by Jena Wade
“Hi, Mom,” I said.
She turned and smiled and gave me a big hug.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
I shrugged “Just stopped by to say hello,” I said. “Where’s Dad?”
She waved her hand in the air and wouldn’t look me in the eye. “Oh, you know him. He’s off somewhere doing something.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Is everything all right?” I asked.
She sighed and gave me a look that said I was being ridiculous. “Everything is fine.”
I watched her work a little longer as she busied herself in the kitchen moving this, measuring that, mixing up a batch of cookies it looked like. She didn’t meet my eyes.
I had to get to the bottom of this. But at this point I worried about what they were keeping from me. Was it something I didn’t want to know?
“How has he been doing? I asked.
“Great,” she said. “He has been keeping himself busy, but also he has been enjoying the life of a semi-retired business owner. Maddox has been a godsend.” She shot me a look that said don’t lose that boy.
I didn’t plan on it. I loved Maddox. I had never really given much thought to who I would spend my life with and now I couldn’t imagine spending it any other way. Maddox was my rock, my soul, my very reason for existing.
Mom had the house decorated to the nines. Every year she took down all of her picture frames and wrapped them in holiday paper and hung them back on the wall to make it look like presents were hanging in every room. The tree sat in the corner of the living room like it always did. Ribbons of silver and gold, glitter ornaments and a mile-high stack of presents gave the entire room a holiday feel it made me want to cozy up on the couch and drink hot chocolate. And eat sugar cookies, couldn’t forget the sugar cookies.
Had Maddox bothered to put up a tree? Last year he hadn’t, but we did decorate a tiny one in my apartment on campus last year. I didn’t have anything in my apartment in Philadelphia that indicated it was anywhere near Christmas time.
I stood in the doorway, gazing at the tree, reminiscing in my head about where each ornament had come from and why. Some of them I’d made as crafts as a child. I couldn’t believe my mother had kept them.
Not too long after I arrived, my Dad pulled in the driveway and came sauntering into the house. I turned to greet him and stopped short. At least ten pounds were missing from his already lean frame. Maddox had never mentioned my dad losing even more weight. Although I hadn’t asked. I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong, beg him to tell me what was happening, but I couldn’t do it. It was only a week until the end of the holiday season. I would ask then. Really push him to tell me what was going on, my mom too, she needed to ’fess up. For now, I just hugged him, told him hello and that I missed him.
He and I sat on the couch together flipping through channels like we used to do when I’d lived at home. When I knew the store was closed and that Maddox would be going back to his apartment, I said my goodbyes and headed out the door. I told my parents I’d see them on Christmas Day.
Maddox was locking the door of the store when I drove by, so I pulled up to the curb and waited. He hopped in and as soon as he sat down, he let out a long sigh and leaned his head back. He turned to look at me, a wide smile crossed his face.
“It’s been a long day,” he said. “What’s the matter?”
I shrugged. “I wish that I was here more. With you. I…” I started, then stopped, unsure of how to say what I felt. “I really wish I hadn’t taken the job in Philadelphia. You were right. We’re too far away, and I hate it. I hate being away from my family. It’s different than when I was in Michigan. At least there I was busy all the time with homework and class and work. And I always assumed that once I graduated that we’d be together. Like live together in one place, but we’re not. I don’t know what I was thinking. I know this was my idea. I just don’t like it.” The world slipped off my shoulders the more words I spoke. Finally, I’d said it all out loud. Some of it I hadn’t even realized I’d been thinking.
Maddox grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Only a few more months. Then we’ll see how things are.”
“You’re right.” I pulled my hand away and put the car in drive. It wasn’t until later that night when I replayed the conversation in my head that I realized what he’d said. What did he mean “we’ll see?” I didn’t like the sound of that.
***
Christmas day was never a big occasion at my house. Being an only child there wasn’t really a lot of chaotic crazy present unwrapping. Mostly it was calm and quiet, but I still loved it. As I’d grown older it had become less about the presents and more about hanging out and sharing memories with Mom and Dad. Now, with Maddox there it became even more special, and slightly embarrassing since my parents always seemed to have a silly story to tell about my childhood.
The tree was a little more bare this year as far as presents went. I saw that my parents hadn’t bought anything for each other and there was only one present each for Maddox and me. Not that it mattered, but I was used to seeing piles of presents. The lack of presents in and of itself wasn’t strange, but the tension that I could feel between my parents was palpable. Every so often, Mom would give Dad a reassuring hug or smile, and he would return it with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“So, who wants to start?” I asked. I bounced in my seat on the couch. Maddox picked up a box from underneath the tree and tossed it at me. He gave me a bright smile.
“This one’s yours,” he said.
My heart leapt with excitement, and I could barely contain myself as I unwrapped the present piece by piece.
Inside I found a leather-bound calendar with my full name embossed on the front. The black leather shone in the glow of the Christmas tree. I just held it in my hands, staring at it for a while.
“Maddox this is wonderful,” I said.
He gave me a crooked smile. “I thought you would like it. I got enough inserts for it to last the next five years. So, you should be set for a while.”
“Thank you,” I said. I seriously would cherish it forever. I hugged the book to my chest.
We could have ended the whole Christmas morning with that, and I would’ve been happy. Then again, I still had to give Maddox his gift. I knew exactly where I’d set it. I knew it was heavy, so I’d put it on the floor. I’d wrapped it in bright green paper that had white stripes. I grabbed it and handed it to him.
“Open it,” I said.
He shook it gently and held it up to his ear. The pieces inside rattled a little. “Is it a pony?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes and my dad chuckled. Maddox tore into the paper and tossed little slivers on to the floor. Once he got all the paper off he realized what it was. A complete wooden chess set. The board was made of cherry wood and the pieces had been hand carved. The board showed a little wear and tear from use, but it just gave it character.
“Do you like it?” I asked.
“I love it. It’s... I’m not even sure if I want you to play with it. It seems like more of a decoration.”
“No,” I said. “We’ll put plenty of miles on that board. After all I won’t be living in Philadelphia forever. Then we can play chess in real life instead of online.”
He smiled, then stood up and gave me a hug. “Thank you,” he said. “I love it. Guess I’ll have to keep practicing. I can’t have you beating me on my own board.” We all laughed at that.
Maddox sat down next to me on the sofa. We both turned to my parents, waiting for them to start unwrapping their own gifts.
“So, Dad,” I asked, “What did you manage to scrounge up for Mom this year? Is her present hiding under there somewhere?” I pretended to look underneath the tree moving the last few boxes that were left.
Dad smiled and took Mom’s hand. “Actually, son,” he said. “We decided to treat ourselves this year and instead of buying gifts for each other we’re going on a cruise.”
I sat back
absolutely stunned. I knew mom had always wanted to go on a cruise. A long one, not just one of those three or four-day cruises in the Bahamas. She wanted a twenty-day European cruise at the very least.
“Really? That’s awesome. Where will you be going?”
“New Zealand,” mom said quietly. She seemed to be holding back tears, obviously one of her dreams finally coming true. I was so happy for them that my heart almost burst. I wanted the kind of forever they had, only I wanted it with Maddox.
“When is the cruise?” Maddox asked.
“At the end of January,” dad said. “That’s enough about our trip, let’s have you two open your gifts.” Dad picked up two small boxes from underneath the tree wrapped in bright red and white polka dot paper. He handed one to me and one to Maddox.
“Don’t spend it all in one place.” Mom chuckled.
I didn’t get the joke, but I didn’t say anything. Everything felt very odd to me. Something was off. Maddox and I shared a questioning glance, then we tore into our gifts. We both opened them to find a plain white box, and when we lifted the lid, there was an envelope. I looked at my parents, expecting them to explain.
“Open it,” Dad said.
And so, I did. Inside my envelope, I found a deposit slip. I skimmed through it and realized that my parents had deposited a large sum of money into my bank account. I looked up in alarm, then glanced over at Maddox. He held a similar looking deposit slip.
Mom spoke, breaking the tension in the room. “Now, we know you boys are all grown up and you have your own lives. Eventually…” she crossed her fingers, “we hope that the two of you will settle down, maybe get a home together.” She lifted her shoulders in an ‘I don’t know’ gesture. “Maybe this could be your down payment? Or whatever you want.”
Dad spoke up. “There’s no strings attached to this. We just wanted to do something different.” He looked at Maddox. “You could even use this as a down payment on the store or you guys could take a trip to Europe. We don’t care. We just want you to do something for yourselves.”
“Yes.” Mom agreed.
“This is crazy,” I said. “How can you afford this? I mean, it’s a crazy amount of money, Mom.” I looked at her, assuming she would be the voice of reason here.
She looked away.
“Either you take the money now or you’ll get it as an inheritance later,” Dad said.
I snorted. “That’s a little morbid, don’t you think?”
He shrugged.
“Thank you,” Maddox said, speaking up for the first time. It was then that I realized that I was being a trite ungrateful.
“Yes,” I said, “Thank you. I do appreciate it and I’m not going to lie, it will be helpful.” I looked at Maddox and he nodded. Hopefully, we were both thinking the same thing, that eventually we could get a house together. Or perhaps replace his junker of a car. Or mine for that matter. Or simply put it in savings.
I stood up and gave my parents a big hug. Maddox did the same. It had been a long time since they’d shocked me with a gift. Being an only child, they tended to overdo it as far as gifts went, but this was beyond my wildest dreams.
I had no idea what to do with the money, besides save it. I definitely owed it to my parents to be responsible with it, since they’d trusted me enough to gift it to me free and clear.
It seemed out of character for them though, and I couldn’t shake the idea that they were hiding something. But I wasn’t about to bring it up. Not on Christmas. Today was for celebration, and love and family. Tomorrow we could ask the hard questions.
***
Chapter Nine
January
We didn’t do anything for New Year’s Eve. Maddox and I picked out a bunch of movies that we hadn’t watched yet, and we snuggled on the couch while eating popcorn. It was comfortable and quiet. The next morning, we slept in until noon. Maddox didn’t have to work, and I didn’t have to return to Philadelphia until the next day. So, we could just be together.
As we lay there in bed side by side, I knew that it was time to talk about the gift my parents had given us.
“Does it bother you?” I asked, “that my parents gave us that money?” I leaned on my elbow and gazed down at Maddox, his sleep-tousled hair spiked out in every direction, yesterday’s product worn off. It was blue today. These days he seemed to be keeping one color longer and longer then suddenly I’d come home, and he would have an entirely new one picked out. I lived for those surprises.
“No, it doesn’t bother me,” he said, “I was shocked. Although, I have to wonder what they had to cash out in order to get the money for us and for their trip.”
I nodded. “I thought about that, too” I grabbed his hand and held it, then pressed it to my lips to give it a kiss. “We’re okay, right?”
He looked at me, head cocked to the side in question, confusion crossing over his face. “What do you mean?”
I shrugged and bit my lip. “Well, the other day you made it sound like that we might not live together after I return from Philadelphia. I just want to make sure that you and I are solid. I wish I hadn’t taken that job. But I would like to finish out the year there. Unless you want me to quit? I would do that for you. I really would.”
Maddox shook his head. “No, I don’t want you to do that.” He sat up and rubbed his face with his hands, then ran his fingers through his hair. “I’ve just been a little stressed out lately. For the past couple of months really. Classes are a bitch. The store is great and doing really well and I have a lot of ideas, but it’s taking a lot of planning to actually see them come to fruition.”
“I’m really proud of you,” I said. “I think it’s awesome, all of the things you’ve done for the store. And I am glad that you enjoy it.”
“I do,” he said. “I just don’t want to fuck it up. I don’t want…” he paused, then continued “I don’t want to have to rely on you to be the breadwinner.”
“That doesn’t matter to me,” I said.
“I know. But I want us to be equals. I love you. And I want to be together. Forever.”
I sat up farther now, inching closer to him. I put my arms around him. “I want that too,” I said.
“Well good. Then we’re both on the same page.” He laughed, and I laughed with him.
“Promise me you won’t overdo it,” I said. “I don’t want you stressing yourself out. And when I come home from Philadelphia and get a job close by I can help out with the planning or whatever. And if you ever need help with your classes—”
He put his hand over my mouth and cut me off. “No,” he said. “I can handle my classes, you focus on your internship. All we have to do is get through the next couple of months. Then we can be together. Always. And who knows, maybe we can find a house.” He looked at me, eyes wide and hopeful, and I nodded furiously.
“Yes. That’s exactly what I want. House, a white picket fence, a dog.”
He chuckled. “Then it’s settled. We’ll get a dog. We just have to survive the next couple of months. Sometimes it feels like the last few flew by, so it shouldn’t be too bad.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, “if I had known it would have been this hard I wouldn’t have taken the job.”
“I know,” he said. “Besides, it’s a good test. If we can survive this, then we can survive anything.”
“Yeah, I think so too. May can’t get here quickly enough,” I said.
Chapter Ten
February
When my parents heard that I was coming to visit for a long weekend in February to celebrate Valentine’s Day, they invited us over for a big Sunday breakfast. Mom made every food known to man: eggs, sausage, bacon, ham, biscuits, gravy. It was a feast for Kings.
“What’s the occasion?” I asked as I walked in the door and looked at the smorgasbord of platters on the dining room table.
Mom shrugged. “Just thought it would be fun.”
Dad already sat at the table looking thinner, if that was even possible. Although
he had a little more color to his skin since they’d just returned from their cruise.
“You guys have to tell me everything about the trip,” I said, “The few pictures that you sent were amazing. I want to hear everything.”
They had just returned a few days ago, but we hadn’t really gotten a chance to talk much during that time.
“It was amazing.” Mom’s face lit up as she spoke. “Really Seth, you have to go on a cruise one of these days.”
I snorted. “Yeah, we’ll see about that. We know how much I love water.”
Maddox laughed. “I’m more of an inland guy anyway,” he said.
We were all quiet for a moment and suddenly tension filled the air. It was as if a rain cloud had come over us all and suddenly I knew. We were here to hear bad news.
“What is it?” I asked. My shoulders tensed, and my stomach knotted. Today’s breakfast was not going to sit well. I nearly ran to the bathroom to throw up, and I hadn’t even heard any bad news yet, but I knew it was coming.
Maddox grasped my hand, and I looked at him wondering if he knew. He didn’t. His face held the same anguish and apprehension that I knew mine did. My parents exchanged a glance. My mother looked away, she couldn’t even meet my eyes. I looked at my dad. Tears rested on his eyelids, unshed. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d ever seen him cry or if I ever had.
“Just tell me,” I said.
Dad opened his mouth to speak then closing it, obviously struggling. He tried again. “Seth, I know you’ve been noticing something’s off lately. You too, Maddox. You both have asked me about it and I’m sorry to say that I lied to you. I just didn’t want to ruin the holiday season with bad news.”
“Oh, Christ.” I braced myself, unsure of what I was going to hear next, desperately hoping that it wasn’t something terrible, but I knew that it would be. Thoughts ran through my mind. Had someone died? No, that wouldn’t make sense. Was someone going to die? Oh God please don’t let it be that. Was it a divorce? No, that wouldn’t make any sense, they’d just gone on a cruise.
