This very practice had given her comfort for a long time. It had been enough to fool her poor battered heart into believing Laura wasn’t gone. But the passage of time had eventually worn her down. She’d convinced herself she didn’t deserve to hear Laura’s voice or see her sparkling mischievous eyes as she chattered at the camera. So she’d locked the tape away, along with her own emotions, and learned to exist rather than live.
It had worked quite nicely until recently. Mouse had broken the spell. The hope in her eyes and her hunger to find a better life had shaken Nell out of the cocoon of misery that had bound her both physically and mentally for far too long.
Exhausted from emotion, Nell slept on the floor, only waking when she heard the sound of the phone. She scrambled to her feet and tried to focus. The incessant ringing let her know that she needed to answer in order to make it stop.
‘Hello?’
‘Nell,’ said Mouse. ‘Where are you? Did you forget our plan? Did you?’
‘Oh Mouse,’ she said. ‘I was asleep. I’m sorry. I’ll come now this minute. See you there in ten minutes.’
‘OK, but bit of a change. I’m outside Nourriture. They’ve put some tables outside, so we can watch the village go by. I’m having hummus and olives and a selection of breads, do you want the same?’
Nell felt her heart beating madly in her chest. There was no way she could go there. She never went there. And especially not today, dear God.
‘Nell? You OK? Please say you’ll come still.’
Nell pictured Mouse sitting waiting for her.
‘I’m on my way,’ she said.
Nell had vaguely thought of fishing a nice-looking sundress out of her wardrobe so as not to embarrass Mouse, but all that went by the wayside as she drove at high speed to the village.
Mercifully, a car pulled out, providing a perfect parking spot. She climbed out and spotted a happily waving Mouse. She took a deep breath to compose herself. ‘Steady, you stupid old fool,’ she whispered to herself.
‘This is pretty,’ she said, joining Mouse. ‘I like the job they’ve done on this area.’
‘Isn’t it gorgeous?’ Mouse said. ‘Whoever owns this place has a serious eye for design.’
The tiny area was paved with rustic tiles and the four small round tables were all dotted around the thick gnarled trunk of a single tree. Simple cotton bunting was just enough of an addition to pick up the pink and yellow flowers of the oilcloths on each table. The metal fold-out chairs were warmed up by pretty cushions tied on with ribbons.
‘Wait until you taste the hummus. I don’t know what’s in it, but it’s gorgeous,’ said Mouse.
They enjoyed the light and zingy dip, mopped up with a variety of delicious home-baked breads. The tangy lemonade with freshly grated lime zest peppered through for extra texture was the perfect sunny afternoon tipple.
Mouse stood triumphantly and snatched the bill. ‘I said I’d pay,’ she said, walking off with her nose pointed so high in the sky, it made Nell laugh. She sat and watched as the staff raced around expertly, attending to the diners who arrived and left regularly all the while. It was a thriving business, obviously. Nell smiled, delighted by how things had turned out.
Mouse was gone for so long that Nell briefly considered going in to fetch her. Just as she stood up, Mouse appeared, waving to her enthusiastically. Nell waved back in mild confusion. She didn’t have to wait long to find out why Mouse was so excited.
‘I’ve been offered a new job,’ Mouse said breathlessly as they walked to the car. ‘Not only did we get a free lunch, but I have a proposition from the owner. Her name is Róisín. I served her and her fella over at the pub the other night and she said she was impressed by me.’
‘Was she now?’ Nell said, raising an eyebrow.
‘Róisín has all sorts of ideas for selling food in different ways. She’s doing a new thing where she’s going to do parties.’
‘Outside catering?’ Nell said.
‘Yeah, but more than that. She has a band and a DJ on board and she’ll do pig on a spit or barbecue or buffet and provide the tent and everything.’
‘And where do you come in?’
‘She’d like me to be part of the team for that business. She says I’d be working with some other younger fellas and we’ll start off doing festivals and all that kind of thing.’
‘Will you have a regular wage?’
‘Yeah, I asked all that and she’s going to pay me regularly.’
Nell put her arm around Mouse. ‘You’ve been head-hunted,’ she said. ‘That doesn’t happen to many people. You should be so proud. But wouldn’t you rather stay at the Thatch? Maybe get to know your trade a bit more and then think about moving on? Maybe to somewhere bigger, like the city?’
‘Why? I love it here,’ Mouse said.
‘I think you’re being a bit rash, that’s all. If you ask me, you should stay where you are. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.’
‘Why are you being so weird about this, Nell? Aren’t you happy I’m movin’ and shakin’?’ Mouse grinned and looked at Nell. Her expression was odd. ‘Come on then. Spit it out. What don’t you like about this place?’
‘Nothing at all,’ Nell said. ‘If you want to move here, you do that.’
‘What’ll I tell Joseph? He’s been so good to me. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have anything. Is it wrong of me to take a new job and leave him in the lurch? It’s bad karma to dump people just because something better has come along, isn’t it?’
‘I’m sure he’ll understand, if you explain it to him.’
‘Will you come with me?’ she asked. ‘I’d like to talk to him now and tell him I’m trying to make up my mind.’
Nell nodded and walked beside Mouse as they headed to the Thatch. As it turned out, Joseph was outside chatting to a German man.
‘Back again, Mouse?’ he asked and nodded at Nell to say hello. She nodded back and stood to the side.
‘Can I have a word?’ Mouse asked.
‘No problem.’ Joseph turned to the man. ‘I’ll go, and thanks for coming to chat. Sorry I can’t help you,’ he said, making it clear he didn’t want to talk to the man any longer.
‘Sorry if I interrupted,’ Mouse said as the man walked away.
‘No, you saved me,’ he said. ‘That man doesn’t take no for an answer and I’m beginning to get fed-up with him.’
‘Tell him to sod off then,’ Mouse said simply.
‘I kind of did. Not quite in those words, but I think he’s getting the message. So what can I do for you, Miss Mouse?’
‘I’ve a problem,’ she said. ‘Well, it’s more of a brain-melting type of thing and I don’t want to burn my bridges,’ she said.
‘OK, tell me what’s happened.’
She explained about Róisín and her offer and how she’d like to take it, but she didn’t want to upset him.
‘Aren’t you very honest?’ he said. ‘How about I make this easy and fire you?’ He smiled.
‘What?’ She looked horrified. ‘I don’t want to be fired. That’d be a bad thing on my CV.’
He laughed out loud. ‘Well, put it this way … I only have another few weeks of busy days. After the summer sun fades, I don’t do food. The kitchen only operates in the summer. So I won’t be able to keep you on full-time. It’d only be weekend work really.’
‘Jaysus, I think I’ll take it all back now.’ She grinned. ‘You were going to toss me out on my ear anyway?’
‘Not quite, but I think this is a great opportunity for you.’
He pulled her into a hug and winked over at Nell. ‘You go and show all those festival and party people that you can be the hostess with the mostest.’
‘Thanks Joseph,’ she said sincerely. ‘You’re a lovely man. You gave me a chance when loads of people wouldn’t have touched me. I’ll never forget you for it.’
‘If you become a millionaire like Richard Branson or Bill Gates, will you give me a few euros?’
&nbs
p; ‘Of course I will,’ she said nodding seriously.
‘I’ll still be here for a long while,’ Joseph said. ‘So drop in and visit the odd time, won’t you?’
‘Try and stop me. Nobody else can make a rock shandy like you can. So I’ll be back for a pint of that,’ she said, nudging him and smiling.
Nell did the drive home because Mouse said she was too worked up to concentrate on not crashing.
‘I’m all jittery. I don’t know if my nerves will stand all this,’ she admitted. ‘This is like a dream come true, Nell.’
As they arrived back at the lighthouse, Nell suddenly knew she wanted to share the video with Mouse. Nervously, she asked her to come into Laura’s old bedroom. ‘There’s something I’d like to show you, Mouse.’
Chapter 36
Keeley hadn’t painted for quite a while. Normally her artwork was her saviour, calming her and allowing her to switch off. Lately, there’d been so much going on she hadn’t taken the time to enjoy her art. Now, she made her way to the little front room. The smell of paint and turpentine always made her relax. Her easel was poised in such a way that she could see directly across to the bay. Of course she’d painted many different versions of this view over the years, but each season meant a change in light and vista. She was focusing on a stunningly beautifully shaped tree that framed the side of the front garden. She was enjoying mixing her palette of oils and was carefully building the colour so she could do justice to the incredible silver- and mushroom-toned branches.
She’d been to classes in the local adult education centre to learn as much as she could about painting. But she knew that her best pieces came from her heart. Many of her finished pictures adorned the walls of their home. She was more proud of some than others, but each one told a story that only she could read.
She looked at the trio of pictures on the wall to her left. Funnily enough, Liv had said several times how creepy they were. They depicted the same fictional cottage in different stages of dilapidation. Little did her daughter know that they’d been painted during a very tumultuous time in Keeley’s life. Those months after her fourth miscarriage were incredibly bleak. She’d never told anyone how scared she was at that time. She’d particularly hidden it from Doug. She hadn’t wanted him to think he’d been saddled with a lunatic, so she’d poured all her feelings into her art instead.
She sighed as she thought of him. He’d been her rock and her best friend for so many years. She’d fallen in love with him the second they’d met, forty years ago. He was far more in touch with his emotions than she was in those days. He’d cried like a baby when Olivia was born. Then he’d held her in his arms and laughed like a hyena. He was the one who’d expressed sadness, dismay and an aching sense of loss when the doctor told them Keeley couldn’t have more children.
‘I wish it could be different for you. You deserve to have as many babies as your heart desires. It’s not fair,’ he’d said. ‘There are plenty of women who pop out children and barely mind them. Why are we being punished?’
‘I don’t see it as being punished, love,’ she’d said, in an attempt to calm him down. ‘We’re blessed to have Róisín and now we have Olivia too. There were so many complications. One or both of us could’ve died. We should be happy with our lot.’
‘Sod that,’ he’d raged. ‘I think it’s so unfair.’
It seemed fitting that she took on the role of the person who was outwardly stronger emotionally. And so this stoic and unbendable exterior was born. She became accustomed to behaving that way and realised she was very good at it.
She didn’t hide all her feelings from Doug. She did talk and express herself from time to time, but on the whole her true fears were on the walls of their home.
Liv had asked her to do some paintings for her house and had been very specific: ‘None of your weird stuff now, keep it to paintings that won’t give us all nightmares.’
She’d laughed at that and promised to stick to a summery palette, with flowers in bloom in every one. Astute as she was, Liv had never passed comment on the lone figure that appeared in many of her works. The only one who had noticed her was Róisín.
‘Who’s that little girl?’ she’d asked one day when she was about four years old.
‘She doesn’t have a name,’ Keeley said. ‘I didn’t even realise she was a girl. What makes you say she is?’
‘Because boys don’t have pretty necks like hers.’
Keeley never painted the figure’s face and she was always curled up in a sitting position, with her arms wrapped around her bent knees.
It was a while since she’d included the figure in a painting, but today as she looked out at the frothy water of the bay opposite, a tsunami of feelings flooded her. Feelings of heart-wrenching guilt at holding things inside … thoughts that she had never shared … new feelings of confusion as to where her life was going now. When the guilt hit her, it came with such force that it made her shudder. Whenever she thought of the packed case under the bed, it shamed her. After all, it represented the ultimate betrayal, as far as she was concerned – and yet … she couldn’t deny the delicious shivers of excitement it brought out in her too. Imagine walking into a room and someone noticing, someone nearly weak at the knees because you’re there. It felt like a second chance at life. She felt twenty years younger once more.
But then, Doug’s face floated into her mind’s eye. She saw his gentle smile and imagined the familiarity of his touch. As she closed her eyes, she saw flashes of the good times they’d shared and the wave of sickening guilt washed over her again. Right now she was devastated by her son-in-law’s grotesque carelessness, and yet she had the audacity to allow herself to be attracted to someone else. But then, she told herself, they were two totally different situations: she had raised her children, done her time, kept her vows, but now things were different somehow. Actually, she was different now, so maybe her feelings could be justified? Maybe it was finally her turn to live life on her terms?
Her head ached with the constant back and forth argument, and she tried to drown it out by flinging her thoughts into the canvas. Her hands worked swiftly as she sketched her treasured figure. For the first time, she was standing with her arms stretched out as if she were trying to embrace the ocean. The figure appeared to be welcoming a greater force and opening up to what lay ahead.
Keeley walked to the window and stood with her hands on her hips. It seemed crazy to contemplate splitting up after so many years. Most couples ran into difficulty when they were young and fiery. Money issues and work pressures were enough to tear even the strongest people apart. So how sad would it be if they were to fall at this late stage?
Then Keeley thought of Claus. She’d never looked at another man in all the time she’d been married. She never felt the need to. She knew deep down that Doug probably loved her in his own way. But she also knew that she’d been overlooked and treated like an afterthought. A new voice in her head was telling her that it simply wasn’t good enough. She’d hate either of her daughters to be with a man who didn’t give them his all, so why was she putting up with it?
Thoughts of Liv’s tear-stained face yesterday filled her with anger. She could swing for Martin, knowing he’d betrayed her beautiful daughter and chosen another woman over his children. He was a lousy liar and she would give him a piece of her mind when the time came. A voice in Keeley’s head reminded her that Doug hadn’t cheated. As far as she knew, he was simply choosing to spend his time with another man in another country.
Anger rose and seared through her, making her hands shake.
Claus was so different from Doug and there was no way she could compare the two, but she had to admit the thought of being minded and cherished sounded like a fantastic prospect. She’d never been materialistic and might be bored silly after a week, but she knew that the main draw with Claus right now was that he was actually interested in her.
A taxi pulled up outside and Keeley stood to the side of the window and peered out.
She watched Doug pulling his bags from the back seat. So the wanderer had returned, she thought. Great, he had two full bags of washing for her to contend with. No doubt he’d be exhausted, hungry and looking to put his feet on the coffee table and snore with a belly full of breakfast that she was expected to cook.
She stayed in her art room and flicked on her ancient stereo. It was a true eighties throwback in that it was covered in fire-engine-red plastic and the speakers were the size of bedside lockers. It still worked perfectly well, which was why she’d insisted on keeping it.
Turning up the music, she removed the sheet from the canvas and set about looking busy. She bit her lip. She’d never done this before. Normally she’d rush to greet Doug, even if he’d only been over at Ballyshore for the afternoon. But something was stopping her.
‘Hello?’ he called out.
‘In here,’ she said.
He walked in the door and stopped in his tracks.
‘Hi,’ he said, when she didn’t move to hug him.
‘Hi.’
‘Doing a bit of art?’
‘Yup,’ she said.
‘So I got home,’ he said, stating the obvious. Into the silence he said, ‘Keeley, I’m sorry. I know I’ve been an idiot. I don’t know what got into me lately. I thought I wanted to have a second wind. But I’ve realised that I don’t want to do any of that without you.’
She listened, and a part of her appreciated his words, but she felt distant from them. She was relieved he hadn’t stopped loving her totally, but she was really fed-up with him.
‘I can understand that you want to try and forge a new type of life now that you’re retired. But I can’t get over the cheek of you, Doug.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated.
‘I’m retiring too,’ she said. ‘I’ve had enough of working. Who knows, maybe I’ll leave Ballyshore and go and live somewhere like Mexico where I’ll become a beach bum and spend my days lolling in the sun.’
The Perfect Gift Page 29
