He frowned.
Then winced.
“Shit,” he said. “I’m sorry…but you didn’t tell me that we were doing anything.”
I narrowed my eyes.
“It’s our anniversary, Lock,” I growled. “I didn’t think I needed to tell you that we were doing anything.”
He dropped his forehead to mine.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I…I forgot.”
I snorted, then pressed up on my toes and kissed him hard.
“Just don’t fuck up tomorrow, and I’ll be okay.”
***
The next morning, I was searching online for a birthday present for my youngest daughter, Alicia, and enjoying the blissful silence of having no kids screaming when a text message popped up on my computer.
I’d bought a new iMac a few months ago, and now when I was on it, all of my husband’s and my text messages were received on not only our phones but the computer as well.
Josh: are you here yet?
My heart sank.
I stood up to go to my husband when I heard a thud and a curse, followed by a yelp from a startled dog.
Moments later, Lock came tearing out of the room.
“I fucked up bad!” he yelled, likely waking up every kid and dog in the house, as he jumped on one foot to slip into his sock. “The tournament is today. I thought it was tomorrow. I’m going to be so fucking late.”
Yep. That was my heart by my knees.
“Lock…”
He was gone, though.
Running around the house, making coffee, a mess, and leaving shit all where it didn’t belong before tearing out of the door without a single goodbye.
Not even a kiss or an ‘I love you.’
A single tear rolled down my cheeks, and I dashed it away.
He didn’t know.
He didn’t remember.
It’ll be okay.
The door leading to my children’s side of the house opened, and my baby girl smiled wide when she saw me.
“Happy Anniversary, Mama.” Alicia practically hopped out of her room in excitement.
I swallowed hard. “Thank you, baby.”
***
Deciding to make the best of things, I canceled altogether with our parents.
They understood, and were still in town, but they’d decided to go out on a double date together that included a police and fire function at the local PD.
“Mom,” Lachlan mumbled. “What’s the limit on the amount I can spend?”
I snorted.
“It’s my anniversary, and your father is paying,” I said. “So, there is no limit…just try not to buy out the store.”
So that was exactly what we did.
The children all chose hilariously expensive toys, and I bought them all with the money that Lock failed to use for my anniversary gift.
***
Lock
“What do you have planned for next Saturday?” Josh asked after our last hole.
I pulled out my phone to look and felt my heart rate skyrocket.
“Ohhhh, fuck,” I groaned. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“What?” Josh asked, sounding worried.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat and said, “Today’s my anniversary.”
Josh looked at his watch.
“Dude, it’s nine o’clock at night…and you’re just now realizing that it’s your anniversary?” he asked incredulously.
Yep.
That was me.
The king of all dumbasses.
By the time I got home an hour later, everything in the house was quiet.
There were no lights on, the dogs were put up for the night, and the only thing I could hear was the ticking of the clocks on the wall.
I winced.
It was only ten o’clock, and it wasn’t usual for the house to be that quiet that early.
Meaning I was definitely in trouble.
Big, gargantuan trouble.
I found her washing dishes, standing next to the sink wearing one of my t-shirts and nothing else.
“You went to dinner?” I asked, feeling gutted at seeing the name on the bag of food on the counter.
She’d gone to dinner with my kids and just herself, to a fancy-ass restaurant that I’d been wanting to take her out to for ages.
“Yeah,” she said, voice sounding sleepy. “We spent about three hundred dollars. Lachlan ordered crab and steak. So, the other two had to order it, too.” She sighed. “They didn’t eat but half of it, so I took the rest of it home to your dad and mom.”
My heart pinched.
“Was it any good?” I asked, unsure of whether or not she was mad enough to not want me to touch her.
“The best,” she said.
I came up behind her and pressed her into the sink, putting both hands on the sink beside her.
“I’m sorry, baby,” I said, dropping my forehead to her shoulder. “I’m a dumbass.”
She snorted, then finished washing the pot that was still in her hands before turning the water off.
I backed away and grabbed a towel.
She took it, wiped her hands, then turned.
My eyes went to the front of the gray shirt she was wearing to see it stained with water.
Her hair was up in a messy bun, her face was devoid of makeup, and she had a pimple on her forehead.
She was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
I once again pressed her to the sink, causing her to squeak.
“Lock,” she cried. “It’s wet.”
I pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“My parents are on their way over here,” I said.
She narrowed her eyes.
“Lock…”
“They’re going to take the kids with them to the lake like you’d planned,” I said.
I’d called on the way home, and they’d said they would be right over.
“The kids are all in bed, Lock,” she denied. “Call them back and tell them never mind.”
I shook my head.
“No,” I said. “Not today.”
She narrowed her eyes.
“Lock, the day is already over,” she tried. “I’m not in the mood.”
I tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, then pressed a kiss to her nose.
“I know,” I said. “But I’m going to fix this.”
I pulled out about eight bags of takeout and showed them to her.
“I already ate,” she said.
“You did,” I agreed. “But…I doubt you ate much. You were mad at me, and when you’re mad, you don’t eat.”
Her eyes flickered.
I had her.
She was starving.
Her eyes flicked to the bag, then back to me.
But before I could say anything, my back door opened, and my mother walked in.
“Let’s get those kids loaded up,” she ordered. “Lock, help me.”
I did, and when I came back, Saylor was angrily sucking back a milkshake.
I didn’t smile like I wanted to.
I didn’t even grin.
Instead, I sat next to her and pulled out a ring that’d been in my pocket for a couple of weeks.
“I bought this for you,” I said.
Her eyes went to the small bag that’d been so much like the first one that had housed her engagement ring.
“What is it?”
“I bought it a month ago,” I promised. “I didn’t stop and get it today or anything…it’s a well thought out gift. I promise.”
She sighed and opened the bag, pouring the contents out on the counter.
Her eyes went to the ring, and her breath caught.
“That’s…”
“My birthstone, your birthstone, and each of the kids,” I said. “The inner circle is Alicia. The outer one is me.”
She picked it up with shaking hands.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, slipping it onto the ring finger on her right hand.
Her head fell toward my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her tight.
“I’m sorry I’m such a loser,” I told her. “I…I completely forgot about today. But I still remembered. Kind of.”
She pulled the bag of takeout closer to her, then started munching on a waffle fry.
“I thought Chick-Fil-A was closed?” she asked.
I grinned. “It was. Kind of. They were closing, and I had to beg the young kids to make me something. I had to explain what kind of moron I was for them to do it, though.”
She snickered.
“Thank you, Lock,” she whispered.
I played with the ring finger on her hand.
“I can’t believe it’s been ten years,” I said.
She snorted. “It’s definitely flown by.”
She wasn’t kidding.
Three kids, a house, and two dogs later.
My life wasn’t the least bit what I ever expected.
Nothing ever went as planned.
I was still on the motorcycle patrol unit, and still had yet to go to negotiator school, and likely never would.
I enjoyed my job. I loved spending time with my family.
We went hunting and fishing and camping.
There wasn’t a single day that we weren’t being active doing something.
Downtime was a hot commodity at this point.
Between gymnastics, golf lessons, football practice, soccer games, and Little League, there wasn’t ever a dull moment.
And I wouldn’t change it for the world.
“I got a call about Kristoff today,” she said. “He was ordered to another eight years in the mental health facility.”
I thought about that morning, eleven years ago, and no longer felt any regret.
“Good news,” I said. “Baby, do you forgive me?”
She took a bite of her chicken burrito.
“Ask me when I’m done.”
I did.
And asked her again after I made love to her.
She forgave me.
But I still made sure to buy her six cookies the next day, all from different bakeries around town, to help make up for my stupidity just in case.
What’s Next?
If You Say So
October 29, 2019
Prologue
I let a short dude cuddle me once. It felt like I had a backpack on.
-Coffee Cup
Frankie
Two years ago
“I’ll take care of him,” Malachi promised.
I smiled at Malachi, knowing that he would.
Then Malachi was gone, leaving me with Luca, who was staring at me like he’d just killed my puppy.
“Luca, it’s okay,” I promised. “I’ll be okay.”
He walked to me, pressing his forehead against mine as he cupped the sides of my face, and exhaled softly.
“You’re okay. But I’m not.”
I closed my eyes at those words.
I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t cry.
I was in an online support group for military wives and girlfriends.
My post last week had gone something like this: My fiancé is leaving for two years. He’s going to be gone while I finish my schooling. The announcement of his impending departure came as a rather large surprise, and we didn’t have a chance to marry. Now, he’s leaving in three days, and I’m being left behind. What do I do?
The responses had varied, but all of them had an underlying tone of ‘don’t cry and make him feel bad for leaving. It’s not his fault. Be strong. Fall apart when he’s gone.’
So that was what I was going to do.
I was going to be strong now.
I was going to be strong, and I was going to hold it all together.
And once he was gone, then I would fall apart.
“I love you, Luca,” I whispered. “And no, I’m not okay. But it’ll be okay.”
He used his thumbs to tip my chin up. Then his mouth was on mine, and everything really was okay with the world.
For a few seconds, everything was perfect.
Then his lips left mine when the announcement of his departure was only thirty minutes away.
“Love you,” he rasped.
The moment his hands left my face, my heart started to pound.
“Love you, too,” I repeated.
He took a step back, and I took him in one more time, in all his uniformed glory.
“Come back to me,” I told him. “Exactly like this. Whole and healthy. When you get back, we’re getting married. And then we’ll have babies.”
His grin was nothing short of magnificent.
“Lots and lots of babies.”
Then he was gone.
His friend, Malachi, who’d waited for him since they were going together, waved and then they both rounded the corner of the building, rendering me unable to see them any longer.
And the worst, most god awful feeling washed over me.
Panic set in, and my hands started shaking.
“Keep it together, girl,” my dad, Coke Solomon, warned.
I swallowed hard.
“The worst sense of foreboding just rocketed through me,” I rasped. “As if that’s the last time I’ll ever see them together.”
My dad’s arm went around my neck, and he pulled me into his hard chest.
“It’ll be okay,” he promised. “You just gotta have faith.”
Faith. Right.
I’d be faithful as fuck.
“I’m scared,” I whispered, feeling the tears start to well.
I was just about to turn around and leave when Luca came barreling around the corner.
My breath hitched, and my dad let me go.
Before I could even ask him what was up, he once again had me in his arms.
“One last hug,” he said breathlessly.
I laughed, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed his temple, slightly dislodging his hat.
Then, just as quickly, he set me down.
“Now, I really have to go. Fuck, I’m late.”
Then, for good this time, he was gone.
I just had no idea how gone he really was.
***
One and a half years ago
I smiled, so happy to see my fiancé’s parents on the doorstep that I ran to them and wrapped them in a hug without first taking in the look on both of their faces.
“I can’t believe y’all are here!” I cried out. “What are y’all doing here?”
I’d started my first year of residency just yesterday, and I was a mess.
After eight years of school crammed into five years—sometimes it really paid to be a genius—one would think that residency training would be a piece of cake.
Let me tell you something. It wasn’t.
It was hard. The hours were long and grueling, and everybody looked at and treated me like a child.
Then again, compared to most of them, I was.
I’d graduated high school early. Then college early. Starting medical school an entire three years earlier than even the youngest of normal students.
Needless to say, I was a child in their eyes.
It felt good to see Gabe and Ember, though.
I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed a hug until they were squeezing me like their life depended on it.
“I had a really bad day yesterday,” I said, throat closing as I remembered. “And now you’re here, and whew, it was like that bad day is just erased.”
I slowly let them go and stepped back, a large, jovial smile on my face.
That smile fell right off when I saw that Ember was crying, and Gabe was looking at me like I’d just slapped him.
“What?” I whispered.
The door behind my fiancé’s parents opened, and my father walked in.
&nb
sp; His face was a mask of stillness.
Not a single emotion was on his face.
“Daddy?”
Ember had my hand in hers moments later.
“What’s going on?” I asked. “Dad, why did you drive three hours when you know I have to go to the hospital in…” I trailed off when my dad stepped up and cupped my face between his big hands.
“Baby, hush,” he whispered. “Listen.”
So I listened.
And I never realized what it would feel like—losing your soul.
But I imagine it would feel something like how I was feeling now.
Lost. Empty. Alone. Scared. Sad. Sick to my stomach.
Luca is missing.
***
One year ago
“He’s still missing,” Daddy said.
***
Six months ago
“There’s still nothing, honey,” Gabe’s deep, saddened voice said.
***
Three months ago
“Malachi was found,” Gabe said. But before I could get my hopes up, he dashed them right back down. “Malachi is in bad shape. Very, very bad shape. And the location where he was found? Everyone was dead. Everyone.”
Meaning, the hope that I’d had over the last year was for naught.
Malachi was found. But Luca was forever lost.
Sinners are Winners (KPD Motorcycle Patrol Book 5) Page 21
