by S. E. Hall
Seems my love spent his day with his own ghosts.
“Okay, let’s go.” I square my shoulders and board, ready to go uncover another part of Dane.
HAUNTED
Laney’s got to be worried sick. I’ve ignored her calls and texts all day, like the coward I am, sitting here in my car hiding from everyone. I simply can’t talk to her right now. I can’t be who she thinks I am, her strong and capable man. Not today.
Samantha walks out the front door of the house I’ve been staring at for hours and I fold down lower in my seat, praying she doesn’t see me. She hates me and I don’t blame her. I have a new life in Georgia where an unbelievable girl loves me, my brother thrives, and I have all that money can buy while she’s still here, dealing with the life I forced upon her.
So strong, resilient, loyal, loving—Samantha is an angel. Her brown hair is pulled back from her face, her beauty obvious even from here. She still looks as young and gorgeous, but her gait and carriage show she’s tired, strained from years of carrying my burden.
She won’t accept my help, my money, my calls; nothing. I’ve been buried along with everything else she can’t think about; the hurt, anger, and betrayal is too much. I want to jump out, run across the street, and beg her to let me help her, but instead I watch from afar, the shrinking coward, as she struggles to unload the wheelchair from the back of her car.
POSITIVE
I gasp as the wheels touch down on the runway; it gets me every time. We’ve just landed in Connecticut after the shortest flight ever, giving me not nearly enough time to drag any helpful information out of Sawyer.
He believes what he’s doing is right, of that I am 100% sure, but I can’t help but be apprehensive. I’m not real big on walking into monumental situations blindly and uninvited, and Dane obviously doesn’t want me to know, or need my help, seeing as how he didn’t trust me with the details of whatever it is he’s doing today. So yes, my mouth goes dry and my stomach rolls trying to guess what I’m about to find.
“Sawyer, are you sure about this?” I ask him for at least the tenth time.
“Do you love him, Laney? The stand by and support him through anything kind of love?”
I do, without a doubt I do. There are some things I wouldn’t stay through, though. If I find him with another woman, I’m gone, but I know bone deep that’s not what’s going on with him today. Dane wouldn’t do that, I know it just as I know I’m breathing right now. So whatever it is, yes, I’m beside him.
“Absolutely.”
“Then yes, I’m sure. Now come on, let’s go save your man.”
‘BOUT TO NEED JESUS
She reappears about thirty minutes later, Andy now in the wheelchair that she pushes to the car. Why won’t she let me pay for a nurse to help with these kinds of things? Does Andy even know I’ve offered? He’d accept, want her to have some help.
One of the wheels gets caught on the edge of the walkway, and as if in slow motion, I watch the chair tilt, tipping to one side on two wheels, as Sam fights with all her might to keep it upright. Unwanted but needed, I fly out of my car and across the street. Hold on five more seconds, Sam. I make it just in time to grab a handle and turn all four wheels flat on the ground.
Six eyes, three heaving chests, one heartache.
None of us speak, flinch or move a single muscle for long minutes.
But, much like a woman, she can hold it no longer.
“Why the fuck are you here?” Sam hisses, hatred radiating from her every pore.
“Honey, don’t,” Andy lays a hand on her arm, “don’t be someone you’re not.”
“You needed help. I didn’t want him to fall.” Even I wince at my poor choice of words, but Sam gasps, her head snapping back like someone just slapped her. “I mean, it looked like—”
“Shut up!” she screams at me. “You don’t get to show up once a year and play hero! We don’t need your help!”
“Sam, sweetie.” Andy, helplessly watching from his chair, tries to calm her. “Please go inside, let Dane and I talk alone. I don’t want you upset. Please,” he begs.
“No, no,” she shakes her head, “don’t listen to him, Andy. We have nothing to say to him, it’s you and me, babe. He’ll trick you, buy you. I won’t let him!” She’s screeching now, barreling around his chair straight at me. “This is all your fault, you asshole!”
“Not another step or you’re going down.” Her voice is eerily calm, slicing through the tension with the precision of a deadly sharp knife. “You touch him, I touch you.”
Sam stops mid-stomp, frozen by the other female voice cutting through the dusk. I turn around slowly, no sudden movements in front of the irate, protective girlfriend who has no idea where I’ve been all day or what she’s just walked up on, but knows she’ll protect me to the death regardless.
Love my badass girl so fucking much.
“Who the fuck are you? And why are you all even here?!” Samantha screams. “God, just leave us alone. Haven’t you done enough?” She pokes her finger in my chest with each last word.
Laney’s hand flies up and locks around Sam’s wrist, wrenching and tossing it from my chest. Let the face-off begin. Laney’s blonde ambition versus Sam’s dark and dangerous…but both women I adore. Both strong, protective and scrupulous. I know my girl and I trust her ability to react appropriately, so I stay still. Andy, well, his jaw is in his lap, his eyes flying nervously back and forth between the two girls.
“I’m guessing there’s a lot of past here, a lot I don’t know, but whatever you need to say, you’re gonna say without touching my man. Hear me, girlie? I’m not gonna say it again,” Laney warns in a deathly calm voice.
“Dane, get out of here and take your psycho bitch with you! We don’t need any more of your help.”
“Oh, Lord.” Sawyer steps from the shadows. “You need more than help, Sam, you ‘bout to need Jesus.” He turns to Laney. “Did she just call you what I think she called you?”
“She did,” Laney nods, “but I’m willing to let it slide, long as she keeps her hands to herself.” Laney smokes Sam with a deadly glare as she says it. “My daddy always said women who take that “man shouldn’t hit a woman” rule as their free pass to put their hands on men expecting to get away with it are manipulative and for sure too weak to handle things if it backfires. So probably too weak to go around hitting anybody in the first place. What do you think, Sawyer?”
“I think your daddy is a wise man.”
“Smartest man I know.” Laney cocks one brow at Sam, asking silently if she’s made her point.
Sam, wisely, remains silent, with her hands to her side, perfectly still.
“Good, now that we got that settled, why doesn’t somebody tell me what’s going on before things get out of hand again?”
“I agree with her,” Andy pipes in, pointing to the love of my life. “Samantha, I adore you, sweetheart, but you need to go inside and calm down, lest Sawyer have to carry you in and make you calm down.”
“Are you fucking kidding me, Andrew? This rich prick ruins your, our, fucking lives and you’re threatening me?”
Her words pierce me, but they’re all true. Just look what I’ve done to this wonderful people, my friends, my comrades. Samantha is tough but kind, hardworking and admirable, yet I’ve turned her into an angry, bitter screecher. And Andy, all-American guy, heading to college with his girl, the only apple of his parents’ eyes, and I pulled him off the field and slammed him in a chair.
And Laney’s hearing it all. Everything I never wanted her to know. The part of me that stayed in Connecticut when I came to Georgia…to find her.
She’ll leave me now for sure, taking any hope of happiness with her.
“Sawyer,” Andy beckons.
“On it, Chief,” he mumbles, grabbing Sam around the torso, pinning her arms to her sides and moving her quickly to the house. “Good to see you, Andy, looking good, man!” he calls over his shoulder while hauling the livid Sam, kicking her hee
ls into his shins furiously, inside.
“Laney.” I turn to her, my eyes begging her not to leave me forever, to forgive the man I once was. “Can you please give Andy and me some time alone? And try not to hate me before we’ve had a chance to talk, to let me explain.”
She ignores me, offering Andy her hand and a sparkling smile. “Hi, I’m Laney. I’m not at all psycho, I swear. I hope you can understand why I couldn’t let her continue like that.”
“I do, I do,” he laughs, shaking her hand with approval in his eyes. “Real pleasure to meet you, Laney. I can tell I like you already.”
That’s Andy for ya, ever the optimistic, glass-looks-damn-near- full guy.
“Baby, please.” I try once more to coerce her to go. I can’t share my shame with her now, in front of Andy. I at least ask for privacy when she tells me she can’t love a monster.
“Dane Kendrick,” she bites out as she turns to me, cheeks flushed, lips straight and tense, eyes… Her eyes filled are with love, but I know that will change soon and the thought leaves me barren and hopeless.
Shit, what a mess! How had she even found me? How did she get here? We’re in Connecticut, for fuck’s sake! I swear to God, Sawyer and his do-gooder ass could find the needle in the haystack. While blindfolded. In the dark.
“You listening again now?” she asks, and I quickly nod, feeling like anything but the boss right now. “As I was saying, you’ve been missing all day. I’ve been to see my mother after years and years of nothing, I’ve seriously begun to question Mr. Disney’s mindset, and I’ve been flown across the country in the blink of an eye by that Neanderthal in there and walked up to a woman trying to kick your ass. Do not say it again; I’m not leaving. I love you, therefore, you bossy, stubborn man, I. Am. With. You.”
I should probably concentrate on the part about her mom, a huge revelation that I had left her alone for, but the last six words are all I hear, playing through my mind over and over like the perfect melody.
“Okay, baby.” I sigh, turning to Andy. “She really isn’t the boss all the time,” I explain in an attempt at humor.
“Oh, I can see that,” he goads, but his face quickly turns solemn. “How are you, Dane?”
“Better than I deserve.” I feel stupid even asking, but it seems the natural thing to say next. “You?”
“I’m good. I know you don’t believe that, and my girl’s just as crazy protective as yours, so she makes it seem awful, but I really am good.”
“Don’t be too hard on Sam. She loves you, man.”
“Best thing to ever happen to me. I was gonna let her kick your ass.”
“Can’t say I didn’t have it coming; can’t blame her. I know I shouldn’t just show up, but today’s the day—”
“I know what today is,” he interrupts me.
I chance a look at Laney, wondering if Sawyer filled her in or if she’s just standing there cluelessly supporting me in good faith, hand rubbing circles on my back.
Well, if she doesn’t know, she’s about to get an earful. There’s certain things I’d come here to convey, whether she’s listening or not.
“I…geez…” I struggle for the words. “I wanted to come and say I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Andy, you have to know how much I mean that. I’d do anything to trade places with you. I wish you’d accept my help, let me take care of things for you, since you can’t—”
“Can’t what? Make love to my woman? Thanks,” he jokes, his laugh forced and sarcastic, “but I don’t want your help with that. Sorry,” he apologizes to Laney with a blush.
“I was gonna say work,” I mutter.
“What are you talking about? I work, six days a week, computer programming. Make damn good money at it too. Sam’s just about to finish her LPN, which I helped her pay for, and we’re buying this house.” He points behind him. “I’m angry, but not at you, Dane. And some things challenge me, but I’m far from helpless.” His voice is growing in volume and intensity. “My life’s not bad, Dane. And what it is or it isn’t,” he pauses, making sure I hear him, “is not your fault.”
“I tend to agree with Sam,” I fire back, not about to let myself off the hook. I feel Laney’s hand stop rubbing and tense on my back.
“Sam’s angry, but not at you, really, just at life. She feels cheated; there are things I can’t do for her or for myself.”
I can’t imagine not being able to make love to Laney. Worse yet, I can’t imagine Laney having to remain faithful to me, not ever feeling the weight of the man who loves her on top of her body, breath and sweat mingling, cherishing her.
“I took that from you.”
“You’re not that powerful, Kendrick.” His laugh is genuine now, but does nothing to ease my guilt. “I made my choice. You didn’t hold a gun to my head. Now knock it the fuck off, enough’s enough.” This man, broken but stronger than anyone I know, he’s the epitome of life value. I don’t deserve his forgiveness, but thank God I appear to have it.
“What can I do for you, Andy? Really, anything, just name it. Please tell me, it would mean the world to me to help you in any way I can.”
“Jesus, but you’re hardheaded. I’ll tell ya what. I’ll take your marker, and if I ever think of something, I’ll let you know. Now let’s go see if Sawyer’s still alive.”
I should have known, between her and Sawyer, they’d find me, force my hand, and see me through. Those two together—hell on wheels.
Somehow, when we made it inside the house, Laney had found a moment to talk with Sam, calm her down and hear the story from someone affected more so than me. You can imagine all of our shock when the girls stayed in the kitchen for a while, alone, and we heard no signs of things breaking or fists flying. And I still haven’t decided if I imagined it or not, but I think they may have hugged when we left.
There’s just something about Laney; she draws them in like bees to honey.
When we got on the plane for home, Laney was full of questions and wouldn’t let me hide any longer. The minute we were in the air, she was in my lap, which was a very clever way of holding me captive in one spot.
“So, Andy, a grown ass guy, decides to go skydiving with his best friend, you, and unfortunately—tragically—he pulls too late, hitting the ground with enough force that he’s now paralyzed from the waist down. Am I right so far?
“Yes.”
“I understand the anger; it’s a shitty, unfair thing. But what I don’t understand is, how is that your fault?”
“I talked him in to going, badgered him to death…may have even called him a pussy until he agreed.” God but I did. “When my parents died, I was alone, young, suddenly very rich and mad at the damn world. I blew through 70k in mere months, Laney. Booze, rec drugs, cruises, women, parties; it was a total path of self-destructive, fuck the world bullshit. Andy was a good guy with whole world ahead of him, in love with Sam, young, free—my don’t-give-a-shit daredevil ass landed him in a wheelchair for the rest of his goddamned life! Meanwhile, the guy who didn’t value life walked away!”
“Did you hold a gun to his head and make him do it?”
“No.” I frown at her question, knowing where she’s going with this.
She simply kisses the frown line on my forehead. “Oh, so you pushed him out of the plane?”
“You know I didn’t.” I close my eyes, rubbing my nose behind her ear, burying my face in her silky, fragrant hair…where no one can find me.
“You see where I’m going with this, right?”
“I see where you’re going, Laney!” Sawyer and his super hearing yell from the front of the plane. Not the very front, like cockpit, God help us, but he’s at the front so we can have privacy in the back.
“It wasn’t fair. My idea, my path, my wild life-loathing…his payment. I can’t forgive myself and I was so afraid you’d see the damage I’ve done and leave me. I was a terrible person, but I swear, Laney, I will do nothing but keep you safe, always.”
“Stop.” She quiets me with two fing
ers on my lips. “Believe in me. Trust me to love you no matter what, like I trust you. I gave it all to you, everything I am and will be, leaving behind what I was. I’m asking you to do the same.”
“You have no idea how much I love you, Laney.” She lifts her fingers, my words now clear. “You are the best thing about me. The only thing in the whole world more beautiful than you is my love for you.”
She melts in my arms, boneless, and her tiny hands begin to roam. I know she can feel what she’s doing to me, which encourages her more, her ass swirling and bearing down as her fingers explore.
“Baby,” I groan, jerking when her hand finds my bare stomach under my shirt. “We have to stop. I’m about to fill you up, gorgeous, gonna have to, and I really don’t want Sawyer to watch.”
Her giggle into my neck does not help matters. “We can be quiet.” She feathers kisses along my pulse point now, testing my every resolve.
“I would never,” nip on her earlobe, “ever, let another man take any part in your pleasure. “All mine,” I growl in her ear, tonguing it like I want to her body.
“Then stop doing that.” Her throaty plea almost changes my mind, almost.
“Want you so bad, baby, but not here, not now.”
“Fine,” she pouts, “Let’s talk then,” she moves back into her own seat, sparing us from voyeurism at its finest. She knew as well as I did that Sawyer would have run back here… His sixth sense would have picked up on the first button popping open.
“Tell me about visiting your mom, what brought that on?”
“It was good, cool. She switches from third to first person and past to present tense when she talks, but she loves me. She has a bunch of pictures of me everywhere and a pretty cool scrapbook.”
“So you’re glad you went?” I lift her hand, kissing every finger and then her palm, softly.
“I am.” She nods resolutely. “I think I’ll go back. If they’ll let you, I’d like for you to come with me.”
