“Perfect. I owe you one, Verity.”
She chuckled and shook a finger at me playfully. “You owe me more than one.”
“Remind me to increase your salary,” I said, heading back to the elevator, feeling like it might turn out okay. I’d screwed up royally, but there was a chance I could still make it.
I jogged out to the car and handed Ralph the piece of paper Verity had given me. “Take me to this address and step on it, please. I don’t want to be late.” The chances of getting a second ticket on the same day were miniscule. Even my luck wasn’t that bad.
My driver nodded and entered the info into the GPS and then pulled away from the curb in a hurry. I called Maya, and it rang multiple times, eventually going to voice mail. I left a quick message.
This is Easton. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to take you to your appointment, but I’m on my way to the doctor’s office now. Call me when you get this. I want to be there for you.
I put my phone away and peered out the front window from the back seat. We were hitting heavy traffic and slowing down to a crawl. This wasn’t how I’d pictured this day going. I’d wanted to take Maya to the appointment, hold her hand and be there to support her. For whatever reason, she was fearful of doctors and hospitals. I wasn’t sure why that was, but…
I frowned. Why was she so scared of seeing the doctor? Come to think of it, I’d never bothered to ask what her issue was. A lot of people had phobias and maybe this was just one of those quirks, but a gut feeling told me it was more than that. I made a note to myself to inquire next time we were alone so I’d have a better understanding of why she needed the support.
The light turned green, but none of the cars in front of us moved an inch. “What’s going on?”
Ralph glanced at me over his shoulder and grimaced. “Looks like there’s an accident ahead. We might be here for a while.”
My back stiffened, and exhaustion hit me like a train hitting a brick wall. I’d been up early this morning so I’d be able to fulfill my commitment to Maya, but it looked as if my efforts weren’t enough. A panicky sensation worked its way up my chest, and I breathed in, feeling as if I couldn’t get a full breath.
Sometime later, we were still stuck in traffic and Maya hadn’t called me back. She was probably disgusted that I hadn’t kept my word, and I didn’t blame her. Eventually, we made it to the medical offices and my driver dropped me off out front. I rushed inside and nearly collided into Maya on her way out.
“Whoa…” I took hold of her shoulders and steadied her, my palms clammy, but she didn’t seem to notice. “Almost ran you over.”
“Easton?” She had a startled expression on her face. “What are you doing here?”
“Didn’t you get my message? I told you I was on my way.”
“No. I put my phone on silent so it wouldn’t ring during the appointment.” She pulled her cell out of her purse and glanced at the screen. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you would still try to make it.”
“But Verity wrote down the address. Didn’t you think I’d come?”
She shrugged. “I just assumed you couldn’t.” There was a note of sadness in her eyes, and it nearly broke me. She probably thought I didn’t care, that I didn’t make her a priority, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
It wasn’t until that moment that I understood exactly how much I cared. My heart swelled with longing, with an ache that took hold of me, almost drowning me in its intensity. “The appointment is over, isn’t it?”
She nodded. “It was quick and painless. I’m kind of glad you weren’t there because it would have bored you.” The corners of her lips tipped up in a shy smile, and I found my hand reaching out on its own accord, wanting to trace the side of her face to let her know how much she meant to me. Or maybe I just wanted assurance that she wouldn’t pull away. I let my hand drop to my side, resisting the urge to act in a way I might regret later.
“Stop worrying, Easton. I’ve never seen you this concerned before. It’s fine.”
No way. She was trying to let me off the hook, but I wouldn’t let her. “Look, I screwed this up, and there’s no good excuse for that. Don’t try to make this okay. It’s not.” I ran a hand through my already messy hair and grit my teeth. “I had this other thing today, but I won’t go into that now. I’m just upset that I didn’t give myself enough time to get back, but I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” Realizing I’d just made another promise and hadn’t kept the first one, my throat went dry. “Honestly, when I make promises…” I swallowed hard, feeling sick to my stomach all over again. “I follow through. This was an exception.” I thought about Dad and the many times he’d pounded that into me, and I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to remember that he was gone.
Maya’s lips parted, and confusion flickered in her eyes. She placed a gentle hand on my arm, and her touch sent ripples of warmth through me, easing the tension in my shoulders. “Easton, it’s fine. Really. It’s no big deal.”
“It was a big deal. I messed up, Maya.” That panicky sensation was back, tightening my chest, making me feel as if I couldn’t breathe.
Maya’s brows knitted together as she looked at me with concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” I blew out a breath and turned around, glancing at Ralph. “Can I give you a ride home?”
“I drove on my own, remember?” She eyed me like I was losing my mind, and she wasn’t wrong. Something was definitely off with me.
It was as if I’d crossed an imaginary line and an explosion had gone off in my head. I didn’t have a clue what the problem was, but my pulse increased rapidly until it felt like my heart would burst out of my chest. A shot of pain coursed through my ribs, feeling much like a cramp in my calf muscle in the middle of the night. I sucked in a breath, the spasm almost unbearable, but I tried to hold on to my composure. “Of course. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Easton, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.” She frowned and studied me for a long moment, her eyes widening as she took me in. “This isn’t about being late. Something else is going on.”
My vision blurred, and I stumbled back a step. She gripped my arm and steadied me until I was able to walk to a bench to the right of the entrance. “You need to sit down,” she said, her voice shaking a little.
My heart raced, and it felt as if I’d lost all control. What was wrong with me? I clenched my fist, hating that she was seeing me in this state. I lowered myself to the bench and leaned over, placing my head in my hands.
“Take a deep breath,” she said in a soothing tone, and she rubbed circles on my back, calming me down. “I think you’re having a panic attack.”
Was that what this was? “It can’t be that. I’ve never had one before.”
“Do you want me to run inside and get a doctor?”
I shook my head. “No, don’t do that.”
“Tell me what to do, Easton. I want to help you.”
I glanced at her, my heart rate slowing a bit. “Just stay with me. I think I’ll be okay in a few minutes.”
She rubbed my back again, relieving some of the stress that had built up over the last hour. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter 15
Maya
After a few minutes, his breathing came back to normal, and the color returned to his face. For a second there, I thought I’d have to call 911 or fetch that doctor I’d just seen, but he was starting to look himself again. I placed two of my fingers at his wrist. “Your pulse is slowing down.”
Easton’s jaw tightened, and he nodded, looking as if someone had knocked him down and he was just coming to. “I’ll be fine.”
“Looks like you had a panic attack. You scared me, buddy.”
I waited for him to make a crack about how he was my boss, not my buddy, but there was no amusement on his face. He blew out a breath, and his eyes flickered with so much pain, I felt it in my gut. He cleared his throat and glanced at me for the first time since we’d sat d
own. “Sorry to put you through that.”
“You didn’t put me through anything. We’re friends, right? I’m here for you.” I paused and waited for him to say something, and when he didn’t, I continued. “Easton, please. Tell me what happened. What’s going on with you?”
He shrugged. “Don’t know. Guess the traffic got to me.” His lips curled up on one side in a half-hearted attempt at humor, but I could tell he wasn’t feeling it.
“You need to take better care of yourself. How much stress have you been under lately?”
He licked his lips and stared at the ground as if in a daze. “Just the normal amount.”
I ran my hand over his back and neck, trying to soothe the tension in his muscles. I stroked in a steady rhythm until he relaxed under my touch. A part of me knew this wasn’t a good idea, but I did it anyway. I wanted to comfort him. Wanted it more than anything right now. I felt my heart being pulled in his direction, and it was so strong it was almost overwhelming. If I didn’t move away from him, there was no telling what I would do next, and an impulsive act would most likely end in disaster. Sighing, I patted his back one last time and removed my hand. I scooted over a few inches, putting distance between us. “The normal amount of stress? I’m guessing that’s a lot then.”
He laughed softly. “It usually doesn’t bother me.”
“Must have finally caught up to you.”
“Yeah, probably.” He swiped both hands over his face, not appearing convinced.
“Hey.” I put a hand on his arm and waited until he looked at me. “If you ever want to talk, I’m here. You know that, right?”
His gaze met mine, and there was something there I hadn’t noticed before. His blue eyes were fierce with affection, but in all the time I’d known him, I’d never seen him look at anyone like that, not even Charlotte or his mother. My stomach flipped, and I realized it wasn’t the family type of affection I was seeing. No, this was a different beast altogether. It was closer to desire or longing. He had feelings for me. I knew that as strongly as I knew my own name, and the intensity of his emotion was all-consuming. It was more than a hunch. It was like learning new information, but realizing you’d known it all along. I held his gaze, allowing the moment to wash over me, not caring that I was falling even harder for him.
“You really mean that, don’t you?” he asked.
“Yes, absolutely.”
He didn’t look away but kept staring at me as if he were trying to decide if he should share what was on his mind. Reaching over, he took my hand. “I was afraid of letting you down.”
He’d said that earlier, but it wasn’t until this moment that I understood how much that had affected him. “You didn’t. You showed up. That’s all that matters to me.”
“I wanted to be there for you when you saw the doctor.”
“You’re here for me now, and that’s good enough for me.” I smiled to let him know I really meant it.
A long silence ensued, and I could tell there was more, but I waited until he was ready to speak. He cleared his throat and glanced away. It was a long time before he finally spoke, but when he did, that intense pain returned to his eyes. “I wasn’t there for my dad.”
I wanted him to share more, but when he didn’t say anything, I pressed him a little. “You mentioned letting your dad down when we took that hike together. What happened, Easton?”
He ran a hand along the side of his jaw and kept his eyes on the ground. “Our grandparents were wealthy. You know that, right?”
I nodded. “Yes, Charlotte told me.”
“Dad felt like his parents weren’t there for him, so he did everything he could to be there for Charlotte and me. I remember when we were kids, he’d take us to the park and we’d play sports. He’d go swimming with us in the pool during the summer, and during the winter, he’d take us skiing. He always made the effort.”
“You were lucky to have him.”
He swallowed hard. “In my teenage years and even older than that, I thought hanging out with my parents was something losers did. I thought it wasn’t cool.” He glanced at me; sorrow etched on his face. “He deserved so much better than a son who didn’t appreciate the kind of man he was.”
“Easton…”
He held a hand up. “Don’t say anything to encourage me, Maya. I earned this. I refused to listen to him while he was alive, and now I have to live with it for the rest of my life.”
I was quiet because I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure what had happened between him and his father, but I knew his dad wouldn’t want him to be in this much turmoil.
He sucked in a breath, his chest rising and falling. “The day he died, he called me.”
“What did he say?”
He laughed bitterly. “See, that’s the thing. I didn’t answer the phone. Not because I was busy. Not because I was in the middle of something. I just didn’t feel like it.”
I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed, trying to offer some form of encouragement that didn’t involve empty platitudes. I wanted to comfort him, but I had to choose my words wisely. He’d just asked me not to try to encourage him, so I resisted the urge to jump in and attempt to convince him it was okay. The last thing I wanted was to give advice that would fall flat and make it worse. Right now, he just needed me to listen.
“We spoke the previous night,” he continued. “He told me that my spiritual state concerned him. He wasn’t sure…” He trailed off, looking pained. “He didn’t know if I was saved—in the spiritual sense.”
I bit down on my bottom lip. “Do you think you’re saved?”
“I don’t know.” He sat up and wiped a tear from one of his eyes. “Sometimes I think I am, and other times I have no idea.” He frowned. “Anyway, I didn’t answer his call that morning because I didn’t want to revisit that discussion. I found out later that he had a heart attack and died.” He leaned his head back against the wall behind us and let out a long breath. “I’m a selfish man, Maya. That’s always been my way. Dad knew it. I knew it. And I let him down.” He turned and glanced at me, the corners of his lips turning down. “What if he was trying to get ahold of me because he needed help?”
“Or…he just wanted to talk, and the heart attack happened after that.”
“We’ll never know.”
“True, but you have a choice here, Easton. You can run from what he told you the night before he died, or you can face it head-on. He was concerned about you. He loved you. Wanted the best for you. That’s what I think he’d want you to concentrate on. Not this pain you’re holding on to.”
“You’re probably right.”
“I know I am.” I smiled and held his gaze, refusing to look away. “Don’t run from it anymore. I’m not a psychologist, but I have a feeling that your meltdown a minute ago has something to do with your feelings about this. You were afraid to let me down because a part of you believes that’s in your nature, and any time you question that, you think about what happened with your dad.”
His brows lowered, and he pressed his lips together as if thinking. “I think you’re actually right about that.”
“It’s just a stab in the dark, but that’s the sense I get.”
He nodded slowly. “I’ll give that some thought.”
Chapter 16
Easton
Maya and I talked a while longer outside the doctor’s office and then we both went on our way. I was embarrassed about losing it in front of her, but she didn’t appear to think less of me. In fact, she proved to be a true friend. She didn’t mindlessly tell me what she thought I wanted to hear. Instead, she listened and stayed with me until I was okay to leave on my own. She was right when she’d said I’d been running from the conversation Dad and I had the night before he died.
And because it was something I didn’t want to think about, I knew it was the one thing I had to think about. I needed to deal with it.
I’d just gotten home, and after changing into more comfortable clothing, I heade
d out to the backyard and sat out by the pool with the Bible Dad had given me when I was in the sixth grade. On the inside cover, he’d written two verses, and I’d read them before, but that was many, many years ago. I took a moment to look the first one up.
Romans 5:8 But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Growing up in a Christian home, I understood the concept of sin, and I was well aware of my own transgressions. I was selfish. I knew that, so I grasped the teaching that I needed to ask Christ for forgiveness. Knowing that in my head was completely different from acting on it, though.
In the sixth grade at a summer camp, I’d made a confession of faith, and because of that, I’d always thought I was saved. I remembered the day it happened. The leaders of the camp had gathered all the kids into a room and the guy spoke about Jesus and then gave an altar call. He asked everyone who wanted to give their life to Jesus to come up front, and many did. All my friends went forward, and I felt alone sitting there on the floor with space all around me. At the last minute, I got up and joined them, and I recalled what was in my heart at the time. I didn’t do it because I wanted Christ. I went because I didn’t want to be the odd one out. It was mere lip service.
After that, I’d left my confession of faith behind and never looked back. I lived for myself. For no one but me. In high school, I was defiant towards my parents and lived just like everyone else in the world.
And as I sat there by the pool, my Bible on my lap, the truth seemed crystal clear to me. No, I was not saved. I’d never made a genuine commitment to the Lord. Dad had been right to be concerned.
I thought about Romans eight and how I’d felt separated from God’s love even though it clearly said nothing could separate us from Him. And then it occurred to me that the promise was made to those who knew the Lord. Maybe I felt separated from Him because I was separate. I had resisted the call.
Ephesians 2:13 was the other scripture reference my father had written on the inside cover, and I took a moment to look it up. But now in Christ Jesus, you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.
Blind Date with my Billionaire Boss (Blind Date Disasters Book 5) Page 13
