I know my motivations are about saving Iris, but Serene seems to want me saving Cas as well. Whether I choose to admit it or not—to anyone else—I do care for Cas despite her idiocy of walking into Juliet so early into her recovery. Ultimately, Iris follows her because that is what submissive do, and in the combination of Cas and Iris, Cas will always lead and Iris will always follow.
Serene thinks I deserve better than what Iris gives, even in the context of our friendship. “Iris finds trouble and you always bail her out. Eventually, at some point Iris needs to learn to stand on her own two feet without the crutch of you.”
Serene feels Iris takes advantage of her place within my heart and much like I do, she also maintains Iris has a tendency to get in over her head. One day I won’t be here and heaven only knows what would happen then. Iris never chose Juliet on her own, but by the will of her deceased husband, and that is a volatile combination. Serene’s need to find answers, leads her to questioning if this is something Iris would have ever sought after, fought for, or even desired. Serene believes with a proper Master, she will eventually reach her breaking point—for someone, not me.
Of course, I cringe with that thought.
When Jack called to consult with Serene about what to do with Iris, she was the one who encouraged him to not allow any further contact with me. Not because I am not good enough or even capable of handling her, but because Iris needs the lessons of Jack without yours truly.
The quandary of that conundrum is of course I need a willing submissive to practice my fledgling Dominant skills. Iris is far too good of a bottom, and she needs training much in the same way I was trained initially. While Juliet is a virtual menu of eager training subs, Serene wants someone special for me to cut my teeth on. I think she hoped Emily could be that someone special.
She pulls up in the driveway to see me loving Princess and smiles as she walks up to the fence.
“Hello Handsome…” her demure whisper of a voice says.
“How are you?” I ask, holding her hand over the fence.
“The real question is how are you?”
“I’ll heal,” I reply with a snarl. “No need to gush over a graze.”
“A graze is still a wound,” she reminds politely. “I talked to Emily.”
I am shocked. I mean I shouldn’t be, but I am. “You did?”
“Yes,” she eludes with a simper. “We talked about the farmhouse, the animals, and the past history here. And I think she is a perfect candidate.”
I bellow, “…For?”
“…Being yours?” she asks with a curious shrug.
I blush and roll my eyes.
“She is far from meek, but obviously capable of letting another lead. It is clear she understood respect from her first—Yes, Ma’am—to acknowledging the invisible hierarchy within my subtle remarks. Emily is a natural submissive, Sally.”
Yes, I know, Ma’am. I know all too well.
Emily has the ability to surrender etched within the air she breathes.
SAL
Having an early dinner with Serene and Jack, I cannot help but feel like someone is missing—Iris. The harder I try to not think about the fact she isn’t there, the more I miss her.
Serene is pleasant as always with our mild-mannered flirtations. Jack says nothing, but on several occasions throughout the evening he suggests that she is locked up tight within his walls and won’t be allowed out anytime soon, which honestly kind of makes me want to stab him. Just sayin.
After dinner, Serene shoos us both off to bed, wanting to spend some time alone. I go up to my room, knowing Jack is going next door to fucking bone my girl. I haven’t seen her for over a week and the pain of not touching her is taking a toll upon me. And right now, I want to kill Jack Kerris.
Jesus Christ, Raniero. That is jealous boyfriend talk.
Ugh. I splat on the bed in a million emotions as the wires get crossed—Iris in Boston, Emily at Juliet—totally backfuckingasswards. I programmed this into my brain a certain way—Emily in Boston, Iris at Juliet—the clarity in my cloud is noticeably clearer.
Grabbing my phone, I dial quick hoping to catch her before he gets home. “Iris?”
“What do you want?” She breathes sleepily.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“For what? Which part are you sorry for?”
I am so confused. “Hmm…what do you mean?”
She sasses, “Not telling me about something tragic happening to you or finding happiness in the blonde?”
“Iris, it’s not like that… who told you what?”
Dead air and thick silence engulf the connection.
“Serene was here,” she admits, sounding very irate. “We talked.”
Running my hand through my hair, I mumble, “Fuck…”
“That’s what I’m getting—fucked over.” She hangs up the phone as I throw mine across the room and watch it hit the wall.
“Dammit, Iris! No!”
My door cracks open just as the phone hits the wall. Serene walks in and sits down on the bed next to me. “You know, I told you to go stay with Mierne a long time ago.”
Angry with myself, Iris, hell even with Serene, I breathe fiery words. “Are you screwing Kerris?”
Serene’s face lights up as she smirks with a slight moan. Leaning to my face, she hisses, “I have been seeing Jack—as a pupil—for years, training never stops sometimes even if it is purely psychological, but nothing has changed. But you—you have got to get out of this slump you are in. Mierne could have done that for you.”
“Fine. I’ll pack my shit tonight and be gone in the morning,” I offer, springing up and opening my closet, disappearing into it. I turn around to find Serene standing in the closet doorway watching me.
“It’s too late for that now, Sally. You had your chance. Pack your things, Trotter. You are going on vacation. You need to get away from Iris.”
And she walks off, her will known.
And like the good obedient boy I am, I pack a bag. I already gave up a long goodbye with Emily to keep her safe, and I likely won’t get a sayonara with Iris either. They have both become another pawn in the play for Serene to use against me. I pack my clothes into two duffel bags as one lingering question enters my mind.
I shower fast and fill the tub, sinking into the hot, bubbly water. I grab my phone and scroll through my list of contacts—down to R—finding Mierne Risen, and then I do the last thing in the world I ever want.
I hit the call button.
“Good evening, Lucas Salvatore… What can I help you with tonight?” She sounds full of energy and happy to hear from me, despite her heavy breathing.
I can’t help but muster a giggle to her overdone antics. “What are you doing?”
“Elliptical! They tell me it is good for my ass!” I laugh again. “And where are you, my darling boy?”
“The bathtub.”
Her laughter oozes across the line as she flirts, “And that just naturally makes you want to call me, right?”
“Actually, I have a question.”
“Yes?”
“You know I know she told me to come stay with you, so I’ll be over tomorrow. But what I don’t understand is why. Why does Serene want me with you so badly? Don’t misunderstand me, I like you a lot but I feel like she is setting us up to be together.”
“And you don’t want to be with me?” she teases as she huffs away on the machine. “Seriously, she wants you happy, Sal. And she knows I will take care of you, only you. It’s the same offer that’s always been there—you and me, us together against the world. But I’ll be honest, I have pretty much given up on you and started dating.”
I kick my foot out of the water, onto the edge of the tub and run my fingers through my hair. I hear her gulping down water as I insinuate, “So, you are getting back with Robert? Done so soon?”
“No, I am not getting back with Rob. I’ve been on this ludicrous machine for an hour! Sal, what do you want?”
&nbs
p; I know. And she knows I know. She knows what I want before she even asks the question. She merely wants to know if I have the balls to admit it to myself.
“Right now, I want to get off just so the confusion will stop,” I admit as my hand rests against my thigh.
“Perhaps you’re not totally off-base. Maybe the way through is sex. But I would have thought you would have had your fill of that with Emily there. I knew you were going after her when you left. It’s an unmistakable glint you get in your eyes when you favor someone in your crosshairs, babe.”
“I didn’t get the kind of fill I expected,” I whisper to her, my heart and head full of anguish.
“Vanilla not your thing?” she laughs as I hear her ordering a coffee.
“I wouldn’t say it was pure vanilla, but it damn sure wasn’t the flavor I most enjoy.”
“Not like this caramel latte I am about to devour,” she lures.
“You know the elliptical would work better without the caramel,” I smart-off.
“And what you are craving would work better if you would just be honest, Salvatore.”
I can hear her in the background, flirting with someone. With Mierne, her world of possibility is open and in a way, I am a fucking jealous bastard. “Sorry about that.”
“Scoop?”
She giggles as she walks to her car. “Young black lesbian. Gorgeous little thing really.”
“You in Austin?”
“Yes,” she replies. “Need something?”
“You.”
The radio in her Rogue comes blasting on. “Do you want me to come get you now?”
I look at my phone—10:24 PM. “No, I’ll see you in the AM. What I want is you to talk to me while I jerk off…” I pause, taking a deep breath and then brazenly, remembering seeing Iris’ initiation video. “Tell me why you have never spanked me like you did her…” My voice trails off as my breathing intensifies.
She emits a seductive hush full of her Brit, “Ahh. I didn’t think you would ever ask.”
“If I want the caramel, I have to ask nicely for it,” I tease.
Though there is a spark of truth in my words, an undercurrent so strong exists between Mierne and I that it can be felt despite the distance—my own admission of need and her truth of desire. I recount in my head countless times how beautiful she is—a goddess with auburn hair and dark chocolate eyes, summoning Iris’ flesh—what is my flesh—to her will.
In the years, we have known each other, I asked for her to take control many a time. But her answer is ultimately always the same like a broken record on repeat. She doesn’t feel she can or will be able to give me what I need.
Since knowing she can indeed play the role of Dominant quite adeptly, I am determined at some point to get her to surrender her skills and let me have all that she is. Her fear is that she can never amount to the kind of Mistress I am accustomed to which is dumbfounded. I can go under anyone. I am that good. Serene is renowned for her brilliant sadistic element. With my choice to be under Serene for so many years, Mierne aches in her shadow which is just too large to overcome. And I get all of that.
On the line, she offers, “Are you asking for it?”
“Yes please, Ma’am.”
“I am tempted, Salvatore,” she adds. When minding my manners, my seductive low tone is always a weak spot for Mierne, and I play it up. “You are a demon.”
“Just your little devil.”
“You know everyone has a crutch, a sticking point, or a knee-jerk for which they can sometimes be coaxed through, but the thought of you beneath me just seems—flawed.”
“I know you have it in you. I have seen it,” I argue, increasingly irritated by our issue at hand. “The problem must be me.”
Suddenly, her thoughts surface. “The problem isn’t you. The problem is you were under Serene. And you cannot go backwards. You are too much Dominant now, Salvatore.”
I frown like the kid who doesn’t want to leave the candy store. “I want what you have to offer. I want to know, find out for myself. Give me that.” I pause long enough for it to be slightly uncomfortable, “Please, Ma’am. I am begging.”
“You know I am not an idiot. I know you have your well-lubed up cock in your hand. You want to know if I will take you for a ride down the road to our wonderland, to get carried away even briefly with your servitude to me. But there is great risk for me, Sal. I could completely humiliate myself in front of you.”
She sighs deep as I slide my hand slow around my throbbing dick. “Fine. I will stop asking. Can you tell me one thing?”
“I can tell you many things…I am fine being your confidante and friend and even with benefits, but I cannot take the lead with you no matter how bad you may desire it. And it pains me that I can’t give you this one thing,” she replies. “Now Sal, what is your question?”
I snicker, “Whose baby was it?”
“… Jack’s.”
Letting my dick go, I cannot breathe as my mind runs through the grid of their deception. I connect the dots—the relationship between Mierne and Serene was never a duo, but a trio which included Jack. She lost the baby and left, opening a spot for me which was never intended to be mine. Kaci wanted me.
But why? What are you telling me?
The guttural wail pours from my mouth as my fists clench against the sides of the tub. Hanging up the phone, I close my eyes and dunk my head, submersing my body with a prayer to baptize me in the water and make me whole again.
SAL
I cannot take it. I get dressed, grab my duffels, and head downstairs to find Jack and Serene, tossing back a bottle of red wine in the dark. Their silent stares focus as I interrupt their intimate moment.
I am pissed as I grab a bottle of water and head for the door. “Where are you going?” Serene asks, blocking my way. “I said—where are you going, Trotter?”
I flex my jaw and try and push her aside gently. She refuses to move as I gaze down and warn, “I am getting my girl and going. I cannot do this—any of this—anymore,” I scoff and shrug her off. “I’ve got lies coming at me from every which direction. I’ve got Emily and Iris and the mess of my fucking wife’s past all bearing down on me.”
“You need to calm down, son,” Jack coaxes, rising up and putting a hand on my shoulder. “Talk to us.”
“Mierne was pregnant with your baby!” I burst out as a look of shock comes over Serene’s expression.
Thoughtful and reflecting, Jack appeases, “Yes, she was and it was a terrible time for us.”
“Us?” I counter, still raging like a wild bull.
Serene latches onto my arm and mentions ever so casually, “Jack and Mierne have a long history together.”
All the lightbulbs flicker on in my mind in that moment. It is blinding and bright as I accuse, “You caused her divorce…”
Jack nods in quiet acceptance. “And when she lost the baby…we fell apart.”
Serene rubs my arm and says, “Jack isn’t here because we are having an affair, Sally. Jack is here as my longtime friend and former bottom, seeking advice on what to do about the woman he is still in love with.”
“What about Janine?” I ask, utterly blown.
“She was nothing more than a rebound for me.” Jack pushes his tongue to the top of his lip and glances at Serene, hoping she will take the lead.
With her encouragement, I agree as she offers, “Sally, come sit. Let’s talk this through, and let’s not have another wrestling match like we have in the past.”
I take a deep breath and think about it for a long moment. I am not the reckless bastard I once was. I have been bundled up and tossed in vehicles only to end up programmed and trained to become an assassin. I don’t want to go through that again, I am getting too fucking old for that shit.
“Fine,” I say, dropping my bags. “I want the whole fucking story.”
Jack grabs another wine glass as Serene walks with me to the table. “It’s going to be alright, I promise.”
“S
tart talking,” I say, playing my no non-sense, no bullshit attitude. I am done fucking around with the past.
“Sibyl wanted a group of young, capable agents. Kaci was the first and she would have been great, but the cancer battle just wouldn’t leave that darling girl alone. So, she came up with the idea to pull a bunch of potential candidates, and we went through them together. She picked you and Priscilla,” Serene informs, telling me shit I already know.
I counter back quick, “And Iris?”
“Kaci plucked Iris from the opposition. Iris was tired of being used by Gennaro for intel on Chance and Sibyl,” Jack imparts with a tense look. “But you have to understand the second Chance found out about Iris, he started researching on her.”
“Ok, so you have this married couple—for lack of better words—each tagging one another and trying to bring the other one down,” I recount, trying to put it all together. “Was Chance onto her when he recruited me?”
“I don’t know for certain,” Jack admits. “That’s hard to say. I imagine he at least suspected and filled her head full of stuff for you to find.”
“The treasure chest that just keeps on giving, she is,” I grumble, slamming back my glass of wine.
“After Chance died, La Morte and Gennaro wanted you removed from the equation, and they sent Iris to do that,” Jack continues. “We knew they were coming, but we never expected her to deflect it all. She shielded you. She kept you safe.”
“Then they had to know about the deal I made with the janitor…” I mumble off.
“The janitor?” Serene asks, exhaling a nicotine-infused cloud.
“Chance,” I say. “They didn’t want me cracking Iris.”
“They also never expected Gennaro to die last year which left the whole upper mid-west quad a mess,” Serene says, scooting her silver case of smokes to me.
“Are we sure he wasn’t killed? Or fuck, what about damn Mullins?” I posed the questions from my meetings with Pris and her granny-with-a-gun-theories about Anna. “I’d like to mention we still haven’t found Kaci’s father Marshall nor do we have Chance’s body.”
With her blue eyes beckoning me, Serene elaborates, “Dom wanted nothing to do with it, but Gennaro’s former associates were hungry for the money and power that a hub like that can bring—it’s possible they took him out. They feared—the Raniero kid—you would eventually go home and try to make a play for it.”
Salt Kissed Love (a Tomb of Ashen Tears Book 1) Page 31
