I frowned. Cassius sounded crazy.
Silence fell between us, until it was just the sound of running water and our breathing.
“Her name was Janella,” Cassius said.
“Who?” I thought I’d heard him mention her a few times.
“A woman I loved,” he replied. “She was my world. My everything. I would have given it all just to see her happy. I think that she was the reason why I was attracted to you. You see, you two look very alike.”
Jealousy snaked its way through me. I inched away from Cassius, but he still had his arm wrapped around my waist. “So you’re saying that you don’t like me for me, but because you’re pining for this other woman?”
Cassius shook his head. “She’s dead now, if that matters.”
“I don’t like being a replacement.”
“You’re not,” Cassius said. “At least, I hope you’re not like her.”
Hope? “Are there similarities other than looks?”
Cassius pressed his lips together. “I’m projecting my fears onto you.”
“How was she like?” And what did I care?
“A traitor.” Cassius went silent again. When he didn’t say anything for too long, I pushed myself from him and turned around so that I faced him. I saw hurt flicker across his face. “She told me she loved me, and then look what happened.”
I drew my hand down his neck. I whispered, “What happened?”
“She loved my brother more in the end.” Cassius snarled, looking to the left and away from me. “And she tried to take my heart with that very same dagger I gave you.” I frowned. Wasn’t that exactly what I was trying to do? “I lost her twice. The first time was when I saw her kissing my brother that morning, shattering everything I believed. I overheard her talking about choosing Edrik over me. I thought I could trust them, but the things they did behind my back…”
I hated seeing the pain on his face. I kneaded light circles into his shoulder. “I’m sorry they wronged you. Not everybody’s like that. Not everybody betrays.” I failed to soothe Cassius. Through the pained expression on his face, I knew that his thoughts were locked in the past.
Cassius continued, “The second time I lost her was when the hunters attacked. I wanted to protect her then, and when the family home was raided by our enemies, I went searching for her. I didn’t know that Janella had cut a deal with the hunters. Their powers in exchange for my life. She tried to kill me. And even then, I tried to save her. I wanted to run into the fires, to the hunters, to find her, but when I was distracted, my father knocked me out to keep me safe. We had lost too many fullbloods and he didn’t want to lose me, too. Isn’t that ironic?” Cassius laughed to himself. “Against my wishes, I fled my family home with my father to escape the hunters. There was no use fighting. We were overwhelmed. Janella had stayed, thinking she might get a second chance with the hunters. My family home caught on fire and Edrik managed to escape my father to find her. I never saw them again. Sometimes I wished I were in the fire, too. Then I wouldn’t have to suffer this pain. It never leaves.” Cassius looked at me. “You make it better, somehow.”
My breath stilled.
Cassius knew loss like I did. I didn’t know how to respond to his tale. It was too heartbreaking, and for the first time, I truly felt for a monster like him. Creatures of the night could be broken too. I wrapped my arms around him and tucked my face into his neck. I sucked in a deep breath, taking in his warm, ashen scent.
“Will you do the same to me?” he asked. “Try to steal my heart after breaking it?”
“I can’t say for sure,” I replied. “My sister is all I have left. I enjoy my time with you, but each time I’m in your embrace, I think of stealing your heart. I keep thinking that I made the wrong decision when you gave me the dagger. Hannah might be awake and well now.”
Cassius smiled unexpectedly. Tenderly, he stroked the side of my arm. My heart skittered. “Thanks for telling me the truth. That’s your name, isn’t it? Verity. Truth. Honesty.”
“Yes.”
“I hate lies. Janella was a liar.”
“I’m not her.”
He raked his gaze down my face, then pulled me into a kiss. It was hot and distracting and sent tremors down my spine. “No,” he said after releasing my lips. “You’re nothing like the woman of my past. You’re the future.”
“You’re a strange vampire, Cassius,” I said, splaying my hand on his chest. I felt his heartbeat. Before coming to the Sanctum, I’d always wondered whether vampires had beating hearts. The stories said they were undead, after all. I’d never been this close to a live one.
Cassius chuckled and brushed his nose across mine. “That isn’t the worst description you could give me.” Cassius planted a light kiss on my lips. “Do you think you’re properly cleaned?”
“You’ve washed me plenty.”
“Good.” He smiled. “Everything is good.”
“For now.”
“And that’s what matters. Live in the moment, because you never know when happiness might shatter.”
This much joy could only be temporary.
Life had taught me that the hard way.
Twenty-Three
Cassius
Verity looked like an angel.
That was the same thought I’d had of Janella when I had her in my embrace, her breath softly grazing my chest as she lay on it.
Security.
Comfort. Warmth.
I wondered whether everything was a lie, but I worried little about that. I snuggled closer to Ver, reveling in how small she felt in my arms. If she betrayed me, then so be it, because I enjoyed this moment and never wanted it to end.
I needed her affection. I craved it more than her blood, and knowing that disturbed me to no end.
She stirred, soft eyelashes twitching. I thought she might wake. She’d been asleep for ten hours now. I might have had her for too long and hard last night. Her human body wouldn’t be able to keep up with mine. Verity yawned before continuing to sleep, too exhausted to wake. I had to keep reminding myself that she was a human and that she didn’t have the vigor that Janella used to. I shouldn’t compare the two. Their exteriors might look similar, but inside, they were completely different.
Verity needed time to recuperate and recover. I took in a deep breath. The scent of her overwhelmed me like the first time I met her. She still smelled delectable, but emotions thrummed through me, helping me fight the hunger. I wanted to protect Verity. I wanted to make her feel safe.
“What am I going to do with you?” I asked, twirling her black hair around my finger.
She muttered something inaudible as she inched closer to me. Knowing that she could be so comfortable in my presence made me smile.
A buzzer went off.
I groaned, but Verity continued to sleep. Good.
Someone had to turn off the buzzer, and I needed to check on Annelise. As gently as I could, I pulled Verity’s arm away from my waist and pushed myself from the bed. Already, without her body pressed on mine, my surroundings felt colder. I meandered toward the partition, pushed it aside, and entered the other section of my room.
I moved toward the concoction I had brewing on my study table. It’d turned blue this time. I rested my hands on the desk and sighed. Why did I keep trying? This wasn’t going to work. I’d imported compounds from all over the world for this experiment. The compounds came from witches. Scientists. Some of them included rare ingredients that appeared only once every few years. None of them worked. Testing them out on Annelise was a routine. An old habit that served little purpose.
Annelise had lain in that same position for the last fifty years. She was as good as dead. Even if she woke, her mother wouldn’t be alive to see her, and would she really want be thrust into a completely new world? One that she knew nothing about? A world where she didn’t know anybody?
Watching her, I thought about Verity and Hannah. Verity truly loved her sister…
I was old. I’d liv
ed and loved and suffered. Maybe giving up my heart wasn’t such a bad thing. Before I met Verity, I’d wanted to die anyway. Would it be so terrible if I gave my life for a young girl who showed promise?
I took the new compound and prepared it in a syringe. Dragging my feet, I moved toward Annelise, watching her chest fall and rise. I didn’t expect anything when I injected her with the blue fluid.
This wasn’t going to work. I needed a vampire queen’s blood to ensure the success of my cure, but that was an impossibility. I wasn’t going to mate with another fullblood to create a queen. After finding Verity, the chances of that seemed even more unlikely. I had feelings for her. Feelings I tried to ignore but knew were there. I sat on Annelise’s bed and tucked her hair behind her ear, as I always did. Where I’d injected the compound, her veins showed, then disappeared.
I waited.
A minute.
Five.
Ten.
Nothing happened.
Always the same results.
“Is there any chance you can save my sister with this?” Verity asked. She’d entered this section of my chambers without me noticing. I frowned. How did she move so silently? I had heightened hearing, which allowed me to be more aware of my surroundings. Few people ever caught me off guard.
The way Verity was dressed distracted me from that question. She hadn’t bothered to cover herself up, and wore merely her bra and underpants. Her bra pushed her breasts up in just the right way. I licked my lips as I stared at them, wondering how it would feel to drink from them.
“You’re a terrible vampire,” Verity continued. “Has anybody ever told you that?”
“Oh, it’s not weird, but terrible now?”
“Weird and terrible.”
“Few people dare to insult me.”
“It’s good to have a reality check every now and then. I’ll keep you in your place.”
“My place?” I chuckled. “I belong at the top.”
“Do you? For an alpha bloodsucking monster, you spend an awful lot of time caring for a sick girl.” She pinned me with a mock-serious expression. “You need to be meaner. More aggressive. Thirstier, and perhaps more broodiness.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Will you only be pleased when you see me bathed in the blood of my enemies?”
“I wouldn’t be so confused then.”
I got to my feet and moved toward her, away from Annelise. Grabbing her wrist, I dragged her through the partition and back to my bed.
“Where are you taking me?” she asked.
“Where you belong.”
“And that is?”
“In my arms.”
I pushed her back onto the sheets. The sun hadn’t fully set, and I wanted more of her warmth against my skin. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to get enough of that. She might hate my kind, but she allowed me to do as I wished to her. She trusted me even though I saw her fighting against those feelings.
Damn feelings and what they did, even to fullblood vampires like me.
“Ver?” I said, my breath tickling the back of her ear. “Can I ask you something?”
She looked up, her eyes blue and round and filled with question. “Hm?” Those eyes were beginning to mean the world to me—a crippling sensation.
I swallowed. Never in my hundreds of years alive had I felt nervous. Not even Janella could rack my nerves like this. I wasn’t sure what spell the she-devil I held in my arms had cast over me, but it was confusing and wonderful and more than I could ask for all at once. “What do you think of me?”
Verity’s eyes widened. “In what sense do you mean?”
I twirled a lock of her hair around my finger. “Do you think we could ever be in love?” I was not sure what had possessed me to ask such a question. Love was for the weak, and yet that was what I was becoming. Weak. Verity had snuck her way into my heart. She could play with it as she wished. The possibility of having someone else in my future was far too intoxicating.
Verity laughed sheepishly. “No.” She avoided my gaze.
Her answer sent pain through my chest. The rejection came too abruptly. Was there no chance at all? Just like that, she’d crushed my inkling of hope. “And why not?”
She pulled away from me. “You’re a vampire.”
“I thought you said that I’m a terrible one.”
“That doesn’t change who you actually are.” Verity shook her head. “It’s not that I have anything against you, Cassius. You’re trying to save Annelise. You’ve been good to me, even though you were quite terrifying in the beginning. But every time I see your kind, I’m reminded of Gran and how she died. To be with you would mean that I’d have to keep remembering Gran’s death.”
I hated hearing her admission, but I understood where she came from. “I see.”
“And there is that thing that you did with the blood slaves. It makes me doubt my own emotions. I can’t trust them.” She wouldn’t face me as she spoke, causing me to question the truthfulness of her words.
“So, what now?” I asked, tasting bitterness on my tongue. “We have our fun. We lie here and pretend like we do feel for each other. And then we part, acting as if nothing ever happened?”
A beat.
Verity breathed out a deep sigh. “I guess so.”
I lay back and stared up at the ceiling. It was painted a dark crimson. “Funny how things work out.” I smirked, internally laughing at myself. Self-pity was an undesirable trait, and yet I immersed myself in it. Ugly thoughts flowed through my mind as I thought about the unfairness of it all.
It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen happy couples before. There were vampire mates who’d managed to make it work. In my long life, I’d watched multiple humans fall in love, living happily together until their last breaths.
Those were the lucky ones.
Unhappiness and suffering plagued most of the living, and I was unfortunate enough to be grouped with those people.
I was hurt.
Rejected.
But I smiled anyway.
I’d had a taste of longing and hunger and joy in the few moments I’d spent with Verity. After Janella left me, I never thought I’d have that again. I supposed I should be thankful.
Verity finally spun around. “Not deserving of love… How so?”
“You’re really asking that? Aren’t you the one turning me away because I’m a vampire? A monster.”
She ran her hand down my abdomen. Desire stirred in me. Verity had no idea what she did to me. “I still want to understand. You make me curious.”
“Am I here just to entertain you?”
Verity pursed her lips, not responding.
I blew a breath from my nose. “Blame it on my father. He only saw me as a means to an end. Duty this. Duty that. I had to serve my purpose as a fullblood to keep up the Lucian name. I wondered if he ever truly saw me as a son. Edrik, my brother… that lovely bastard…” I stiffened. Even after what Edrik had done with Janella, I still loved and missed him. I had too soft a heart, especially by vampire standards. Maybe that was one reason why Verity had found her way into it so quickly. “He’d always go against my father’s wishes, and Father never loved him. I knew that Father’s favoritism was conditional. It never really felt like love to me.”
“And your mother?”
“She died. The hunters got to her before I grew old enough to remember her.”
Verity hugged me and rested her head on my chest. “It’s difficult.”
“Yeah?”
She traced circles around the side of my stomach. I wondered if she was conscious of her actions. “I didn’t think we could be so similar.”
I frowned, not sure what she meant by that.
Before I could ask, the bell chimed, indicating the start of the first lesson of the day. Verity sat up and turned her back to me. Sitting like that, she seemed so distant and far away. With her shoulders slumping, she stood. “I should leave. I don’t think Madam Varkov would like it if I skipped so many lessons.”<
br />
“You can skip lessons. They don’t matter. If you want to stay here, you can.”
“I should go.”
I watched her in silence. It seemed like my time with her had expired.
A pity.
“Very well,” I replied.
Verity picked up the clothes I’d peeled from her body and began covering herself with them. I soaked in as much of her as I could. I had to treasure the time I had with her.
I wasn’t sure if I’d see her again after today.
In our short conversation, my decision had been made. It might be a foolish decision, but at least it made me less weary. Living, to me, had grown too tiring an activity.
Twenty-Four
Verity
I’d lied to Cassius.
I said I couldn’t love him.
Those were the words from my brain. Not my heart.
Yesterday, when we’d hugged on his bed together and he opened himself to me, I’d said all the things I didn’t mean. He’d trusted me to tell the truth.
Still, I couldn’t verbalize what I truly felt. It felt like a betrayal to myself and what I’d spent the last five years fighting against. What would Jonas think if he saw me wrapped in the arms of a vampire like Cassius? Would he blame me for failing him? He would probably be utterly repulsed. I doubted he’d want to associate with me after that.
I headed toward the next class with the textbooks of the last still in my arms. Grey spotted me as soon as I arrived. He lifted himself from his seat, raised his hand, and said, “Hey, Verity!”
This class, vampire types 101, was held in an auditorium of sorts. Large arcs lined the perimeter of the enclosure. Banners, depicting the Lucian family crest and dyed a dull red, hung from poles that surrounded us.
Vampire types 101 was new to the curriculum, supposedly a one-time class.
It had been a day since I’d seen Cassius. I needed to see him again…
Then maybe pluck out his heart.
Who was I kidding? I didn’t have it in me.
But Hannah didn’t have any time left.
Fullblood Academy: A Vampire Academy Mild Bully Romance (Vampires of the Sanctum Book 1) Page 17