“I was helping her. You would do the same thing if it was your girl.”
He shoves me hard and I stumble backwards. This time, I don’t take it. I rush him, and we both grab each other.
“You motherfucker, she’s not your girl. She doesn’t want you. She didn’t choose you Alex. What the fuck is wrong with you?” he barks in my face and it feels like another blow. “Come on, kid! Go on, beat the shit out of me. Do what you need to get it out of your system.”
I release him and bite down hard on my back teeth.
“You think it’s that easy?” I throw back.
“Alex. I will die right beside you in battle.” Claudius points at me and the others stare on. “You are like a brother to me. I will die next to you in battle if that is what I must do, but you tell me what it is I’m fighting for. Tell me what I’m risking my life for. Their lives…” He motions from Dante to Gio.
His words grip me. “I don’t want you to die for me, not any of you,” I answer in defiance.
“Fuck you. You fucking prick. That’s not how this works, Alex. We always have each other’s backs, you know that. The concept is sacred to us because every time we do that we put our lives and our family at risk. I have a little girl.” His voice quivers. “She’s three, and my wife is pregnant. You want me to put their lives at risk because you can’t let go of a woman who doesn’t want to be with you? Dante and Gio have two kids each. Babies. Think about what you’re doing before you act and do shit that could kill us all.”
Guilt courses through me, clawing at my insides as I look at each of them. There’s not a damn thing I can say because Claudius is right. I was careless.
“I’m sorry,” I answer and he shakes his head.
“I told you the other day that I won’t put my people in danger,” Claudius states. “You see her again, and I’ll assume you’ve made a choice, and the choice isn’t us. You see her again, and you’re out. We won’t risk our lives and our families for your delusion. You hear me, Alex? It’s us or her. Capisce?”
I’m listening. I’m listening real good because this is the wakeup call I probably needed.
I nod, but even as I do, I feel like I just abandoned my girl.
* * *
I pulled out of the race and went home straight after the whole ordeal with Claudius. I grabbed a few bottles of whiskey, sat by the pool and downed them one at a time.
It took me awhile before I fell asleep. I don’t even remember when it happened. I just remember drifting into the nightmare world.
I’m there now in the thick gray haze.
Rich deep laughter makes me turn around and I see him. Jude.
It’s all the same. He looks the same as when I killed him. Same black biker jacket, same Levi’s, his black hair ruffled, and the bullet wound in his head.
We always aim for the head in situations of life or death. Shoot to kill.
He smiles at me and has that skeletal ghostly appearance.
“Hello brother,” he says. In my nightmares his voice always sounds hollow. Like it’s being carried away in the wind.
It’s worse when he laughs. It pierces my heart. always.
“Aren’t you going to answer me, little brother? Kid, that’s what they call you. as if you share the same blood. Fuckers.” He snarls.
“You’re not real, this is just a dream,” I reply and he laughs louder.
“Call it whatever you want Alex. I’m still dead, asleep or awake. You still killed me.”
The scenery around us changes and I gasp when the fog clears and I’m surrounded by dead bodies. It’s all my friends dead. They’re lying all around me, their bodies riddled with bullets.
“You killed them too. For her…” Jude says but he’s gone. I can only hear his voice now.
Ahead there’s a woman standing on the hill with her hair flowing out into the wind. Her back is turned to me but I know it’s Cora. She turns to face me, looks to me and walks away.
Jude’s laughter sounds again. “She will never love you. She will never choose you,” he chants and as I turn back to look at him he pulls a gun on me.
He fires the bullet and I jump out of my sleep, out of the dream.
I pant and feel over my chest, still caught up in how real the dream felt. I look around me, at the water in the pool and the fan palm trees I have decorating the edges. Next to me are the empty bottles of whiskey I drank last night.
Fuck…I fell asleep outside. I can’t remember the last time I did that.
I straighten up and shake off the dream. I hate when I dream about Jude. Fuck do I ever hate it. I run a hand through my hair and over the stubble of my beard. Bad enough when he torments my waking thoughts. He always gets me in some way in my dreams though. It’s like my soul is chained in limbo trying to fight against the truth of what I did.
I can’t think about that now. I can’t think about things I can’t change. What I have to focus on is the present. Claudius is right about Cora. She made her choice and it wasn’t me. I have to cut the ties I have with her and release her from my heart.
It doesn’t mean my feelings will change but I can’t put people I care about in danger because I can’t let her go.
That’s it then.
It’s over.
It really is over.
* * *
“Man, you look like shit,” Donny says when he walks through the door.
“I agree with you.” I have two black eyes and bruises on my face. Claudius messed me up real good.
I couldn’t sleep. I had far too much shit on my mind.
“What the hell happened?”
“Run-in with Claudius. Matvey came last night and warned us to stay the fuck away,” I answer.
Donny looks surprised. “You’re fucking kidding me. Matvey was here?” he asks, motioning his finger around the garage.
“Yeah, live and in living color with his goons and guns.”
“Fuck.”
It was Donny who tracked Zack and took the pictures. Of all the work he’s done for me, he’s done his best on this job, but we have to stop now.
I agreed last night, but my decision today is firmer. It’s coming from a place where I know I have to make a choice.
“So, that means we stumbled over something that smoked Matvey out of his hiding place,” Donny states.
“Yes.” I agree although I know he wouldn’t have known what I found or what I gave Cora. Just that I went to her.
So, the only conclusion to come to is that Cora’s close to finding his ass and screwing with his plans. How ironic that she and her whole team are looking for him, and he was right in front of me last night. Right in my grasp.
“Something’s up, Alex. What should we do?”
I stare back at him and set the wrench on the work table. I shake my head, and his eyes widen.
“Nothing. I can’t do anything. I’m… I’m not.”
“But Cora, Alex…”
“I’m out if I see her again. Claudius made it clear, and he was right. I’m acting a fool over a woman who doesn’t want me. Eight years, Donny… if we were going to be together, it would have happened already. I need to leave her alone before I do some shit that causes us to lose people we love,” I explain. That’s the reality of the situation that I need to accept.
“But you love her,” Donny states. I shrug.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s her or The Four. I’m choosing The Four.” It’s not like I had the option of her in any event.
“So, that’s it? Alex, something is definitely going on with the feds. That guy Zack was shifty as fuck. I don’t know if he killed their boss, but I’m sure he was involved.”
“We don’t know. That’s the bottom line. We don’t know, and we can’t make any assumptions with a man like Matvey holding threats over our head. Just leave it alone, Donny. It’s over, bro.”
I grab the wrench again and continue working on the bike. He lingers for a few seconds then leaves.
I work for another hour
before I head out. There’s one last thing I want to do before I end this.
I need to see Cora, but from afar.
The bridge across from the federal building has a good view of her office. It’s a good spot to watch even though I’m too far away to see her properly.
It’s not the best view to have as my last memory of her, but I’ll take what I can get. Her hair’s down today, just the way I like it. But then I love it however she wears it. The same way I love her.
She glances out the window. I don’t know if she can see me. We’re too far apart to really see each other, but I’m sure from the bike she can tell it’s me. I must look like a stalker. This is it though.
The end.
“Goodbye, Goddess,” I say to the wind and ride away, leaving.
I leave and close the door on the last eight years.
I just hope she’ll be safe.
Chapter Thirteen
Cora
I get up from my chair and move to the window.
I could have sworn that was Alex.
In fact, I’m sure it was him.
I got the same feeling in my heart, and then there was something else as the bike rode away. I got the feeling that visit meant more than his usual.
Like it was the end.
The end should have come from last week when I told him I didn’t want my future with him, so I shouldn’t feel that pang of pain in my soul again. I’ve had some time to process my decision and still my heart refuses to let go.
My heart, body, mind and soul all cling to him and I still don’t know where to begin to detach the emotions I feel for him. Seeing him the other night just stirred the storm inside me. The bomb he dropped on me with the pictures didn’t help either.
His caution of trust gripped me. I’m supposed to be doing this job because it was a step in the right direction. Now I’m not so sure. Everything that’s happened has left me questioning trust. I already knew Zack was an asshole, but I never thought he’d be involved in Giles’ murder, or any murder in any shape or form. Even if he didn’t do it the lies are enough to suspect him playing some part.
I have to find out what’s going on. To do so I have to trust myself. That’s the only thing I know right now, and the only thing that’s worked so far.
I’m going to have to hone in on my abilities to get the truth. It has to be today. Enough time has already been wasted. If I want to know what’s really going on I have to investigate my way. Hacking and doing what I have to, to get the job done.
At the same time I don’t know what I should do with the photos Alex gave me. I’ve had them with me since the other night and I’ve been trying to figure out what I should do. If I show them to the wrong person, I’ll lose the leverage I have.
Richard is in LA., and I’m not sure I should show them to Lyndsey.
Realistically though, the only person I can speak to right now is her, but what if speaking to her puts her in danger?
She’s been at the police station since this morning and should be back soon to check in. I’ve been working with the intelligence analysts and this is the only break I’ve had.
As if on cue the door opens and she comes in.
I turn away from the window, relieved to see her. I swallow hard when she comes in looking flustered and closes the door.
“Hey, how are you doing?” she asks. She still looks sad from the news. She mentored under Giles when she was starting out so she had a closer relationship to him than I did.
“Yeah. I’m okay. What about you? How are you holding up?”
She shakes her head. “I just have this sick feeling that won’t go away. I can’t believe that Giles is dead, Cora. Feels like a nightmare and I want to wake up.”
“Me too,” I agree and decide at that moment that I should definitely tell her about the pictures and the phone number. It feels right. We’re working together, so it’s right that I say something. “Lyndsey I need to talk to you about some stuff.”
“Sure.” She takes off her jacket.
I walk over to the door, and open it to make sure no one is nearby. The last person I want coming by is Zack.
“Cora, you are acting weird,” she says when I come back in and close the door.
“I need to talk to you about something important. But, we need to keep it off the record for the moment, just until I have things figured out,” I explain
She blinks at me several times, and her lips part. “What is it?”
“There are two things. I’ll start with Giles.” That’s easier because I can just show her the photos Alex gave me. Then I’ll tell her about the ghost tracker.
The photos are in my bag. I retrieve them and show them to her.
Her hands start to shake as she looks at them, and her skin goes pale.
“My God, Cora, where did you get these?” she asks in a hushed voice.
“A friend gave them to me,” I answer.
“A friend? What kind of friend is this?” She blinks several times.
“A… special friend I can’t talk about yet.”
She gives me a withered stare. “Cora what the hell?”
“Lyndsey please. Just focus on the pictures. Tell me what you think.”
“Zack is shady as fuck. That’s what I think. There’s no mention anywhere that he could have been one of the few people to see Giles before he died,” she fumes. “Do you think he killed him?”
“I don’t know, but the fact that he must have been the last person to see him doesn’t bode well, does it? Nor the fact that we were all told that Giles was murdered in his house and found by his wife.”
“Fuck… This is so messed up. So, why the lies? The lies only make sense if Zack killed him.”
I nod, and I feel like shit for doing so because the problem is that we don’t know. The picture of Zack and Giles together is just that. I could conclude that it just shows them together, but it’s the lies that incriminate him.
“Cora, what are we going to do?” she asks.
“I think I need to speak to Richard. Other than you, he’s the only person I can trust,” I answer. “I think I need something more though. More concrete.” I can’t get this wrong. I have the pictures and I just need to fill in the blanks. There will be too many questions if I show what I have now and it might give Zack the chance to get some alibi.
“Why the hell would Zack kill Giles?” she asks. Her brows knit together. “Giles promoted him from LA, Cora. It doesn’t make any sense whatsoever for him to have any vendetta against him, or a motive. Giles adored Zack’s work, and I hear he’s up for another promo. It was a done deal.”
“I don’t know, but I am thinking of looking around his stuff,” I confess, only because I’m going to need her help.
Her eyes turn to saucers. “Cora, getting into his office is going to be hard.”
I bite the inside of my lip. “I know. I don’t have to get into his office to look around his stuff though. I was thinking of his files and maybe his phone calls.”
Confusion fills her eyes. “You can do that? Like hacking?”
When I nod, her mouth drops open.
“I can.”
“My God, Cora. I didn’t know you could do things like that. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Lyndsey it isn’t exactly something you broadcast.”
“Are you kidding if I could do that, everyone would know.” She smirks.
I shake my head at her and bite back a smile. “Trust me, it’s not something everyone should know. I um, also …found something a few days ago that I’m still checking out.”
“What?”
“That phone number we have for Matvey is still in use. It was used the other day.”
“What? The number was showing as delisted and deactivated.” She shakes her head at me.
“I know but I had a hunch that panned out so I made a device that would be able to track the number if it was ever used again.” As I explain it becomes clear that there’s more to me than what mee
ts the eye. “The number was used on Monday just before I found out about Giles.”
“Cora…” She looks me over with caution. “I’m getting the feeling that you can do a lot more than I thought.”
I pull in a breath. “I can.”
“And you have special friends with no names who can get certain evidence that can literally turn the tide of an investigation? It hasn’t escaped me that your mystery love interest has no name either. I’m supposed to be your friend and this feels very secretive,” she points out. “Who are these special friends?”
I probably landed myself in that one, and from the look of her I can’t lie. “It’s the same guy. He’s… just looking out for me.”
“And you can’t trust me with at least a name or a little more info than that?” She looks hurt. “I wouldn’t tell anybody. I’m sure you must trust me on some level to show me these pictures and talk about your suspicions. This is deep shit Cora. Now’s not the time to be withholding information.”
She’s right. “His name is … Alex. That’s all I can tell you. We’ve known each other for years and I guess I can say we were on and off. He can get information like this sometimes.”
She bites her lip and wrinkles her brows. “Is he dangerous Cora?”
I’m not sure how to answer that question.
Is Alex dangerous? Hell yes. But is he a danger to me?
“No… not to me.”
Touching her hand to her cheek she inclines her head and sharpens her gaze. “Can you trust him?”
That seems to be the question of my life at the moment. This time when I think of trusting Alex it’s a no brainer.
“I trust him,” I answer.
She looks relieved. “Okay. What can I do? I have to help.”
“Cover my back while I snoop?” I ask with a hopeful smile.
“Of course. That goes without saying. What about your device thing? Maybe I could help keep an eye out too.”
I pull the little gadget from my pocket and she looks at it, intrigued. “It’s not really set up like that. It just beeps when the number’s in use.”
“Okay, let’s do this. Let’s see what we can get,” she says.
Double Edged Hearts Page 10
