“Sounds like he’ll be fine. He’s probably more bummed about not being able to finish magic camp than anything.”
“So it’s just you on the road again, is it?”
“Yeah. Me and Ricky.” There’s a long pause, and I know she’s just waiting for me to say the thing that I’ve been dying to say out loud. So, I do. “I want to marry her, Grams.”
“I know, cookie.”
“I can’t believe she doesn’t think I’m right for her. Even now.”
“I’m sure that’s not the issue.”
“If she doesn’t want to be a part of my life then it’s pretty much the same thing.”
“Did she say that?”
“Not exactly.”
“So you’re just being a giant pussy, then?”
“I guess.”
“Figures.”
“Could you be slightly less of an asshole for one minute, do you think?”
“No. But there’s no real growth without pain, cookie. I’m sorry if you’re sad.”
“Thanks, Grams. I’ll make it work.”
“If you don’t, I’ll be very disappointed. I need more grandkids to bug.”
“Considering how big of a pain in my ass you’ve been my whole life, I don’t see how I’m not the most mature grown-up I know.”
“This is like when you first started playing guitar. It hurt and your pretty boy actor fingers bled, but you kept going because you knew what you wanted. Now you’ve got thick skin on those fingertips. You just need to toughen up that heart of yours so you can handle being in a relationship. It’s not always easy. But it’s worth it with the right person… Hello?”
“I’m waiting for you to say something dick-ish.”
“Hang in there, stud muffin.” I can hear her smiling. She isn’t going to say anything dick-ish, just to annoy me. “If you need me to call Kat to knock some sense into her, let me know.” She air kisses into the phone and then hangs up.
I remember a time when zero women would hang up on me in one day. Now I’m two for two. What if the tides are turning? What if my luck with the ladies is running out?
I’m about to text Kat when Shane Miller’s annoyingly handsome face pops up on the screen. He hardly ever calls me when he’s doing a movie. He better not be butt dialing me.
“Superstar. You would not believe how happy I am that you’re calling me right now.”
“I don’t believe it. You sound miserable. Willa just texted me that Grammie texted her that I should call you. What’s going on?”
“So you’re only calling me because my grandma and sister told you to?”
“They’re gonna call me back to set in about ten minutes, so quit whining and tell me what’s going on.”
“I don’t know exactly what’s going on. How much do you know about me and Kat?”
“I know that you’re the mayor of Pound Town again.”
“That’s old news. We did the sex without strings thing for a minute and then we were dating for real and I want to marry her and adopt her kid. But they’re all in LA now because Tate broke his ankle and I think Kat’s having second thoughts about our future because she doesn’t want me to wait until next summer to tour Europe.”
He’s quiet for a few seconds. “What? How’d he break his ankle?”
“He was at magic camp and some other kid was chasing him around and he fell or jumped off a stage. It’s a hairline fracture. I feel guilty. I feel like it’s somehow my fault that he got hurt. Is that crazy?”
“That’s just being a parent. You have the guilt and try to get on with your life and hope that your kids don’t realize what a shithead you are.”
“I think Summer may have figured you out.”
“Oh, for sure. That’s why I recommend having more than one kid. Wait—did you ask Kat to marry her?”
“I didn’t get the chance before she left. I got a ring and everything.”
“Wow.”
“Two days ago it didn’t even occur to me that she might say no. Now I’m not so sure. I don’t understand why she’s resisting me so much.”
“Well, I sort of get it. I mean—not why she’d resist you—but she probably just needs more time. If she’s been a single mom ever since her kid was born it might be hard for her to adjust to the idea that it’s not just her and the kid anymore. I mean, I had Margo, but when she was out of town I sometimes felt that way. Like the twins were my responsibility alone and why would anyone that’s not their mother want to share this horrible burden with me? She just needs time. Her and her son, I’m guessing.”
“How do you make it work when you’re on location for months?”
“Well that depends what you mean by making it work. Before Willa, it didn’t feel like anything worked the way it was supposed to. Since Willa, it’s just easier to live with the fact that my life is a chaotic shitshow I have no control over that’s occasionally punctuated by brief periods of calm and clarity.”
“Fuck, that’s what I want. Don’t make me cry again, man. I’m very sensitive right now.”
“Imagine me hugging you,” he says, laughing.
“But does my sister ever complain about you being gone for such long stretches of time? Don’t you try to get her to come with you?”
“They do get out to visit me for a few days at a time and it’s in my contract to be able to go home twice a month if I want to. You and I have weird jobs. But if Kat wants to do photography and documentary filmmaking, she must have it in her to go where the work is too.”
“I don’t know if she thinks she can have that kind of life and a kid at the same time.”
“She’ll figure it out. I’m sure she just wants to make sure you know what you’re signing up for. Hey, they’re calling me to set. I’ll be in LA for your show. See you then.”
“Love you, man.”
“Kisses!”
And that is why Shane Miller is my best friend. And why I let him bang my little sister. And why I have always somehow known that I would wait as long as I had to, to have what they have.
I’m not letting you get rid of me, Katherine Dempsey. How about that?
KAT’S VIDEO DIARY – August
LOUISE: Well, well. What have we here?
KAT: Is he okay?
LOUISE: Tate? Tate is fine, he’s playing Mario Kart. You, on the other hand. Watching video footage of Nico and crying. Not a good look, as they say.
KAT: I’m editing. This is my job. Oh hey don’t record this—what are you doing?
LOUISE: You know what’s been missing from your documentary about mothers, young lady? You.
KAT: Mom. I’m busy. I haven’t showered yet. And your camera style isn’t going to match mine. I’m not going to use this.
LOUISE: Humor me.
KAT: Fine.
LOUISE: What were you like before you had Tate?
KAT: (sighing) Foolishly ambitious. Ballsy. A tiny bit rebellious. A dreamer.
LOUISE: And how have you changed since becoming a mother?
KAT: Every decision I make about everything has to be in Tate’s best interest. I second guess everything and feel inadequate in every possible way. I compartmentalize my thoughts and feelings. It got to the point where the different parts of me just kind of co-exist without actually integrating. It’s like I forgot how to just be me. How to be happy just for the sake of being happy even if it doesn’t involve my son. I don’t know why that is.
LOUISE: Wow. That’s hot.
KAT: Tell me about it.
LOUISE: How you feeling while you watch that Nico video?
KAT: Sad and horny.
LOUISE: No need to explain the second thing. Why do you feel sad?
KAT: Because he’s completely wonderful. And I love him. When I’m with him I don’t feel like the girl who’s been carrying baby wipes in her purse since she was twenty-one. I feel like a woman who can be a professional out in the world, a mommy wherever my kid needs me, and a dirty little harlot in the bedroom. Maybe even all of t
hose things at the same time. But that may all be some lust-filled fantasy. Because now that I’m home, I don’t know if I can give him what he wants or needs. I don’t think he understands the reality of what he’d be getting himself into.
LOUISE: You honestly think that after a month and a half in close quarters with us that he doesn’t get what you and your life are all about? The man is intimate with the bowel movement schedule of your whole family, for Pete’s sake.
KAT: (hushed voice) I don’t know if Tate can handle all the changes.
LOUISE: You going to control the entire world, every second of every day, so nothing ever changes for him?
KAT: You know what I mean.
LOUISE: Actually, I don’t. You think you’ll be a better mother if you sacrifice something that makes you so happy and alive? For Oprah’s sake, are you nuts? If you give up something you love, you’re depriving the people in your life of something too.
Love and marriage don’t always look the way you think it will. I wanted to marry Jon Bon Jovi. I ended up marrying the nicest, most mild-mannered, responsible and stable man. Who looked ridiculous in leather pants. But I loved him anyway. Still do.
KAT: Well, I don’t know that marriage is even on the table for Nico.
LOUISE: Pffft.
KAT: What is that supposed to mean?
LOUISE: You want to know how I think you’ve changed since you had Tate?
KAT: I’m still trying to erase the mental image of Daddy in leather pants from my brain, to be honest.
LOUISE: I see the same determined, beautiful young woman who can do anything she sets her mind to. She just forgets to set her mind to herself most of the time. And deep down she might be afraid of loving someone as much as I loved her dad because of how hard it was to lose him.
KAT: (pause) Yeah. Maybe so.
LOUISE: It was hard to lose the love of my life. And it would be almost as hard to watch the other two loves of my life lose Nico before giving him a chance to show you just how much he wants you.
Life is like fried green tomatoes. You think you should wait for all of the tomatoes on your vine to ripen before you do something with them, but then the first frost of the year comes before you expect it to. Sometimes the growing season isn’t as long as you need it to be. You can leave those green tomatoes on the vine to die and waste them because they aren’t what you thought you wanted. Or you can fry ‘em up in batter and dip ‘em in sauce and basically shit yourself because you can’t even believe how delicious they are.
KAT: Mom. What are you talking about?
(doorbell rings)
LOUISE: I guess this is my way of telling you that I’m going out with Ricky for a little while. So you’re on your own with Tate.
KAT: Wait, what? Ricky’s here? For you?
LOUISE: We’re friends with benefits. A lot of benefits.
KAT: Oh God.
LOUISE: I’ll be back before you have to leave for the show this evening. Love you!
KAT: Mom. Wait. Are you going out on a date right now? How long have you –
30
Nico
I’ve been to a dozen shows at the Fonda Theatre in LA and always pictured myself on stage here. But I never once imagined what it would be like to look out and see three of my favorite people in the audience. Kat is sitting with Shane and Willa, one camera in her lap and the other in her hands, always ready for the perfect shot. Every time I catch a glimpse of them, it looks like they’re old friends. It feels like I’m getting a standing ovation whenever I see them. As long as I ignore the I am a Nicoholic T-shirts that Shane and Willa are wearing.
Ever since Kat came back to LA, I’ve been calling and FaceTiming and texting. Every day. No matter what kind of mood either one of us were in, I call again. So she knows I’m there, no matter where I am. We both know we can hang in there another day. I guess this is being in a relationship? It’s not so hard and it’s pretty fucking awesome.
I’m good at staying in the moment when I’m performing. But now that I’m finishing up “Sleeper Hit,” and thanking the guest violinist and backup vocalists for accompanying me, it occurs to me that the time has come for the very special moment that I had been planning for the past week.
The stage lighting has changed, and I have to move over to take a seat at the keyboard. The plan was to do the surprise grand gesture. I’ve got the ring in my back pocket. I was going to sing “Manhattan” to Kat, on stage. But I’m realizing that one of my favorite people isn’t here tonight and it would be a grander gesture if I go small. I don’t need a sold-out crowd of twelve hundred people to know that I want to marry Kat right now. I need to talk to one other person first.
So I stretch my fingers and play the intro to Van Halen’s “Jump.” It’s basically the opposite of the song I was going to sing, but Kat will understand the significance of it. From our first kiss to the last show of my tour, my time with Kat has been as exhilarating as an Eighties rock anthem. Just a few more hours of work and mingling at an afterparty, and I’ll finally be able to cozy up in bed with my girl at the end of the road—as long as my sister and best friend don’t scare her off.
* * *
Now that I’m in Louise Dempsey’s house, I can understand why Tate missed it so much. This place is charming and cozy, and I am so glad Lou and Tate are asleep because I can’t wait to get Kat naked in her bedroom. But first, Kat and I tiptoe down the upstairs hallway to peek inside Tate’s room.
It’s only lit by the moon and a nightlight, but I spy with my little eye a lot of blue somethings. It kind of reminds me of my bedroom when I was his age. Legos and comic book heroes and books and dinosaurs and very little indication of any interest in sports. Seeing the skinny little lump under the covers, and that messy little mop of hair on the pillow makes my nose tingle. Did he get smaller or does it just look that way because this room is bigger than the tiny bunk bed I usually saw him lying down in?
“He’s so cute,” I whisper. Shit, did I say that out loud? That is not hot.
Kat rubs my back and leads me over to the side of his bed.
“I don’t want to wake him up.”
“Don’t worry. He’ll fall right back to sleep.” She bends down and kisses the top of Tate’s head. “Hey, sleepy monkey. Look who’s here.”
He turns to face her, slowly opens his eyes, and I watch as he focuses on my legs and then up to my face. “Nico!”
“Hey, buddy.”
He rubs his eyes and starts to prop himself up onto his elbows. “You’re home.”
Yes. I am. Is what I want to say, but the stupid super masculine lump in my throat prevents it.
“Don’t get up, honey. It’s still the middle of the night. Nico’s going to be here when you get up in the morning. ‘Kay?”
He nods and flops back down. I kneel down to tell him I can’t wait to draw on his cast, but he appears to have fallen back to sleep already. That is the magic of childhood, right there.
Kat takes my hand and leads me across the hall to her bedroom and this is the high point of a night full of high points.
She quietly shuts the door behind me and I don’t get a chance to look around at the room because it’s just too important for us to undress each other immediately.
“That was such a great night.” She kisses me all over my face. “I am so proud of you.”
I am finally noticing that this blouse she’s wearing has about nine hundred buttons down the front of it. It’s too tight to just pull up over her head. She smirks at me. She did this on purpose. “Thank you,” I say. “And thanks for wearing this after not seeing me for a week and a half.”
“I met so many people at that after party who saw the photos you posted on your website,” she whispers, ignoring that last comment, as she very easily frees me from my shirt. “They want to hire me. I have to reply to like, five people about scheduling photo shoots already.”
“That’s amazing. I knew that would happen.” I patiently unbutton all of the buttons on her
blouse. Seriously—why so many buttons? Not funny, Katherine. Not cool.
“I don’t even know if I can schedule shifts at The 101 anytime soon. I might be too busy.”
She is so happy and I’m so happy for her I almost forgive her for this evil fashion joke.
“And I loved Willa and Shane.”
“Yeah you told me.”
“But I really loved them.”
“They loved you too. We’ll have dinner at their house sometime soon.”
“Yes. I love that you played ‘Jump.’”
I finally remove the top from her body and stare at her in the amazing bra that she’s been hiding under that nightmare of a blouse, like it’s the first pair of tits I’ve ever seen. If I didn’t have to stay quiet right now, I would be hooting and hollering, because damn. Look at this woman.
“I love you.” She unbuttons my jeans, kissing me on my neck right below my jaw.
“Tell me again.”
“I love you. Shane and Willa talked about what it’s like for them, when Shane’s working out of town.”
Charmer Page 24
