by River Savage
“You fucking love it, don’t you? I can picture your pretty pussy glistening for me over my dirty mouth.” The sound of him stroking himself gets louder as I work my way to an orgasm.
“You close, baby?” he asks. And I am.
“Yeah.”
“Good, now picture me there, my head between your legs, fucking you with my tongue.”
“Jesse,” I moan a little too loudly.
“That’s it, baby. My tongue is licking at your clit as my finger drills into you, over and over. You’re coming all over my face, your juices coating my tongue. I can taste it now. Sweet. So fucking sweet.”
A quickening begins in my stomach, growing stronger before exploding through my senses. My orgasm hits me violently, and I have to bite the side of my cheek to stop from shouting out.
“Don’t hold back, Bell. I wanna hear what I do to you,” Jesse’s words float through, pushing me further, and forcing a wave of explosion inside of me.
“Jesse,” I cry out, wanting to please him.
“Yes, baby,” he groans. “Fuck, Bell,” he curses before crying out in a moan. The sound of him coming takes me back to the first night when I brought him to orgasm.
“Fuck, baby,” Jesse grunts, following me into our own sex-induced sphere. Sharp inhales of air are shared between us. Our breathing becomes the only sounds as we come back to ourselves.
“You there?” he asks when it falls silent.
“Yeah,” I whisper, feeling vulnerable again. I wish I could have it in me to feel ashamed, but I don’t.
“That’s the second time you’ve made me come with a hand job, sweetheart.” He chuckles and I love the sound of it. It’s the only time I feel like he’s really being himself.
“You remember the first time?”
“Been trying for the last few weeks to remember. It’s been coming back to me. No way I’m gonna forget it now, or what just happened.” He sounds absolute so I decide to give him honesty in return.
“I’ve never done this before.”
“Jesus, me either,” he admits and I let the news stir in my belly.
“Are we going to talk about what happened?” I bravely ask. I don’t want it to hang in the air between us. I need to know where I stand. I’ve come to really enjoy talking to Jesse. If it can’t be more, I need to prepare myself for less.
“I’m still pissed.” Guilt swarms back through me. Threatening to take up residence.
“I’m sorry, Jesse. You just make me lose my head. I wanted to tell you, but I just…” I trail off, ‘cause what else can I say?
“You should have told me. Do you know how fucked up that is? Taking that from you, with no respect. Fucking you on my bike, Bell. I already know I’m an asshole, but to fucking take it there.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just…I just didn’t want you to say no. I wanted it to be you.”
“You deserve more than that, Bell. You fucking deserve a bed,” he says on a growl and I can hear him getting worked up. I don’t want to end this call too soon.
“You think that’s what I want, but I only wanted you, Jesse. Any way you give me, I want it,” I admit and hope it doesn’t push him away.
He’s silent for a beat, the silence only taunting me with my mistake.
“You’re bad news, Bell, but for the life of me, I can’t stay away.” His words surprise me, but don’t deter me.
“Why do you want to fight it, Jesse?” Preparing for resistance, I force myself to sit up.
“My kind of fucked up shouldn’t touch you, sweetheart.” He sighs and I feel him pull away. I know I should expect it, the man runs hot and cold, but I’m not going to be some push over who sits around and wishes he could change.
“You don’t see what I see, do you, Jesse?”
“What do you see, Bell?”
“I see a man fighting a battle he’ll never win on his own. You don’t have to pretend around me, Jesse. I’ll never ask that of you.”
“I get that from you. I do, sweetheart. But I don’t know if I can give you what you need.”
“How do you know what I need?” The line goes quiet and I know he has nothing. “You don’t, so don’t assume you think you know, Jesse. Maybe you’re exactly what I need.” I don’t know where my confidence comes from, but I like it. If only I could assert it into my own life. Onto my family.
“There’s a lot of shit you don’t know, Bell.” He clears his throat. A shudder moves slowly over my skin with his revelation.
“I’m sure there is and if you decide to tell me, then we will deal with it,” I tell him and he doesn’t respond.
“Fuck! What are you doing to me, Bell?” He lets out a frustrated breath and it’s as if I breathe it in from my end.
“What are you doing to me?” I answer back. “I’m so far out of my comfort zone I don’t know how to feel.” I whisper the last part. Admitting truths comes easy when I’m talking with Jesse.
“I want to see you tomorrow. Are you working?” He changes the subject and I’m thankful.
“It’s Valentine’s Day.” Of course, Jesse Carter doesn’t know what day Valentine’s Day is.
“Oh, you got a date, Bell?”
I laugh. “No, why? You asking?” I tease, then face palm. Way to act cool, Bell.
“Yeah, I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Can we meet?” I ask, not ready for Mom and Dad to know about Jesse.
“I’ll pick you up and we’ll be talking about that too,” he promises and I wonder if I should talk to my mom tonight?
“Jesse.”
“No, Bell. You’re pushing my boundaries. It’s only fair I push yours too.” I nod into the phone because how do I argue with that? “You feel me?” he presses.
“Yeah, I feel you, Jesse.” I know he’s right, and if it wasn’t for Jesse, I wouldn’t be here, taking this step.
“Okay, now go to sleep.” The order is firm, strong, and I love it.
“Okay.”
“Night, sweetheart,” he whispers.
“Night.” I hang up and press my face into my pillow.
Oh, God, what did I just do?
Fifteen
JESSE
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Nix walks out into the hall, kicking a stool out of his way.
“What’s up your ass now?” I ask from the sofa, sitting up from the racket. I just got back to the clubhouse from dropping the baby supplies off to the safe house for Beau and the woman he rescued.
“Fuckin’ Red is sick. Just cancelled on me.”
“Cancelled what?” I question, still not understanding what he’s losing his head about.
“Shit. What about Kadence’s parents?” Brooks joins the conversation, walking out from behind the bar.
“They’re away for the weekend,” Nix answers, ignoring me. His fist slams down on the bar in frustration.
“What’s got your panties in a twist?” I move off the sofa and come to stand by them. Yeah he’s got a short fuse on the best of days, but today he’s wired.
“There’s always—” Brooks nods to me but keeps his eyes on Nix.
“Fuck, no.” Nix shakes his head, and I’m still not following.
“He’s your only hope,” Brooks pushes.
“Someone fucking tell me what the fuck you’re talking about,” I interrupt again, this time, getting Brooks’ attention.
“Nix needs a sitter. You’re it.” Brooks slaps me on the back and walks back to the bar. Now it becomes clear.
“So, you finally need me.” I laugh, turning to Nix, ready to rub it in.
“No,” Nix answers, not budging.
“Why not?” I fold my arms across my chest and wait for the poor excuse he’ll give me.
“Yeah, why not? You’re desperate. Everyone’s out or busy,” Brooks repeats my question, his grin as wide as mine.
“Fuck,” he huffs, knowing I’m all he’s got. “Fine.” He pauses, and takes a minute. “Can you watch the kids, Jesse?” A smile slides up my face and
I beam it his way. We both know him asking pisses him off.
“Ask nicer,” I fuck with him, because I can.
“Fuck you, Jesse.” I don’t respond, deciding it’s warranted after the shitty mood he’s been in for the last few weeks. He really has to work harder, especially if I have to cancel on Bell.
“Fine. Jesse, can you please watch Low and Z?” Nix caves and it’s fucking awesome.
“I have a date but—” I shrug, knowing my club, and family always comes first.
“No.”
“You didn’t let me finish.”
“You’re not fucking some whore on my sofa as my kids sleep upstairs.” He watches me carefully but he knows I wouldn’t do it.
“Fine. I’ll do it for twenty an hour.”
“Fuck off.” He hits me over the head and walks back to his office “Be at my house at six. Don’t be fuckin’ late.”
“You owe me,” I call out after him.
“Call it even after the shit you bring me daily.” He counters, and fuck, he got me on that one.
“I want dinner too,” I put out one last demand, but instead of replying, he slams his door. “Do you think I have any chance of getting Kadence’s lasagna?” I turn back to Brooks but he shakes his head.
“Kelly and I wouldn’t even get lasagna,” he says and I know there is no hope for me. “Don’t you have a date to cancel?” he asks, reminding me I need to call Bell.
“Shit, yes.” I reach for my phone and dial Bell but get her voicemail.
“Hey Sweetheart, it’s me. Give me a call when you get this.” I hang up and hope she gets it soon. I would hate for her to get ready and then I don’t show up.
“You still talking to Bell?” Brooks asks, watching me type out a text to her.
“Yeah.” I move my phone away from the sneaky fucker and finish the message.
“You like her,” he says and I won’t deny it. I won’t lay out the whole truth either.
“Been trying to get in her pants since Holly got shot.” I deflect to save face. I know my brothers think I’m a player, and I am, or was. Fuck, I don’t even know what is happening with me, with us, but I know Bell is different.
“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you work so hard.” He laughs and he’s right. I don’t chase, or work hard for it. So why Bell?
I have no right answer, but I know I’m not ready to give her up, at least not yet.
* * *
“Uncle Jesse.” Z runs up to see me as I walk through the door of Nix and Kadence’s place later that night.
“Hey, little man.” I scruff his hair as he lets me pass.
“I’m not little.” He puffs out his chest.
“Sorry, sorry, I forgot.” My hands come up not wanting to piss the little man off. I catch Nix’s eyes and give him a slight nod.
“Fuck, I’m surprised you turned up.” The asshole likes to give me shit, but I know he trusts me.
“Shut up and give me my girl.” I hold out my hands for Low. She squeals in excitement when she sees me.
“Fucker,” Nix grumbles, handing her over.
“Hey, Low baby, you tell your daddy how much you love your Uncle Jesse.” I blow a raspberry on her belly trying to get her to laugh.
“Rub it in, asshole.” Nix moves to the kitchen while I sit on the sofa next to Z.
“What’re you playing?” I ask, placing Low in some seat contraption she seems to like. She bangs on the dials and bounces up and down, her toothless grin growing wide at her new surroundings.
“Mortal Kombat, you ready?” Z asks, handing me the spare controller.
“Yeah, ready to kick your ass.” I take it from him.
“Jesse,” Nix scolds, but I just laugh. Z has heard worse words.
“Ten minutes, Kadence, or we’re gonna be late,” Nix yells from the bottom of the stairs.
“I don’t know much about dating, since I’m only a kid, but I don’t think you should do that,” Z says and I’m gonna have to agree with him.
“Yeah, I’m with you there, bud.” I fist bump Z. The kid is switched on, he’s gonna be a ladies man by the time I’m finished teaching him.
“You better not fuck this up, Jesse.”
“Nix, language,” Kadence reprimands him as she comes down the stairs
I turn and watch her take the last few steps.
“Jesus,” Nix groans, taking in what she’s wearing.
“Jesus, Joseph, and doggy-style Mary.” I whistle, giving Nix some time to get his head on straight.
“Jesse!” Kadence scolds, turning to me.
“What? I was just giving Nix some words. He looks lost.”
“The kids.” Her eyes bug out, worried Z might have been listening, but he’s too focused on the game to pay attention to the adult conversation.
“I got them, Kadence, all good.” She shakes her head so fast I worry something might loosen, but doesn’t comment again.
“You okay, Nix?” she asks, picking up her purse. I know this night is what both of them need, so I don’t want to fuck with them tonight.
“Yeah. Just not sure if I’m going to be able to handle you on the back of my bike,” he says and I nearly snort. Man, he has it bad.
“We’re taking the bike?” Kadence’s voice takes on a husky tone, and I know the Prez just got his in. Not needing to hear his bullshit lines, I force myself to block them out. They keep talking for a little bit while Z and I battle it out in Kombat.
“You remember what I told you, Jesse?” Kadence walks toward Low to say goodbye.
“Yep, got it.” I nod watching her send me a silent you-better-remember-every-detail expression. I return it with my own please-woman-I-got-this grin. “You do know I’m a former Marine, firefighter, and badass biker. I got this, sweetheart.”
“I know, I know.” She bends down and kisses Low. “Okay, let’s go.” She moves to Z, kissing him briefly. “Call us if you need anything.”
“I got it. Go,” I encourage.
“Yeah, Dad, go,” Z repeats, making me laugh. Even the kid knows when enough is enough.
They walk out in silence and a few minutes later, the bike starts and they ride off, finally leaving us alone.
“Why don’t you have a date tonight, Jesse?” Z asks after a few moments of playing the game.
“’Cause I’m here with you.” I smile even though I wish I was with Bell. When Bell called me back earlier, she had just got out of work. She took the news of me canceling on her in her stride but told me she was busy tomorrow and wouldn’t be able to meet till Monday.
I’m kicking myself I left her alone so long to get my head out of my ass.
“What do you want for dinner?” I ask, changing the subject. When Nix and Kadence get back, I might try to head over and see Bell, make up for canceling on her.
“Mom left food, but can we do pizza?”
“What leftovers?” I ask, wondering if she left me lasagna. The woman makes a fucking mean lasagna.
“Stew.” His face pulls into some pained expression and it doesn’t make me want it.
“You want pizza, Low?” I ask, flicking one of her buttons, which sings some “ABC” shit.
“She can’t eat pizza.” Z laughs, shaking his head.
“More for us then.” I snatch the phone and dial out.
“You’re so cool, Jesse.” Z announces before the call is answered and a small ache twists in my gut wondering if I had a son would he still think that? Or would our relationship be like the one I have with my father? Those sort of questions hold too many what ifs, and the very reason why I would never want to find out. I don’t ever want to be like that man.
* * *
“Pick up the damn phone, Bell,” I grumble into the phone the next morning. I wanted to go to her last night, but Nix and Kadence ran into an emergency and I had to stay with the kids. I know she said she was busy with family shit, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to speak to her.
“All right, that’s it.” I stand and decide I�
�m just going to drop by. Typing out the text, I tell her I’ll be there in ten minutes. I don’t wait around for a reply, just head out to my bike.
The ride over to her place is quick, and for a second, I contemplate turning around, but I hold strong and walk the path to the front porch. Taking a deep breath, I ring the bell and step back.
“Bell, can you get the door?” Someone calls out, and before I can blink, the door is open and Bell is standing there.
“What the hell, Jesse?” She pushes me back and steps outside. “Why are you here?” Her mouth forces a smile, but her eyes don’t strive for the same effort.
“I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” I shrug, thinking maybe I was reading too much into her not taking my calls.
“I told you it’s fine. I understand,” she says, but the way she’s acting now, she doesn’t seem fine.
“I know, but I wanted to make it up to you.” I pull her to me. The need to kiss her now that she is in front of me is too much to ignore.
“What’s wrong?” I ask when she tenses under my touch.
“It’s Paige’s Birthday. We are having a family thing for her, you know…” she trails off.
Fuck.
“Sorry, sweetheart. You should have told me. I wouldn’t have come,” I tell her, stepping back. It’s not the time. Coming here today wasn’t right.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and I wish I could hold her, tell her everything is okay, but I know it’s too much for her to take in right now.
“I’ll speak to you later,” I wink and head back down the porch steps wishing she would call me back and ask me to stay. But she doesn’t and I understand why. This is why it’s hard to walk away from her. I get what she needs, just like she does for me. I just wish I could help her, like she seems to help me.
Sixteen
BELL
“Who was at the door, dear?” Mom asks when I walk back into the kitchen.
“Ahh, just a friend.” I brush it off, not ready to tell her about Jesse. I nearly told her yesterday about him, but when I got the message he had to cancel due to a family issue, I held off. I wasn’t sure if Jesse was backing away or if he really did have family drama, but I tried not to let it get to me. Instead, I hung out at home with Ava watching lame romance movies and tried to forget that Paige’s birthday was looming.
