by Kay Stockham
Megan lifted her hand and traced her fingers over the globs of dried paint on Simon’s handprint turkey, each of his fingers a different color. Beside that was a crayon drawing of the three of them. Ethan and Simon and her, just like a family.
The knot that formed in her stomach cut off her air supply. Like a real family. Was Jenn right? With her future so undecided, was it fair of her to let Simon get close?
Don’t be afraid, just believe.
Rosetta’s words sounded in her head, repeating several times. Megan shook them away. Ethan had brought someone else to the dinner. A date. She could ignore the cleaning to some extent, she could ignore a lot of things, but she couldn’t ignore that.
He didn’t drive her home. Garret and Darcy drove her home since they were headed in that direction.
Oh, get over yourself already. That doesn’t mean Portia isn’t interested in Ethan—or him in her. They could be doin’ it in the on-call rooms.
You either trust him or you don’t.
And wasn’t it all about trust?
“Shut up, shut up. You’re going in circles. Just confront him. What’s he going to do?” She laid her forehead against the cool refrigerator. “Beat you?” she whispered under her breath. “Been there, done that.”
“Do you always talk to yourself?”
Megan whipped around at the sound of Ethan’s voice. Had he heard her?
Knees weak, she leaned against the fridge, taking in Ethan’s casual dress—khaki pants and a long-sleeved shirt—his rugged, seriously handsome face.
Some men were violent. Not Ethan. No, he’d never hurt her or Simon, and if she wanted Ethan, she had to be a grown-up and voice her thoughts and fears and give him the chance to refute them. If she wanted this chance, she had to take it, not push it away.
“Megan, I want you to listen to me and listen good. Portia was not a date.”
“I know. She was alone at the hospital, so you invited her for dinner.” She nodded her understanding, sarcastic though it was.
“Exactly. If she were a date, I would’ve taken her home.”
“Maybe.”
“No, not maybe. She wasn’t a date—” he hesitated slightly “—but I’d be lying if I said we were no more than colleagues.”
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water. What the heck did that mean? That he had slept with her?
“Megan, Portia is my therapist.” He lifted a shoulder in an uncomfortable shrug. “After you and I talked about the cleaning issue and Simon being uncomfortable, I went to talk to Portia about Simon and…wound up talking about me. I’d rather you not say anything to anyone, especially my family.”
His therapist? Relief poured through her. “Of course not.” He was embarrassed. She’d seen Ethan’s progress recently. There had been times when she could tell he’d wanted to pick things up and put them away. She had to acknowledge that Ethan was better. He didn’t seem to get as stressed when he saw the construction paper strewn about or the plates piled in the sink ready to be loaded into the dishwasher. And to have actually gone to see a therapist? He’d listened to her, admitted his problem and was trying to work on it. She didn’t know what to say.
“She has a fiancé,” he added quickly. “In Boston. He’s moving here in a few months and they’re getting married this spring.”
Smiling, Megan moved to him, her body growing achy, tingling, empty inside. “Good for her. And thank you for telling me. For trusting me enough to tell me.” She lifted her hands to his arms, slid them up his chest, around his neck. Ethan was solid and warm, musk and spice. Strength and comfort. She should have trusted he wouldn’t betray her that way.
Well, she trusted him now. And she’d tell him everything. Soon. She didn’t want him to look at her and see the suspicious, distrusting woman Sean had beaten. She wanted Ethan to see the woman she’d become, stronger. Forgiving. “I, um, want to talk to you, too. I want to tell you some things about me and my marriage, but—” she wet her lips and saw his gaze drop to her mouth “—I don’t want to do it right now. I’m in the mood for something else.”
His hands fell to her hips, and his palms smoothed over the thin material of the dress. Megan smiled at the way his eyes darkened the moment he traced the scraps of material at her hip bones. Ethan liked her lingerie skimpy and sleek.
“And what would that be?”
She glanced around, spotted the counter located next to the swing door and decided right then she wanted to rock Ethan’s world. Simon was asleep. The boy hadn’t had any nightmares for almost two weeks, and if he did wake up and come look for them, he’d try to push the door inward. But if something blocked it…
Megan grasped Ethan’s hand and led him to the counter. Once there she flashed Ethan what she hoped was a seductive glance from beneath her lashes and lifted herself up onto the counter as he had that night weeks ago. Ethan moved between her parted legs in an instant, his hands slipping beneath the hem of her dress, bunching the material and holding her gaze as he oh, so slowly trailed his fingers up her thighs to find the straps of her underwear. He pulled them out of the way.
“You won’t be needing these.”
In the quiet house all that could be heard was the quickened rasp of their breathing, the sounds of belts and zips. They kissed long and deep, stifled moans when caresses brought them too close to the edge of fulfillment. The height of the counter brought her to eye level with Ethan and when he finally removed a condom from his wallet, because they’d learned to make the most of their opportunities when Simon was asleep, Megan’s hands dropped, caressing the length of him.
“Sweet—Megan.”
Sealing his mouth over hers, Ethan nudged her hands away and positioned himself, slid home and began moving inside her in a slow, tantalizing pace. Hard met soft, teased, heat expanded and swelled and made her tighten and try to hold on to him, because as Ethan filled her, he made her whole again. Made her dream.
Made her believe.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
IT WAS BOYS’ NIGHT IN at the Y. Ethan had taken Simon to watch a showing of Finding Nemo, which meant Megan had the perfect opportunity to talk to Jenn and settle things once and for all about the past as well as Megan’s relationship with Ethan. And if Jenn refused to open the door?
That’s what Grandma Lucy’s recipe cards and Jenn’s autographed copy of Nancy Drew are for.
Shameless, shameless, shameless.
Megan took a deep breath and stared at Jenn’s front door, Rosetta’s words in her head. She had to believe that Jenn would forgive her. Had to. Believe it, see it, make it happen. Nodding to herself like a bobblehead, Megan knocked three times in rapid succession.
Jenn opened the door with a yank. “It’s about—” Her expression crumpled. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Jenn rolled her eyes toward the sky above. “Now?”
“Can I come in?”
“Why? What are you doing here?”
Megan took another deep breath and brought Jenn’s attention to the items in her hands. “Here. These are for you. I’m sorry about the doll. I’ll see if I can’t find another one like it.” There. Done. Dammit, would she just take the stuff?
“Grandma’s recipes?”
“Just so you know, I copied them—but the originals are all here. And your book—see? I kept it safe. I’m sorry I took it.” Megan shoved the items toward Jenn then tucked her hands into the pockets of the coat Ethan had purchased for her.
“I can’t believe you. You took them? Why?”
“Because I was jealous of you. Look, that doesn’t matter now. I really want to make peace.” She paused, then said, “It’s, um, kind of cold out here. Can I come in?”
The phone rang. Two seconds later a timer went off in the back of the house where the kitchen was located.
Without a word Jenn whirled on her bare feet and hurried down the hall, and since Jenn hadn’t told Megan she couldn’t come in, Megan stepped over the threshold and shut the door behind her.
/> Yum. The smell of something wonderful filled the air and led the way to the kitchen.
“Hello?” Jenn held a portable between her head and shoulder and grabbed a pot holder, opening the oven door. “Suzanne, where are you? I thought you were at the door just now but—”
Jenn spotted Megan and broke off, lifting a hand and waving Megan away from inspecting the pots atop the stove. As always, Megan ignored the request and checked out the contents. Ribs, twice-baked potatoes—way too light on the butter—an assortment of veggies and, whoa, even Martha couldn’t decorate a cake as pretty as that.
Lifting her gaze, she noticed the kitchen table was set with crystal and candles and their mother’s best china. When had Mom given Jenn those?
It doesn’t matter. It’s just a thing. Surprisingly, the pangs of jealousy she’d proclaimed as her excuse for lifting the book and recipes weren’t there. Besides, any mother who’d blame the child for the father’s sins…Why would Megan want a part of that history? Give her a chipped mug any day.
“Suzanne, you promised! You said you’d come over and do my hair and makeup and listen to me freak out because—”
Once again Megan felt Jenn’s eyes on her when she broke off, turning her back to Megan.
Freak out about what? Obviously it was about something other than her presence in town since the table was set for a celebration—or a seduction. Oooh, Thumper planned on getting busy tonight, eh?
“No, I understand. Of course. I hope the baby gets feeling better soon. I will…Thanks. I’ll let you know what he says. I hope so. I know he does but—Never mind. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”
Jenn pressed the button on the phone and lifted both hands, phone included, to her head, pressing hard.
“Can I help?”
Jenn shook her head.
“Hey, all those years in pageants need to be used for good. And it looks like you’ve got something nice planned,” Megan said, indicating the table. “I can have you done in half an hour, less if you hold still and I don’t have to sit on you like the last time.”
Jenn lowered the phone. “Megan, why are you here?”
“You want to talk or you want to get ready for tonight?”
Jenn took a deep breath, her expression wary. “Nick will be home in forty-five minutes.”
“Where’s your makeup?”
MEGAN BIT BACK a sarcastic grin as she watched Jenn try to prepare herself. Half an hour. She had Jenn’s undivided attention for half an hour. Please, God, don’t let me screw this up.
Megan dumped the makeup bag on the counter and dug in. It reminded her of when they were kids and how they’d play dress up—until Megan had to dress up for so many events and doing so made the novelty wear off. After that, anytime Jenn had asked to play, she’d scoffed and called her a baby—or sat on her, painted her face and took Polaroid pictures for blackmail purposes.
You know, you really could’ve been nicer.
“Don’t use too much.”
“I won’t.”
“I don’t want to look like a slut.”
Megan’s hand paused ever so slightly as she dabbed foundation around Jenn’s nose.
“You know what I mean. I don’t like too much.”
“I know. You’re lucky because you never had to wear a lot in order to look good. You’ve got great skin. I’ve always been jealous of your skin.”
“Yeah, right.”
Okay, enough. “Can’t you ever take a compliment? Seriously, Jenn, look at you. You’re glowing.” She nudged Jenn’s shoulder. “The sex must be great.”
“Megan.”
Megan grabbed a brush and eye shadow next. “What are you wearing?”
Jenn bit her lip and waved her hand toward a dress hanging on the closet door, looking as though she waited for Megan to rip it to shreds. It was a silvery-gray that matched Jenn’s eyes. “Great choice.” She set the eye shadow down and went foraging again. “Here we go. Perfect. This one is different from the others. Impulse buy?”
“That’s—A friend suggested it. You’d like Suzanne.”
“Maybe I can meet her sometime.”
Jenn moved to see herself in the mirror. “Hurry. My hair is a mess. Yours looks good, by the way. You colored it again.”
“My roots were showing. And I know a great trick for making your hair look sexy and sophisticated. We’ve got plenty of time.” But time was running out and they hadn’t talked about anything serious. She cleared her throat. “Jenn…”
“I’ve always envied that about you,” Jenn said softly. “You make all this girl stuff look easy.”
“The girl stuff just takes practice.”
“What about how you stay so thin? Is that practice?”
Eyeliner and mascara were next, lipstick. Then Megan started on Jenn’s hair.
“Nope, that’s stress, which isn’t the way to do it. I might be thin but I don’t look half as nice as you. You’ve always had a great shape. Don’t roll your eyes, I mean it.”
“You’re piling on the compliments a little thick, Megs.”
“Oh, yeah? Look at this.” Megan turned and wiggled her butt, her pants sagging where her butt should’ve been. “And look at yours. You’ve never once had to pad your bra or your butt, have you?”
“You did not pad your butt,” Jenn said, aghast but smiling.
“Ever see those things in the back of those cheesy tabloids? I had them in three colors. I wore one under every evening gown to fill it out and give it an extra twitch when I walked.”
“It just sounds so silly when being thin is what every woman wants.”
“Is it?” Megan went back to work on Jenn’s hair.
“It’s all I’ve wanted for the last year but now…” The tears came out of nowhere and with a shaky breath she buried her face in her hands.
“No, the mascara’s not—Oh, Jenn.” Panic surged. Was Ethan wrong? “Jenn, don’t cry. I’ll help you, whatever it is. Tell me what to do.”
“You can’t do anything and I can’t stop! H-how can something good be so horrible?”
“What? What’s horrible?”
Jenn shook all over, tears flowing. “I’m so scared. I’m going to gain it all back. I just know I am.” Jenn lifted her gaze and looked at Megan. “I’m going to be big and fat and everybody’s going to talk about how thin you are and how much bigger I am. How do you do it? I’ve always hated you for always being skinny.”
The words cut, even though Megan knew Jenn said them in frustration. She went back to work on Jenn’s hair until she thought of a response, leaving the mascara mess for last since Jenn wasn’t through crying yet. “If it helps, I always hated it that you were considered the smart one. No one ever seemed to consider that I might have been smart, too.”
Jenn sniffled and grabbed one of Megan’s hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I truly don’t hate you, I don’t hate anyone, I’ve just always…wanted to be you.”
Megan tilted her head to one side. “Irony’s a pain, you know that? Weird how everybody wants what everyone else has, huh?”
Jenn wiped at her eyes and spotted a black smear. “Oh, no. I ruined it!”
“Stop. You’ll make it worse. I’ll fix it when I’m done with your hair and it’ll be good as new.” Megan dropped one long lock and grabbed another. “Since we’re trading envy stories, I guess I could admit that I stole your nose.”
“What?”
“Remember the nose job I got for my sweet sixteen? I wanted a car, but Dad bought me a nose instead. Way to go boosting the old ego, huh?” She laughed and turned until she showed Jenn her profile. “I can’t believe you never recognized it.”
Jenn blinked. “You mean…?”
“Yup. I had to choose a nose for the doctor so I chose yours. Remember when I blackmailed you to help me with that school project?”
“That’s why you took all those pictures?”
“Would you have let me if I’d asked?”
“Probably not.”
/>
“Look, Jenn, I know we didn’t always see eye to eye but those things I said to you…1 was a stupid little bitch and completely out of control. The point is, you look fantastic and Nick obviously loves you. If you’re healthy, who cares what you weigh?”
Fresh tears appeared, accompanied by a smile. “That’s what Nick says.”
“Yeah? Well, if he ever says anything negative like Dad always did, you tell me and I’ll kick his ass for you.”
Jenn released a tearful laugh. “You’d do that?”
“Isn’t that what big sisters are supposed to do?” She dropped another lock of curled hair and surveyed her work.
“You and Ethan…Things are good?”
She couldn’t help the smile—or the sting of tears. “Yeah, they’re good. I didn’t know what this was like.”
“What? Oh, my word. You’re in love with him.”
Megan opened her mouth to deny the claim but couldn’t do it. “Is it always like this? Because I gotta tell you I’m really freaking out.”
“Why are you asking me when—” Jenn broke off, her mouth opening in complete shock. “You mean you’ve never been in love? Ever? Your boyfriends? Not even when you married Sean?”
This was it. The moment she’d been waiting for. The perfect opportunity to unload and tell Jenn that Sean had raped her. But suddenly…it didn’t matter. Right now, this moment, wasn’t about the past and her stupid mistakes. It was about her and Jenn and sisterhood and the way they were talking right now. Now that she finally had it, she didn’t want to ruin it.
“Love is terrifying,” Jenn said softly, her lashes falling over her eyes. “Love makes you weak because those guys—They have such a power to hurt if they want to, and even though I know Nick will be happy about the baby, I’m so afraid.”
“You’re pregnant?”
A gorgeous smile transformed Jenn’s features, but as quickly as it appeared, it fell. “We talked about kids but not about having one this soon. We just got married and Nick and Matt moved in and school started. I don’t know how to tell Nick. And I know it’s silly but I wanted to lose ten more pounds before we even started trying.”
