And Nicholas had told the woman he was alive. His chest tightened and he tried to breathe, gasping for air.
He squeezed his hands into fists, praying as they carried the stretcher up the incline and into the ambulance, one paramedic continuing CPR while the other got into the driver’s seat.
Lawrence shut the door and the ambulance took off. He let out a deep breath. “He’s not going to make it.”
Jeremy shook his head. “Those injuries were too severe. They’re not going to be able to resuscitate him.”
Both men were calm, far too calm for Nicholas whose whole body shook. He’d just witnessed a man dying in front of him, and those injuries … he retched again, his stomach spasming in pain.
Lawrence turned to him. “Sit down, put your head between your legs.” He put a hand on Nicholas’s shoulder and helped him to the ground. Nicholas’s legs buckled under him and he landed hard on his butt. He couldn’t get enough air.
That poor woman.
And Gordon. Mai had said he was a good guy. He was younger than Nicholas. It was too young to die.
“I’d like to say it gets easier, but it doesn’t.” Jeremy handed him a bottle of water. “We had a two-car crash a couple of weeks ago with more people involved, and it’s seriously the worst part of this job.”
He appreciated they weren’t trying to cheer him up, or making fun of him. This was fucking hard. No one deserved to die like that. It didn’t matter if Gordon was high on drugs.
That could have easily been Shane behind the wheel of the car. It could have been him dead. Shane had admitted afterwards that he’d turned to drugs to tune out the stress of work. This guy had turned to them because he’d had no other work.
Life sucked.
“Lawrence, can we start the investigation?” It was Ryan’s voice.
“Yeah. We’re done here.”
There was a hand on his shoulder and Nicholas glanced up.
Ryan gave him a smile. “Do you want to faint or vomit?”
“It’s a tough call.” Nicholas’s stomach heaved again and he closed his eyes.
“There’s a psychologist at the hospital who’s available for all emergency responders,” he said. “Maybe you should go and talk to her.”
Nicholas nodded. He might, but right now he wanted to stop feeling so sick. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the mess of Gordon’s legs and the blood on his face. He put a hand to his stomach as if he could hold everything inside.
Around him people were talking, but he couldn’t get himself to move, to listen to what was going on. On the ground in front of him an ant carried a speck of something white over the leaves, its path defined by something Nicholas couldn’t see. It was determined, barely pausing when an obstacle appeared in front of it.
Something warm and thick covered his shoulders. A blanket. “We’re about finished here,” Jeremy said. “Can you make it back to the truck?”
Nicholas nodded. He needed to get out of here, needed to stop thinking about what might have been.
They drove back to the fire shed and he moved on auto-pilot as he helped Jeremy, Foley and Lawrence stow the gear and replenish stock. Lawrence handed him a card. “This is the psychologist’s number. Call any time.”
“Thanks.” He didn’t want to talk to a stranger right now. What he wanted was … to see Mai. The thought of her soothed some of the frenetic thoughts in his head. It wasn’t even midday yet, though it felt like he’d been at the crash for hours, and Mai might still be at work. If he stopped by the bakery, he’d at least get to say hello.
“Do you want to go for a drink?” Jeremy asked.
Nicholas shook his head. “No, I’m right, really. I need to go home.”
Lawrence slapped him on the back. “You did well today.”
Nicholas picked up his kit bag and drove to the bakery, where he parked at the back next to Mai’s car. Then he walked around to the entrance. One of the customers gave him a second look and he realised he was still wearing his fire-fighting gear.
He waited until everyone had been served before he asked the woman behind the counter, “Is Mai here?”
“No, sorry. She’s just finished work.”
“Thanks.”
He returned to his car and looked up at her window. It was empty. Would she be asleep already? He stood there for a long moment. He desperately needed to see her breathing, feel her heart beating, even though his rational brain knew she was. Perhaps if he was quick she would still be awake. He rang the doorbell and heard her coming down the stairs, her steps loud and fast.
The door opened and Mai was there, wearing satin boxer shorts and a fitted tank top. She had never looked more beautiful, more alive. “Mai.” Relief swept through him, blowing away some of his fears.
She frowned at him for a second. “What are you doing here?”
He took a step back. “I’m sorry, I woke you.” Now that he’d seen her the tightness gripping his heart relaxed. “I needed to see you were all right. I’ll let you go back to bed.” He turned to go and she reached out and gripped his arm.
“You went on the call-out.” Her eyes were full of concern.
He nodded.
“It was bad?”
He nodded again. There was no way he could verbalise it yet.
“Come in then.” She took his hand and led him inside.
Relief flooded him as he followed her upstairs.
He could be with her for a little longer.
Chapter 12
Nicholas stood next to the bench, his shoulders slumped, staring into space, unblinking. He was somewhere else. Mai couldn’t turn him away, couldn’t ignore his pain. She put the kettle on and then turned to him.
She couldn’t be angry at him for last night, not when he looked so lost, so confused. She pulled off his thick jacket, dumping it on the kitchen table and he barely moved. “Take a seat.” She gently led him over to the couch and pushed him down. He obeyed without a word. She’d never been to a traffic accident, but she’d heard some of the guys talking about it and knew they were often nightmarish.
Quickly she made the tea, handing him his cup before curling up next to him on the couch. “Want to talk about it?”
He blinked as if coming back to himself. He cleared his throat. “A car hit a tree. The driver was stuck and we had to use the jaws of life to get him out.”
“How badly injured was he?”
Nicholas shook his head. “He didn’t seem too bad at first. He was talking and he had blood all over his face, but …”
She was quiet, letting him find the words he needed.
“Then his lung collapsed and he had trouble breathing. One of the paramedics drained his chest and we finally got the damned door open.” He put the mug on the coffee table and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. Mai wrapped her arms around him, trying to take away some of his pain.
“His legs were crushed. The paramedic thought the drugs in his system were keeping the pain at bay. When we moved him though he screamed … then he stopped breathing.” He took a breath himself. “The paramedic was giving him CPR as the ambulance drove away.”
She prayed it wasn’t someone she knew, but now wasn’t the time to ask. “I’m sorry you had to witness that.”
“Somebody had to help him.”
“You’re a braver person than I am,” Mai said. He was cold to touch and staring straight ahead, probably reliving the event. She needed to help him, needed to get through to him, needed to get him out of the clothes that would remind him of what had happened. “Come with me.” She tugged him to his feet and took him through to her ensuite bathroom, turned on the shower.
As the water heated, she unlaced his boots and helped him out of his clothes. Without needing prompting, he stepped into the shower. She waited to make sure he didn’t collapse, then gathered up his clothes and took them into her bedroom so they wouldn’t get wet when he got out. When she went back into the room, he sighed and opened his eyes. Then he frowned. “
I’m sorry, Mai. I shouldn’t be here, you need to sleep.”
Maybe he really had been concerned about her getting enough sleep last night. She put a hand on his chest to stop him getting out. “It doesn’t matter. You need me.”
He looked at her for a long moment, his eyes intense before he nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
His confession warmed her. When he was done, she handed him a towel and went into her bedroom so he had room to dry himself. Calypso wandered over, so she picked him up and gave him a cuddle, needing a little comfort of her own. Being here for Nicholas like this was more intimate than sex. Could she really do friends with benefits? She wasn’t sure. Not anymore. Not when her heart ached to see him in so much pain.
Nicholas came out with the towel wrapped around his waist. His eyes were still sad, but more alert than they had been.
“You need some rest.” Mai put Calypso on the ground and pulled the covers off her bed.
He glanced at the bed and then back at her. “I’ve disturbed you enough. First last night and now this.”
She wouldn’t put the sex into the category of a disturbance. “Do you hear me complaining?”
He shook his head. “It’s not right, it’s selfish of me. You don’t get much sleep.”
“You really are worried about my sleeping habits.” She laughed, shaking her head. “And here I thought you’d got what you wanted and couldn’t get away fast enough.”
His eyes widened and he took a step forward. “No. Of course not. Last night was … incredible.”
Pleasure flowed through her. Maybe she hadn’t misread their connection. She climbed on to the bed and patted the spot next to her. “How about we both lie down and get some rest?”
He hesitated, glancing down at his towel. Was he shy?
She slipped her tank top off and slid out of her shorts and then held out her hand.
With a small smile, he dropped the towel and lay on the bed next to her, his body tense. She curled up against him, wrapping an arm around his waist and spooning him. “Close your eyes, Nic. I’m here.”
His sigh was loud and deep, and his whole body relaxed.
He was warm, male and naked. It was arousing as well as comforting and she shut her eyes. They would both feel better when they woke.
The gentle charm of Mai’s alarm brought her to consciousness, but it was the warm, male body spooning her that really woke her up. It took her a second to remember what had happened and she shut off the alarm before turning to him. He watched her and her belly tightened. “How are you feeling?”
“Better.”
He looked better as well. The haunted look in his eyes had been replaced by a hunger and her body responded. “I’m glad.”
“Thank you.” He leaned forward to kiss her and then jerked back. “Is there such a thing as afternoon breath?” He put a hand over his mouth and breathed into it.
Mai chuckled. “How about we find out?” She kissed him and he tasted like Nicholas.
He pulled her closer. “I’m sorry for the way I left last night. I was mindful you had to be up again in about five hours and I wanted you to get some sleep.”
She pushed a stray lock of hair off his face. She believed him now.
He ran a hand down her side and her body woke all the way up. “Do you need more sleep?”
Hell no. “I’ve had enough.”
“Then let me make last night up to you.” As they kissed, his hands made a slow exploration of her body, running along her skin, brushing past her breasts and skimming over her groin.
She wanted more. “Touch me.”
He smiled. “I am.”
What was he playing at? “Touch me harder.”
“In a minute. You’re so beautiful.”
It wasn’t true, but she’d take the compliment all the same. His hands caressed her breasts and she moaned. It was torturous pleasure and she arched into his touch, needing to feel him. She wasn’t normally this sensitive, but then again, her previous lovers hadn’t taken their time.
“That’s cheating,” Nicholas said. He kissed her slowly and then dipped lower to suck her breast.
Need and want filled her as his tongue tasted her and her nipples puckered in response. “Yes.”
“Do you like that?”
Did he really need to ask? She nodded.
He turned his attention to her other breast and Mai’s eyes closed as pleasure filled her. He began a slow, steady descent as his kisses trailed over her stomach and down between her legs. That’s where she wanted him.
Right there.
He licked her and she moaned. Thank goodness she hadn’t sent him packing – he was definitely good at this.
His thumb rubbed her gently and she needed more. She lifted her butt and pushed off her underwear and then thank you God, his tongue was on her. She gripped the covers, trying not to move, wanting him exactly where he was, tasting her.
He slid a finger into her and she widened her legs to give him better access and oh my, she would come if he didn’t stop. “Nic, stop.”
He glanced up at her. “How many times have you come in a day?”
What was he talking about? Orgasms? Now? He waited for an answer. “Um, a couple.”
“Let’s see if we can break that record today.”
Before she registered his words, his mouth was back on her and she tumbled over the edge and was gone.
Mai’s eyes were closed, her head thrown back and body trembling as she came. Her groan sent a surge of satisfaction through Nicholas. He’d made her feel this way. He’d pleasured her.
It was one way he could make last night up to her. Looking back on it, he saw how she’d got the wrong impression. He’d been so intent on letting her sleep that he’d come across as an arsehole. He was an idiot.
He cared about her and wanted to show her how much she meant to him.
Just what did she mean to him?
There’d been no one else he’d considered going to after the call-out. No one he wanted to call. Only Mai.
And that was strange. They barely knew each other. How had she become someone he could turn to?
He’d never had that before. Someone to really talk to, someone who would hold him when he needed comfort, take care of him when he couldn’t think.
He’d never known he needed it.
But now that he did, he wanted more. He didn’t care about the development or that he shouldn’t mix business with pleasure. He cared about showing Mai he wasn’t just after sex.
When she opened her eyes, he slid up the bed to kiss her. Her little moan of appreciation sent a shot of lust right down to his groin. He wanted her.
“Feeling all right?” he asked, brushing her hair out of her face, loving the way it spread out beneath her like a curtain.
“I’m feeling great.” Her hands slid down and ran over his hard erection. “And so are you.” She grinned.
He jerked at her touch. He was ready for her, but he wanted to tease her some more, wanted her to come again when he did. He captured her hands and placed them above her head. “I bet I can make you feel even better.”
She smirked. “I’ll take that bet.”
He lowered his head until his lips hovered just above hers. “Game on.”
After Nicholas had won his bet, he pulled Mai into the bathroom and they showered together though it was a tight squeeze in her tiny cubicle. He’d have to have her over to his place where the shower was the size of her whole bathroom. He washed her hair, unable to stop himself from touching her. He felt so much lighter with her, as if the rest of the world didn’t matter.
The crash almost seemed unreal, like a nightmare.
Except for one family it wouldn’t be.
He didn’t want to think about that now – couldn’t face the reality yet. Instead he slid his hands over Mai’s butt and drew her closer to him.
She chuckled. “You’re insatiable.”
“For you, maybe.” He kissed her. His stomach rumbled. “Do you want to go
out and get some lunch?”
She nodded. “That sounds nice.”
He turned off the shower and took the towel Mai handed him, drying himself quickly. Mai had already slipped on her underwear and Nicholas stared at his fire gear on the floor of her bedroom. There was no way he was putting that on again. “Could you do me a favour?”
“Sure.” She noticed his clothes and grinned. “Have you got a change in the car?”
“Yeah. I’m not sure where I left the keys.” He wrapped the towel around his waist and followed her out into the living area where his keys were on the table.
“I’ll be right back,” she said. The keys jingled as she left.
Nicholas picked up Calypso and stroked him. Maybe they could get some take-away so they could come back and keep Calypso company. He didn’t want the cat to get lonely.
Hearing Mai’s voice on the way up the stairs, he turned towards the door as her words carried to him. “I won’t be a second!”
Was she talking to him?
“I’ll meet you in the bakery, Kim.”
Mai had company.
And he stood in nothing but a towel. He backed away from the door towards Mai’s bedroom but he was too late. Mai came into the apartment carrying his bag and a moment later an Asian man about Mai’s age followed her in.
“What the …” The man’s eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline.
Mai spun around and groaned. “Kim, I told you to wait downstairs.”
Was he Mai’s brother? This was awkward. Nicholas nodded a greeting as Mai gave him the bag and pushed him into the bedroom. “Get dressed. I’ll deal with him.”
Nicholas closed the door and quickly changed as Kim asked, “Who was that?”
“That’s Nicholas. I’ll introduce you when he comes out.”
“This is the guy you’ve been seeing, right? Didn’t you just meet?”
Nicholas wanted to hear Mai’s response, but he also didn’t want her to deal with the situation on her own. He checked his appearance and then opened the door, smiling a little sheepishly at the man, hoping to get him on his side. “Hi, I’m Nicholas.” He held out a hand and after a moment’s hesitation the man shook it.
Nothing to Gain Page 15
