by T. O. Smith
I heard Tristan barking orders behind us at all of his men, but I was already rushing out of the door towards Jessie’s car, not paying him any mind. Once my ass hit the passenger seat, she took off towards the hospital, barely giving me time to close the door.
My heart was painfully pounding in my chest, stealing my breath, making it extremely hard to breathe.
God, I know I’m a shitty person, but please don’t make me lose him. I won’t survive it.
■ ■ ■
When we got to the hospital, I rushed inside, instantly demanding the receptionist on duty to let me know which room Joey was in.
“I’m sorry, Miss, but he’s currently in surgery.” I swallowed down vomit. Surgery. That was bad. That was really fucking bad. “You can have a seat in our waiting room and wait for the doctor to let me know that he’s out of surgery and into a recovery room.”
Numbly, I nodded, moving to the waiting room. Jessie took a seat in one of the hard, plastic chairs, but I couldn’t sit. I paced back and forth across the floor. If I sat still, I would lose my fucking mind.
Ink took a seat beside Jessie and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her into him as he tried to console her. She cried into his shoulder.
I wished I could cry. Right now, I was numb – teetering on the edge between sanity and losing my damn mind. I didn’t know what to do without Joey.
I hate you.
Those had been my last words to him, and right then, I fucking hated myself for letting him get hurt with those being my last fucking words to ring in his head.
I looked up when the double doors opened, and Tristan stepped in with Jesup hot on his heels, their familiar President and Vice President patches adorning their cuts, letting everyone around know who they were.
Tristan frowned when our eyes connected. Without a word, he opened his arms to me, giving me the option to take his comfort. With a choked sob, I rushed into his arms and collapsed against his chest as his strong arms wrapped around my slender frame, holding me together as best as he could.
“I can’t lose him, too, Tristan.” I sobbed.
“Joey is strong, Addy baby.” Tristan soothed as he brushed his calloused hand over my hair. “It’s going to take a lot more than this to take him out,” Tristan assured me softly, pressing his lips to my temple.
But for some reason, I couldn’t believe him. Any other time, I would agree, but something in my gut was telling me that this time wouldn’t be like the others.
I cried into Tristan’s chest as he stood with his back facing the wall, his arms tight around me as he let me cry it out. Jesup stood next to us, his eyes staying focused on his surroundings. “Joey Dirks?” A male voice asked as he entered the waiting room.
Jessie jumped to her feet and rushed over towards the doctor who was still in his surgery scrubs. “I’m his sister.” She informed him. “Is he okay?”
The doctor gave her a sad look, and I instantly knew.
I’d lost Joey, too.
“I’m sorry, Miss, but we did everything we could.” He softly told her.
I wailed as I collapsed to the floor, my arms wrapping tightly around myself. Sobs wracked my body, my screams bouncing off of the walls. “No!” I screamed, my fists pounding the floor. “Joey!” I screeched.
Tristan dropped to the ground next to me, dragging me into his arms, holding me tight to him as he rocked me, doing his best to calm me back down. I tightly wrapped my arms around his torso, loud cries ripping from my lips as I begged Joey to come back to me.
Tristan gripped my face in his hands, shaking me gently as he forced me to look up at him. His expression shattered as he ran his eyes over my face. “No, baby, not now. I need you to breathe, Addy.” He told me firmly. “Focus on me.” He commanded. “Come back to me, baby. Joey wouldn’t want you to be like this.”
I whimpered, my chest aching.
Tristan gave me a gentle smile. “Come on, baby girl. In. Out. Breathe.” I followed his instructions as he ran his thumbs over my cheekbones. “That’s it. Slowly, Addy. Breathe.”
“I-Is he really gone?” I asked, my voice coming out weak and strangled.
Tristan slowly nodded and drew me into his arms as silent tears trickled down my cheeks.
Who else was I going to lose before all of this shit was over?
■ ■ ■
The clubhouse was silent as I walked in with Tristan right behind me. Some people were silently crying while others were staring blankly into space.
This club had just lost one of their greatest presidents.
I had just lost one of the greatest men I’d ever known.
“You know this is your fault, right?” Charles asked from his position at the bar. I looked over at him silently, a blank expression on my face and in my eyes. “Joey would still be alive if Vin hadn’t fucking gone after him for protecting you.”
Tears welled up in my eyes at his words, shattering that numbness that I so desperately needed now. “I’m sorry.” I choked out to both the club and Joey.
It was all my fucking fault.
Tristan’s hands settled over my shoulders as I felt him press himself against my back, guarding me and protecting me the best that he could. “Watch your fucking tone with her.” Tristan snarled at Joey’s VP – now the president of Sons of Hell.
“He’s right.” Jessie snapped at Charles. “This isn’t her fucking fault.”
“How the fuck is it not?” Charles snarled at her. I flinched at his words. “She’s been nothing but fucking trouble since Joey took her from her birthday party when she was eighteen.” Charles looked at me, rage covering his features. I swallowed thickly. “As the new president, I’m ordering you to leave.” He snapped, pointing his finger at me. I sucked in a sharp breath at his words. “Get your shit and get the fuck out of my clubhouse. You’re no longer a part of this fucking club.”
“Now hold the fuck up!” Ink roared from his position beside Jessie. “You know Joey never wanted her to leave this fucking club, Charles! She’s one of us! She was his, for fuck’s sake.”
“Not anymore she’s not!” Charles roared at him. I rolled my lips into my mouth, resisting the urge to whimper. “Now shut your fucking mouth when speaking to me!” He looked back at me. “Get out, Adelaide.”
I tilted my chin up defiantly, refusing to show weakness to the asshole in front of me. Wiping my expression clean off my face, I nodded at him. “Alright, Charles, I’m leaving, but note this.” I snarled, shrugging Tristan’s hands off of my shoulders as I strode forward until I could feel Charles’s hot breath on my skin. “This club will turn against you, Charles. No fucking new president ever goes against what the old president wanted. It’s called respect for the fucking dead.”
Charles tightly gripped my arm, yanking me closer to him as a disgusted snarl twisted his features. I brought my knee up, kneeing him in his dick. He quickly released me and dropped to the floor, holding his balls in his hands, his expression white with pain. I spit on him, clenching my fists at my sides. “Mark my fucking words, Charles. You ever fucking come near me again, and it won’t be my knee on your balls. I’ll shoot your fucking dick off, you got me?”
I stepped over him and stormed to my room, not waiting for his bullshit reply. After yanking a duffel bag out of the top of my closet, I tossed it onto the bed and began throwing my necessary clothes into it along with any important documentation that I had. I could practically feel Tristan’s eyes on me as I moved around the room, but he was silent, giving me a moment to gather myself.
“What makes you so sure that the club will turn on him?” Tristan finally asked me.
“No one here really likes Charles,” I informed him. Tristan stayed silent, allowing me to continue. “He always wanted to go against Joey. Everyone here respected Joey as a President, and they respected his decisions. Him running me off, the one fucking person Joey ever gave two damn shits about, the one person this club ever respected like a sister, is going to cause problems – the clu
b is going to turn on Charles.”
“And what happens when the club turns on him?” Tristan asked me.
“It gets bloody,” I told him. “And the club is very possibly over.”
Tristan stayed silent after that. I zipped my bag up, and he grabbed it off of the bed. “Guess you’re finally coming home where you belong.” He stated softly.
I swallowed thickly but nodded, knowing Sons of Death was the only place I could go to now. I didn’t have anyone else.
I looked across the hall to Joey’s room as we stepped out of mine. Putting my finger up to signal Tristan to hold on a minute, I pushed open Joey’s door, swallowing hard as I looked at the picture of us on his nightstand. I was about turn nineteen in a couple of weeks in that picture, and Joey had surprised me by making me an official member of his club and giving me my own room in the clubhouse.
We were standing right outside of the clubhouse, and he had his arms wrapped around me from behind. I was wearing his cut to show everyone that I was his woman, even though it basically swallowed me. Joey had on a blue and black flannel shirt with a pair of dark jeans, and he was grinning down at me as I laughed at something he had said.
If I wasn’t mistaken, Jessie had taken the picture of us.
Even then, we had always clashed heads, but we loved each other in our own sick, twisted ways.
Silent tears trickled down my cheeks as I picked up the picture, a small, sad smile playing on my lips.
Fuck, I already missed him so damn much.
“I will always love you, Joey,” I whispered, my words almost inaudible to my own ears.
I grabbed his cut one of the members had laid out on his bed, and I grabbed his knife that he always kept under his pillow. His father had given it to him, and he had always said if he ever had a kid, he would always give the knife to his child.
He wasn’t ever given the option. Joey would never have a family, never have children.
I walked back out of the room, and Tristan looked down at the items in my hand. Deciding to stay silent, he just followed me out of the clubhouse without a word. He was strapping my duffel bag to his bike when Jessie rushed outside and threw her arms around me. I hugged her back instantly.
“I’ll miss you, gorgeous.” She whispered into my shoulder.
I squeezed her gently, tears stinging my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them fall – not here. “I’ll miss you, too, gorgeous,” I whispered in return.
She pulled back from me, her dark eyes glimmering with unshed tears. “Promise me that you’ll stay safe?” She asked softly.
I nodded. “You better do the same,” I told her. She gave me a wobbly smile. “If things ever get to be too rough around here, call me. I promise I will come to get you – whether Tristan agrees or not.” I assured her.
She nodded and kissed my cheek. “Please keep in touch.” She quietly begged me.
I kissed her cheek as well. “Always, gorgeous.”
With one last, sad smile, she went back into the clubhouse where Ink was waiting on her. I sighed and slid onto the bike behind Tristan as he turned the engine over, the bike rumbling to life beneath me as I sat down. He gripped one of my hands and brought it up to his lips, pressing a light kiss to my knuckles. I drew in a slow, deep breath before I tightly wound my arms around his midsection and pressed the front of my body to his back.
And we were off to the Sons of Death’s territory.
SIX
I gagged when I woke up, vomit rising in my throat. I quickly jumped out of bed and rushed into the bathroom connected to Tristan’s room in the clubhouse, barely making it in front of the toilet before I began to throw up.
I vaguely heard Tristan call after me, concern tinting his voice. I couldn’t respond. I quickly dropped to my knees in front of the toilet, throwing up stomach acid since I didn’t eat anything yesterday. Tristan was kneeling next to me instantly, his hand holding my hair back out of my face as his other hand caressed my back, whispering soothing words to me as I continued emptying my stomach.
Afterward, I sagged back against the wall in exhaustion and closed my eyes, ignoring Tristan’s worried gaze as he studied my face. I didn’t want the worry. I probably just had some kind of stomach bug. It wasn’t even something to be worried about.
“When was your last period, Addy?” Tristan gently asked me.
I opened my eyes to look at the handsome man in front of me, arching my eyebrow at him as I did so. “What kind of question is that?” I asked in confusion.
“Just answer it.” He told me, frustration tinting his voice.
I sighed as I thought about his question. I took a moment to do the math in my head, and my eyes flashed back open as tears welled up in my eyes when I realized I was actually late.
I was very possibly pregnant.
With Joey’s baby.
Tristan sighed, sadness ringing in his eyes. “I thought so.” He whispered.
Tears silently slid down my cheeks in quick succession as I looked down at my flat belly – my flat belly that was probably growing Joey’s little kid.
I sobbed.
Tristan sat beside me against the wall and pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me. I burrowed against his chest, resisting the urge to wail. How cruel could God be?
“How can you not hate me right now?” I asked Tristan, my voice muffled against his muscular, bare chest.
Tristan sighed, tightening his arms around me. “I could never hate you, Addy.” He admitted. I sniffled. Could he still love me so much that he was okay with me carrying another man’s baby – another president’s baby? “Does it make me upset that you’re carrying another man’s baby? Yes, of course, it does, but I can’t be angry at you. You and Joey were having sex way before I stepped back into the picture.” He told me, but there was a bit of bitterness in his tone. I knew he hated the fact that I felt so much for Joey, that I loved him so fucking much.
At the mention of Joey, my tears came harder. “I’m pregnant with his kid, and he’ll never know.” I sobbed. “I’ll never get the opportunity to see him hold his baby. He would have been a fucking fantastic dad.” I cried.
Tristan tightened his arms around me. “He would have been ecstatic about it, Addy.” Tristan tried assuring me. “Joey would have gone above and beyond to make sure you and your baby were well and taken care of.”
I wrapped my arms tightly around Tristan’s torso as I cried harder. “What am I going to do?” I asked.
“I think you mean we.” Tristan gently corrected me. I looked up at him in confusion, my tears clouding my vision. He reached up and gently wiped some of my tears off of my cheeks before he wrapped his arm back around me. “We’re in this together, Addy baby.”
I sniffled. “You’re too damn kind for your own good,” I grumbled as I buried my face back against his chest.
Tristan let out a husky, sexy laugh that had my belly twisting with desire for him, but I tampered it back down. “I just love you, Addy.” I swallowed thickly as my heart skipped a beat. “That has never changed. If loving you means that I have to father a kid that’s not mine, then that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll love this baby as if it were my own.” He assured me.
What in the hell did I ever do to deserve a man like Tristan?
■ ■ ■
TRISTAN
I slowly slid out of bed the next morning, being extremely careful to not wake Addy up. Now that I knew that she was pregnant, I was going to make sure she got all of the rest that she needed and that she took extremely good care of herself. All of this toxic shit that she had been doing had to come to an end. She wasn’t just thinking of herself anymore.
But I knew that was going to be a fucking fight.
I walked into my in-suite bathroom and got a quick shower so I could go deal with club shit. I knew I needed to get a run organized and get ready to distribute funds at church today.
After getting dressed in a pair of black cargo pants, my black steel-toed boots, a black t-shi
rt, and my cut, I walked out into the bar room where Jesup was already behind the bar, talking to a couple of club women about cleaning up the mess from the welcoming back party last night.
Jesup arched an eyebrow at me when he noticed me. “You’re up early.” He commented.
I shrugged. “So are you.” I retorted.
Normally after a welcome home party, all of the club members, including myself, slept extremely late – well into the afternoon.
There was too much shit on my mind today to sleep.
Jesup grinned at me. “I was expecting you to be balls deep inside of Adelaide for a while.” He lightly teased. I scowled at him. “It’s been years since you’ve been with her.”
