by Willa Cather
Clara put her hands up to her face. “I haven’t, Nils Ericson, I haven’t! Say anything to me but that. I won’t have it!” she declared vehemently.
Nils led the horse up to a straw stack, and turned to Clara, looking at her intently, as he had looked at her that Sunday afternoon at Vavrika’s. “But why do you fight for that so? What good is the power to enjoy, if you never enjoy? Your hands are cold again; what are you afraid of all the time? Ah, you’re afraid of losing it; that’s what’s the matter with you! And you will, Clara Vavrika, you will! When I used to know you—listen; you’ve caught a wild bird in your hand, haven’t you, and felt its heart beat so hard that you were afraid it would shatter its little body to pieces? Well, you used to be just like that, a slender, eager thing with a wild delight inside you. That is how I remembered you. And I come back and find you—a bitter woman. This is a perfect ferret fight here; you live by biting and being bitten. Can’t you remember what life used to be? Can’t you remember that old delight? I’ve never forgotten it, or known its like, on land or sea.”
He drew the horse under the shadow of the straw stack. Clara felt him take her foot out of the stirrup, and she slid softly down into his arms. He kissed her slowly. He was a deliberate man, but his nerves were steel when he wanted anything. Something flashed out from him like a knife out of a sheath. Clara felt everything slipping away from her; she was flooded by the summer night. He thrust his hand into his pocket, and then held it out at arm’s length. “Look,” he said. The shadow of the straw stack fell sharp across his wrist, and in the palm of his hand she saw a silver dollar shining. “That’s my pile,” he muttered; “will you go with me?”
Clara nodded, and dropped her forehead on his shoulder.
Nils took a deep breath. “Will you go with me tonight?”
“Where?” she whispered softly.
“To town, to catch the midnight flyer.”
Clara lifted her head and pulled herself together. “Are you crazy, Nils? We couldn’t go away like that.”
“That’s the only way we ever will go. You can’t sit on the bank and think about it. You have to plunge. That’s the way I’ve always done, and it’s the right way for people like you and me. There’s nothing so dangerous as sitting still. You’ve only got one life, one youth, and you can let it slip through your fingers if you want to; nothing easier. Most people do that. You’d be better off tramping the roads with me than you are here.” Nils held back her head and looked into her eyes. “But I’m not that kind of a tramp, Clara. You won’t have to take in sewing. I’m with a Norwegian shipping line; came over on business with the New York offices, but now I’m going straight back to Bergen. I expect I’ve got as much money as the Ericsons. Father sent me a little to get started. They never knew about that. There, I hadn’t meant to tell you; I wanted you to come on your own nerve.”
Clara looked off across the fields. “It isn’t that, Nils, but something seems to hold me. I’m afraid to pull against it. It comes out of the ground, I think.”
“I know all about that. One has to tear loose. You’re not needed here. Your father will understand; he’s made like us. As for Olaf, Johanna will take better care of him than ever you could. It’s now or never, Clara Vavrika. My bag’s at the station; I smuggled it there yesterday.”
Clara clung to him and hid her face against his shoulder. “Not tonight,” she whispered. “Sit here and talk to me tonight. I don’t want to go anywhere tonight. I may never love you like this again.”
Nils laughed through his teeth. “You can’t come that on me. That’s not my way, Clara Vavrika. Eric’s mare is over there behind the stacks, and I’m off on the midnight. It’s good-bye, or off across the world with me. My carriage won’t wait. I’ve written a letter to Olaf; I’ll mail it in town. When he reads it he won’t bother us—not if I know him. He’d rather have the land. Besides, I could demand an investigation of his administration of Cousin Henrik’s estate, and that would be bad for a public man. You’ve no clothes, I know; but you can sit up tonight, and we can get everything on the way. Where’s your old dash, Clara Vavrika? What’s become of your Bohemian blood? I used to think you had courage enough for anything. Where’s your nerve—what are you waiting for?”
Clara drew back her head, and he saw the slumberous fire in her eyes. “For you to say one thing, Nils Ericson.”
“I never say that thing to any woman, Clara Vavrika.” He leaned back, lifted her gently from the ground, and whispered through his teeth: “But I’ll never, never let you go, not to any man on earth but me! Do you understand me? Now, wait here.”
Clara sank down on a sheaf of wheat and covered her face with her hands. She did not know what she was going to do—whether she would go or stay. The great, silent country seemed to lay a spell upon her. The ground seemed to hold her as if by roots. Her knees were soft under her. She felt as if she could not bear separation from her old sorrows, from her old discontent. They were dear to her, they had kept her alive, they were a part of her. There would be nothing left of her if she were wrenched away from them. Never could she pass beyond that skyline against which her restlessness had beat so many times. She felt as if her soul had built itself a nest there on that horizon at which she looked every morning and every evening, and it was dear to her, inexpressibly dear. She pressed her fingers against her eyeballs to shut it out. Beside her she heard the tramping of horses in the soft earth. Nils said nothing to her. He put his hands under her arms and lifted her lightly to her saddle. Then he swung himself into his own.
“We shall have to ride fast to catch the midnight train. A last gallop, Clara Vavrika. Forward!”
There was a start, a thud of hoofs along the moonlit road, two dark shadows going over the hill; and then the great, still land stretched untroubled under the azure night. Two shadows had passed.
VIII
A year after the flight of Olaf Ericson’s wife, the night train was steaming across the plains of Iowa. The conductor was hurrying through one of the day-coaches, his lantern on his arm, when a lank, fair-haired boy sat up in one of the plush seats and tweaked him by the coat.
“What is the next stop, please, sir?”
“Red Oak, Iowa. But you go through to Chicago, don’t you?” He looked down, and noticed that the boy’s eyes were red and his face was drawn, as if he were in trouble.
“Yes. But I was wondering whether I could get off at the next place and get a train back to Omaha.”
“Well, I suppose you could. Live in Omaha?”
“No. In the western part of the State. How soon do we get to Red Oak?”
“Forty minutes. You’d better make up your mind, so I can tell the baggageman to put your trunk off.”
“Oh, never mind about that! I mean, I haven’t got any,” the boy added, blushing.
“Run away,” the conductor thought, as he slammed the coach door behind him.
Eric Ericson crumpled down in his seat and put his brown hand to his forehead. He had been crying, and he had had no supper, and his head was aching violently. “Oh, what shall I do?” he thought, as he looked dully down at his big shoes. “Nils will be ashamed of me; I haven’t got any spunk.”
Ever since Nils had run away with his brother’s wife, life at home had been hard for little Eric. His mother and Olaf both suspected him of complicity. Mrs. Ericson was harsh and fault-finding, constantly wounding the boy’s pride; and Olaf was always setting her against him.
Joe Vavrika heard often from his daughter. Clara had always been fond of her father, and happiness made her kinder. She wrote him long accounts of the voyage to Bergen, and of the trip she and Nils took through Bohemia to the little town where her father had grown up and where she herself was born. She visited all her kinsmen there, and sent her father news of his brother, who was a priest; of his sister, who had married a horse-breeder—of their big farm and t
heir many children. These letters Joe always managed to read to little Eric. They contained messages for Eric and Hilda. Clara sent presents, too, which Eric never dared to take home and which poor little Hilda never even saw, though she loved to hear Eric tell about them when they were out getting the eggs together. But Olaf once saw Eric coming out of Vavrika’s house—the old man had never asked the boy to come into his saloon,—and Olaf went straight to his mother and told her. That night Mrs. Ericson came to Eric’s room after he was in bed and made a terrible scene. She could be very terrifying when she was really angry. She forbade him ever to speak to Vavrika again, and after that night she would not allow him to go to town alone. So it was a long while before Eric got any more news of his brother. But old Joe suspected what was going on, and he carried Clara’s letters about in his pocket. One Sunday he drove out to see a German friend of his, and chanced to catch sight of Eric, sitting by the cattle-pond in the big pasture. They went together into Fritz Oberlies’ barn, and read the letters and talked things over. Eric admitted that things were getting hard for him at home. That very night old Joe sat down and laboriously penned a statement of the case to his daughter.
Things got no better for Eric. His mother and Olaf felt that, however closely he was watched, he still, as they said, “heard.” Mrs. Ericson could not admit neutrality. She had sent Johanna Vavrika packing back to her brother’s, though Olaf would much rather have kept her than Anders’ eldest daughter, whom Mrs. Ericson installed in her place. He was not so high-handed as his mother, and he once sulkily told her that she might better have taught her granddaughter to cook before she sent Johanna away. Olaf could have borne a good deal for the sake of prunes spiced in honey, the secret of which Johanna had taken away with her.
At last two letters came to Joe Vavrika: one from Nils, inclosing a postal order for money to pay Eric’s passage to Bergen, and one from Clara, saying that Nils had a place for Eric in the offices of his company, that he was to live with them, and that they were only waiting for him to come. He was to leave New York on one of the boats of Nils’ own line; the captain was one of their friends, and Eric was to make himself known at once.
Nils’ directions were so explicit that a baby could have followed them, Eric felt. And here he was, nearing Red Oak, Iowa, and rocking backward and forward in despair. Never had he loved his brother so much, and never had the big world called to him so hard. But there was a lump in his throat which would not go down. Ever since nightfall he had been tormented by the thought of his mother, alone in that big house that had sent forth so many men. Her unkindness now seemed so little, and her loneliness so great. He remembered everything she had ever done for him: how frightened she had been when he tore his hand in the corn-sheller, and how she wouldn’t let Olaf scold him. When Nils went away he didn’t leave his mother all alone, or he would never have gone. Eric felt sure of that.
The train whistled. The conductor came in, smiling not unkindly. “Well, young man, what are you going to do? We stop at Red Oak in three minutes.”
“Yes, thank you. I’ll let you know.” The conductor went out, and the boy doubled up with misery. He couldn’t let his one chance go like this. He felt for his breast pocket and crackled Nils’ kind letter to give him courage. He didn’t want Nils to be ashamed of him. The train stopped. Suddenly he remembered his brother’s kind, twinkling eyes, that always looked at you as if from far away. The lump in his throat softened. “Ah, but Nils, Nils would understand!” he thought. “That’s just it about Nils; he always understands.”
A lank, pale boy with a canvas telescope stumbled off the train to the Red Oak siding, just as the conductor called, “All aboard!”
The next night Mrs. Ericson was sitting alone in her wooden rocking-chair on the front porch. Little Hilda had been sent to bed and had cried herself to sleep. The old woman’s knitting was in her lap, but her hands lay motionless on top of it. For more than an hour she had not moved a muscle. She simply sat, as only the Ericsons and the mountains can sit. The house was dark, and there was no sound but the croaking of the frogs down in the pond of the little pasture.
Eric did not come home by the road, but across the fields, where no one could see him. He set his telescope down softly in the kitchen shed, and slipped noiselessly along the path to the front porch. He sat down on the step without saying anything. Mrs. Ericson made no sign, and the frogs croaked on. At last the boy spoke timidly.
“I’ve come back, Mother.”
“Very well,” said Mrs. Ericson.
Eric leaned over and picked up a little stick out of the grass.
“How about the milking?” he faltered.
“That’s been done, hours ago.”
“Who did you get?”
“Get? I did it myself. I can milk as good as any of you.”
Eric slid along the step nearer to her. “Oh, Mother, why did you?” he asked sorrowfully. “Why didn’t you get one of Otto’s boys?”
“I didn’t want anybody to know I was in need of a boy,” said Mrs. Ericson bitterly. She looked straight in front of her and her mouth tightened. “I always meant to give you the home farm,” she added.
The boy started and slid closer. “Oh, Mother,” he faltered, “I don’t care about the farm. I came back because I thought you might be needing me, maybe.” He hung his head and got no further.
“Very well,” said Mrs. Ericson. Her hand went out from her suddenly and rested on his head. Her fingers twined themselves in his soft, pale hair. His tears splashed down on the boards; happiness filled his heart.
CONSEQUENCES
Henry Eastman, a lawyer, aged forty, was standing beside the Flatiron building in a driving November rainstorm, signaling frantically for a taxi. It was six-thirty, and everything on wheels was engaged. The streets were in confusion about him, the sky was in turmoil above him, and the Flatiron building, which seemed about to blow down, threw water like a mill-shoot. Suddenly, out of the brutal struggle of men and cars and machines and people tilting at each other with umbrellas, a quiet, well-mannered limousine paused before him, at the curb, and an agreeable, ruddy countenance confronted him through the open window of the ear.
“Don’t you want me to pick you up, Mr. Eastman? I’m running directly home now.”
Eastman recognized Kier Cavenaugh, a young man of pleasure, who lived in the house on Central Park South, where he himself had an apartment.
“Don’t I?” he exclaimed, bolting into the car. “I’ll risk getting your cushions wet without compunction. I came up in a taxi, but I didn’t hold it. Bad economy. I thought I saw your car down on Fourteenth Street about half an hour ago.”
The owner of the car smiled. He had a pleasant, round face and round eyes, and a fringe of smooth, yellow hair showed under the rim of his soft felt hat. “With a lot of little broilers fluttering into it? You did. I know some girls who work in the cheap shops down there. I happened to be downtown and I stopped and took a load of them home. I do sometimes. Saves their poor little clothes, you know. Their shoes are never any good.”
Eastman looked at his rescuer. “Aren’t they notoriously afraid of cars and smooth young men?” he inquired.
Cavenaugh shook his head. “They know which cars are safe and which are chancy. They put each other wise. You have to take a bunch at a time, of course. The Italian girls can never come along; their men shoot. The girls understand, all right; but their fathers don’t. One gets to see queer places, sometimes, taking them home.”
Eastman laughed drily. “Every time I touch the circle of your acquaintance, Cavenaugh, it’s a little wider. You must know New York pretty well by this time.”
“Yes, but I’m on my good behavior below Twenty-third Street,” the young man replied with simplicity. “My little friends down there would give me a good character. They’re wise little girls. They have grand ways with each other, a romantic cod
e of loyalty. You can find a good many of the lost virtues among them.”
The car was standing still in a traffic block at Fortieth Street, when Cavenaugh suddenly drew his face away from the window and touched Eastman’s arm. “Look, please. You see that hansom with the bony gray horse—driver has a broken hat and red flannel around his throat. Can you see who is inside?”
Eastman peered out. The hansom was just cutting across the line, and the driver was making a great fuss about it, bobbing his head and waving his whip. He jerked his dripping old horse into Fortieth Street and clattered off past the Public Library grounds toward Sixth Avenue. “No, I couldn’t see the passenger. Someone you know?”
“Could you see whether there was a passenger?” Cavenaugh asked.
“Why, yes. A man I think. I saw his elbow on the apron. No driver ever behaves like that unless he has a passenger.”
“Yes, I may have been mistaken,” Cavenaugh murmured absent-mindedly. Ten minutes or so later, “What shall I do about this ticket, Mr. Eastman?” he whispered. “And what about his trunk?” after Cavenaugh’s car had turned off Fifth Avenue into Fifty-eighth Street, Eastman exclaimed, “There’s your same cabby, and his cart’s empty. He’s headed for a drink now, I suppose.” The driver in the broken hat and the red flannel neck cloth was still brandishing the whip over his old gray. He was coming from the west now, and turned down Sixth Avenue, under the elevated.
Cavenaugh’s car stopped at the bachelor apartment house between Sixth and Seventh Avenues where he and Eastman lived, and they went up in the elevator together. They were still talking when the lift stopped at Cavenaugh’s floor, and Eastman stepped out with him and walked down the hall, finishing his sentence while Cavenaugh found his latch-key. When he opened the door, a wave of fresh cigarette smoke greeted them. Cavenaugh stopped short and stared into his hallway. “Now how in the devil—!” he exclaimed angrily.
