by River Savage
“Yep, meet you back at the club.” I wave them off, hoping by the time we get back, Nix has let it go, and the other fuckers don’t pull any shit.
Something tells me that’s not going to happen.
Twenty-Four
BELL
Checking the time on my phone again, I let out an impatient snort. Where the hell is he? Waiting has never been my strength. Sitting still and watching time tick by is the least productive thing one could ever do. Even as a kid I would throw epic tantrums if I had to sit around and wait for my mom to take me somewhere. Anything over five minutes would send me into a meltdown.
Forcing myself to try and relax, I shut my eyes. Maybe if I’m asleep when Jesse gets home, he won’t be so angry.
After a few minutes, an awareness washes over me. Keeping my body still, I hear the bedroom door creak open.
“Bell?” Jesse calls, flicking on the light.
“Yeah.” I sit up and let my eyes adjust. He doesn’t reply, just starts dropping his keys and wallet on the table next to the door. “What happened?” I quiz when he places his cut on the chair and kicks his boots off.
“Babe, it’s late. I’m tired, wired and pissed.”
“Listen, Jesse—” I begin the rehearsed apology and explanation I already thought out.
“I’m not kidding, Bell. You’re only gonna piss me off.” He flicks the light off and I hear him move toward the bed.
“Jesse, don’t be like that. Please,” I plead, not expecting him to just shut me down. I knew he was going to be pissed but I wasn’t expecting the silent treatment.
“Like what, Bell? You could have gotten yourself hurt. Hell, worse.” He climbs into bed beside me. I can just make out his features, his eyes are tired and the crease of his normal smile dips low into a frown. Needing him to understand, I roll into him, resting my leg over his middle.
“You have to understand why I went there,” I try again. I don’t know why it’s so important he understands, but it is. His hand runs up my bare leg. My breath quickens, but I force myself to ignore his touch and focus on making things right.
“I don’t think you grasp how much I don’t get why you would be there. It’s fucking dangerous and you knew I didn’t want you involved.”
“You don’t think I know that? I do, but I’m not going to sit by, Jesse, when I could be helping.”
“You don’t get it, Bell. You’re not helping.” He takes a deep breath and rubs his hands over his face.
“I’m not trying to argue with you, Jesse.” I lower my voice, afraid I’m treading dangerously close to his limit.
“Then don’t. I told you, I’m not doing this tonight with you.”
“So that’s it? We’re not going to talk about it at all?” I try to curb my anger at his disregard of my needs.
“No–was thinking you could sit on my face then if I’m up to it, I’ll fuck you. Once I’ve had my fill, we’re gonna go to sleep, and tomorrow we’ll talk about it.” Ignoring the tightness in my stomach, I come up on my elbow to look down at him, unsure if he’s being serious or messing around. “Not fucking around, Bell.” His hands move to my waist, dragging me completely on top of him.
“Jesse, I’m not going to have sex with you when you’re angry at me.”
“Sweetheart, not gonna tell you again. I want you on my face, now.” His words are a direct hit between my legs. “No point in clenching, baby. I’m gonna eat you until you beg me to stop. Now stand up and slide those sexy panties down your legs.” Searching for some kind of clarity, I pause and try to catch up with what’s happening.
“Don’t fight it, sweetheart,” he urges. My chest tightens in excitement, and for reasons unknown to me, I do as I’m told and stand up on shaky legs on top of the bed.
Jesse’s hands come to either side of my legs, waiting for me to expose myself.
“Don’t have all night, and from that patch of wetness I can see, you’re ready for me. If you want, we can skip this part and I can bend you over, and fuck you hard.” His threat only serves more as a turn on as the ache between my legs takes on its own beat. “Panties off, now.”
“I know you’re angry, Jesse.” My hands move to the side of my panties. Hooking my fingers around the cotton material, I slowly slide them down my legs. “But I want to explain.” My eyes never leave his stare. “You have to understand why I did it.” I keep pushing, torn between wishing he would talk to me and just letting him take his anger out on me through sex.
He doesn’t respond in words; instead, his hands cover mine, forcing the material faster. One leg at a time, I step out of them and let Jesse throw them to the side.
“Spread ‘em.” His head rests back against his pillow. With shaking hands, I slowly part myself and give him a better view.
“Jesus fucking Christ.” His hand snakes out, running the tip of his finger through my wetness. A soft moan vibrates over my lips.
“Take your shirt off, sweetheart, and sit on my face.” I do as I’m told. Done with talking, I rip my shirt over my head, throwing it to the side, and move to stand directly over his face. His body slides down the bed until his mouth is directly under me. Still standing, I look down at his face.
Lust.
Hunger.
Need.
And anger all flick over his face as he waits for me.
“Drop to those knees, babe. Need to taste your sweetness.” Eager for us to be okay again, I don’t waste any more time and lower myself to just above his face.
“Fuck yeah,” he growls before pulling me down hard the rest of the way.
My legs spread wide to accommodate him and my hands find the headboard to stop myself from falling. He doesn’t linger, his tongue lashing out against my clit, drawing more pleasure than I deserve right now.
“Oh, God, Jesse.” My head rolls back as need pulses from within me. Jesse’s grip tightens at my hips as he pulls me down harder against his mouth. “Fuck,” I groan, starting to sound like Jesse and his filthy mouth as I grind my pussy on his face.
He growls his approval, the sound vibrating against my core, urging me to work faster.
“Yes,” I moan, his fingers digging into the flesh of my thighs. I don’t want it to end. I want to stay like this forever, sitting on Jesse’s face while he makes me come undone.
“Jesse, I—” I pant, the wave hitting me hard before I can finish my sentence. It only pushes Jesse further, his tongue lashing at me harder, faster and more brutally as he feasts on me like a starved man.
Jesus, can he breathe down there?
The thought hits me fast, before being replaced with another wave of pleasure. “Jesse, I’m gonna go again,” I prepare him, finding the rhythm in my hips. His own rhythm changes, a more demanding force takes over—owning and claiming me. “Yes, right there, Jesse. Don’t stop,” I beg, riding him with uninhibited movements in my search for release. Taking over, he holds me down, his grip tight and controlled.
“Hmmm,” he growls again, words not needed. I know he’s enjoying this. The way his mouth is devouring me, his enjoyment apparent with each lick and suck.
“Too much, Jesse, it’s too much,” I plead, as another wave builds. Did the last one even end?
He doesn’t let up, so instead, I try something else. “I need you, Jesse, need your cock.” I look down and watch as his eyes change instantly. A new power of possession washes over them and before I can even blink, he pushes me down his body, lifts me up, and lines his cock up with my entrance. I gaze down our bodies, waiting patiently for the moment we connect.
“Bell, look at me,” Jesse demands, breaking my stare.
My eyes travel up his body, over his abs, his hard chest, his wet mouth, to his eyes. I don’t even have a minute to be embarrassed that I’m coating his chin; I’m locked into his eyes. “Wanna see your face when I slide in, sweetheart,” he says while lowering me down onto him.
“Ahh.” I force my eyes to stay open and not be drawn in to the moment of unease. He controls my h
ips, lowering me slowly down his length. I want to say it’s perfect, but the new angle has me tense. What if I can’t do this?
“Relax, baby, you’re doing good,” Jesse encourages. I know I probably look like a deer in headlights, but I can’t help it. Everything is still so new.
“Jesse, you know I’ve never…” I find myself making excuses, but I know there is no need. Not with him.
“Sweetheart, I’m gonna teach you,” he says and my stomach clenches. I like that. A lot.
“Jesus, you feel so good, baby,” he moans and I find myself wanting to roll my hips.
“Bell, keep still or this will be over before I even get to show you how I like it.”
“What, you don’t like this?” I tease, digging deeper and rolling my hips again. His hold on my hips tightens, stopping me from moving.
“I’m not kidding, Bell. I’m in over my head with you, woman. Keep fucking still or I’m gonna blow my load like a horny sixteen-year-old.” I smile at his comment but don’t try to push it.
“Quit smiling too. It’s only making this harder,” he scolds and I can’t help but laugh.
“Jesus, fuck, don’t laugh, you’re practically milking my cock.” I close my mouth shut and try to keep it in. Keeping a straight face, I gather myself and wait for Jesse to sort himself.
“Good girl. I’m gonna start moving now. You tell me if it’s too much,” he gently coaxes while lifting his hips. Nodding, I force myself to relax and let my body go, allowing him to take me anyway he wants.
There’s something intimate about our position—him under me looking into my eyes, his hands controlling our movements.
“This is nice,” I sigh, catching his rhythm and meeting him with a roll of my hips.
“Nice?” he grunts, moving me higher off his cock then slamming me back down.
“Jesus,” I moan. Heat hits my face and a new kind of ecstasy spirals toward me.
“Thought so.” Jesse smirks, but I don’t have it in me to comment. I’m too lost in the moment of this new wave of desire. Warmth swirls around me. My breath shortens and my mind fogs in its own mist of satisfaction. I’m lost in the moment. Lost in Jesse helping me ride to orgasm.
“Fuck me, you’re so fucking beautiful. I could sit here and watch you ride my cock all day, Bell,” he murmurs while I’m in the throes of my orgasm.
“Hmmm,” I moan in answer, not caring if I make a lick of sense. I never want this to end.
“My girl has a greedy pussy. I fucking love it.” Jesse chuckles, his thrusts growing faster.
“And I love you,” I reply, throwing my head back. Jesse’s body tenses under me and instantly, I realize what I said. “I mean I love you doing this. Don’t stop,” I scramble, wishing I could take it back.
“Bell, I can’t.” Time stands still after those three words and I’m left trying to bring myself back.
“I didn’t mean it, Jesse, I swear,” I lie. Panic washes over me, replacing my exhilaration with dread. He holds my stare for a few more minutes before taking my waist and slamming me back down on him. I squeal out in surprise before need takes over again. I knew I just messed up, but it was a slip. I don’t really love Jesse. It’s lust. I wouldn’t even know what love is. I shake off the insecurity that’s burning my skin.
“You don’t love me, Bell,” Jesse punches out each time he slams me down.
“No, I don’t, Jesse,” I agree, nodding along.
“Don’t fucking say that again,” he orders, his breath shortening.
“I promise, I won’t,” I answer, watching his biceps tense. His hold becomes painful but I don’t complain. I need this connection with him.
“Good, ‘cause I can’t love you back, Bell.” His words slam into me with brutal force, puncturing the protective layer around my heart and shattering it. Immediately, he shouts out his release and comes undone. Forcing my embarrassment down, I roll my head back, shut down my mind, and urge myself to be swept away in the moment. I knew deep down it wouldn’t be possible. His pleasure now brought me pain, but I did it anyway.
And I did it knowing things would never be the same.
Twenty-Five
JESSE
I can’t love you back.
I repeat the words in my head, trying to push those three words out of my head. She throws her head back, her eyes not finding mine and rides out her own orgasm. I try to keep my mind on the prize, her pussy milking my cock as she bucks above me, but all I can see is her sweet smile, her innocent eyes looking down at me telling me she loves me.
Our breathing takes over and an awkward uneasiness fills the room.
“Be back.” I lift her up, roll to my side, and escape to the bathroom. She doesn’t follow me, which I’m grateful for. I need a minute to compose myself.
Love? Fucking love.
Sure, I care for Bell. She’s made her way into my life and for some reason, I want to protect her, but I’m not capable of love. I’m not willing to open myself up to it. Jackson called it yesterday. The fact that it was coming from him I pushed it out. Hearing her say the words just now, it’s something I know I’m not ready for.
Without checking the temperature, I step into the shower and let the hot water burn my skin and relax my muscles. I need the pain to bring me back to where I am most comfortable. I probably shouldn’t shut her out like this, not after the night we’ve had, but to gain composure, I need to calm myself.
“You okay?” Bell calls from the door. I keep my back to her, unable to look at her.
“Fine, just give me fifteen.”
“If I had my car, I’d leave right away. But since I don’t, I could ask one of the boys to drop me off.” She sounds different and I know she’s retreating. Part of me is happy she’s making it easier, saving me from asking her to go, but another part doesn’t know if I can.
“Your car is here. Hunter went back and got it.” I keep my eyes closed, locked in my own internal battle.
“Oh, okay, great then. Well, I might just head home.”
“Just give me fifteen minutes, Bell. We need to talk,” I repeat, needing to get my head together.
“Sure.” I hear the door shut. Knowing she’ll probably try to leave, I cut my shower short and follow her.
Wrapping a towel around my waist, I don’t bother drying myself and walk out to my room. She’s not on the bed and her bag is gone. Moving to my cut, I check the pocket. My hand touches her keys and I sigh in relief. She can’t go anywhere without them. Dropping my towel, I quickly dress and head out to search for her. The clubhouse is quiet, most of the boys either headed to bed early or are not in tonight.
“Bell, you okay?” I hear Holly ask before I step into the kitchen. Halting myself, I move in close but keep hidden.
“Yeah, just looking for my keys. Have you seen them?” Bell’s voice is shaky and I’m worried she’s going to lose it.
“No, I haven’t. Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t look too good.”
“Really I’m fine. I just gotta run.” I can hear her searching the counter and I know she will come up empty handed.
“I heard about your little stunt tonight.” Holly laughs and I wait for Bell’s reply.
“I just want to find my sister, Holly.”
“Hey, I get it. I would do the same. You should have called Kadence and I. Hell, even Kelly would have come along.” I shake my head, knowing the four of them together would be dangerous.
“You all have kids, Holly. No way I’m dragging you into this.”
“Why the hell not? We’re your friends. We love you, Bell. We would do anything for you.” I roll my eyes at the little minx and remind myself never to trust her with Bell. She’s a troublemaker.
“Yeah, then I would have four scary biker men pissed at me, like Jesse is.”
“Ohhh, so that’s what’s wrong. Jesse got his panties in a twist ‘cause his woman didn’t obey him.” She starts laughing, hard.
“I am not Jesse’s woman. We’re just friends.” Her den
ying us as anything more twists my gut and I realize then I don’t know what the fuck I want.
“Friends?” She snorts but doesn’t go on.
“We aren’t in a relationship. Jesse’s made it very clear what we are and are not.”
“Jesse just needs a good smack upside the head. The man wouldn’t know what he wanted if it bit him in the ass. He’s clueless, Bell. In fact, this is the first time I’ve ever seen him with the same woman twice, let alone weeks.”
I stop and think about Holly’s words. She’s right. I have never let a woman get as close to me as I have let Bell. It should count for something.
“Well, I don’t think it’s any sort of relationship that he will continue after tonight.”
“Oh, please, the man has it bad. You could storm four biker hangouts and he’d still want you.”
“Maybe, but I just told him I loved him and he freaked out.”
“Oh, God! You said the L word?”
“As an accident. I was in the moment. It slipped out.”
“What did he do?” Not wanting to rehash what just went down, I step into the kitchen.
“Told me never to love him, that he can’t ever love me.” Holly sees me first, but keeps her mouth shut and her brows raised. Bell noticing Holly’s reaction turns.
“Ahh… Hi. Just looking for my keys.” A flush creeps across her cheeks. I watch her throat constrict as she tries to swallow before deciding what I’m going to do.
“Get your ass back in bed.” I ignore Holly and direct my stare on Bell. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m not ready to push her out just yet.
“I really should just get going, Jesse. I have to work tomorrow.” She pulls at her sleeves trying to play it cool, only I can see past it.
“Not gonna say it again.” I step back and wait for her to move. “Unless you want to do this right now in front of Holly?” I push, hoping she doesn’t. The last thing I need is for this to get around the club.
“Night, Holly.” She caves and steps past me, moving straight back to my room.
