‘You stole what?’ the nurse says in disapproval but Mum just says nothing.
So I carry on …
‘Look, I know you’re mad and this wasn’t what we agreed and I sort of exaggerated it and made out as though the apprenticeship was a done deal when it wasn’t completely sorted but that’s just what I was led to believe, Mum, and also I wanted you to be proud of me and think I could sort stuff out for myself and I know this isn’t exactly what we talked about when we made our deal and you’ve been so cool about stuff and supportive with me and had a lot with Dove and so I’ve just decided – if they let me – that I’m going to go back to school and do sixth form. I’ve got my A-star in art so I think if I can go back and just talk to Julian from Careers then –’
‘No. No. No. Hold on.’ Mum puts her hands out and closes her eyes to take it all in. ‘Just stop there …’
‘Sorry,’ I say. The nurse sits down to enjoy another episode of our family show, and has the audacity to go ahead and pop a mint into her mouth.
‘There is no way you’ve come all this way and done all this to just not do what you want to do because of that absolute idiot.’ I feel her look at me like she’s looking at an adult, not her daughter, not a child at all, and she says, ‘I had to grow up so quickly when I had you, Bluebelle, that I didn’t get a chance to think about what I wanted to be when I grew up. Sometimes I wonder if I actually ever will grow up at all, that it’s too late and I missed it all. But if I ever do get a chance to grow up again and do it properly … I hope I grow up to be like you. It’s all I could ever ask for.’
My eyes water.
‘If Dove taught us anything, it’s that life is too short. If going back to school is what you want to do, then please do it. But I don’t believe that that is what you want. I want you to do exactly what you want. And maybe you don’t know what that is yet but let’s find out together.’ She reaches out to hold me. ‘You won’t have to do anything on your own.’
And I fall into her and hug her.
‘Oh dear!’ The nurse reaches for a packet of tissues out of her handbag and wipes a tear from the corner of her eye.
We are all laughing and crying at the same time. We are a mess basically.
‘What am I going to do?’
‘I don’t know but it’s not like we’ve ever had a plan before and look at us; I reckon we’re doing all right, us lot,’ Mum says. ‘You’re a girl. And you can do whatever you want. The whole world belongs to you.’
Acknowledgements
Thank you to Jenny; you have been the most kindest, calmest, warmest, funniest, truthful and patient editor. You’re the best.
Thank you to my publicist, Tina; you’ve been so supportive and smart and always at the ready, whether it be with wine, biscuits or limited-edition Sharpies.
Thank you to Emma and Jane. For giving BB a chance to realise and for the creative space and encouragement.
Thank you to Alex for the beautiful cover design. And thank you to Laura for your amazing artwork. I am so grateful! Honestly, coolest thing ever!
Thank you to my wonderful agents, Jodie, Emily and Dan.
Thank you to my Tarzan cousins, Kai and Kelda, who taught me all about free running without me once having to do it.
Thank you Sian Carousel for being so honest and talking to me so beautifully about your body over pizza and cinnamon buns.
Thank you to my gorgeous little sister, Daisy, and my baby brother, Hec. Growing up with you two was the absolute best.
Mum and Steve.
Dad and Maria.
Thank you to all my amazing wonderful friends. For everything.
Thank you, Hugo.
Thank you to the very special burnt orange pot on the stove that never lets me down.
Thank you, croissants, mangoes, chips, chocolate, bread, cake, Marmite, pasta, cheese, bananas, ice cream, oooh … frumpy crumpets, fish fingers, salty butter, Maltesers, biscuits, crisps, Mum’s fish pie, Dad’s shepherd’s pie, peanut butter, vinegar, chilli, tomato sauce, pickled onions … etc.
And to little chubby teenage me: sorry I put you through hell. There was no need for that really.
Laura Dockrill
Laura Dockrill is a performance poet and novelist whose wonderfully inventive and vibrant approach to life is reflected in the rich and vividly imagined worlds she creates. Laura grew up in Brixton and attended the Brit School. Laura has always had a vivacious spark, finding creativity in words - from poetry to novels and scripts to song lyrics. She is author of the Carnegie Medal nominated YA novel Lorali, as well as the Darcy Burdock series (Random House) for younger readers, which was also nominated for the Carnegie Medal and shortlisted for the Waterstones Children's Book Prize in 2014. Other books include Echoes (Harper Collins), a collection of poems and short stories. Laura has appeared on Blue Peter and CBeebies and is a frequent poet performer at festivals including Glastonbury, Hay, Edinburgh, London Literary Festival and Latitude.
Children's books are at the heart of her work. She curated The Wondercrump World of Roald Dahl exhibition at the Southbank Centre and loves to visit schools and festivals and meet young readers who are as spirited as her. Laura lives in London and is currently working on her new teen novel, a play and a poetry collection. You can follow her on Twitter @LauraDockrill.
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First published in Great Britain in 2018 by
HOT KEY BOOKS
80–81 Wimpole St, London W1G 9RE
www.hotkeybooks.com
Copyright © Laura Dockrill, 2018
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
The right of Laura Dockrill to be identified as Author of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988
This is a work of fiction. Names, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN: 9781471406935
This eBook was produced using Atomik ePublisher
Hot Key Books is an imprint of Bonnier Zaffre Ltd,
a Bonnier Publishing company
www.bonnierpublishing.com
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