“You okay?” he asked, gently.
“Yeah.” She forced a smile. “Just thinking about that. You could even have your own baseball diamond, right? Batting cages?”
He chuckled. “How’d you know I’d thought about that?”
“I guess I know you.” She eased down on the couch beside him, forcing him to inch over to give her some space. Their eyes locked and she felt all of the oxygen sucked out of the room… especially when he leaned in to kiss her.
A little voice in her head screamed bad idea, but she ignored it, inviting the kiss. It had been so long since she felt his lips on hers and the built-up in her mind didn’t begin to compare to the reality. His lips were full and soft, his technique slow and thorough, like he had all the time in the world to kiss her.
When they finally broke apart, his smile was slow and easy, like kissing her had been inevitable. “Don’t ask me to apologize for that. It was just about the best thing that’s happened to me since the last time I…” His gaze drifted to her lips again when she licked them. “Since the last time I made love to you.”
“We didn’t make love,” she said, feeling suddenly self-conscious as she remembered the level of intimacy she’d shared with him in that Vegas hotel room. “We had sex. There’s a big difference, Loran.”
“Trust me,” he said, brushing her hair over her shoulder as he continued to stare at her. “I’ve been having sex half my life. What you and I did was different. That’s the only way I know how to describe it… I made love to you that night, Bella.”
She felt it too, that contrast he described. She’d been able to keep things casual with other men. But something about Loran broke down all of her defenses. Just like he was doing tonight.
“And that’s why I had to get out of there,” she admitted, holding her breath to see how he’d react. “It was so intense. I didn’t know what to say, how to react. I thought you’d play it off like it was no big deal and to me it was a big deal.” She took a deep breath. “So I bailed while you were asleep. Before you could wake up and make some joke about finally scratching that itch.”
“I wouldn’t have said that.” His look was somber when he said, “I wouldn’t have said anything like that, sweetheart. I would have told you the truth, that you were special. That I’d never felt that way about anyone before.”
“I guess I was scared,” she said, swallowing the fear lodged in her throat. She’d never been one to talk about her feelings, but with this man they seemed to pour out against her will. “That’s why I went down to that bar. I couldn’t go back to my room. I needed a distraction and didn’t feel like gambling so I thought maybe I could catch sports highlights or whatever.”
“And you met him instead.” He spit the words out, like it still angered him to think about it.
“We were just talking.” She placed her hand on his tense forearm. “Nothing would have happened.”
“Did he know that?”
That stranger had propositioned her, inviting her back to his room, but before she could tell him she was with someone Loran stormed the bar and made the announcement for her. “I would have told him if you’d given me the chance.”
He set his bottle down on a wood tray in the middle of the oversized leather ottoman before cupping his head in his hands. “I still can’t believe I reacted that way. I saw that asshole with his hand on your back while he leaned in to talk to you and I just saw red.”
“Why?”
“Because you were mine.” He let that declaration hang in the air before he added, “At least I wanted you to be. I was pissed off when I woke up and you were gone. I thought maybe you’d just gone back to your room to get some stuff, but when I went there and couldn’t find you, I kind of panicked. I thought you’d bailed on me, maybe headed to the airport.”
She could see the panic etched on his face even now, when he spoke about it. It was kind of sweet, his reaction to the thought of losing her. “But I didn’t intend to leave.”
“Yeah, but I saw you with that guy and my mind started racing. I imagined you going back to his room and—”
“No way would that have happened,” she whispered, covering his lips with one finger. “I came to Vegas for one reason. To be with you. No one else. Just you.”
“I’m sorry I was such an ass that night.”
She chuckled. “I wasn’t the one who lost his front tooth.”
He smirked. “Believe me, I paid the dude’s dental bill and then some. My lawyer told me to settle, so I did.”
“Sorry I cost you so much money,” she said, feeling a twinge of guilt.
Even though Loran had overreacted when he saw her with someone else, she suspected she might have felt the same way if she’d found him in the hotel bar chatting up a beautiful woman so soon after… they’d been together.
“You cost me a lot more than money,” he said, his voice husky. “You cost me sleepless nights. Hangovers. Broken crystal. A few games.”
“What do you mean?”
“I couldn’t get it together. Couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He hung his head. “So I drank too much. Couldn’t sleep. Busted up shit. Started fights. Pissed off my manager. Rode the bench ‘cause of my bad attitude.”
“I had no idea.” The team was usually tight-lipped when their starters sat out a game and managers typically chalked it up to a day of rest. Apparently in Loran’s case it had been a little more than that.
“Your brother didn’t tell you?”
“He mentioned you were having a hard time but I told him I didn’t want to talk about you.”
“Why wouldn’t you talk to me?” He glanced at her. “I get that you were pissed when it happened, but when you cooled off, why wouldn’t you give me a chance to apologize?”
“I had this boyfriend in college.” She’d never intended to tell anyone this story, but since it influenced what happened with Loran she thought he had a right to know. “It wasn’t serious, at least in my mind. But after a few months he got really jealous and possessive. He hated me talking to other guys. Threatened my friends, me, my family.” She shuddered. “It got ugly. I had to get a restraining order against him.”
“I had no idea. I’m sorry.”
“No one knows. Not even Grace or my brother.”
“Thanks for telling me.”
“It didn’t end there.” She could have ended the story there, but for reasons she couldn’t understand it was important to her that he knew her secret, perhaps so he could understand her better. “We were at the same bar one night. I left when I realized he was there, but not before he lifted my phone.”
“He stole your cell phone?”
“Yeah.” She shook her head. “He claimed he found it on the bar when he called my land line later that night to let me know he had it. I knew he was lying, but I couldn’t prove it. I just wanted my phone back.”
“What happened?”
“It was late, maybe three in the morning.” The scene flashed through her mind and she shivered.
Loran took the wine glass from her hand and set it down on the tray before encircling her in his arms. “Go on.”
“He told me he was parked across the street from the little house I rented. He said he could come to the door, but I didn’t feel safe letting him in so I told him I’d come out and get it.”
He kissed her temple when she drew a shaky breath. “Take your time, baby.”
“He jumped out of the car as soon as he saw me. I thought about running back inside, but it was too late. He was on me, even before I could scream. He beat the hell out of me and left me in the middle of the road.” She was crying now, but barely noticed the tears as she struggled to get the words out. “I could have been hit by a car. It was dark. I was wearing black. I couldn’t move. I…”
“That son of a bitch,” he said, his voice broken. “What the hell happened to him?”
“I crawled on my hands and knees to the side of the road,” she said, ignoring his question. “But I di
dn’t have a phone so I couldn’t call for help. I laid there bleeding until my next door neighbour found me a few hours later.”
“I can’t believe you went through that.” He stroked her hair while kissing the top of her head. “Tell me he’s in jail. ‘Cause if he’s not I’m going to hunt him down and—”
“He is.” He was a repeat offender, so the judge gave him the maximum, eighteen years. He could have been out by now, but bad behaviour meant he’d serve every day of his sentence. She hoped.
“How could you have gone through this without your family and friends knowing?”
“My college friends knew,” she said. “I just didn’t tell my family or friends back home. I was embarrassed and ashamed.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Bella.”
“I let him into my life.” And that still haunted her.
“I get it now,” he said, his voice gentle. “Why you reacted the way you did when I went crazy that night.”
“You were so jealous, so possessive,” she whispered, burrowing deeper into his arms. “You had that same look in your eyes that he used to get when he was confronting some guy that I was talking to. Then when you hit him—”
“I’m so sorry I scared you.” He grazed her chin with his finger, tipping her face up to meet his. “If I’d known what you’d been through, I obviously would’ve handled it differently.”
“I know.”
She’d had a lot of time to think since that night in Vegas and she knew, deep down, that Loran was nothing like her college boyfriend. He had made a mistake that night, but that didn’t mean she should have compared him to her ex.
“The way you reacted to seeing me with someone else last night kind of reinforced what I’d already figured out. You’re not some irrational, hothead who can’t stand to see me with someone else. You’re human. You overreacted after we’d spent an intense night together. I get that now.”
“I have to admit, seeing you with someone else last night wasn’t easy.” He grimaced. “I hated the guy and didn’t even know him.”
“Feelings of jealousy and possessiveness are normal when you care about someone.” Her therapist convinced her of that.
“I do still care about you.” He brushed his lips over her cheek. “But I guess you figured that out already.”
She nodded, linking her hand through his. “And honestly, I’m not sure what to do with that.”
“That’s okay,” he whispered. “We don’t have to figure anything out right now. It’s enough that you’re here.”
Chapter Four
Loran felt terrible after hearing Bella’s story last night. No wonder she’d written him off. She had every right to. But that didn’t mean he was giving up on her just because he’d made one stupid mistake. On the contrary, after the good-night kiss she’d initiated on his front porch last night he was more determined than ever to step up his game.
They’d spent the rest of the evening talking about his plans for his new home and he was more excited than ever to see that dream come to fruition in her capable hands. Watching her enthusiasm for the project just ramped up his eagerness to get started.
He wanted her to share his vision, his dream. Not just for the house, but for the future. As he sat in his truck, staring out over the land he’d grown to love, he imagined the life they could build there. Kids. Pets. Family. He wanted to make memories with her, to build a life, from the ground up.
She pulled up beside him in her convertible Audi and he grinned when she flashed him a smile and a wave. He was in love with her. He’d come to terms with that long ago, but having her back in his life intensified those feelings ten-fold. He just hoped he could make her see how good they could be together. To overcome her fears and convince her that he was the man she could count on to be there for her… forever.
“Hey, sorry I’m late,” she said over the roof of her car. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long. I got tied up in a meeting.” She rolled her eyes. “Clients couldn’t decide how high they wanted the ceilings to be in the foyer. I swear this couple went back and forth for an hour. I was getting tired just listening to them.”
He smiled as he rounded the front of his truck to meet her. “I’ll try to be the ideal client so you won’t have any horror stories to tell about me. How’s that?”
She smirked. “You say that now. Just wait a few weeks. You’ll change your mind fifty times about every little detail. That’s how these things usually work.”
He’d been thinking about this build a long time. He even showed her some images he’d saved on his tablet so she’d have some idea of what he was looking for, but he had no doubt she was right about his indecision. He would likely have a tough time making up his mind about some things. Like how many bedrooms… based on how many kids he’d have.
“This is the spot you were thinking about?” she asked, turning around in a slow circle so she could see it from all angles. “Perfect slope if you want a walk-out basement.” She bit her lip as she looked up at him. “That is what you had in mind, right?”
“Huh?” It was hard to focus, especially when she pushed her sunglasses up on her head and he noted the way her eyes sparkled with excitement.
“Where were you just now?” she asked, waving a hand in front of his face.
“Thinking about you,” he admitted. “About last night.”
She blushed. “I probably shouldn’t have kissed you—”
“I’m glad you did,” he said, curling his hands around her upper arms. “Real glad.” His lips were closing in on hers when she put a hand on his chest to still him.
“Uh, Loran. I shouldn’t have mixed business and pleasure last night. That was a mistake. I’ve never done that before. I guess I was just feeling a little vulnerable after I told you my story.”
He didn’t want her to think he was taking advantage, but keeping his hands off her while they worked closely together would be damn near impossible for him. “So what are you saying?” He took a step back, letting his hands fall. “You don’t want me to touch you?”
“I didn’t say that.” She looked confused as she shook her head. “Maybe we could just set some boundaries. Business meetings, like this, are for business. That’s all I’m saying.”
He knew this project would give them an opportunity to spend more time together, but if it meant he had to be on guard every minute, he wasn’t sure he could make any promises. “So you’d be open to spending time together outside of this project?”
“Maybe,” she said, seeming hesitant. “Why don’t we just take it slow, see where we end up?”
He knew where he wanted them to end up and slow wasn’t even in his vocabulary when it came to her. “Take it slow?” he repeated, thinking those just might be his three least favorite words. “Meaning?”
“Get to know each other.”
He already knew her well enough to know that he was in love with her. What more did he need to know? “Okay, what do you suggest?” He reminded himself that a few days ago she wasn’t even speaking to him, so this was progress.
“I don’t know, maybe dinner one night this week? Nothing fancy, just beers and burgers at a sports bar or something.”
Sports bars weren’t the kind of place he’d take a woman he wanted to spend quality time with. He’d be accosted for autographs and selfies every five minutes in a place like that.
“You don’t like that idea,” she said, quickly. “Or you have plans all week? Dates?”
“Dates,” he repeated, wondering what the hell she was thinking. “You really think I have a different woman lined up for every night of the week?”
She hugged her tablet against her chest as she eyed him warily. “Don’t you?”
“No!” He took a deep breath when her eyes widened. “I get why you’d think that. I sure as hell haven’t been an angel, but I’m serious about wanting a shot with you, Bella. I wouldn’t mess that up by seeing other women.”
“But seeing each other exclusiv
ely doesn’t sound like taking it slow.”
She had him there. But the thought of her seeing someone else didn’t sit well with him. He’d wasted countless months on the sidelines while she figured out she wasn’t interested in the engineer. He had no intention of wasting any more time.
“Then you want me to see other people?”
She scowled, making him smile. “I didn’t say that.”
“Then you don’t want me to see other women… while we’re taking it slow?” He knew he was pushing her, but he didn’t see any other way to make her see that taking it slow wasn’t an option when they already had history.
“I don’t know.” She slipped her sunglasses back in place.
“You want to see other guys?” He worked his jaw when he realized he’d asked the question through clenched teeth. “Be honest with me if you do.”
She sighed. “This is all happening so fast. I never expected you and I to…” She touched her lips. “Reconnect. I thought it was over. I thought I wanted it to be over.”
“And now?”
“I’m seeing a different side of you.” She gave him a quick once-over. “And letting you see a different side of me. A side I don’t share… with anyone. I don’t do vulnerable, so last night was new for me.”
“I love that you let me in last night,” he said, his voice gentle as he bent to look into her eyes. “I need you to keep letting me in. So if you need time and space to get used to the idea of us I’m willing to give you that.”
“You’re sure?”
He didn’t blame her for questioning him. She had every reason to doubt him, especially since he’d been pursuing her relentlessly. “Backing off just might be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” His mouth tipped up at the corner. “But if that’s what it takes, I’m game.”
“I appreciate that.”
“And we’re on for dinner one night this week. As long as you let me pick the restaurant.”
She shrugged. “Okay, never let it be said I’m unwilling to compromise.”
Payback (Summer Rush #6) Page 4
