ll be damned. He is dreamy. Where’s the concert?”
“At the Wallace-Chase Arena. Perhaps you’ve heard of it.”
“It sounds vaguely familiar.”
“Hey, buddy!” Mike Barker gave Ben’s back a hearty wallop and listed toward them. His cheeks were ruddy, his forehead beaded with perspiration. By the looks of it, Lynette’s husband was tipping back quite a few drinks tonight. But who could blame him? If Carli were married to Lynette, she’d be drunk all the time.
“I heard you’ve got something to celebrate tonight,” Mike all but shouted, and his beer-addled tongue made him say it like thumb-thing to thell-a-brate.
“Celebrate?” Carli asked, but Ben’s smile had gone a little dim.
“Yep, I guess,” Ben said, his glance darting at Carli before his expression turned sheepish.
Mike thwacked him on the back again. “You might want to put on a little lipstick, Carli, because this here is a single man.”
Ben looked back at her. “Divorce is final, as of noon today.”
Ohhh, she remembered that feeling. The day the divorce was final. It was like walking into a pitch-black room that you’d never been in before and not knowing if it was full of scary monsters or if someone would flip on the lights and yell, “Surprise! Welcome to the future!” What she’d learned over the past year was that the room would slowly brighten, but most days it was still dark enough for you to trip over random shit that you didn’t realize was there. She also knew that celebrating Divorce Day was kind of like finding out the doctors had removed all the cancer. That clean bill of health still had a shadow cast over it.
“Lemme buy you a drink!” Mike said, listing to the other side and whacking Ben on the back again.
“How about you let me get you a glass of water instead?” Ben asked.
“Sure. Okay.” Mike nodded like a bobblehead and then turned and teetered aimlessly back into the crowd.
“Now you know why we hire a bus for this event,” Carli said.
“I suspected as much.”
She took a sip from her drink while Ben continued staring at Mike’s retreating back.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
“Not really,” he said, returning his gaze to hers. “I mean, I feel like I’ve said everything that needs to be said about it. I tried my best. Sophia wanted something different. Now it’s time for everyone to move on.”
His eyes locked with hers when he said time for everyone to move on, and she wondered if he was simply trying to prove how very recovered he was from what he’d been through or if he thought that the moving-on part in any way involved her.
“Moving on is good,” she said lamely.
Ben nodded. “I think so, too.” More staring.
She wanted to ask him about the yellow Volkswagen and if he hoped to scrub away the icky divorce feelings with a steady stream of one-night stands, because that wasn’t for her. She didn’t want to be his growth and recovery girlfriend. His divorce was literally hours old, and she wasn’t a convenience. She wasn’t there just to soothe his wounds so he could leave her behind when the next woman came along. She wasn’t Jade. But he was staring at her, still, as if there were more he wanted to say. Something meaningful.
He should just tell her. He should tell her that he’d been thinking about her. A lot. He’d thought about her today at noon when he’d signed those papers. And he’d thought about her basically every day since . . . well, ever since her damn dog had stolen his steak. Of course, it would be complicated. Of course, there were a dozen things to consider, but he knew how he felt, and that wasn’t something he could ignore. He should just tell her all that. Right now. But his phone vibrated on the bar where he’d set it after looking up pictures of the singer. He picked it up to slide it back into his pocket without answering it, but it was Ethan. Ethan never called him. He texted, and even then, only if it was something really important.
“Um . . . sorry. It’s Ethan. I think I should answer.”
“Of course,” Carli responded. She was a mom. She understood.
He pressed the phone to his ear and plugged the other with his finger. It was loud in there and hard to hear.
“Hey, buddy. What’s up?”
“Dad. Are you with Mrs. Lancaster?”
“Yes.” That was a strange question, and Ben’s nerves began to tingle.
“Okay,” Ethan sighed on the other end of the call. “Good. I guess. Um, Mia’s been in an accident.”
Ben s
lid from his chair and turned his back to Carli so she couldn’t see his face. He didn’t want to alarm her until he had more information.
“What kind?”
“A car accident. She hit a deer. We’re okay, but the car’s a mess, and Mia’s pretty freaked out.”
“Were you with her?”
“Yeah, we were watching a movie, but then Brenden needed a ride home and she offered to drive because I don’t have any gas in my car, and I swear to God, Dad, she was driving really careful and we were wearing our seat belts, but that deer just came flying out of nowhere.”
Ben took a breath. “Okay. Okay. You’re sure everyone is okay?”
“Yeah. I mean, there’s glass everywhere because the deer flew up over the hood and cracked the windshield, but we’re okay. What should I do now?”
Ben prided himself on thinking fast on his feet, but suddenly his capacity for decision-making seemed to be moving in slow motion. Still, his mouth asked questions, and somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he thought they were logical.
“Can you give me an address of where you are?”
“Um, we’re not really by any houses right now. Brenden lives out in the sticks, but we’re on Canfield Road between Linden and Parkway. I think. Can you just track my phone?”
“Yeah, I can try that. In the meantime, call the police and sit tight. We’ll be there as soon as we can. Okay?”
“Yep. Okay. Thanks, Dad.” Ethan sounded calm but uncertain, and Ben’s gut churned. So not how he’d expected this night to go. So not what any parent wanted to experience. And now he had to tell Carli. He took another deep breath before turning back around to face her.
“Everything okay?” she asked, her face registering concern almost instantly. Apparently he didn’t have much of a poker face.
“Not exactly. Mia and Ethan were driving a friend home, and it seems she hit a deer. Ethan says they’re both fine,” he added quickly as Carli popped off the barstool at full attention.
The New Normal Page 21
