Evan turned to him. “Excuse me, Lord Wycliffe, but I beseech you to allow me a moment alone with my fiancée. We have been parted for some time and there are things that must be said.”
The Earl nodded. “I will keep watch from the library window and send Miss Bennet to chaperone.”
The couple walked away from the house. Phoebe looked around her, focusing on the coachman releasing the horses from the coach and looking up at the sky. She daren’t look at Evan for fear of crying.
“I’ve spoken to my brother recently,” Evan said. “He has confessed all to me about his love for you, your love for him, and for how long there has been love between you. I know I was not long gone before you found comfort in each other’s arms.”
“I beg your forgiveness, Evan. We thought you were gone.”
“I didn’t come to reprimand you. I came to offer you comfort.”
“How so?”
“I know the prospect of marrying me now after all that has happened is terrifying but I promise everything will be well. I swear to you, Phoebe, this will be for the best.”
Phoebe blinked back her tears as they circled the courtyard. “If you know of the love we shared for one another, then you know how greatly this is hurting us both. Were you aware that Owen has not spoken to me since he heard the banns were to be announced?” she said.
“He has not left his accommodations. I tried to see him earlier this week and he would not open the door.”
She could restrain her emotion no longer. Phoebe wept. “I have done this to him. I vowed I would do anything to stay with him and I have put my father above him again.” She turned to Evan as if he were able to grant her a forgiveness she could not grant herself. “My father has always treated me with love, respect, and kindness. I have wanted for nothing because of him. I simply could not leave him to die alone.”
“I heard of his illness. I am very sorry, Phoebe. I know how you adore your father.”
“I am becoming accustomed to grief.”
“What I do, I do for us both. I promised you once we would be happy, and I will keep my word. I will see that every one of your heart’s desired is fulfilled.”
“The desires I bear are ones you cannot fulfill.”
“I believe you are wrong. In time, you will see I was right to insist you still take my hand.”
* * *
It was cold outside Owen’s accommodation but Phoebe stood her ground. In the week since Phoebe had given into her father’s wishes, she had not seen nor spoken to him and she felt like a flower denied sunlight; it was as if she were wilting.
Through rain and wind, she stood beneath his window, hoping he would see her there and descend to meet her. Hour after hour passed, and his drapes did not so much as twitch inside.
As evening fell, a gentleman approached Owen’s doorway. He was well-dressed and carried a briefcase.
He cast his gaze over Phoebe with concern. “Is everything all right, My Lady?”
“I am the cousin of Lord Boltmon. I come with news of my mother, his aunt but he does not seem to hear me. He was not expecting my visit today.”
“You must not stand out in this cold. Come now, I have a key.”
“You do?”
“I have been delivering study materials to Lord Boltmon while he has been sick.”
“He is sick?”
“For a week now. He has not left his accommodations.” He turned a key in the lock. “Follow me.”
Phoebe followed him through the entrance and up a narrow staircase to the door of Owen’s abode. The gentleman rapped his knuckles briskly against the wood and announced himself.
“Boltmon! It is Lord Temworth.”
The door opened and Phoebe laid her eyes on Owen for the first time in days. She knew his illness was a ruse to allow him to hide away, yet he looked truly unwell. His hair was unkempt, his usually clean-shaven jaw was covered in a fine stubble, and there were dark circles beneath his eyes.
He saw Phoebe and frowned. “Lady Phoebe, I wasn’t expecting your visit.”
“Lord Boltmon, I come with news.” She threw a sideways glance to Lord Temworth, wondering if he were interpreting the lies within her words.
He simply took some paperwork from his briefcase and handed it to Owen through the gap in the door. “I’ll return tomorrow unless you are well by then. Send word of any change.”
“My thanks, Lord Temworth. Wish your wife all the best from me.”
“I will.” He bowed his head at Owen. “Good day.”
“Good day.”
After bidding his colleague farewell, Owen leaned against the doorframe and scowled at Phoebe. “You should not be here. You are engaged to another gentleman now and it would be terrible for you to betray two gentlemen in one fortnight.”
“How can you speak so cruelly to me, Owen?” Phoebe’s voice trembled with emotion. “You know the decision I had to make was beyond all human capacity.”
“I irreparably damaged my relationship with my mother in defense of our love. I am no longer welcome in my family home, and when I do visit, I am scorned by her.” He swallowed, fixing Phoebe with a stare full of such sorrow it broke her heart. “I packed my bags and readied myself to run away with you without notice or hesitation. I did everything and all possible to be with you but was not worthy of your devotion.”
“There are so many who demand my devotion.” Phoebe drew her shoulders back, unwilling to take all blame upon herself for what had happened. “I made a vow to Evan and to my father. I made a promise that the Heavens heard.”
“And yet it is my ring you wear upon your finger.”
“You would take it back?”
“Never.” Owen stepped back from the doorway enough that she could pass. He sat down in a wing chair without inviting her to also take a seat. She sat anyway. “That ring was a promise I would always love you and in spite of how you wound me now, that love still remains, and it shall never die.”
Phoebe’s throat felt strangled. “I cannot live without you.”
“But you will not live with me.”
“Let me be with my father until he passes. Then we will leave together.”
“You will be married by then.”
“I don’t care.”
“Phoebe, you are naïve to your own nature.” Owen shook his head slowly, then rubbed his weary face with his hands. “You imagine you will be capable of leaving at some future time but when that time comes, once again your loyalty and inexhaustible dedication to duty will hold you back. You will think of the vows you took before God and stay with Evan.”
“A time will come when everything is right for us to be together.”
“You are more intelligent than that, Phoebe. You know as well as I that our time has already come and passed. We could have eloped—we could elope still—but only before you say your vows to him.”
“We can leave after the wedding. I simply must be with my father when he passes or else he will leave this world entirely alone.”
“We would be adulterers, Phoebe. The lowest of the low—and while you were still married to Evan, we could never be married. And he would be unable to marry again also. Would you do that to him? Your good heart would not allow it.”
Phoebe stared at the ground. “I do not feel now as if my heart is good at all. I feel I am the worst of all creatures; I am a wretched temptress who destroys all men who cross her path.”
“Your curse is that you are too easy to love. Your father cherishes you, Evan cherishes you, and I cherish you. Meanwhile, you wish to return the love of all three with equal emotion and find there is no way to please us all. You must choose, Phoebe. You cannot be perfect in your conduct to us all.”
Phoebe crossed the room and perched upon Owen’s lap so she could hold his face in her hands and look deeply into his eyes. Everything stirred within her when she did—love, passion, sorrow, longing…every emotion that may live within a human heart lived within hers all at once.
“I love
you. Never forget that and never doubt it, Owen. My heart is yours. But I must honor my father before I am free to give myself to anyone else.”
“You will give yourself to Evan before you give yourself to me.”
“We will be together.”
“It is but a fantasy, Phoebe. If you do not choose to be with me now, then you choose never to be with me.”
“I couldn’t bear it.”
“Nor could I.”
Owen kissed her then, soft and deep. Phoebe’s body flooded with warmth; a burning sensation of desire compelled her to kiss him again. She wanted to remove his shirt and touch the skin beneath. She wanted to lie upon the sofa and let him make love to her as they had envisioned when they were in the throes of reckless imagination.
“My father may yet pass before the vows are taken,” Phoebe said softly. “Give me more time to judge whether his health will see him live until the wedding.”
“If he passes before, you will not marry Evan?”
“No. The only reason I would ever marry Evan is so that my father could pass in peace. If he should die before the wedding, he died believing I had done all he wished.” Phoebe grasped at Owen’s shirt and looked down at his chest with guilty tears in her eyes. “It feels as though I am wishing death upon my father.”
“I know that is not so.”
“I wish he could live a thousand years, Owen. Then I could have both he and you. It is only that he worries he should pass before I marry into the Boltmon family that he insists I take Evan’s hand. He knows we will have far more obstacles to overcome to be wed and he has not the time to see us win those fights.”
“Damn your loyalty, Phoebe.” Owen brought a fist down on the arm of the chair in frustration. “If we were together, I could rest easy knowing you would never betray me. You are simply not capable of such a thing. Your father is blessed to have a daughter who loves him as you do.”
Chapter 27
“Owen, why do you seem so perturbed?” The Duchess slinked into the room like the cat who caught the mouse, a malevolent smile upon her lips. “You have so much reason to celebrate. Your brother is alive and he is to be married.”
“Enough of your pretenses, Mother. You know I am miserable to be losing Phoebe and you have no intention of letting she and Evan wed so easily either. You simply wish to antagonize me as retaliation for what was said the night of the ball.”
“There is no need for retaliation. The world has a way of resetting the balance of things on its own.”
“Do not criticize my demeanor before evaluating your own. You condemn me for feeling sorrow at losing Phoebe when I should be rejoicing in Evan’s return yet you are straight back to your scheming without considering either him or I.”
“Evan will have no trouble in securing another bride.”
“Are you so sure of that? He has been injured. He will never go to sea again.”
“What makes you so sure? Do not assume others lack courage simply because you lack the virtue.” She sat beside Owen at the dining table, where he was still sitting after sharing breakfast with Evan and the Duke. “You hold onto your stubbornness and bitterness as if it is I who am pulling the strings of this charade yet it is Evan who has chosen his bride.”
She patted Owen’s knee condescendingly. “Perhaps there is a way you could recompense for the hurt you caused me yet, Owen,” she continued.
“I do not consider I owe you an apology yet alone recompense by way of some action. I spoke honestly and I do not regret what was said.”
“Then you are far colder than I. When I speak, I speak with purpose, and when I act, I act with intent. I do not say and do things simply to be cruel.”
“That is precisely what you do. I would go so far as to say you are an expert in cruelty.”
“You are right when you say I have no intention of seeing Evan married into the awful Wycliffe family. They are beneath us in character and I have nothing but contempt for that bumbling Earl. I would rather he married some common girl from the street than Phoebe Elkins. At least then I could educate her in what it is to be a proper lady.”
“Is there purpose to this conversation, Mother? For if not, I may take my leave. I came only to see Father and Evan.”
“I am trying to tell you that I am going to do all I can to prevent this marriage between Phoebe and Evan from proceeding. If you were to ally with me in this cause, perhaps something could be salvaged of our relationship when all this is done.”
“You are trying to recruit me to your scheming?” Owen laughed in disbelief. “What would you have me do? Break Evan’s knees? Burn down the church? Hire a team of beggars to make their objections at the banns? Phoebe and Evan are adults who will make their own decisions.”
“Is your reluctance loyalty to your brother or your determination to spite me? For we both know this story you have spun of a sudden sense of duty toward Phoebe is a fiction. You have pursued her for a lifetime, and she fell into your arms long before this pathetic proposal you brought before us as if it had sprung from thin air. You have no more desire to see Phoebe wed him than I.”
“I will not sabotage Evan’s marriage in the hopes it would bring Phoebe back to me. You would only reenact the same performance if I were to attempt to marry her in the future.” He sat up straighter. “Besides, the Earl is quite ill. It is important Phoebe will be cared for after he has passed.”
The Duchess rolled her eyes. “How many times have I spoken to your and you father of the Earl’s greed and selfishness? Here he freely admits this marriage is all for the sake of his precious daughter with no concern for the implications upon our family and the three gentlemen of this household refuse to hear it.”
“The three gentlemen of this household love Phoebe and her father. The three gentlemen of this household would each make sacrifices to ensure her wellbeing no matter the cost. It is you, and you alone, who seeks to leave her destitute and alone.”
“We are not the guardians of Phoebe Elkins. The responsibility does not fall to us to attend to her when the Earl dies.”
“Then to whom does it fall, Mother?” Owen shook his head in disgust. “Have you empathy for nobody?” He stood and looked down at her with contempt. “Understand this—I would give up having Phoebe for myself in order to save her from any suffering. I will not help you to destroy her marriage to Evan. If I cannot have her, I would wish it to be him. He will care for her, as will Father.”
“I will never be a mother to her.”
“You were never a mother to any of us. Yet we have learned to be happy regardless. You are not as important as you believe yourself to be.”
She bared her teeth in a vicious snarl. “I will see her begging in the streets before I see her at the altar with either of my sons. She will never set foot in a house with the Boltmon name attached to it.”
* * *
Phoebe had never seen Miss Bennet in distress so she was alarmed when her governess came to her in her bedroom with tears streaming down her face.
“Miss Bennet! Whatever is wrong?”
“I’ve received news my brother died this morning.”
Without hesitation, Phoebe ran to her and took her in her arms as if Miss Bennet were now the child. She stroked her hair and kissed her upon the head with affection.
“My dear governess, I am so sorry. Whatever happened?”
“He’d been working as a coalminer. The furnace malfunctioned and burned the air from the tunnels. He suffocated thousands of feet beneath the earth.”
Phoebe gasped. “This is a tragedy. My sweet Miss Bennet, what can I do?”
“I have asked your father to be relieved of my duties while I return to Windermere to bury him.”
Miss Bennet’s eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. She continually dabbed a handkerchief at her eyes and nose. She was already dressed in black.
“It is without question,” Phoebe assured her. “You must return home at once. I trust my father has already offered you the use of a carriage?
”
She nodded. “I am blessed to have an employer who is so gracious and compassionate. Many would not care at all.”
“He and I both view you as family, Miss Bennet. We would do nothing less for you. Is there anything else I can do? Do you need money for the travel? Can I help with any expenses?”
Miss Bennet took Phoebe’s hands and squeezed them in gratitude. “Sweet child, thank you but I have all I need. I have some savings which I will use to ensure he has a proper Christian burial.”
An Immoral Dilemma For The Scandalous Lady (Steamy Historical Romance) Page 24
