by Cheryl Bolen
“Are you certain, my lady?” Beth asked as she helped her change. “Couldn’t you send one of the footmen for the letters?”
“I’m afraid not,” Louisa said as she buttoned the jacket. “This is a family matter. I need to be the one to resolve it.” Though tempted not to bother with a disguise, she’d decided it was necessary. If someone saw a lady walking the streets alone at night, it would draw too much interest. A lad walking by himself wouldn’t garner a second look. Heaven forbid if she were caught either way.
She pondered her feelings to determine whether she was more excited about the experience or the man.
Or was it the kiss he’d demanded?
Nerves danced in her belly at the thought. The kiss was definitely the problem.
It needed to be brief. But not too brief. After all, this wasn’t her first kiss. She’d indulged in a few on darkened terraces and in a protected alcove at a ball. But never with a man like Granger. Having a rogue like him involved changed everything.
Should she place her hands on his shoulders or against his chest? Or did she keep her hands at her side to prove to him that the kiss was of little consequence? What exactly should she say? Did she ask for the letters before the kiss?
She shook her head as she sat to pull on the boots. This was growing more complicated by the moment. Why couldn’t she think of this as a simple transaction?
Beth wrung her hands as Louisa stood. “If you don’t return within the hour, I’ll send a footman for you.”
“Thank you, Beth.” She squeezed the maid’s hands. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Don’t worry. I will return shortly.”
While Louisa didn’t trust Benjamin—or rather, Granger—she didn’t truly believe he’d hurt her, though she couldn’t explain why. Perhaps the belief was naïve of her. After all, she knew nothing of the man except his reputation and the devilish look in his eye.
She hurried down the steps and let herself out the front door. The servants had already retired for the night. The evening air was cold, and she quickened her pace. The walk to Clarke House was a short one, and her tingling nerves made her walk even faster. She unlocked the garden gate with ease and passed through it into the garden, her stomach in knots. A faint glow from the hearth lit the library, but all else remained cloaked in darkness.
Gathering her courage, she reached for the door, only to find it locked. She hesitated, unable to determine what game Granger was playing. Now what?
Chapter 4
Benjamin sat in a wingback chair before the fire, a nearly empty brandy glass dangling between his fingers. Doing the right thing was supposed to be its own reward, but he already regretted sending the letters to Louisa. He didn’t care for this part of turning over a new leaf. Nor had he realized temptation would approach so quickly. His foul mood could be placed squarely on her shoulders.
He rose to place a few more coals on the fire. What he truly needed was a quick tumble with a woman to relieve his tension. But he’d promised himself no more of that. He needed a wife, not a mistress. He cast his thoughts toward the women he’d met at the dinner party but couldn’t say he was attracted to any of them. The idea of either of the ladies he’d met earlier at a party, Miss Simpson or Lady Adele, in his bed had him scowling. Surely there was someone out there who could converse intelligently as well as display passion in the bedroom.
But only one woman came to mind. She was far too easy to imagine with those blonde tresses spread over his pillow, her luscious curves moving with him. His body tightened at the picture his mind so easily created.
He ran a hand through his hair, trying to stop the path of his thoughts. Louisa’s hidden passion was all the more reason he should avoid her. Thank goodness he’d sent her the letters. A secret rendezvous with a hoyden would only lead to trouble.
A tap at the door to the garden had him turning in surprise. Surely it wasn’t Louisa. But as he strode toward the door, he recognized the silhouette of a lad standing there. What on earth was she doing? He unlocked the door and opened it, puzzled as she entered. “I wasn’t expecting you. Is there a problem?”
She stared at him in surprise. “You said to come at midnight.”
“I sent a footman earlier today with the letters. Didn’t you receive them?”
“No.” Then her eyes went wide. “A package. Wrapped in brown paper.”
“That sounds like it.”
Her mouth dropped open as a blush stole over her cheeks. “Another delivery came at the same time, and I set that one aside.” She looked up at him, embarrassment in her expression. “I didn’t realize...” Her voice dropped away, leaving him to wonder what she’d been about to say.
“You didn’t expect me to send them?” How could he possibly be offended by her assumption? She didn’t know him and had no reason to think he’d act honorably when he’d already demanded a kiss in exchange for the letters.
“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “I didn’t expect you to do the right thing. But I’m grateful you did.” Her surprise faded into something else. If he didn’t know better, he would’ve said admiration. But that couldn’t possibly be true. She looked away. “I can’t believe the package’s arrival slipped my mind.”
The longer he watched her, the less will he had to keep his distance. He took a step closer and ran a finger slowly along her jaw. “I’m glad it did.”
His gaze dropped to those full lips, and he moved the pad of his thumb against her lower lip. He couldn’t remember wanting a kiss quite as badly as he did right now. The old version of him would just take it. But the new version protested at the thought. Then his mind settled on something in between. Wouldn’t gaining the lady’s permission make it all the sweeter?
He lifted his gaze to find her eyes had darkened. Could that be desire in their depths? “Am I to be rewarded for my good behavior?”
“Good deeds are supposed to be their own reward.”
“Hmm. I wouldn’t know. I’m relatively new at this.”
“Would it reassure you to know that you’re doing well?”
He considered her question. “Yes, it would.”
She patted his chest, a teasing glint in her eye. “You are doing well, Granger.”
“Please, call me Benjamin.”
“You may call me Louisa.”
“Is that all I’m to receive?” he asked with one brow raised, enjoying their banter more than he would’ve guessed. “Permission to use your given name?”
She gave a mock sigh. “I wouldn’t want you to stop doing good deeds for lack of reward.” She lifted onto her toes and offered her mouth.
He pressed his lips to hers, the sensation only fanning the flames of his desire. He wanted more. How much was she willing to give?
Yet he hesitated. Louisa was a lady. And though he intended to enjoy the kiss, that was all he would take. The new Benjamin was determined to treat women with honor and respect.
He deepened the kiss but held back from taking more. She tasted sweet with a hint of spice. The faint scent of roses clung to her, reminding him that she was an English beauty. Her lips were soft and cool beneath his. He drew away before he did something he’d regret. Like lift her into his arms and carry her to the couch.
She came with him as if not yet ready to end the kiss.
He smiled. He wasn’t ready to end this either. Even as he berated himself for lack of control, he removed her cap, disappointed when her hair remained pinned in place.
That was probably for the best. The sight would’ve tempted him further.
“You should go.” He replaced the cap as his gaze swept over her. “But I must say I admire your attire.”
Long lashes hid her eyes as she glanced at her clothing. “I didn’t want to risk drawing attention dressed as a lady.”
Did he dare tell her how much attention she’d gain if caught dressed as a lad? “You must take great care. I hope you don’t make a habit of midnight rendezvous.”
“This will be my la
st. Thank you for returning the letters. It means much to my mother and me.”
“Is she terribly upset about my uncle’s passing?”
She shook her head. “Her interest in him had faded several weeks before his death. She ran into him at a rout, and he mentioned the letters.”
Benjamin scowled. “You mean he threatened her with them?”
“You knew your uncle well.”
“I’m sorry to say the man was no gentleman.” Behavior like that was one of many reasons he’d decided the time had come for a change. Of course his uncle had taunted the marchioness with the letters. He and his son had been scoundrels of the worst sort. “I can’t say I cared for my aunt either.”
“Don’t they say you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead?” Louisa smiled.
“I would say it to their faces if they were still alive. Does that make it better?”
“Honesty is a fine trait.” She bit her lip. “I must go. Thank you again.”
He knew she should leave. He’d already suggested she do so. But he didn’t want her to. Somehow, this goodbye felt permanent since he no longer had anything she wanted. Unable to resist, he gave her one last quick kiss. “Good night, Lady Louisa.”
She disappeared into the night without another word.
“Louisa. Louisa? Wake up.”
Louisa blinked at the daylight coming in from windows as her mother threw back the drapes. She felt as if she’d just fallen asleep. “What time is it?”
“Half past eight.”
While she normally liked to rise at a respectable hour, sleep had eluded her for the past three nights since her meeting with Benjamin.
Louisa had returned home that evening and unwrapped the package, which contained the letters, just as he’d said. A rogue who acted with honor? What was the world coming to? Now he was all she could think about. Him along with his kisses. A terrible longing had stolen her sleep the past few nights.
“I’m sorry to wake you, but I couldn’t wait another moment to tell you my news.” Her mother sat on the side of the bed, her face shining with joy.
Based on her excitement, Louisa knew what was coming. “You met someone?” She said the words with trepidation, hoping she was wrong.
“Yes! You are such a clever daughter.”
Louisa smiled weakly as she sat up against the pillows. How many times had they shared similar conversations in the past few years? Far too many. Her mother tended to fall fast and hard but fell out of love nearly as quickly.
“I was introduced to the most amazing man last evening.” She tipped her head back, eyes closed, and pressed both hands over her heart.
Oh dear. That was never a good sign.
Louisa studied her mother’s attire, realizing she was still dressed in the gown she’d worn to the gathering she’d attended the previous evening. “Have you just returned home?”
The satisfied smile her mother gave caused a knot to form in the pit of Louisa’s stomach. “I had a delightful evening. I think I’m in love.”
“Do tell.” But Louisa wished she wouldn’t. She loved her mother and wanted to see her happy, but too many times her relationships burnt out as quickly as they burst to life. And often amidst the ashes of extinguished love was a lump of coal that Louisa had to clean up. Was it any wonder she’d prefer a nice, if boring, man to marry?
Before her mother could begin, the door opened, revealing Beth who carried a breakfast tray with two cups followed by a housemaid.
“I rang for chocolate when I arrived home,” her mother explained.
“How thoughtful.” Apparently, Louisa wouldn’t be going back to sleep any time soon. She sighed with regret, sat up further, and adjusted the bedding to protect her from the chill of the room.
But her mother’s enthusiasm made up for Louisa’s lack. She settled against the pillows next to Louisa and took the cup Beth handed her while the housemaid stirred the fire.
“He’s an artist.” Her mother whispered the words after the maids left as if they were a delicious secret. “A painter.”
“Truly?” The news was growing more dire by the moment. Some of her doubt must’ve shown.
“Louisa, do not look so dismayed.” Her mother patted her arm. “I promise you will adore him as much as I do.”
She bit her lip to keep from expressing more doubt. “Tell me about him.”
“He’s French, and he’s so talented.”
“Please tell me he paints landscapes.”
Her mother frowned. “Why would you say that? He paints portraits.”
“Of course.” Why did she so often feel like the parent in their relationship? She set aside her cup to take her mother’s hand. “Promise me you’ll take this slowly. I can see you feel a...connection to this man, but he’s still a stranger.”
Her mother sighed. “I did feel a connection to him all the way to my toes.” She smiled at Louisa. “Haven’t you experienced a moment when a man looks at you and your toes curl? It doesn’t matter whether you know him.”
Heat suffused her cheeks as Benjamin filled her mind. Dear heavens.
“You have,” her mother exclaimed with delight. “You are very much like me.”
Louisa released her mother’s hands to throw back the covers and rise. How she wished her mother would stop saying that. In truth, it scared her to think she might be like her. “We were speaking of you and your painter.”
“Who is he?” her mother asked. “Have I met him? I’m certain it can’t be Viscount Stanwick.”
“His name is Stanich.” Wasn’t it?
“Are you certain?” Her mother waved her hand in the air. “His name is of little consequence. What’s important is how he makes you feel.”
“No, Mother. It’s not.” She turned to face her, anger forcing out the words she normally would’ve held back. “What’s important is whether he is a man of honor. Of good standing. One who won’t ruin a lady’s reputation. Strong emotions only lead to trouble and cause embarrassment and humiliation.”
Her mother gasped as she set aside her cup to stand. “You cannot be serious.”
“I would do well to marry a man like the viscount whose calm nature holds no risks.”
“Only the risk of making the rest of your life miserable. Is that what you want?”
“No.” Louisa covered her face with her hands. She hated disagreeing with her mother. But she also hated picking up the mess when her latest love fell apart. Wasn’t there a middle ground where one could be happy and safe?
“Louisa.” Her mother pulled her hands from her face. “Darling. I only want you to be happy.”
“I know.” But she no longer knew what—or who—could provide that. Not after meeting Benjamin. He’d confused her on an elemental level she had yet to understand.
“Boring doesn’t mean safe.” Her mother placed a hand along her cheek.
“Perhaps. But excitement isn’t the same as true love.” She wrapped her arms around her mother. “I want you to be happy, too, Mother. But when you fall in love so quickly, I can’t help but worry it’s only temporary and you’ll be hurt.”
“One can’t experience true joy if one hasn’t experienced pain.”
Why did her words feel more like a curse than wisdom?
Chapter 5
Benjamin entered Brooks’s late the following afternoon, having spent the entire day in a long, painful meeting with his uncle’s solicitor. He desperately needed a drink.
While he considered himself an intelligent man with a good deal of common sense, the list of duties and responsibilities from the various holdings and entailments were intimidating. His uncle’s debts appeared more substantial than he’d anticipated, but he hoped to pay them soon. The idea of trying to preserve and improve the land and holdings for future generations caused an extra burden he hadn’t expected to feel. How could he make decisions when they might prove disastrous for his heirs? Nor had he made any progress in finding a bride.
Being a respectable member of the aris
tocracy was proving more difficult than he’d anticipated. Life had been simpler when he’d only worried about himself.
“Granger.”
Benjamin turned at his name to see Daniel Walker, Aberland’s younger brother, seated at a table. As Benjamin approached, Walker folded the news sheet he’d been reading and set it aside as he stood to greet him.
“Aberland mentioned you had returned to London.” Walker’s eyes held the same mischievous glint Benjamin remembered from their university days. “Should I offer my condolences or congratulations on your new title?”
“I haven’t yet decided,” Benjamin replied with a smile. “It is certainly an adjustment.”
“I can only imagine. My brother handles his duties with ease now, but I know that wasn’t always the case.” He gestured toward the chair beside him. “Would you care to join me for a drink, or are you headed toward the gaming rooms?”
“A drink would be welcome.” Benjamin took a seat while Walker gestured for a waiter. “Anything of note in the newssheets today? I only had a chance to glance at the headlines this morning.”
“I’ve become hooked on a mystery series they’ve been running. My brother suggested I might enjoy it and now I can’t stand to miss a chapter. I highly recommend it.”
“I’ll be sure to read it. I could certainly use a distraction at the moment.”
The waiter brought their drinks while they caught up with each others’ lives. As the heir presumptive, Walker lived a modest life but always appeared happy. Benjamin had to wonder if he truly was or if he managed to hide his feelings that well.
Benjamin had become adept at doing so in the past two years. Though lately, hiding his attraction to Louisa had proven difficult. She was never far from his thoughts. Thank goodness he hadn’t encountered her at the few gatherings he’d attended in recent days. Whether he was capable of keeping his distance in the future remained to be seen.
They briefly spoke with other acquaintances who passed by, several of whom were headed to the gaming rooms. While all the gentlemen’s clubs along St. James Street offered gambling, the gaming rooms at Brooks’s were busy day and night.
