by S. E. Hall
I wonder where she is at this exact moment? Did she think of events like this that she’d miss before making her departure? I’d feel better knowing she overlooked some things instead of simply not caring. Shaking the thoughts and threatening tears away, I go to assess myself in the full-length mirror. Apparently we have one of those handy.
Upon initial review, I’m actually quite pleased. I clean up nice. I’ve chosen a light blue gown, just like I told Evan I would. The dress is strapless with a sweetheart neckline, the edges of that lined with the slight twinkle of tiny beads. The corseted waist flares out to a “flirty” skirt, so said the saleslady, and stops just below the knee. The dress tightens around my bottom and has a revealing, low-cut back. Thank you, Coach, for the pushing that enabled my body to actually pull this off. And no, my father has not seen it yet.
The blue compliments my tan skin and blonde hair, which is pulled into a loose twist with a few tendrils left around my ears and embellished with sporadic beaded pins that match the twinkle of my neckline, as do my new stud earrings. The silver glitter heels Kaitlyn loaned me put me at 5’9”, no problem with Evan’s tall frame, and I’ve put in plenty of practice sessions to make sure I can walk in them. I’ve gone with a very light and natural look on the makeup, the only kind I really know how to do, but it’s enough that I try not to cry as I imagine my mom behind me, catching my eye in the mirror.
“You’re so beautiful, sweetheart,” I imagine her saying.
“I get it from you, Mom,” I’d respond.
She was beautiful, I remember. Oh, enough of this…tonight will be great.
Walking down, my breath catches with the sight of him. His deep blue gaze slowly comes up to meet mine. I feel dizzy and send up a silent prayer that I don’t fall the rest of the way down the stairs.
How do girls go to these dances all the time? I’m a nervous wreck right now.
He looks like Prince Eric, Prince Phillip, and whoever the supposed sexiest man alive is all in one. He’s used a little something to tame his hair and it sticks up just so in the front. His dark tux fits him perfectly, showing off his sculpted shoulders and arms. The blue tie not only matches my dress, but makes his eyes absolutely glow.
“Hi,” I say softly as I come to stand in front of him.
He leans down to whisper in my ear. “Laney, my love, you are absolutely breathtaking.”
I shiver a bit and barely get out a “thank you, handsome. And thank you for the flowers this morning. I’m sure you’ll see to it that I have an amazing night.”
He looks at me, confused, and it dawns on me. “You didn’t send them, did you?”
He shakes his head slowly, realizing the same moment I do what this means. “Go bring me the card and envelope,” he whispers.
He knows not to let my dad hear. He would flip and not let me out of this house. I discreetly grab the card and slip it in the pocket of Evan’s tux. I know he’ll read it later and let me know if it’s any different than all the others; right now we’re focused on our night together.
Our moment of tension is short-lived as my father clears his throat behind us. “I thought I’d take a few pictures now.”
I’m shocked he’d want photographic evidence he let me wear this dress, about which he hasn’t said a word… Good Daddy.
Evan’s parents soon wander over, his mom armed with a camera as well. Almost an hour later, when Evan and I have conquered every pose his mother could come up with, including some where Evan’s head is actually slumped on my shoulder in frustration, we’re finally on our way to Senior Prom.
The gym has been completely transformed, and Evan and I both agree it looks great. Several of our classmates are already dancing amongst blue and white balloons, our school colors, when we arrive, but we opt to find a table. They’re covered in navy blue cloths and littered with white rose petals and we choose the one already occupied by Kaitlyn and her date, Matt Davis. Yup.
“Laney, hot mama!” my friend says, Kaitlynese for “you look good,” as she stands to hug me.
“You look gorgeous, Kait,” I tell her. She does wonders for her hot pink dress, shorter in length than mine and so Kaitlyn.
“You look great, Matt,” I turn and tell him, sincerely.
“Thanks, Laney, you too,” he says quickly and somewhat awkwardly. “And look at you, pretty boy,” he adds, reaching to shake Evan’s hand.
“Thanks, man,” Evan replies, only just politely. “You look really pretty, Kaitlyn.”
Kaitlyn blushes. Only Evan can make a girl as brazen as Kaitlyn blush.
“Thanks, Evan, you look great. Can I have a dance later?” she asks, eyelashes fluttering a mile a minute.
Evan looks over to me and raises his eyebrows in question. I bite my bottom lip to hold in a laugh while I give him a quick nod. I love that my two best friends get along and certainly don’t care if they share a dance, but no one better assume I’ll dance with Matt during that time. So not happening.
“Of course,” Evan smiles at her sweetly, “a dance later would be great.”
“Oh, and guess what?” Her high pitched squeal may actually be louder than the music. “We’re gonna be college partners!” She holds up her palm to high-five Evan.
Oh damn, that stings a little. Don’t cry at your prom, Laney, hold your shit together.
“You got into UGA?” My voice wobbles and my smile is forced as I ask her.
“Hell yes! How ‘bout that? Isn’t it awesome?”
It is awesome. It’s the most awesome thing I can think of happening right now, but it’s not happening to me. It’s happening to Kaitlyn. And Evan. Together. Without me.
“That’s wonderful, Kaitlyn, congratulations.” I hug her quickly; it’s all I can give right now.
“Dance with me?” Evan murmurs against my neck from behind.
Grateful for the distraction, I turn and grab his hand.
“Amazed” by Lonestar starts, and I’m not surprised to hear Evan’s low, sultry voice singing along in my ear. I have one of my arms around his neck, my other hand held in his and pressed against his chest between our bodies. His strong arm around my back holds me close to him; he’s exactly the support I need right now.
“This is your song, Laney. I will always be with you,” he whispers in the closing notes.
He just sang to me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, that it just keeps getting better. God how I wish it was true, but it’s not looking like that’s gonna happen.
The song ends too soon, and we walk back to our table hand in hand. Evan pulls out my chair for me and then takes his own.
“You okay?” he leans over and asks softly in my ear. I give him a quick smile and nod, grabbing his hand in mine.
“So are you guys like, officially a couple now or what?” Kaitlyn asks abruptly.
I glance at Evan and the blush that creeps up his cheeks matches my own, I’m sure. He picks up my hand and kisses the back of it gently.
“We’re anything Laney wants us to be,” he answers, his gaze locked on mine.
Heat sweeps through me, toes to scalp, and I can barely form a thought. Do I want to be a “couple” with Evan? Yes, I do. I guess we’ve kinda always been, just without the blatant physicality, which clearly sways my vote. So, it would seem I need to establish my exact intentions with him. Do I have to go ask his father first?
With so many after parties and invites, I wasn’t sure of our plans as we made our way to the car. His mother had been thoughtful enough to make him take her Camry, sparing me the climb into his truck in my dress. Bless Mrs. Allen, she’s always looking out for me.
“Where are we going now?” I ask as we leave the lot.
“Well, I figured we’d run back home and change first. I know your skin’s crawling; you’ve been in a dress for almost three hours.” He laughs.
It’s nice that he truly knows me. It saves a lot of having to explain myself. He’s like the perfect song, all said for me.
I reach ove
r and take his hand, lifting it to softly kiss his knuckles. He looks over at me and flashes one of his signature smiles. I can tell he’s happy and the feeling’s mutual. I settle our joined hands on my thigh. “Tonight was magical, Evan. Thank you for taking me.”
“Ah, Laney, I should be thanking you. Tonight was perfect. You’re perfect.”
We sit in the driveway for several minutes, just staring into each other’s eyes, the fingers of our interlaced hands teasing and stroking. I lean in first, overcome with how he makes me feel, how I feel about him. An inch from his lips I stop, letting his hot, fast breath wash over my face…I love the effect I seem to have on him.
“I’ll race you back here,” I tease and leap out for my head start.
THREE LITTLE WORDS
I’m running around like a crazy person, trying to change my clothes and grab all the stuff I packed for tonight. I don’t want Laney to beat me back to the car. I want to be waiting to open the door for her.
God, she looked beautiful tonight; I hope I told her enough. I’ve waited half my life to take my princess to the ball, and it’s been perfect. I want tonight to last forever, for everything to be that of her dreams. I just pray she’ll love what I have planned.
We’re about to start a new and very different chapter of our lives with college, and the same school plan is looking less hopeful every day. So tonight, I want to take her back to the beginning of Laney and Evan, the beginning of us. I want to remind her that we’re ingrained in one another and always will be.
I’m taking her fishing.
She beats me back to the car, but since we’re changed now, I tell her we’ll take my truck, so I do get to open the door for her. “Where are we going?” she asks as she gets settled in her seat.
“You’ll see.” I wink and close her door, walking around to my side, whistling.
It doesn’t take long before she figures out where we’re headed; we’ve driven this route a hundred times.
Climbing out, I say, “Wait for me to come around. We’re still in ‘I open the door’ date mode, woman.”
She smiles and stays still, but starts in on me as I open her door. “Evan Mitchell Allen, does your dad know we have his boat out at night?” Her hands are planted firmly on her hips. She’s traded the dress in for worn jeans and boots, and her hair’s back in a ponytail; gorgeous.
“Yes, Ma’am.” I take her hand and lead her down to where the boat is banked, helping her in. “Wait here, I’ll run back up and grab our stuff.”
I turn back once, taking her in, sitting there sweetly with her hands in her lap, the slight ripples in the moonlight water the backdrop. I speed up my steps, wanting to get back to her.
Once I’m boarded, I turn around and hold out the lifejacket to her. “I wouldn’t want you to fall in and drown if you hook a big one.” I give her a devious wink.
Her eyes shoot up and she makes to shoot off a smart retort, but then I see the realization take over and her face calms. She’s on to me, but says nothing.
“Say, Laney…” I’ve started slowly trolling us towards our favorite cove and glance over my shoulder, “you do know how to bait your own hook, right?”
She doesn’t answer, so I turn all the way around to face her, half-expecting her to smack me, but what I see is unnerving…Laney’s got silent tears falling down her cheeks.
I scoot quickly toward her, stopping on my knees in front of her. “What is it, baby girl?” I brush the tears away with my fingers.
She’s barely even whispering. “It’s just…you’re just…” She stops, more tears falling.
“Tell me.”
“This. Us…since…well, since ever. And after this summer, who knows.”
I can hardly hear her now, but I’m hanging on every word for dear life.
“I don’t know how…I don’t want…” And then she looks up, right into my soul, as she finishes. “I don’t want to be without you.”
I’ve done it. I know exactly how to reach my girl. I’ve made her realize what we are, that we have always been together and always should be.
All of the air leaves my lungs in slow relief, years of want and wonder weighing on me gone in an instant. I move slowly up to take her in my arms. “You never have to be without me, Laney, never. All I want is you; all I’ve ever wanted is you.” I cup her face in my hands and take a deep breath. I’m shaking; I’ve waited so long.
“Laney, I love you.”
She lifts her head and looks dreamily into my eyes, a sweet smile pulling at her mouth. “I love you, too, Evan.”
It’s the best thing I’ve ever heard and my heart swells in my chest. I love her more than any man has ever loved a woman, I’m sure of it. I’ve loved her since the first time her little tomboy ass smarted off to me, when she was all dirt and elbows. And now, she’s a goddess.
I kiss her then, telling her in it everything I want to say. She opens her mouth and lets me in, brushing her tongue slowly along the length of mine. Her lips are soft and sweet, a taste all her own that I’ll crave until my dying day.
When she runs her hands up my arms, into my hair, I growl into her mouth. I can’t stop it. God, what this girl does to me; and she doesn’t want to be without me!
Best. Night. Ever.
When she pulls back slightly, despite every instinct in my body, I let her. I can’t push her; I’ve already led her into a dark cove on prom night. Good Lord, she’s probably wigging out right now! Okay, damage control.
“You ready to head home?” Please say no. Please say no.
“Did you bring a blanket?”
“Yes.”
“Hot cocoa?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’m good.”
God, I love my girl.
LET’S GET REAL
Evan and I graduated high school side by side, so excited about the future, together, but…well, I guess things really do get more difficult the older you get. College no longer sounds like “the time of my life” anymore. We finally had to face reality. My letter from the University of Georgia didn’t come.
I’ll be going to Southern, less than an hour from home, but I’ll live there in the dorm, which is co-ed and scary as hell. Evan is, of course, headed to Athens, about five hours from home; five hours from me.
The “new adventures” Kait keeps gushing about seem more like huge, cold hands wrapped around my throat. I don’t want to be apart from my dad, Evan, or Kaitlyn. I don’t want things to change.
Oh, grow up, Laney! Yes, I’ve resorted to mentally chastising my own pity parties.
“Ladybug, you hear me?”
“Huh?”
“Where you at, pretty girl?”
I completely zoned out and missed everything Evan just said. “Sorry, you know I have to worry about things months before they happen.”
“What’s got you worried?” he asks, frowning.
“Things to come, change, my dad being all alone…”
I sigh. Should I go on? “I don’t want us to grow apart, Evan. I’m going to miss you so much.”
And cue the waterworks…again. When did I turn into such a girl? Oh that’s right, when he started making me feel like one.
“Oh, please don’t cry. It kills me.” He wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to his side. He smells like my Evan, he feels like home. “I don’t have to go, Laney. I swear. I’ll back out right now. I don’t ever want to be the reason you cry, baby.” His usual vibrant blue eyes are stormy as he places a tender, lingering kiss upon my lips.
I know he means it, too. He’s suggested different plans and beats himself up daily that we won’t be together; life sounded perfect when we assumed I’d be going to UGA. He could red shirt at Southern, I could work and just pay to go with him, without ball, maybe walk on next season…we’ve talked about lots of options, but decided it just didn’t make sense to add the strain when classes limit our time together anyway. Not sure there’s a lesser evil, but we think we’ve picked it. I’ve had to reassur
e him several times that I’ll be safe. Whatever spineless guy has a crush on me here won’t stalk me to college, surely.
I breathe his scent in deep, letting it balm my shaky soul, and try to slow my tears. I’ll never be the girl who makes him give up his future for me.
“God no, Evan, don’t even talk like that. We’ve been through this, and I shouldn’t have brought it up again. You’re gonna go and be great, and we’ll see each other every chance we get.”
I have more to tell him, something I’ve decided and thought a lot about. If it’s plaguing me now, imagine how it will be when he’s actually away from me. I refuse to turn into the nagging, insecure, jealous pain in his ass…I’d rather let him fly and remember the girl I am now.
“Evan, let’s be real for a sec. I gotta get this out.”
He looks at me like he knows I’m about to drop a bomb. Good call.
“Let’s not turn into a cliché, let’s be open about it. We both know you’ll be the hot new football star and girls will throw themselves at you. The temptation will be a constant pressure dragging you down. One night, at a frat party, maybe you’ll get too drunk and sleep with one of them. Everyone around you will be getting laid constantly. I don’t expect you to be superhuman.” I’m being too harsh, I know it, but dammit, I want worst case scenario hashed out. I DO NOT want this to ever be my reality, sneaking up on me like I’m a naïve idiot who lives in Never Never Land. I inhale a slow, calming breath and reach out my shaky hands to embrace his. “You’ll regret it and debate whether or not to tell me. I’ll find out anyway, blah, blah, blah. I wouldn’t forgive it, Evan, and not only would we be over, so would our friendship. Let’s just start college as best friends, with no unrealistic commitments or expectations, and see what happens. I’d rather our eyes be open and not hurt each other. That’s not who we are; we don’t hurt each other.”
Evan pulls back from me, jaw clenched tight. I can’t quite read his face, but it’s obvious I’ve hurt him. That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid, a huge hurt we could never fix. He opens his mouth, but then snaps it shut, open, closed.
