He furrowed his brow. “I can’t cut off contact with everyone I’ve ever been involved with.”
Annie narrowed her eyes at the casual reference to the scores of women he’d adored and desired before meeting her. Rejection and envy warred inside of her and Annie’s desire to wound him equally asserted itself. “Fine. Then put yourself in my shoes for a minute.” She pressed a finger into his chest to emphasise her point. “Imagine that I’ve spent the last six months sleeping with whomever caught my fancy just to get you out of my head. Imagine I treated sex as a perfect way to expunge you from my mind.” Her lips twisted with relish at the very idea of finally being able to forget her husband. “Now imagine all those sexy, gorgeous men were a constant, ongoing presence in my life. And then tell me I’m being difficult and demanding.”
His breath was ragged. Her reference to these men – fictitious or not – was making him feel almost murderously enraged. He moved towards her and she moved backwards, flattening against a wall. But he was gentle. His hands on her shoulders were begging her to put him out of his misery. His eyes were roaming her face, wondering how many times he’d lost her. He felt a sense of loss unlike anything he’d ever known when he imagined her being pleasured by another.
“God, Annie, I need you to tell me …”
“No.” She forced herself to meet his eyes. “Unlike you, I don’t feel a need to drag anyone else into our relationship. Who I was with, or wasn’t, when we were … estranged … has nothing to do with this. And if Adam hadn’t been such an idiot we both know I wouldn’t have come within ten feet of you again.”
He felt like he’d been suckerpunched. How had he miscalculated everything so badly? He had thought it would be so simple to bring her back into his life and fix everything right back up. She had loved him once and he believed she still did; certainly, she wanted him. Was that not enough?
“I never cheated on you.” He stroked her through the dress, his voice low and soft like he’d heard one of his foster-parents talking to horses scared by a passing storm. “I married you because I couldn’t not. I had no choice. I knew then as strongly as I know now that we belong together.” He wished she’d look at him but her eyes were focussed on the floor between them. “You walked out on me but I still considered you my wife. I have no interest in other women. Why would I when I’ve sampled perfection?”
“Don’t.” She snapped her head up to his so fast it was as though whiplash had moved her. “Don’t. Don’t use your beautiful words and fast brain to con me into thinking we can make this work.” Tears were brimming in her eyes now and she clutched her hands to her stomach in a gesture that made him wonder if perhaps she was going to be sick.
“I never believed you would feel jealous of my past lovers because you never had the slightest reason to. I have never loved a woman before. I have never wanted a woman to love me. I have never thought about marrying another soul. I have had sex with women. Sex. Just sex. And yes, I had a lot of sex. I can’t change that.” He kissed the tip of her nose, his hands shaking as he ran them over her hair. “You feeling jealous of anyone from my past would be like me envying your brother. There is the same chance of you developing sexual feelings for him as there is me ever wanting another woman ever again. I have you, Annie, and you’re all I want.”
“I don’t want to hear it.” She swallowed, and lifted her fingers to her eyes.
Kyle pulled a handkerchief out of his breast pocket and handed it to her. It was one of the things about him she’d always loved, but also teased him for. The old fashioned touch was anachronistic with a man such as him, and yet she’d needed those cotton squares more times than she could count. What Annie didn’t know was that he had taken to carrying them just for his soft-hearted wife.
She dabbed just beneath her eyes and then slid it into her clutch purse.
“You need to hear it,” he promised urgently. “But this isn’t the time or the place.”
“No,” she agreed shakily.
“Why don’t we get out of here?”
Her face blanched and she shook her head. Being alone with him was terrifying to her; she knew she couldn’t put off the conversation forever but nor was she ready for it yet.
“No. I’m fine. I was actually having fun tonight, apart from …”
“Apart from me?”
Her smile was tight. “Are you regretting this now?”
“Bringing you here?”
“Blackmailing me here,” she corrected with a wide-eyed blink.
He made a guttural sound of impatience. “I think it’s time we straightened this up.” He braced his hands on the wall on either side of her head, so that his body formed a cage. He smelled so good.
“What’s that?”
“I did manipulate you into seeing sense, Annie, but that’s all. You want to be with me. You’re begging me to make everything better in each accusation you hurl at my feet. You want me to say the right thing to fix whatever it is that’s upset you. You want me to make everything better, but most of all, you just want me.” He saw the flicker of annoyance in her face and almost laughed. “Maybe you left me to make a point. Maybe if I hadn’t been such a stubborn arse and had called you, you might have come home sooner. But you know as well as I do that here with me is where you want to be.”
She stared at him with true consternation flecking through her. “But I can’t be.” She thought of their baby and a shiver ripped her soul in two. She had been given the most beautiful gift and she had lost it. No matter how many times she was told by well-meaning doctors that it hadn’t been her fault, she would always blame herself. And she suspected he would, too. Even if he didn’t fault her for the loss itself, he would see as betrayal the fact that she had hidden it from him.
Her eyes were stinging again and she made a noise of impatience with her quickness-to-cry. “So much has happened. I’m not the same girl you married.”
“Perhaps not. But you’re still my wife.”
“Not if you sign the papers.”
There was a long pause as her words turned into comprehension for him. “The papers? You must be bloody joking.”
“Kyle –,”
“I’m not signing them, Annie. I won’t divorce you.” He kissed her gently on the forehead. “You taught me what it is to love someone. You showed me what it is to have a family. You’re my family. My only family. And I can’t lose you again.”
His impassioned plea split her heart in two for more reasons than he could comprehend. What a baby would have meant to this man! She lifted her hands to his chest and splayed her fingers. It took a moment to calm herself down sufficiently to speak, but then she lifted her face to his. She didn’t attempt a smile. There was no way she could pull one off. Instead she let her grief flow from every pore of her being.
Her mind was a jumble. She needed time to focus her thoughts; and to remember all the nights she’d spent slowly realising that they made zero sense.
“We’ll talk,” she said finally. “But not now.”
He nodded, understanding her pain and knowing that he’d been right. She needed him to fix her, and he would just as soon as he knew how.
“You’re out here.” He strolled onto the balcony and frowned to see his wife wearing only a pair of cotton pyjamas.
She nodded distractedly, sipping her tea to save from having to make a verbal response. In the end, they’d stayed for another hour or so after their emotional discussion in the side room of the Galleria. Annie had even managed to have a reasonably good time, when she wasn’t thinking about Kyle, looking for Kyle, remembering how good it had felt to be close to Kyle. But the hardest had been hearing his words over and over and over again, on constant loop in her mind.
You walked out on me but I still considered you my wife. I have no interest in other women. Why would I when I’d sampled perfection?
I married you because I couldn’t not. I had no choice. I knew then as strongly as I know now that we belong together.
He sli
pped his tuxedo jacket off and wrapped it around her shoulders. “Thanks,” she murmured, cradling her tea higher and propping her elbows on the railing.
“Did you not notice it’s snowing?”
She peered out into the night sky and made a noise of surprise. “So it is!” She put one hand out, twinkling her fingers as tiny little flecks of ice landed on her flesh. “It’s just a dusting. How beautiful.”
“Yeah.” His voice was croaky as he stared at her. She was a vision. He lifted a hand as if he no longer had the power to prevent himself and ran his fingers through her long, blonde hair. It shone in the moonlight and the flecks of snow were like glitter in the strands.
Annie shook her head and took a step away. “Did you end up buying anything tonight?”
He propped himself against the railing, acting as though he didn’t care that she’d moved out of his reach. “No. You?”
“The picture in France,” she nodded. “I liked it.”
“There was a lot of emotion in it.”
She nodded. “Bianca’s talented; you were right.” But the admission was moving them closer to the grounds she wanted to avoid; closer to a discussion of his lovers. Annie wasn’t prepared to travel that path. Not at that late hour.
“Do you come to Aspen often?” She posed the question conversationally, as though he was someone she hardly knew. But it hid desperation: a desperation to keep their conversation away from topics that would swallow them into lava and ash.
He studied her thoughtfully. “No. Once a year or so. The last time was with you.”
She nodded. That trip had been a disaster. “How did things turn out with Ralph? Did you buy that business?”
He nodded. “Eventually.”
She sipped her tea and then angled her fingers to catch another clutch of snowflakes. They were coming down more quickly now. “It’s so beautiful here.” Her eyes drifted down the street. The buildings glowed golden against the white sheen of freshly drifted snow and in the background, painted silver by the moonlight were the mountains that made this patch of Colorado famous. “It’s like a fairytale.”
She was the fairytale. She was the magic. Kyle shifted a little. “I missed your birthday.”
Annie toyed with the necklace she wore, a beautiful piece he didn’t recognise. Jealousy barbed inside of him. Had it been a gift from someone else? From another man?
“Yeah,” she shrugged. “It was months ago.” The day after she’d lost their baby.
“I wondered about you on the day. I thought about you and what you were doing.” He ached to hold her to his chest. “Did you celebrate with Adam and Juanita?”
“No,” she hedged, thinking back to the sterile linoleum-floored hospital room. She hadn’t wanted to see anyone, especially not the glowing Juanita. Not because she resented Juanita’s happiness but because she knew her loss would touch Juanita in an insupportable way. Annie hadn’t wanted to grieve her sister-in-law. And how could she open up to them, anyway, when they’d be left to wonder why her husband wasn’t with her?
“I wish you’d been with me.”
She flicked him a small smile. “It was just a birthday.”
He nodded, his emotions off-kilter. “I guess there’s next year.”
Annie didn’t respond. How could she? Everything was in such a state of flux, she couldn’t see what she’d feel like in a day’s time, let alone in a month’s or a year’s. She finished her tea and then spun to go inside.
“I think I should go to bed. To sleep. I … I’m tired.”
His lips twisted in lazy amusement. “Afraid I’m going to maul you?”
“No,” she responded quickly and honestly. “I’m not afraid of you.”
He ground his teeth together and moved towards her with a slow intensity. “You should be. The way I feel about you terrifies me.” He caught a clump of her hair between his forefinger and thumb and lifted it to his mouth. He kissed it and then brought the same hand to curl around her cheek. “But you’re right, Annabelle. I’m not going to rush you back into bed.”
Her cheeks flushed pink. “Did I give you the impression this afternoon that you’d have a fight from me?”
His laugh was soft. “You and I are more than just sex.” He kissed the top of her head and felt his whole body leap in awareness. “I want you to know that I want all of you back in my life. Not just your body. You. Everything you are.”
His dark eyes were shining with intensity. He moved his head closer and brushed his lips against hers. It was a chaste kiss but little fireworks of desire began to tingle along her spine.
He wrapped his hands around her waist and began to move slowly, dancing to the sound of their beating hearts in amongst the tumbling snowflakes.
Annie lay her cheek against his broad chest and inhaled deeply. Were it not for their past she would have believed this moment to be perfect. She let her fingers curl around his back, feeling the warmth through his shirt. Only he shouldn’t have been warm. She lifted her head to ask him a question and caught such a look of feeling on his face that she startled.
“Kyle? What is it?”
He immediately shifted a mask into place; his smile was back. Calm and reassuring. But Annie had glimpsed a deep torment and it made her ache to comfort him. “I missed you,” he said simply.
Annie frowned. It was more than that. She nodded at the admission though and placed her head back on his chest. She could hear his beating heart and her own ran in time with it.
“You must be freezing.”
“I’m fine.” His voice was deep and gravelly. “Annabelle?”
She stopped swaying her hips in time to his and nodded.
“I never realised that the hours I work might have been a problem to you.”
Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest. “You were gone pretty much all the time.”
“It’s just the way I am,” he commented. “You know where I come from. You know what motivates me.”
“I do.” Her smile was wistful. “I understood why you spent so long at your office or travelling for business.”
“It’s not why you left me?”
She bit down on her lip. “I didn’t say that.” Her breath was burning in her lungs. “It … it didn’t help,” she murmured quietly. “Maybe if I’d seen more of you I would have remembered what I loved about you more.”
He felt arrows of hurt needle his sides. “I had no idea.”
“I know.” She pushed away from him slowly. “It wasn’t your fault. You’re just not made for marriage. And definitely not marriage to someone like me.”
“Thanks,” he remarked cynically.
Her expression wore a silent apology. “You’ve met my parents. They’re so completely boring and normal and so happily married. That’s what I thought our marriage would be like. I thought we’d eat together every night. That we’d wake up in bed together and read the papers; bake bread and play board games; spend weekends doing little trips to the markets to buy interesting antiques.”
“So you thought you’d married a gay guy, basically.”
She stifled a laugh but the conversation was too serious to feel any relief. “Do you know how women look at you?” She asked after a throbbing pulse of emotion had passed between them. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be your wife?”
“We’ve covered this,” he said thickly. “I have only wanted you since I met you.”
“I just find it impossible to believe,” she said seriously. “I saw the way women fawned all over you. I saw the way you talked to them as though they were the centre of your universe.” Her cheeks flushed pink. “I’m not naturally prone to jealousy but I had reason to feel it during our marriage.”
“Don’t say ‘during our marriage’ as though it’s over.”
She bit down on her lip. “I need to think.” She ran her hands over her stomach again. “I … I’ve missed you too. A part of me wants to ignore all of the reasons we’re a disaster and just be with you in the here and now
. But Kyle, getting over you was so hard. And I know I won’t be able to do it again. I’d be stupid to get caught in your web.”
“I am listening to everything you’re saying. I want this marriage to work for us now.”
There was too much between them though. Annie thought of the way he was – his incessant need to succeed professionally. The beautiful women who littered his past and were vying to be in his present. The power he exerted over her that made Annie willing to forget everything she owed herself. And finally, she thought of the baby they’d made and lost and the anger he’d feel at her for keeping that information from him. A future with this man, with that secret shame buried deep in her heart: how could she do it?
It all tumbled around her like barbed wire, making her gasp. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I just … I just can’t.”
His eyes drew together in surprise and consternation. “Annie …”
“I’m going to bed.” She paused at the door and without turning around said softly. “When you’ve finished whatever business you have in Aspen, I’d like to go back to New York.”
7
“We need to talk.” He barked the words into the phone clasped under his ear.
Adam Smith was silent for a moment and then with a forced air of relaxed calm he responded. “Sure thing. What about?”
Kyle flicked the lid off his pen and shook his wrist watch into view. The manager of the hotel was two minutes late and Kyle’s patience was already stretched to breaking point.
It had not helped that Annie had chosen to sleep in a different bedroom the night before. He hadn’t gone to her, no matter how badly his body had begged him to. She had been at breaking point when they’d spoken and he’d been genuinely terrified.
“The money you’ve been skimming off payroll.”
Another long pause of silence. “Kyle …”
Kyle felt a roll of satisfaction at the other man’s obviously instant state of panic.
“I can explain …” The British man’s voice had lifted an octave.
Marrying for his Royal Heir & The Terms of Their Affair (Clare Connelly Pairs Book 7) Page 22
