What a fucking moron.
My only consolation was she refused to rise to the bait. Still, I owed her an apology. A big one. Quickly, I finished up, stepped out of the shower and dried off. I swallowed the rest of the scotch, pulled on the silly lounge pants and shirt she had given me, and hurried back toward the main floor.
As I went through the living area, I noticed the broken glass was gone, and Emmy’s messenger bag was tucked by the sideboard. The rucksack wasn’t anywhere to be seen.
I sighed in relief, knowing she was still there. I had fully expected to find her gone after my behavior. I would have gone after her because I didn’t want the incident to fester for either of us. She wasn’t in the kitchen though, and the tacos she had been making for dinner were obviously off the menu, since the kitchen was spotless, and the food I had seen earlier, put away.
I raced up the stairs, taking them two at a time, finding her in the sunroom. She was sitting in my chair, her legs drawn to her chest. The rucksack was on the floor beside the chair. I tried not to glare at it. She regarded me silently as I burst into the room.
I went to the bar and grabbed a bottle of wine and glasses. I had a feeling we were going to need it. I set them on the table in front of her, and filled the glasses, offering one to her. She reached for it, but before she could take it, I grabbed her hand.
“I owe you an apology.”
“Yes, you do.”
“I didn’t know if you’d still be here when I got out of the shower.”
She pulled her hand away and reached for the wine. She took a long sip and sighed. “I almost left. I even had my ‘fucking rucksack’ in hand and was going to walk out the door, when I realized if I did, that made my actions seem as childish as your outburst. So, I decided to act like a grown up and stay to see if you wanted to talk, or continue to fight.”
“I don’t want to fight with you.”
Her eyebrow rose. “I must have imagined that part.”
My shoulders drooped, and my head fell forward. I stared down at my clasped hands, trying to find the right words.
“I have a temper, and sometimes I lose it.”
“You told me that once. I thought you were exaggerating.”
I looked up. “I wasn’t. It’s rare that it gets the best of me, and I’m not proud of what happened.” I huffed out a breath. “I had a spectacularly shitty day.”
“You lost the land bid, didn’t you?”
I blinked at her. “You remembered that was today?”
“Of course I did. I know you don’t like to talk about it, but I do pay attention.” She leaned forward, patting my leg. “Bentley, I’m sorry. I know how stressed you were about the entire situation.”
I grabbed her hand, not wanting to lose contact with her. “I was stressed and now I’m furious. I don’t understand what happened or why things are going to shit businesswise. Still, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. All I wanted was to come home and see you. You were going to be the good thing about today.”
“Then you tripped over the bag, hurt your knee, ruined your suit, and became even angrier.”
“I don’t care about the suit or my knee,” I confessed. “It’s the bag. What it represents. It was as if it hit me in the gut, and that was it. I exploded.”
“What it represents?”
I leaned forward, gripping her hand. “I love your independence. I love how strong and vital you are. It’s that bag—you carry it everywhere. I know when I see it by the door, you’re going to leave. I feel as though you’re always ready to run.”
Her next words shocked me. “I am.”
“What?” I ran my hand over the back of my neck, the nerves prickling under my skin.
She wanted to run?
“It’s because of my childhood, Bentley.”
“Why, Emmy? I don’t understand. You never talk to me about your past. I told you about my childhood and my messed-up state of mind, but you never share that part of your life.”
She sighed and picked up the rucksack. “This was my brother’s. It’s all I have left of him.”
I was confused. “Isn’t he alive?”
She shrugged. “I think so. I have no idea.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t have a normal childhood. My parents were, for lack of a better term, gypsies. They hated to stay in one place. My grandmother stayed with us since they were always off on some adventure.”
“She’s the one who taught you to make scones?”
A glimmer of a smile tugged at her lips. “Yes. She was the one constant I knew.” Emmy’s smile faded. “She died when I was young.”
“I’m sorry.”
She pulled out a tattered book from her rucksack. “This was hers.”
I took the handmade cookbook and looked at the pages covered in writing, notes and sketches. I glanced up, nodding at her to keep talking.
“After she died, my parents were forced to stay home more. I was ten, and Jack was fifteen. For the next two years, they were miserable. To this day, I don’t know why they had kids. They were lousy parents, and more concerned with what quest they were missing out on than how their actions affected us. They would disappear for a few days, sometimes longer, leaving us alone. When they were home, they’d move us around constantly. I never had any friends, or stability. Jack tried hard to be the responsible one. He was older than me, and I relied on him for everything.”
“That must have been difficult.”
She nodded. “When Jack was seventeen, my parents left, and never came back. They walked away from us. I was twelve.”
“Jesus. They just left you?”
“Yes. They left money and a note. Told Jack to look after me, and they disappeared. We never saw them again.” She sighed. “We were informed they died in Asia on some expedition. Their bodies were never recovered.” She reached into the rucksack, pulled out a small frame, and handed it to me. “That is the last picture I have of my family.”
I studied the faded snapshot. Her parents were young and smiling into the camera. A child version of Emmy and a taller boy stood beside them. His arm was around her protectively. Her parents were dressed in hiking apparel, and Emmy looked sad.
“My parents’ behavior taught us to never rely on anyone else but ourselves. I learned early on not to depend on others. Even Jack. He drummed it into my head never to let my guard down. Always be prepared to leave. Be the first to go. Never trust anyone. Be responsible for yourself.”
“That’s one hell of a lesson for a young kid.”
“We had to stay ahead of everything until Jack turned eighteen and could legally care for me. We were constantly on guard.” She sighed, her fingers stroking the worn leather. “He kept everything important in this bag and never let it out of his sight, in case we had to leave.”
The significance of the rucksack became clearer.
“What happened?”
“We never settled in one place for long. When people started asking questions, we moved on. Once he turned eighteen and I was a bit older, we came here. Big city, not a lot of people ask questions. No one looked for parents. He found a job and looked after me until I turned seventeen.”
“And?”
Her voice dropped, saturated with sadness. “Jack and I are two very different people. He had more of my parents in him than I did. He hated being in one place, the same way they did. He didn’t want roots. He, at least, had enough of my nana’s teaching to be responsible and care for me, so I didn’t end up in foster care. Still, when I turned seventeen, he decided I was old enough to be on my own. He’d done his duty, and it was time. I woke up one morning, and he was gone. Just like my parents.”
“Emmy,” I groaned, aghast.
“He warned me all my life. Never trust anyone—never rely on another person. He emphasized that above everything else. I never realized he included himself in that statement. He walked away, and all he left behind was this rucksack.”
“You must
have been gutted.”
“I was. I was terrified. I grieved, and then I got angry.”
I felt a fission of pride at her words. “What did you do?”
She tossed her hair. “I spoke with Al, and he agreed to let me rent the smaller apartment in the building.”
“That’s where you lived with Jack? Over Al’s?”
“Yes. We lived at the other end of the hall in a larger apartment. I had the bedroom, and Jack slept on the couch. I talked to Al, and he let me move to the smaller place and gave me a job. I finished high school and took more courses. I got another job—the one I told you about. I kept working at Al’s and added a couple other part-time ones to save as much money as I could. I decided what I wanted to do, and I worked my ass off to get into the school I wanted. The one really good thing that happened was I met Cami and Dee, and I made my own family.”
“And you trust them?”
“As much as I trust anyone.”
“What else is in your rucksack?”
She pulled out more pictures, a few trinkets, a broken watch, and some paperwork. There was a small worn box she laid on top.
“The watch was my dad’s. He gave it to Jack, but it stopped working. He always wore it anyway, but he left it the day he left me.”
My throat tightened at the pain in her words.
I indicated the box. “What is that?”
“My nana’s wedding ring. It’s the only thing I have that holds any value. If I was desperate and needed cash, I could sell it.”
I lifted the box and flipped open the lid. A thick band of gold was nestled in the dusty velvet. Highly sentimental, yes, but hardly worth much if sold.
I sat back, looking at her. I stared at the few possessions she held most dear. None of them, even the ring, was worth anything, but they were all she had left of a lonely life and childhood. Small mementos of people who never loved her enough to stay. They were a reminder of what she had lost.
Understanding dawned on me.
She was terrified of losing her rucksack because if she did, she was going to lose them all over again. That was why she clung to it so fiercely. She felt it was all she had in the world and the small items she had defined her.
The way she saw it, she had never been enough for any of them to stay. She wasn’t enough to be truly loved.
She had to be the one to leave.
But she was wrong.
I shifted forward and held out her things. She slipped them into the bag and placed it by her feet. Reaching out, I grasped her hands in mine.
“Emmy, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what you went through, and I’m sorry about my outburst earlier.” I shook my head before she could speak. “I know what your rucksack represents to you now, and I understand. I won’t give you a hard time about it anymore.”
Tears glimmered in her eyes.
“I need to ask you something, though. Please be honest with me.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
“Do you trust me, Emmy? At least as much as you trust, say, Cami?”
She hesitated, then nodded. “Even more.”
“Does that scare you?”
“Yes.”
“I want to tell you something, and I want you to listen, okay?”
She squeezed my fingers, and I lifted her hand to my mouth and pressed a kiss to the skin.
“You are such a light in my life. You have brought me so much . . . joy. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. I’m not going anywhere, and I don’t want you to either. I want you here, with me, as much as possible.”
Her hands began to tremble.
“I know it’s difficult for you to believe, but it’s true.” I inhaled a long breath. “I never want you to leave. Ever. You can rely on me because I am not leaving you.”
A tear ran down her face.
“I know you’re not ready, but when you are, I’ll make you a place where you can put your rucksack, and it will be safe. You’ll never have to carry it with you because you’ll know you never have to run.”
“W-why?”
I slid my hands up her arms to her face, cupping her cheeks. “Because your home will be with me, Emmy. Always,” I murmured, as her tears fell thicker. “I love you.”
She stared at me, blinking and shocked.
“I love you so much, the thought of you leaving me makes me crazy. I want you here.”
She began to shake her head.
“I know you don’t think you’re worthy of being loved, baby, but you are. You’re more worthy than any person I know. How your brother and parents acted was wrong. You didn’t deserve that. No child deserves that.” I wiped her tears. “One day I’ll make you see how much you’re loved. And maybe you can love me back.” I held her face tighter. “Because that would be the greatest gift I ever received. You.”
“I have n-nothing to . . .”
I shook my head, knowing what she was trying to say. “Yes, you do. My wealth doesn’t make me deserve your love, Emmy. The kind of man I am, that I want to be for you, does. I’ll keep you safe; you can keep me grounded. I’ll buy you lots of shawls, and you can make me scones. We’ll take care of each other.” I smiled at her tenderly. “We could build a great life together, baby. No one gets me the way you do. I need your loving, forgiving heart in my life. I need you. And I think, if you let yourself feel it, you need me, too.”
“I’m scared.”
“I know. I am, too. I never thought I could love someone like I love you. I do, and I want you to know it.”
“If you walk away, I’m not sure I’ll survive it,” she confessed. “Not this time.”
“You will never have to find out. I swear to you.”
Her breath stuttered out of her throat, nervous and tense.
“I-I love you, too, Bentley.”
Her words filled me with hope, and I felt everything else drain away. They banished all else in the world, making all of it unimportant. I had her, and that was all that mattered. Not a business deal gone bad, or a shitty day. Her.
I pulled her to my lap and kissed her. It was a kiss filled with adoration and hope, one that promised something we both needed. Love.
I tucked her head under my chin. “We’ll figure this all out, Emmy. One step at a time. Just promise you’ll talk to me. Don’t run. Don’t ever run.”
“I promise.”
I sighed, holding her close, needing to break the intense bubble surrounding us. I wanted to make her smile and find her feet. “I have one more thing to ask of you tonight.”
She tilted up her head. “What?”
“Can we go downstairs and have tacos now? I’m starving.”
She grinned, her dimple popping on her cheek, her response simple and perfect.
“Yes.”
Bentley
I didn’t go into the office the next day. I decided not to return the rest of the week. I texted Aiden and Maddox, told them to take time off, and instructed Sandy to get one of the interns to man the office and take the days off, as well. We all needed to regroup.
When I told Emmy, she flashed me a grin and said she was taking advantage of my “un-rigidness” and staying home with me. She would get her classmates to take notes and would do her work online. I called down to Andrew, telling him to have the entire weekend off, too. I knew he’d love the time to spend with his daughter and grandkids, and it would give me the time alone with Emmy. At least, so I thought.
I answered some emails, shut the laptop and sat back, wondering if I should take Emmy away for the weekend. Maybe a break would do us some good. She walked in, holding a steaming mug of coffee and a plate piled high with pancakes. She had a bottle of syrup tucked under her arm. She set the plate and mug on the desk with a grin, then crawled onto my lap.
“I brought you breakfast.”
I slid my hand along her leg. “You or the pancakes?”
She chuckled, drowning the pancakes in syrup. “You already had me in the shower, so you’ll have to make do with the p
ancakes.”
I nipped at her ear. “I bet you’d taste damn good with some syrup.”
“Messy.”
“But so sweet,” I whispered, swirling my tongue on her skin, sliding my hand higher.
“Not happening,” she replied in a singsong voice.
I pulled back with a frown. “Why?”
“Because Aiden and Maddox are in the kitchen eating pancakes. I doubt you want them witnessing your, ah, syrup fantasies.”
“Why are they here?”
She cupped my cheek and lifted a mouthful of pancakes to my lips. “Open up.”
I chewed the sweet, thick offering, licking my lips in appreciation.
“They were worried about you, Rigid. They came to check on you, and I offered them breakfast.”
“That’s like feeding a stray cat. They won’t leave.”
“I promised them brunch on Sunday if they ate, checked on you, and left.” She fed me another mouthful and took a smaller one for herself. “For the record, when they saw I was here, they offered to leave.”
A dribble of syrup leaked down her chin, and I grasped the back of her neck and licked it off her skin, fighting the groan when she whimpered. My already hard cock twitched at her breathy sound.
“Why didn’t you listen to them?”
She tilted her head. “Because I wanted you to see you have people who care about you. Not your business, but you. They’re here because they love you.”
“Is that why you’re here?”
She traced my jaw, her touch feather-light and warm on my skin. “I love you very much.”
“Good. They need to leave, though. I want you alone.” I traced over her lips with my tongue, tasting her and the syrup. “I want you to show me how much you love me. Then I’ll show you. It’s going to take all day, Freddy. All damn day.”
She grinned. “One track mind.”
“Two track actually. I want more pancakes, then I want you.”
She slid off my lap, taking the coffee cup with her. “Eat up then.”
I watched as she moved around my den. She rarely came in, and I had to admit her lack of curiousness was a surprise. She never snooped or pried. When we talked about my business, it was more concern if I was working too hard, or was too stressed. She listened when I ranted on occasion, and always seemed interested in the projects or meetings, but more about me in the scope of it all, not what I did. It was as if I was more important than my money or work. A feeling I found strange, yet endeared her even more to me.
Vested Interest Box Set Books 1-3 Page 15
