by S. L. Baum
I stood up on my tip-toes and kissed his cheek. “We will. I promise.”
One by one, the rest of my friends offered their thanks as we entered the Gala. My father left to join Lily’s father as soon as we were all inside. Aspen had cornered Cimarron and her husband, who I’d seen in pictures only, and she was wagging a finger at them. It made me wonder if Cimarron and Aspen had conspired to keep Thorn out of the Gala. I didn’t want to think about that possibility, so I pushed the thought to the back of my mind.
“That was quickly resolved,” Stone said as he rested his arm around Rosebud’s shoulders. His fingers moved over her skin, touching her freckles.
Rosebud smiled and leaned into him. “It’s a good thing my name was on the list.”
“A simple mix-up, I’m sure,” concluded Fisher. “The six of us are all together now.”
Stone’s eyes lit up. “How about The Superior Six.”
Fisher shook his head.
“The Steady Six. The Serious Six. The Sexy Six… now I’m on to something.”
“I want to talk to Thorn alone for just a minute. We’ll be right back,” I whispered to Lily.
She nodded her head in understanding, and then I dragged Thorn over to a corner of the room, where I hoped we would be able to speak in private.
Thorn held onto my hand, pushed my pearls out of the way, and traced the five circles of my Lush Brand. “You were supposed to call me last night. We were going to meet somewhere. What happened?” He stared down at my wrist. His eyes didn’t look up as he spoke.
I leaned back against the wall, closed my eyes, and pushed the fingers of my free hand into my temple. “I seriously have no idea, Thorn. All I know is that something is wrong with me today.”
“What is it? What do you mean?”
“That’s the worst part. I don’t know what it is. It’s strange. Everything is strange. My mind has been fuzzy all day, and I’ve had this continuous dull headache since the moment I woke up. And on top of that, I don’t remember anything about yesterday. I mean anything! To be honest, I just don’t feel right. It’s like, I am not quite me. That doesn’t even make sense, does it?” I opened my eyes as I felt him release my left hand and place both his hands on my shoulders.
“You are you, Bluebell.”
“But I’m not.” I shook my head. “This morning, I had to see Cimarron’s face before it clicked in my head who she really was. And until she started to go over it with me, my speech for today was completely gone from my brain. Aspen and Cimarron said it was because of stress, but it’s something more. I just know it. And then there’s you! I didn’t think of you one time today, not once since I woke up… not until Stone said you were outside and couldn’t get in. How is that possible? I haven’t been able to not think about you for the past couple of weeks. I always think about you. Always…”
Thorn stepped closer to me, pulled me into his arms, and enveloped me in an embrace. I melted into him and breathed in the scent of him, willing myself to never forget how the moment felt. I sighed, hoping to breathe out the worry that I’d been holding onto.
“It’s been a stressful time for you, but you’re right, that seems like more than stress to me. Did you take any medicines?”
“Yes, I did. I had some Pain Relief, twice I’m guessing… last night and again this morning. And I drank some Sleep water, but I don’t think I realized what it was when I drank it. Aspen told me this morning that she’d put some in my room, and there was this half empty bottle of it on the floor by my bed. So I know I must have downed it. I just don’t remember actually doing it.”
I rested my head against Thorn’s chest and I listened to his steady heartbeat. The sound calmed me. I took a deep breath, slowly exhaled the air, and my pulse steadied as I concentrated on the rhythmic thumping of his heart. I felt his hand come up and he began to rub my back.
“Sleep can confuse for a moment or two upon waking, but it wouldn’t leave you foggy all day. I think maybe you’ve consumed some Memory drugs. Those drugs can quickly rid your mind of things that haven’t really grown deep enough roots within you, and they will erase over time the things that aren’t given a regular stimulus, something to jog the memory. If you don’t see it or hear about it, taste it or touch it, you won’t think about it.”
I looked up at him, staring into his eyes. I shook my head in disbelief. “Someone gave me Memory drugs? Do you really think so?”
“I do. We were all given small doses of it when we started Training Tech. It was so we wouldn’t miss our parents too much. They also helped clear our minds of any bad habits we may have learned at home. Our parents’ images were placed in our rooms. Remember? That was so we wouldn’t forget who they were. And we got to see them if they came to Visitation Days, so they were never completely erased for us.”
“How do you know any of this?”
“My father told me after I came home; he wasn’t allowed to tell me while I was in Training Tech. All the parents were aware that the drugs were being given to us, and they were encouraged to make sure they kept up with Visitations those first two years, even if they didn’t live close to Training Tech. My father took that advice to heart, especially after my mother died. He knew there was a good chance I’d forget her and he didn’t want me to. So he always brought little things with him that would remind me of her… a hair comb, a toy we’d played with together, all the images he’d saved of us through the years. He was the only father doing that kind of thing on Visitation Days. At first I hated it, then I learned to just accept it. Eventually, I looked forward to it, and now I’m grateful that he always did it.”
“Why does your father tell you things that seem like they’re not supposed to be talked about?”
“He just wants me to be aware, to be well informed. The older we get, the more we are told. I mean, we will all know about the Memory drugs as soon as we bring our first child to Training Tech and Alpha mentions it during orientation. I guess my father doesn’t completely agree with the idea that people are denied access to basic knowledge, until they are deemed ready. He thinks that everything should be laid out, that information should be available to anyone that seeks it. But he also knows that he can’t exactly make his thoughts known, or he’d lose more of his already less than stellar standing as a Citizen. The fact that he’s so respected in Media Distribution thankfully overshadows the fact that he chose not to enter into another Marriage Contract after my mother died. He has me, and a few discreet friends that I know of, to confide in. Blue, I’m telling you all this in confidence,” Thorn said. “Do you understand?” A look of apprehension flashed across his eyes.
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.”
“Thank you. My father is always telling me to be discreet.”
“We can tell each other anything, and it will stay confidential,” I promised. “Thorn, I’m so angry about this. I never thought that someone would try to erase my mind.”
Thorn gripped both of my hands and looked into my eyes. Something tugged at the pit of my stomach. “I doubt they were going for your whole mind, just recent things that might get in the way of future plans. In general, people are more compliant when they are unsure. Citizens are more accepting of the present and the future when they don’t dwell on their past.”
“So I am to be compliant, and forget my past, to embrace my future as the Lush Ambassador. That’s why I’ve been secretly given the Memory drug.”
“If I had to guess, yes. And many drugs are given without the recipient knowing, but some people want to erase the past and take Memory erasers willingly.” Thorn brought my right hand up and pointed to my fingers. “Blue, you are not wearing the ring.”
“The ring!” I closed my eyes again, trying to picture where it was, but I couldn’t. “How could I forget? I don’t even know where it is.”
“In a little box, maybe?”
“Oh, yes. The box,” I sighed. “It is in my bedroom.”
I felt him lean toward me, his lips near
my ear. “You told me something about a secret tablet. I don’t know anything about it because you didn’t go into any detail. I just thought you should be aware. It is probably something that should be kept a secret,” he whispered. “Keep trying to remember. Carry the things you don’t want to forget with you at all times, little tokens, keepsakes, and images. That way you’ll see them and more than likely the memories will return to you. You can fight the drugs. It may be hard, it may give you painful headaches, but you can do it. I know you can. Don’t let someone succeed as they try to make your mind and your memories smaller. You are strong, Bluebell. Your mind is strong. I believe that with all my heart.” He placed a small kiss on my cheek before he pulled away.
I looked into his eyes. “Thank you for having confidence in me. I will try to remember.”
Chapter Four
See Through
“Bluebell, Thorn,” Lily called out, walking toward us. “Your time is up. You two have been over there for more than just a minute. Now get yourselves back to the group! This is a shared Gala, so get over here and share it with me!”
Thorn pulled my hand up to his mouth and placed a kiss on the back of it. “And here I was, hoping to keep you all to myself.”
I gave a small laugh. “As if that was ever going to happen this evening. She’s right. We should go. But I have to admit, stealing away somewhere would be lovely.” I turned around to find Lily right behind me, frowning. “We’re coming. You don’t have to stand there with that look on your face.”
“Don’t you give me that look,” Lily scowled back at me. “If I don’t get to hide away and share intimate secrets, then neither do you. Come on, Ambassador girl.”
She grabbed my hand and yanked, I pulled Thorn along behind me, with the hand that he was still holding, and the three of us walked over to join Fisher, Stone, and Rosebud.
“I told Lily to leave you alone,” Fisher apologized when he saw the look on my face. “At least for a little while longer.”
“It’s fine. We Gala girls need to be available to our guests,” I said.
“Exactly,” Lily huffed. “Especially you, Lush girl.”
“Are you excited for your tour?” Rosebud asked. “My father was once allowed to travel to Two, to demonstrate some of his Peace Keeping techniques. He told me all about it on Visitation Day one time when I was little.”
“My father travels throughout all four Concords regularly,” Lily said. “Armory inspections or something like that.”
“So does mine. Senior Council members regularly do.” I turned to Rosebud. “I guess I am excited. Actually, I’m more nervous, I think.” I shrugged.
Stone moved an air bubble back and forth between his cheeks before releasing it. “Well neither of my parents have ever been out of One. Fish, didn’t your mother come from Four?”
Fisher nodded his head. “Yes. Her parents were granted a transfer soon after she was born. Which is a good thing, otherwise I wouldn’t have been born here in One. One is where all the important stuff happens. Anyway, she obviously doesn’t remember anything about it, being an infant.”
“It can’t be that different. Just different people, I suppose. My father tells me that the scenery is basically the same, and each Training Tech was built to be identical to the one we attended. The tunnels though, that’s something else.” I played with the pearls at my wrist, nervous with the thought of travelling through the darkness. “I mean, going through the underwater tunnels which connect all four Concords… that scares me a little bit, but I also think that it will be pretty exciting.”
“Why would that scare you?” Fisher asked, genuinely confused by the emotion. “You enter one end and exit another, just a trip through an enclosed dark, dry space with natural light on the other side. What’s scary about that?”
“Fine, Fish. I’m not exactly scared, I’m just nervous.”
Thorn put his arm around my waist. “I understand where you’re coming from on that. It’s just the fear of the unknown. But after the first tunnel, I imagine you won’t even think about the others. And I’m sure there are lights along the way inside.”
“You’re probably right,” I conceded.
“Of course he is right. There are auto-bright lights along the entire lengths of all three tunnels,” Fisher scoffed. “It amazes me how much you people do not read up on this stuff.”
It wasn’t really the fear of the tunnels that was making me nervous. It was just the whole thought of travelling with Cimarron, away from my friends and family, away from everything that I found comfort in, and placing myself fully in the public eye. During the trip I would mainly be the Lush Ambassador to Concord. I wouldn’t get to simply be Bluebell… Lily’s friend, Jackson’s daughter, Thorn’s something. Oh, I didn’t know what I was to Thorn, or what he was to me, and with me leaving there wouldn’t be any time to figure it out. It would have to wait.
A hand rested on my shoulder and I turned around. “There is my lovely granddaughter,” my grandfather said with a smile.
“Grandfather,” I responded with a matching smile.
“It is time, dear. You, and your friend Lily, need to come with me. Our Grand Gala guests must hear from the beautiful guests of honor.”
“Of course,” Lily and I chorused.
He held out his other hand, in which there were two tiny cups. “I brought you each a little energizer. Drink it quickly, the taste is quite bitter.”
“Energizer?” Lily asked.
“It’s an energy blast, much more concentrated than one of those Energy waters. Something to get you through the evening looking as refreshed as you do right now. We can’t have our special young women looking worn out tonight as you are being broadcast to all of Concord.”
Lily looked over his shoulder. “Did my mother send this over?” she worried.
“Your mother would approve of anything I deem necessary, I am quite sure. Aren’t you?”
Lily nodded her head.
I took one of the cups from his hand and swallowed the bitter liquid, knowing better than to question his actions. My grandfather extended his hand toward Lily. She hesitated for a moment before she reached out to take the cup, then grimaced as the contents hit her tongue.
“Hand the cups to this fine young man,” he instructed, pointing to Fisher. Then he crooked both of his arms. Lily and I automatically did as he ordered, hooked ours arms with his, and my grandfather escorted us up to the stage.
After our formal introductions, and my speech, giving proper glory to Concord and The Council, the rest of the evening passed by in a blur of smaller rehearsed speeches, multiple private personal introductions, and the ever present expectation to be a gracious daughter and granddaughter. Thankfully, toward the end of the evening, there was also time for talking, laughing, and simply being with my friends. But mostly, I spent the evening trying to not think about the fact that Aspen had more than likely drugged me. I didn’t know why I was so sure she was the one who’d somehow slipped me the Memory drugs. I guess I just couldn’t believe that my father would do something like that to me.
I had a nagging feeling that something had happened to me the night before, just moments before taking the Pain Relief, which I had apparently washed down with Sleep water. It was something to do with Aspen, I was fairly certain. I couldn’t remember anything about it, but then I had no actual memory of taking the Pain pills, but there was an open bottle on my bedside table so I assumed I had. I was beginning to remember being alone in my room and being upset about something. But what was it?
My head began to ache again.
“What is it?” Thorn asked. He had patiently waited for me to fulfill my Lush duties after Lily and I had left the stage, and then quietly stayed by my side for the rest of the night… I could hardly believe it. But I was grateful for his presence; it calmed me.
“It’s just a little headache. I think that energy blast sipper thing my grandfather gave to me is wearing off. I’m tired. It’s been a long day.”
“I just want out of this dress and into some comfortable sleep clothes,” I said with a sigh. “Then we can extend the day, indefinitely.”
“I don’t think I told you how breathtaking you look this evening. And while you do look completely captivating, I’d quite happily escort you throughout all of Concord in your most comfortable sleep clothes.” Thorn winked.
“All of Concord,” I said with a sigh. “I never thought I would ever be escorted throughout all of Concord. I wish you were the one going with me. Starting tomorrow, I will have to be on my best behavior, with Cimarron watching over me, for three weeks. Correction – at least three weeks. I won’t be able to step out of my Ambassador role, for fear that I’ll do something unseemly, or think bad thoughts, without being reminded how a good and dutiful Lush Ambassador is expected to be.”
“Your skull is not transparent, you are not made of glass, so nobody can see what is going on inside your head. Your thoughts are your own. Remember that.”
I rested my head on his shoulder. “I’ll try.”
“And don’t forget to find the ring when you get home tonight.”
“I won’t forget. It will be the first thing I do,” I promised.
“I hope you’ll wear it, to help you remember me.”
“I won’t take it off.”
“And be mindful of who is giving you pills or drinks.”
“Hey. Do you think my grandfather gave something like that to Lily and I?”
He looked down at me. “I don’t know, Blue.”
I sighed. “Me either. Ugh! Let’s not talk about this anymore. This is the last moment I get to spend with you for weeks.”
“Alright. Dance with me?”
I hesitated before I answered. “Are you sure you want to do that? My dancing lessons didn’t go so well.”
Thorn smiled. “I never had any. We’ll just move our feet and hope to get through it.”
