‘I have a spare room for the Germans,’ Keeley said through her teeth. ‘But I didn’t want paying guests. Now I’ll have to get up at five to bake scones.’
‘Right you are, love,’ Doug said, clearly not taking on board anything she was saying. He handed Martin another beer.
Keeley wanted to join Billy on the floor, crying and kicking her legs. She knew it was probably her own fault that she was exhausted. After all, she’d insisted on having people over today in an attempt to celebrate Róisín’s birthday. But was it completely unreasonable of her to expect a bit of help?
Keeley hated feeling so negative, but lately she was really beginning to feel put upon. She adored her family and they were the centre of her universe, but for the first time in her life she was struggling to see exactly where she fit in with all of their lives, apart from as a cleaner and cook. When they were little, she’d worked through walls of exhaustion and didn’t care – it only mattered that they were happy and well cared for. But no one had told her she’d still be doing it when they were adults. Did the tables never turn? She felt selfish even thinking it, but it would be nice to come first in other’s people’s minds sometimes. She shook herself – no point thinking like that. A mother’s job was to put everyone else first, so she’d just have to put that self-pity out of her head. It was hard, though – there was Liv, zoned out, useless, and Róisín not even having the decency to stay in the house. Keeley tried to find her grateful thoughts again, but they were clouded over by dark thoughts she couldn’t banish. Maybe she should write a guidebook, warning others just what being a mother was really like – so wonderful, but really, so unrelenting.
Chapter 6
By the time she managed to close Nourriture, Róisín was in no mood for driving back to the B&B and continuing her lame ‘party’. She was too stressed to deal with Billy and Jess. Glancing at her watch, she knew her mother was waiting for her. Lord only knew what Jill was up to at this point, probably swinging from a light and looking for someone to go dancing with. She resented not having her evening to herself, but there was nothing else for it. She couldn’t disappoint her family.
She drove down to the cottage first and put her pyjamas and some basics in a bag. To be on the safe side, she packed a few essentials for Jill, in case she ended up staying the night too.
The short drive, with the glittering vista of the bay to her right, made Róisín relax somewhat. No matter how many times she drove along this road, the view never grew stale. The sea birds were swooping and diving as the tide ebbed, revealing morsels for them to feed on. She drove on, past the farm run by Declan, who supplied her with organic beef. She knew her parents had been full of anticipation about him, but Róisín had never been interested. Keeley had made it clear she wanted a local husband for her, so she would stay put.
‘Going to France for all that time was enough roaming. We need you here from now on. We’re not getting any younger you know.’
While Róisín was genuinely grateful that her parents were so loving, since returning from France, she’d often found them a little smothering. It wasn’t their fault. They hadn’t changed, it was Róisín who had done that.
After the events with Jacques in France, she’d had her eyes opened. She now viewed the world in a very different way. While she’d been growing up, Róisín was completely cocooned in her parents’ love. So much so, she’d never so much as wondered about her birth mother. But when everything had happened with Jacques … well, it had changed her perspective on a lot of stuff. Suddenly the birthday cards she’d stored in a box over the years took on a whole new importance and she’d felt a growing desire to know more about the woman who’d given birth to her. She tried not to behave in a quiet or sullen manner, but the questions had been multiplying recently, and of course now that the letter had arrived, she felt an even greater need to know where she came from.
Sighing deeply, Róisín forced all thoughts of Jacques from her mind. She had enough worries today without allowing herself to dredge up all the past hurt.
In spite of her best efforts, a sob caught in her throat as her parents’ house came into view. She pulled the car over and opened the window, taking big gulps of air. She couldn’t think of what might have been. Not today. Not while they expected her to be the happy birthday girl.
Fresh terror washed over her as she thought of Mr Grace and Nourriture. She’d used her business as a sticking plaster to cover the emotional wounds Jacques had inflicted. What if that was taken away now? She’d be left with absolutely nothing. Róisín couldn’t bear to imagine what kind of a state she’d end up in … Knowing she could possibly become hysterical, she forced herself to smile. She clenched her jaw and stopped her own tears.
She wished there was someone she could confide in. Someone who wouldn’t judge her, and most of all someone she wouldn’t hurt with her words.
Róisín knew there was no way she could tell her parents how she was feeling. Keeley would instantly jump to the wrong conclusion. She’d think she wasn’t enough of a mother to her if Róisín said she wanted to trace her birth mother’s roots and find out about her. And as for the trauma with Jacques – where would she even begin? Her parents would be horrified to know that she’d kept such a massive thing from them. She was in a hole of her own digging and she’d have to learn how to cope with it.
As soon as Róisín pulled up outside the B&B ten minutes later, Keeley opened the front door. She had Jess in her arms and they both waved.
‘Hi,’ Róisín called, hoping she didn’t look as wretched as she felt. ‘How are you girls?’
‘I made snow on the carpet,’ Jess said.
‘Oh really?’ Róisín looked to her mother.
‘Popcorn,’ Keeley said with a sigh.
Róisín was amazed by how quickly her mother had turned the house from mayhem to a calm, dinner-party atmosphere.
‘Mum, have you sat down at all today?’ she asked. Keeley didn’t answer her, so she followed her. ‘Hey,’ she said finding her in one of the larger bedrooms that they’d built on in recent years. ‘Who’s staying in here tonight?’
‘Oh your father took a booking from a couple earlier. It didn’t occur to him that I’d purposely avoided taking paying guests so we could have some family time.’ Keeley began to pull fresh sheets from the wardrobe and Róisín automatically helped her make a fresh bed.
‘When are the guests due to arrive?’ she asked.
‘Soon, I think. I do know that they need breakfast at six tomorrow morning, mind you.’
‘I can get up and do it if you like? I’ll be going to work and it won’t be that much later than six.’
‘Ah you’re a good girl,’ Keeley said with a smile. ‘But I’ll do it. You know me. I like things to be just so.’
‘OK,’ Róisín said. ‘Is Jill staying over?’
‘Yes I think so. Although nobody seems able to tell me exactly what they’re doing until the last minute.’
‘Are you tired, Mum? Why don’t you go and sit down and have a glass of wine and I’ll sort dinner?’
‘I’m fine, love,’ she said with a smile. ‘I’m just having a moment. Don’t mind me.’ She came over and hugged her tightly.
Róisín put her small overnight bag in another room, pulled the piece of parmesan cheese from her bag and followed her mother to the kitchen, where she was dishing up big bowls of steaming bolognaise.
‘That smells divine,’ Róisín said. ‘Come on you lot, dinner’s ready.’
They all descended upon the large kitchen table and were happily passing out a basket of warm garlic bread when the doorbell rang.
‘That’ll be the guests,’ Keeley said, shoving her chair back.
‘I’ll go,’ Róisín said.
‘No,’ Keeley raised her hand, ‘you’re the birthday girl. You stay put and I’ll show them in. With a bit of luck they’ll go straight to their room. They have tea- and coffee-making facilities and I’ve left a few home-made cookies in a basket besid
e their kettle.’
They’d all finished dinner and the conversation was on Liv’s new venture when Keeley returned.
‘Will I put your food in the microwave?’ Róisín asked.
‘No, I wasn’t that hungry,’ she said. ‘I’ll leave it.’
With all the excitement of the students’ imminent arrival, Liv had skulled several glasses of red wine.
‘Uh, who let me drink so much?’ she moaned. ‘I’m going to lie on the sofa for a bit. Martin, would you give the two kids a bath? Put them in together and they can play for a few minutes until bedtime.’
Martin looked up from his phone. ‘Huh?’
‘Can you put the kids in the bath, please? You won’t see them for weeks. So have some quality time with them now, yeah?’ Liv said.
‘If it’s a major issue I can do it,’ Keeley said.
‘Ah no!’ Martin said pushing his chair back. ‘I’m doing it now. I was only teasing you, Liv! Come on, you two. Let’s go and have some fun in the tub!’
‘What’s a tub?’ Billy asked.
‘It’s American for bath,’ Liv said. ‘Dad is getting all American on us.’
Martin glowered at Liv as he plucked Jess out of her seat and carried her upstairs.
Liv zigzagged her way to the sofa and Doug followed, scolding and teasing her good-naturedly for being a bad mother.
‘I never get to relax,’ she said. ‘I’m run off my feet all the time. Don’t give out to me, Dad. Martin will be gone again soon and he loves doing things with the kids while he’s here.’
Keeley smiled at Róisín as they cleared the table with Jill’s help and picked up strands of spaghetti from the floor.
‘How does Liv stick the constant mess?’ Róisín whispered.
‘She gets Martin to sort it,’ Keeley said. ‘Or if he’s away working, she calls me. She has it all sussed, that one.’
‘Then who’s going to do all the work with these students?’ Jill asked.
‘Lord only knows,’ Keeley said. ‘Probably me.’
Róisín knew she needed to tell her mum about the letter. She figured it would be easier to say it now, while they were busy. So she plunged in and gave Keeley the gist of what was written in it, making light of it all. Obviously realising that they needed a little mother and daughter time, Jill grabbed an open bottle of wine and went into the living room.
‘How lovely it must have been to receive that letter,’ Keeley said with a sigh.
‘Is everything OK, Mum?’ Róisín asked.
‘Yes, it’s just that …’ A loud knock on the door leading to the hallway made Róisín rush to answer.
‘I’m sorry to bother you … Ah, you’re the woman from the Nourriture shop,’ said the man, smiling widely at her.
‘Yes,’ Róisín said. ‘This is my parents’ house.’
‘What a lovely coincidence,’ said the man. ‘I am Claus.’ He had a distinctly German accent but his English was flawless.
‘Róisín,’ she introduced herself with a smile. He didn’t offer his hand for her to shake. ‘So, we would like to make a cup of tea, but the tin in our room is empty,’ he said holding it out.
‘Oh, I beg your pardon,’ Róisín said. ‘Please, let me fill it up for you.’ Claus waited patiently in the hallway until she returned. ‘Have you everything else you need?’
‘Yes, please let me know if you want anything else, or if your wife needs anything,’ Keeley added as she joined them.
‘Ah, so that’s another small issue, but it doesn’t matter totally,’ he said. ‘My travel companion is actually my sister …’
‘And you have a king-sized bed in that room,’ Keeley said instantly. ‘I have another room with twin beds or else I have a smaller single room if one of you would prefer that?’
‘I would take the single room if it’s available,’ the man said. ‘We will pay the usual tariff for both rooms of course.’
‘No problem,’ Keeley said as she found the key of the single room in her cupboard in the kitchen. ‘I’ll show you where the other room is and I’ll double-check that it has all you need.’
Róisín left her mum to it as she finished off cleaning the kitchen. There was still no sign of Keeley by the time she’d made tea and brought some of the leftover birthday cake to the others.
Eventually, Keeley arrived back with a smile on her face.
‘What happened?’ Róisín asked.
‘Claus is very chatty,’ she said. ‘He complimented the little painting of the roses I put in the single room. When I told him I’d painted it, he wanted to see my art room.’
‘So you’ve been in the box room with a strange fella,’ Doug said with a smile. ‘Is that what you’re trying to tell me?’
‘Who’s been in a room with a strange fella?’ Martin said as he carried Jess and led Billy by the hand back into the room.
‘Mum was flirting with a German guest,’ Liv said as she held her arms out to snuggle Jess.
‘I was doing nothing of the sort,’ Keeley said. As they enjoyed the tea and cake, Róisín longed to go to bed. She couldn’t concentrate on any conversations without seeing the endless numbers from her calculator jumping about in her mind’s eye.
‘What’s wrong, love?’ Keeley asked. ‘You’re miles away. I know you don’t really love surprises, but I hope you’re not cross about earlier on? It was only a few neighbours. I didn’t mean any harm.’
‘Oh Mum,’ she said feeling guilty. ‘It was lovely of you to have the party. I think I’m just having a bit of a blue moment. Look at me, thirty years of age and nothing to show for myself.’
‘That’s just about the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever come out with,’ Doug said. ‘Aren’t you a successful businesswoman with a bright future?’
‘Yeah, at least you earn your own money and have some sort of a life,’ Liv said. ‘I’ve spent the past few years stooped in half as I try to chase these two little monsters about. Martin and I haven’t a spare cent to show for it all either.’
‘That’s all about to change, however,’ Róisín said. ‘Once you have your students in place, you’ll have the best of both worlds. I, on the other hand, cannot come up with an instant husband and children overnight. There’s no agency for that, is there?’
‘Bloody Nora, what is this?’ Jill asked, staring at them in amazement. ‘The woe-is-me birthday contest! Give over, the two of you.’
‘Dead right, Jill,’ said Doug. ‘You’re all fantastic women. I won’t hear another word of bad-mouthing from either of you. Now, who wants to play Scrabble?’
After an hour of Scrabble, Róisín was fit for nothing but bed. But she wasn’t surprised when Jill announced that Gordon was on his way to collect her.
‘We’re heading to the Thatch for last drinks. Anyone coming?’
‘No thanks,’ Róisín said. ‘Work in the morning.’
The others declined too, so Jill got herself ready to go.
‘Keeley, thanks so much for a lovely afternoon and evening. It was all gorgeous. See you tomorrow after work, Ro-Ro.’ She bounded out, as full of energy as when she’d arrived.
‘She’s the most lovely girl,’ Keeley said.
‘Ah she’s a dote,’ Róisín said. ‘The only time we have any sort of friction is when she brings half of the Thatch pub home on a Monday night. She’s as sensible as a nun during term time, but the minute she’s on school holidays or even on the countdown to them, she goes wild.’
‘Ah she’s dead right,’ Liv said. ‘She picked the best job, too. She’s always on holidays.’
‘She works really hard, Liv,’ Róisín said. ‘She’s really diligent and takes so much pride and interest in her students.’
‘Works hard and plays hard,’ Doug said.
‘Exactly, Dad,’ Róisín said with a smile. ‘Right, I’m going to hit the hay.’
‘I’ll see you in the morning, love,’ Keeley said. ‘The others might be in the land of nod, but we can have a cup of tea together. That’l
l be lovely.’
‘Unless there’s a bomb, I’m staying put,’ Liv said. ‘Saturdays are sacred and we’re only weeks away from the school holidays.’
‘Imagine when they’re older, they’ll have even longer holidays,’ Keeley said, referring to the secondary school summer holidays, which were three full months.
‘I’m utterly exhausted after an entire year of dragging the children out of bed early,’ Liv said. ‘Roll on the long summer break when nobody will have to get up at the crack of dawn for a while.’
‘What about the students?’ Doug asked with a smirk.
‘Oh yeah, I forgot about the early morning thing with them. Sure they can do their own. If they’re old enough to go to a foreign country alone, they can surely pour out a bowl of cereal? I could set the table and leave the boxes of cereal on the counter and they could help themselves the way people do here.’
‘And what about your own children?’ Róisín asked. ‘They hardly stay in bed until lunchtime, do they?’
‘They go downstairs and watch television if Liv is tired,’ Martin said.
‘I don’t actually leave our guests to their own devices in the mornings,’ Keeley said. ‘You need to think this through a little more.’
‘I’ve thought it all through perfectly,’ Liv said looking affronted.
Róisín excused herself and went to bed with a grin on her face. If there were an easy way out, Liv would find it. She’d never come across a more laidback person in her life. As children, even though she only three years older, Róisín had done everything for her little sister.
‘You’ll get my trainers won’t you, Ro? You will,’ she’d say, ‘because you’re the best big sister in the world and I love you.’
As she lay in bed and tried to go to sleep, Róisín’s mind was in a whirl with the day’s events. Eventually, she sat up and took the letter from her bag and read it again. Tears blurred her vision as she tried to imagine what her birth mother looked like. Would people be able to know they were related just by looking at them? Did she look like her father? Was he alive? Did he know she existed? Was there a proper birth certificate that her parents hadn’t shown her, or maybe it was in the records office in Dublin? Was her adoption even legal? There were so many stories of babies that were taken from young mothers in those times. Was she one of those? Did her parents knowingly tear her from her mother? Was she really dead at all?
The Perfect Gift Page 6
