by S. E. Hall
DEAR LANEY
My phone is burning a hole in my pocket. Ninety percent of me wants to respond to the text Laney had sent about an hour ago, but the other ten percent, the shred that still has some dignity, is winning. As much as I want an exact explanation, I simply can’t bear to hear it right now.
Sawyer’s a godsend, shoving beers in my hand and attracting every girl in the bar over to our table. He’s doing a better job than anyone else could at distracting me, including the brunette currently perched on my right leg… Manda? Mandy? She’s hot with long dark hair, full lips and huge tits that she’s not afraid to let play peek-a-boo. She even smells decent and her hands know no boundaries, but all I can think about is the one who got away; a beautiful blonde with a quick wit, smart mouth and devastating smile.
“Dude, you need another one?” Sawyer’s question drags me from my mental misery, and I’m almost sure he’s asking about another beer, not another girl.
“Sure,” I respond with no feeling whatsoever. It’s sadly the correct answer no matter what he was asking.
“Want me to get it, sugar?” Man—whatever asks with a syrup to her voice that I just noticed and don’t particularly like.
“Two, Amy,” Sawyer directs her and hands her some money.
Amy? Shit, I wasn’t even close. Good thing I hadn’t spoken to her even once.
“She’s hot, bro.” Sawyer raises his brows and motions to Amy with his head, to which I shrug noncommittally. “What is it, you need a blonde? I figured that’d be too much, but I can—”
My hand shoots up, cutting him off. “I appreciate it, man, I do,” I stop and take a swig of beer, “but a parade of girls isn’t gonna help me tonight. I just need to crash; wake up to a new day. You think you can take me to my truck?”
“Nah, but you can bunk with me.” He throws some bills on the table and stands. “Let’s go.”
We leave the bar, not collecting the beers he’d already shelled out money for and not saying goodbye to Amy. I appreciate the hasty retreat.
“Why are you going out of your way for me?” I ask him as we drive back to his dorm—her dorm.
“Real talk?”
“Please.”
“I’m not just helping you. I mean, I feel for you; damn, do I feel for ya.” He chuckles and reaches over to punch me in the arm, offering a grin covertly lined with sympathy. “It’s more than that though, Laney’s my girl, and I know she’s probably worried as shit about you right now, so I’m partly looking out for ya ‘cause she’d want me to. She’d feel better knowing you’re not off crying in your beer alone.” He laughs again. “But mostly, Dane’s my boy. Not only is he my employer, but he’s one of my best friends. And he loves Laney, so I’d be lying if I pretended this wasn’t a little about distracting his competition.” He parks his car and turns to me, waiting for my reaction to his honesty.
“She texted me.” I have no idea why this is what I’d chosen to respond with.
“Oh yeah?”
Yeah.” I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands, fighting off the beginnings of a headache. “I didn’t answer her. I have no idea what to say.”
“Don’t ask me,” he says as he gets out of the car. “I’m terrible with women. Well… I’m terrible at talking to women about important shit.” He opens the door to the dorm, letting me walk in first. “Never saw the need.”
I crash on Sawyer’s couch, resting another beer nightcap on my bare chest, thoughts of how differently I saw things panning out swirling in my head. She had warned me. I knew this Dane kid was creeping in; I’d gotten here as soon as I could. Just not soon enough.
How naïve I’d been, thinking Laney and I were forever, that distance wouldn’t affect our closeness. The thought of Laney coming out of the box she keeps herself in long enough to meet someone, to actually fall for them, shutting me out—I’d have bet you all the money in the world it would never happen. Well, there goes that safety net. You know what they say—take care of your woman or another man will.
I don’t even know how to proceed with this—I certainly don’t know how (or if) to respond to her messages. I’m definitely not qualified to write the manual on Plan B, since Plan A, plunge head over ass into a year of ineligibility for the girl who is now with another guy, blew up in my face.
Delirious with grief, jealousy, and a million other things, I rudely dig around Sawyer’s living area until I find a pen and paper. Who writes letters anymore? This guy, apparently. It just feels more personal than a text, and if Laney and I are even one single thing anymore, we’re personal. No matter what Dane has with her now, he can’t undo ten years of us.
I can imagine what she demands of him, what she expects. I helped set those precedents. I proved to her there are guys that will listen and treat her like a queen. Since she was a little girl, I showed her how a man should treat a woman as special as her. So he’s getting a real lady…
You’re welcome, asshole.
I want to know why. What had he done, so well, so quickly, that I’d been forgotten; replaced? Is there anything I can do to get her back? Do I want her back?
It’s around 4 am when I finally finish my letter to her, calmer now that I’ve gotten some of it out on paper, the racing questions in my mind slowed down enough that I can finally fall asleep.
No sooner than I finally fall asleep, I’m awake, sun streaming obnoxiously through the curtains and straight into my eye. The microwave clock says it’s 9:12. Ugh. I wanted to sleep so much longer than five hours.
The least I can do is run out and grab breakfast. Sawyer’s been pretty cool, and since I’m starving and he’s got twenty pounds on me, he’s got to wake up ravenous. I get up and dressed, checking my phone out of habit. There’s six texts waiting, all from Laney, the last one from around midnight. I didn’t answer her then and I don’t answer now, heading out with my letter and appetite.
I hit the nearest drive thru and curse myself for not grabbing Sawyer’s keys. I wait about fifteen minutes in front of the dorm, holding bags of breakfast in my hands, before a cute co-ed lets me back in the door. I thank her and walk slowly down the hall, giving her a chance to gain some ground. I don’t want her, or anyone, to see my pathetic next move.
I’m not sure how I remember, but I find Laney’s door easily. Pulling the letter from my back pocket, I bend to slip it under her door, shocked when I hear her sweet laugh from the other side. She’s here? She’s not with him anymore? My heart suddenly lifts, as does my hand, ready to knock, when his voice reaches out and rips my heart out of my chest.
I should walk away. Definitely the right thing to do.
Fine, open a spot in hell for me, like it’s so much different than where I’m at right now anyway—I’m not moving. Their voices are muffled and I’m straining to listen, but I hear it.
“So you forgive me?”
“Yes, caveman, I forgive you, but I’m still not ready to forgive myself. I mean it, though, don’t ever do anything like that, ever again.”
“I promise, baby. I love you.”
“Me too.”
Ah fuck. Me too? Whatever does or doesn’t happen now, no matter what words she says to me, it’s those words, those last ones to him, which will ring in my ears.
How could she love him? I’ve had ten years with the little girl, the young lady, and apparently the “I love you as a best friend,” but in the span of only months, he’d taken the woman. This realization sends a wave of nausea and loneliness through me, but I muster the energy to move my feet, not wanting them to open the door and catch me standing here like the loser I’ve become.
I make my way to Sawyer’s room and a new fervor flames inside me with every step I take. Yes, my face grazed tits and she’d gotten a picture of it. Sure, her best friend woke up in my room, her only clothing mine…but I never told anyone I loved them! I never gave my heart! I transferred schools for her, gave up a scholarship, fought like hell with my parents about it…damn right she shouldn’t forgive herself. I
flex my hands in and out of fists, rolling my neck, fighting the urge to punch a hole in the wall. Nostrils flared, chest heaving rapidly, I take a few deep breaths before finally knocking.
When Sawyer opens the door, I have only one thing to say. “Last night was a bust. Think we can do better tonight?”
He smiles and fist bumps me, which I take as a yes.
Fuck this. Disney movies suck anyway—bring on a porno!
GEORGIA HEAT
After such a big argument with Laney, I want to give her some fun tonight, so we’re headed to The K. I’ve invited The Crew, on me, for a night of light-hearted hanging out. Tate isn’t quite up for it yet, but everyone else is back from their holidays and agreed to join us.
I glance from the road to her, so quiet in her seat. “You ready to have some fun tonight?”
“Sure,” she answers softly, offering me a weak smile.
She said she forgave me, but clearly she’s still beating herself up. She’d left me, furious about the scene with Evan at my door, and I never want to feel so empty and helpless again. I’m no stranger to loss, but now that I’ve let Laney in and handed her my whole life and heart, being without her simply isn’t an option. So I have to learn to deal with the Evan thing a little more tactfully—I can handle that.
“You still mad at me, baby?” I reach for her hand and feel a twinge of pain when she flinches at my touch.
“No, I said I forgive you, and I do.” She sighs heavily. “I just feel bad, going out and having fun, when I know he’s hurting.”
I knew from day one that Evan was important to her, so I’d be a fool to think she’d just turn it off like that, but it was much easier to accept when he was hours away. Now he’s here and I don’t know what the hell to do—do I talk about it? Ignore it? Whisk her away on a relaxing trip in hopes she’ll suddenly tell me what she’s really thinking? I lift her hand to my lips, kissing it softly, choosing my next words carefully. I hadn’t handled Evan at my door with class, she was right, and disappointing her cut deep. Usually when she looks at me, I see love and acceptance; when she’d walked away, her eyes had been full of disgust. I don’t want to ever see that look from her again, so I’m walking a tightrope, trying to balance her peace of mind and our future simultaneously.
“Give it some time, Laney. Let him calm down, then maybe you two can talk.”
It takes everything in me not to snarl my teeth at the thought of them together, talking, but she’s my one true love, my air, and I hate the idea of her being unhappy more. Getting to know her and letting her get to know me has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love to make her laugh, the sound is my Zen, and she’s the funniest person I’ve ever met. I’ve numbly gone through the motions of life for years, and now that I’ve found a reason to smile, anticipate, imagine… I have to make sure I do everything I can to make her feel the same, even if that means giving her some room with Evan. She needs to find the place with him where she can forgive herself, but nothing more—the only way I’ll be without Laney is if I die in the fight.
Her eyes are watery, the tip of her nose pinking with the threat of tears. “Do you really think so? That he’ll actually forgive me?”
I can’t stand to see her like this. I can’t park the car quickly enough, and within moments I’m pulling her into my arms, rubbing her back. “Yes, Laney. I think one day you’ll be friends again, and eventually, he’ll see that you’re happy.”
She smiles at me, reaching up to cup my cheek in her hand. “I am very happy,” she says. Her voice is sincere but her eyes betray her guilt. “I love you, Dane. You make me more than happy. I just hate that I had to hurt him to love you. But that’s not your fault.” She presses her soft lips to mine and when she looks back up at me, her eyes are dry and her smile is bigger. She’s put on a mask, hiding her sadness to ensure my happiness. “Let’s go inside and have fun, okay?”
“Are you sure? We can go home right now.” I rub a finger along her lips, wanting to feel them against mine again.
She kisses my finger, sending a longing through me, and giggles at the loud breath I suck in. “We’re already here. Come on.”
“For you,” I concede, lacing my fingers through hers.
She looks amazing. My jaw clenches and temper flares with every devouring look I see cast her way, but Laney doesn’t even notice. That’s one of my favorite things about her—she has no idea her effect on any man with a heartbeat. She’s wrapped up in conversation with Kirby, but her sweet little hand never leaves my thigh. I try my best to stay engaged with Zach, who’s talking to me from across the table, but one eye never leaves Laney.
When Zach leads Kirby to the dance floor, my love bends to grumble lowly in my ear, “freakin’ Sawyer! We owe Tate twenty bucks!”
Tate, Bennett, Laney and I had all laid secret bets with one another in the beginning of the confusing, yet very intriguing, ménage á quatre between Sawyer, Zach and the Andrews twins. It seems now that Sawyer has dropped totally out the race, costing Laney and I each twenty dollars. I thought we’d break even if Zach ended up with Avery, but since he’s currently tangled up with Kirby on the dance floor, it looks like we’re gonna owe double.
I chuckle, relieved that her mood has lifted and she seems more her spunky self, and kiss her sweet lips. “I’ll pay your debt, baby,” I assure her.
She shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “Sawyer isn’t allowed to work his way through my softball team, Dane. I will have his ass.”
“I’ll tell him,” I laugh again, loving how cute she looks with her little brow scrunched in anger, “or feel free to line him out yourself.” I wink at her and raise my arm to get Sawyer’s attention. He’s working tonight, but knows his priorities; come out from behind that bar and help with my plan. He comes over to our table and, of course, scoops my woman up in a big hug. I’m glad they seem to be good buddies again. She’d been furious at Sawyer when he showed up at my door, unannounced, with Evan, but he had told me and I’d foolishly chosen not to relay that information, which was my bad—not his. I made sure she forgave Sawyer of any fault while groveling for my own forgiveness.
“Watch her,” I mouth to Sawyer, waiting for him to acknowledge me with a nod before sneaking away.
I pull the guitar strap over my head and watch her looking around, eyes darting, neck craning; poor Sawyer is about to get slapped if he doesn’t tell her where I went. Two chords in, her shoulders relax and she turns, her face now serene as she locks eyes with me. I sing for her, to her; it’s the one way I can reach her soul immediately. Music is one of our deepest connections and tonight I’ve chosen “Endlessly” by Green River Ordinance, with some of my own styling strummed on my guitar. The words couldn’t be more fitting for us.
Oh, my tough girl. I watch as her little pink lip quivers, so she bites it, refusing to let the pools I can see shimmering in her eyes from here, escape. She smiles and mouths an “I love you,” sending my heart to new spheres. I’m so tempted to stop the song right now, but I manage to power through and finish to surprisingly raucous applause.
I weave frantically through people clapping me on the back to get to her. She throws her arms around my neck, a glowing smile making her face even more beautiful, and I know it was the perfect way to get both of our minds off of everything wrong and shift our focus to everything right.
“That was unbelievable, Dane. I love it when you sing to me.”
“I love you.” I blow in her ear, caressing it with my mouth.
“Take me home,” she coos.
“I thought you’d never ask.” Linking our fingers, I pull her towards the exit, giving quick goodbyes to our group.
He’s already glaring at us when I notice him standing directly between us and the door. I know the second Laney spots him because her hand tenses in mine and a shiver runs through her. I pull her tighter to me; no matter what happens, she’s not leaving my side. I’m not gonna be a dick; I promised her I wouldn’t do that ever again, but I’m also no
t going to roll over. He stands his ground as we come closer, his eyes hard, moving to Laney. She trembles, but quickly gathers herself, pushing her shoulders back and standing tall.
“Hey, Evan,” she says stoically.
He gives her only an obligatory brow raise.
“I called and texted,” she offers weakly. “I thought we could talk.”
“I got them,” he sneers.
I remain silent, letting her get out what she needs to, biting my tongue to refrain from telling him to watch his tone.
“Oh, okay then. I just thought—”
He holds up a hand to cut her off. “Let’s not do this,” his eyes cut to me and back, “here.”
She nods curtly and tugs on my hand, ready to leave.
Well, this night just went to hell in a hurry. The car ride home is hauntingly silent, her anguish palpable. I almost let her stew…
“Talk to me baby,” I finally say, rubbing her thigh. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Her exhale is shaky. “I hurt him, worse than I even thought. Evan is never unkind, and the way he acted tonight… Well, now I know it’s really bad.”
I reach for her hand, rubbing my thumb over hers.
“I think you’re wrong, Dane,” she says with a sad sigh. “I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me.”
What do I say to that? I can’t express my real thoughts—how long is this going to go on? When can we quit talking about this? I remain silent and stare out at the road in front of me.
She turns her sweet face, resting a cheek against the seat. “Don’t do that, Dane.”
“Do what?” I wish I wasn’t driving right now so I could stay focused on her expression. That would answer all my questions for me, without a doubt.
“You’re not the only one with ESP. I know what you’re doing.”
I can’t help my grin, pleased that she does, in fact, know me as well I do her. “What am I doing, baby?”
“You’re doubting us. Again. We can’t do this every time we see him, Dane. It’s going to bug me, every single time, to see the pain in his eyes. But it doesn’t mean anything changes for us. I won’t change my mind.” She lifts our joined hands, kissing mine tenderly then resting them against her chest. “He was my first love, and I’d like to keep him in my life, but you are my forever. You’re the key to unlocking parts of me I didn’t even know existed.”
