Flynn shakes his head. “No, he isn’t as sensitive to seeing magic as I am. Plus, you are my kind, so I would sense you first.”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “What am I going to do? How am I going to tell him?”
“Is this about you two bonding last night?” Ian is coming out into the living room now in a bathrobe over flannel pajamas, his icy-white hair almost matching his misty-gray eyes.
I groan. “You felt it too?”
Ian smiles. “It seemed like powerful magic.” He doesn’t have Brett’s prejudice about fire fae at least. “You must be a very powerful fae.”
I smile at him. “That’s nice of you to say. Too bad my soul bond won’t think so.”
Flynn frowns. “He’s a pompous ass. You deserve better than him.”
I feel fire light up inside me, hotter than ever before. “Don’t you dare insult him,” I say before I can think about it.
I know it’s not fair to Flynn because he’s just standing up for me, but I can’t hear the man I love spoken about like that. Especially when he’s not here to defend himself.
Flynn’s eyes widen slightly, then he glances at Ian. “Did you see that?”
“Yeah,” Ian says. “Her magic flared. I think I almost saw her wings for a moment.”
I blink. “Really? So I did awaken?”
“Perhaps.” Tanner’s deep voice joins the conversation as he comes out of his room as well, wearing a black sweatshirt over checked pajama pants. His jaw is dark with scruff. “Maybe it is possible to awaken and not manifest.”
“What did you feel?” Flynn asks, leaning in with his chin on his knuckles.
“Perhaps we should not discuss this without Brett around,” Ian says. “They just bonded. He may feel—”
“Screw what he feels,” Flynn says. “He needs to be more accepting.”
“He would be, I think, if she told him,” Ian says. “For what it’s worth.”
“I heard him the other day,” I say softly. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but—”
Tanner lets out a curse. “That is unfortunate. But I’ve seen the way he looks at you. From the first time you met. My guess is that from the second he knows you’re a fire fae, he will instantly think they are the best kind.”
“You underestimate his hatred,” Flynn says.
“You underestimate his ability to change,” Tanner retorts.
There’s tension in the air, and I can tell it’s been a little rough for the fae here.
I don’t blame them for getting stir-crazy at all.
But is Tanner right? Would Brett just accept me? I really could never be sure, and I just can’t imagine showing him who I am only to have him reject me.
Though, I suppose me fainting when I first saw his true form was just that.
But I didn’t know him then, and now I do. I’m in love with him, and—
“So can you manifest your true form, or are you not fully able to yet?”
“I don’t know,” I say softly. “I haven’t tried.” I can feel my cheeks burning. “I know that last night I felt something release. I knew my magic. Saw my magic. Felt it entwining with his.” I put a hand over my face. “God, why can’t he see the color of it?”
“He thinks you’re a radiant fae since you’re warm,” Ian says, somewhat unhelpfully.
The other fae just give him a glare, and he shrugs.
Tanner turns back to me. “I know Brett by now. He will not reject you for anything. He will love you in any form.”
I want to believe that, and it matches with what I know of Brett. It truly does.
But I also… can’t risk it. It would hurt me too badly. Plus…
“I don’t even know if I can manifest,” I say brokenly. “I haven’t tried.” I sigh. “God, this is a mess.”
“It’s going to be okay,” Ian says, coming over to perch on the arm of the chair I’m on. Now that I’m awakened, I can feel the warm glow of his light.
As I look at the other fae, I can feel their magic swirling also, like I can almost see it in my mind’s eye.
But it isn’t crystal clear to me like Brett’s was last night.
Even thinking about that moment, him atop me, his magnificent wings, sultry hair…
I feel something hot shoot out of me like a shockwave of heat going out in all directions from my body, and I don’t have to reach up to know my ears are out.
But also… I reach back to feel something warm and unlike anything I’ve touched. As silky as liquid, as light as air.
I look up as wings, not tall yet, but there, stretch up toward the ceiling.
Fiery in shades of yellow, orange, and red, blurring together and swirling with burning heat.
My powers manifested.
For a moment, I can’t think or breathe. I just want Brett to see me. I want to be together in our true forms.
I stand, wanting to go to the door, but when I get there, Flynn steps in front of me.
“I know you want to see him, but wait,” he says. “Let one of us go talk to him first.” Tanner looks like he’s about to protest, but Flynn shakes his head at him. “I don’t disagree with you that he should accept her no matter what, but this is a delicate situation. If she feels rejected…”
I take a deep breath, thinking that I’m ready to face Brett regardless of my fears of rejection.
Here, in this form, I’m so in touch with my own heart. I love him and I know he loves me, so nothing should be able to pull us apart.
When he sees me, he’ll be happy. After all, he seemed sad that I hadn’t fully awakened.
And I know why now, because it happens so naturally when you feel the way I do in your heart.
Flynn steps aside to let me go to the door but shakes his head. “I think you were right to keep this from him. I do not think this is going to go well.”
“She’s his soul bond,” Tanner says. “He will accept her.”
Ian nods.
I take a breath, ready to pull my wings back in, when the door opens behind me because I must have forgotten to do the lock.
Brett is standing there, half-dressed and looking like he ran down here.
Because he’s always worried whenever I’m gone.
I’m starting to love that about him. Starting to be glad that someone cares where I am and if I’m okay.
Brett puts a hand over his mouth as he comes to a halt in front of me, and his eyes have never been wider in my presence than when he runs them down over my form.
My heart feels squeezed tight as I wait for his reaction, and his face, as he looks into my eyes again, is stricken.
“Avery, what are you—”
“I couldn’t show you last night,” I say, feeling as if my heart is going to fall out of my chest where he can step on it. “I just—”
He looks from me to the fae behind me, and his eyes darken in anger. He takes a step back, avoiding looking at me. “This is… This is…”
The room behind me is dead silent, and everyone’s watching.
I can practically feel Ian’s and Tanner’s dismay at being wrong about Brett’s response.
He isn’t smiling, and he isn’t happy. He isn’t looking me in the eye or commenting on my true form.
Instead, he’s already retreating.
He looks up into my eyes once more, and I can tell he’s going to bolt.
“Wait, Brett—”
“I’m sorry,” he says brokenly, stumbling back now. “I can’t do this right now.”
Then he turns and leaves down the hallway, whirling to exit the building, disappearing out of sight.
It feels like my heart is breaking as I stare after him.
I was afraid, but I never thought he would actually reject me in my true form.
He left me.
So that’s how he truly feels about me now that he knows what I am. All those pretty words about bonds… about forever…
I’m on my own all over again but unfortunately still bonded to his heart.
/>
Even now, my fire calls out to his ice.
I want to go after him, but the pain and shame of being rejected in my true form keeps me rooted in place.
Even as my wings slowly retract and I feel the magic start to abate.
But now that I know about it, I think I can call it forth whenever I want it.
That at least makes me straighten up, because I’ll be stronger on my own now even if Brett doesn’t want me.
“I don’t think it’s what you think,” Tanner says, looking stymied and oddly pale.
Ian is just staring, blank-faced.
“I’m going after him,” Flynn says, and his expression is dark. His hair is already lengthening, but Tanner grabs him by the back of the shirt, stopping him long enough to put another suppressor on his arm.
“Wait, get a hold of yourself,” Tanner says, letting Flynn go finally. “You’re overreacting.”
“I’ve had enough of that bigoted pig,” Flynn says. He glances at me, and his eyes are fiery. “I didn’t think he would actually walk away from her. She’s my kin.”
Tanner shakes his head. “She’s not related to you, and—”
Flynn shoots him a glare so fierce that even Tanner is forced to step back. “I defend all fire fae. I am a prince, or did you forget that?” Then he whirls, now fully back in his human form, and stomps in the same direction that Brett went.
I let out a sigh as I walk back to the couch and sink into it, replaying the awful scene over and over in my mind.
It’s such a stark contrast when last night was so beautiful.
Ian sits quietly beside me, just watching. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “But it’s not like I wasn’t expecting it, knowing how he feels about fire fae.”
Ian puts a hand on my knee, startling me, but when I look over, I can tell anything lecherous is the furthest thing from his mind. “I still don’t think this is over. When you both calm down, you can talk again.”
I feel somewhat soothed just from the light touch through my pant leg. I pull back slightly, looking up at him, confused. “What are you doing?”
“Decontaminating, slightly,” he says. “I’m sure that put chaos in your heart. It’s the chaos between Brett and Flynn. It’s been spreading to all of us.”
Tanner nods. “They do not understand that we can fight chaos outside us and still not be aware of the chaos inside.”
“But they’re friends,” I say. “Shouldn’t that be the end of it?” And shouldn’t I not care since I’m the one hurt right now?
“Bonds are complicated,” Tanner says. “Sometimes it’s the ones closest to us who can hurt us the deepest. It doesn’t mean we just give up.”
I think about it for a moment, wondering if I should have followed Brett, but the pain would have been too much.
He’s been waiting since we met to see my true form, and when he finally did, he hated it.
I can’t believe I ever let myself think someone could care about me, no matter what.
Darkness is swirling in me, but I don’t know how to root it out. I’m remembering my mom’s death and how I swore I wouldn’t trust anyone to take care of me.
I would be strong. I would protect those around me. Time to get back to who I am and stop being soft and pliant in a man’s arms.
I stand. “It’s fine.”
Ian removes his hand. “I do not know. I can feel your chaos multiplying. You are angry. Stay here. Talk it out with us.”
But suddenly, I’m tired of depending on people. These guys and Brett forced their way into my life.
I wasn’t asking for any of this.
I remember that chaos prince, how he pulled me along. At first, I feel horror because I would have died without Brett, and Brett is no longer with me.
But then again, I’m at least awakened now. I have my powers, and I was strong before.
Deep down, I know I will survive, even past this heartbreak. I have to.
My phone buzzes, and for a second my heart leaps, wondering if it’s Brett. If he’s apologizing or saying it was a misunderstanding.
But it’s Sally. Asking me to come over, saying she needs help.
I stand, heading for the door, finally feeling like myself again. Myself but stronger because I won’t let Brett bring me down.
“I don’t like that look on your face,” Ian says, watching me as I open the door to leave the apartment. “And you shouldn’t be leaving without us.”
I frown at him. “I’m just going to see my friend in public, in broad daylight. You guys have taken away practically all of my freedom. I need a bit of normality. And after what I’ve just gone through, you can’t deny me that.”
Tanner and Ian look dubious, but Tanner finally nods to Ian, forcing him to step back as they both watch me walk out of the room.
I pull out my keys as I head for my beat-up car.
Maybe Brett was just supposed to awaken me so I could finally get back to my purpose.
Now I can kick even more butt.
24
Avery
“I’m sorry, but Matt got here so quickly,” Sally says, blushing as she looks out at the young cop who, along with his new partner, a kind-looking older man, is ushering the perp into the car.
I run a hand through my hair. “I’m just glad everyone is safe.”
Even if I feel an odd feeling of emptiness, wondering what I’m supposed to do now.
I was all ready to show up and save everyone and have the thrill of righteous indignation and knowing I helped someone to cheer me up after losing my soul bond.
But now I know nothing can.
As Matt talks to his partner, Sally takes me by the arm and pulls me inside and into her office where we can both sit in lush, comfy chairs. “They’ll be taking statements for a moment, but Matt will come back when they’re done. In the meantime, you seem upset. Talk to me.”
Her blue eyes are full of understanding, but I’ve never felt I deserved her friendship, so I don’t know what to say.
“You know, Avery,” she says, standing and pouring herself a cup of coffee before pouring another, which she hands over to me. She sits down, sipping it. “I’ve always really appreciated what you’ve done for the shelter, but it has never been your job.”
I raise an eyebrow. “It’s been useful, though.”
Her eyes widen. “Of course. It’s just that… I could sense you needed it even more than I did.”
I can’t make sense of that. “What do you mean?”
She sighs, running a finger along the rim of her cup. “I just… After our moms died—”
“Which was my fault,” I say bitterly.
She shakes her head. “Of course not. And it’s because of you that both of us survived long enough to get the cops.”
That was the first time I used my strength in front of someone.
And she’s right. I did keep both of us safe.
I was still in shock, but I knew that just once, I had to stop someone from getting hurt.
And then I never wanted to stop.
“You remember the cops that night?”
I nod. “They were kind.”
“Yes, and we both know there are all kinds. But that also means we aren’t alone in this world.” She looks out her office window in the direction of the cop car. “Now that they’re finally dealing with corruption in the office, I think things will start to improve.”
I nod, starting to comprehend what she means.
“The truth is Matt and I have been seeing each other,” she says softly. “He came to interview me about the Kearns case, which he agreed to totally drop after hearing my point of view. After all, you and I were the only witnesses.”
“What did you tell him?”
Sally’s eyes twinkled. “That Kearns was obviously crazy, firing into a domestic violence shelter. And no one should believe anything he says. Plus, that Brett only held him down for a moment, so there’s no way he could have done anything like he’s accused of.”<
br />
I sigh in relief, though why I should be happy that no one will be searching for Brett now, I don’t know.
Betraying bastard.
She eyes me. “You know, you haven’t been around as much lately.” She sips her coffee. “Sometimes I called you over just as company, not as a bodyguard. Just to keep you from wandering the streets.”
I raise an eyebrow. “You knew?”
“Of course,” she says, smiling warmly. “I follow the news. I saw the line of attacks, none fatal, and all on the type of men we all wish would be stopped.”
“It was worth it,” I say. “I was never hurt.”
She purses her lips as she looks at me. “There is more to life than being unhurt,” she says. “Both of our moms would want me to tell you that.”
“But it’s my fault that—”
“It’s not,” Sally says. “And all these years, I wanted you around, not because you could defend me or the others here, but because you’re part of my home. I care about you, Avery. And I’m glad that it seems like, for the past few days at least, you’ve been thinking about something other than all the hurt in the world.”
“I have,” I say dully.
I’ve been thinking about a future with a man with blazing blue eyes and beautiful wings.
A man who is strong and kind and gentle.
A man who wants me for everything… except what I actually am.
Suddenly, I feel the need to punch things again.
“I just thought we needed to talk,” Sally says. “Because now that the police are good again, I won’t need you as much in the area.”
I let out a sigh. “I understand. And if you ever feel unsafe—”
“But I will still want you around, Avery,” Sally says. “When you show up, you act like it’s a given that you’re just there to do penance. I’ve never known how to address this with you. I know you feel guilt. I do too. But the only guilt is on that man’s head. Not your mother’s. Or my mother’s. Or on you.”
I swallow. “If we hadn’t been here that night—”
She scoots her chair forward, and when she clutches my hands in hers, my eyes well with tears.
I can’t help it. There’s so much warmth coming from her.
“Avery, we both know you take some damage from protecting other people. Whether it’s physical or emotional or spiritual, sometimes standing up to evil takes its toll.” She strokes her thumbs gently over the backs of my hands. “But I’ve never blamed you, and my mom would never blame you. And while they’d both look down and think you were a total badass, they’d also be glad if you hung up your cape.”
Found by Frost: Wings, Wands and Soul Bonds Book 1 Page 16
