by Linda Kage
His voice floated into the hall, the hint of panic tainting it. She couldn’t believe it had been his property that had killed so many, that had been used to try to kill him. What must he be feeling about that? She wished she had a glimpse into his head so bad right then, because it was a complete mystery to her.
“No. You won’t be arrested or charged as an accessory or anything. By your wounds, I’d say it’s fairly obvious you didn’t willingly let him have your gun. Thank you for your time, Mr. Abbott.” There was a pause and shuffling of feet before the officer added, “Hope you get better soon.”
A second later, the policemen strolled through the opened doorway and walked right past Tess without noticing her. Scrambling to her feet, she popped into Jonah’s room before she realized his coach was still inside. Jerking to a halt in the entrance, she watched Coach Whitely’s back stiffen as Jonah glanced warily up at him.
“For bringing a firearm onto campus, which directly led to the death of twelve of our students, I came to let you know you’re off the team, the university is revoking your scholarship, and you are hereby expelled from Granton University permanently.”
His dark eyes bright with a ring of red around them, Jonah stared at his coach for a moment before lowering his gaze. “I understand.” He sounded so gruff and broken that Tess’s chest tightened with sympathy even as her heart broke from all the lies he’d told her this past week.
The coach turned on his heel, only to pull up short when he caught sight of Tess in the doorway. “And thank you, young lady, for telling us exactly where we could find Mr. Abbott. The police had just contacted me about him right before you showed up.”
Jonah jerked his head up to pierce her with a look full of shock and betrayal.
Face flooding with color, she shook her head, horror filling her veins. “But I didn’t—”
Coach Whitely strode right past her and was gone as quickly as the police officers had disappeared. Frozen to the core, she risked a wide-eyed glance at Jonah.
“You told them how to find me?” His voice was low and full of accusation.
She closed her eyes for a brief second before she turned the tables and countered, “You have your memory back?”
He ground his jaw and lifted his chin. His hard gaze dared her to contradict him. “Yeah. I do.”
Pressing her lips together hard to keep her jaw from trembling with unfulfilled tears, she choked out, “Since when?”
“Since I woke up from a nap right before the second time you visited me. It all came back,” he snapped his fingers, “just like that.”
“Just like that, hmm?” Fury, betrayal, and pain as she’d never imagined before whiplashed through her. Storming to his bedside, she growled, “How dare you?”
Winding back her hand, she slapped him hard across the cheek, making him jerk his face to the side. The immediate mark in the shape of her palm that remained looked extra red against the white of his hospital sheets, reminding her why he was there and what he’d been through.
Gasping when she realized what she’d just done, she covered her mouth with her hand.
He rotated his jaw, touched his cheek briefly, and slowly looked up at her. “How dare I?” he said in a low voice, his eyes flaring with anger. “How dare you? You started this, Contessa. The first words out of your mouth when you stepped into this room were a fucking lie.”
“Wha…” She clutched her stomach at his brutal tone. “Okay, fine. I started the first lie. I will admit that. But why didn’t you say something to contradict me as soon as you knew?”
“Are you crazy?” he growled. “Some girl I didn’t know was coming into my room and claiming to be my girlfriend. Trying to get close to me. I had to find out what your ulterior motive was.”
“Ulterior motive?” Instantly shaking her head, she said, “But I didn’t have any—”
“Stop lying already!” Breathing hard after his shout, he shook his head. “I knew who you were. I’d seen you before. With her, with Einstein’s little protector.”
Tess frowned in confusion before it hit her. “Paige? But…but what does she have to do with anything?”
“There’s only one thing you could want from me. Revenge.”
This made no sense. He was making no sense. Tess shook her head some more. “I don’t understand. Revenge for what? I didn’t even know who you were before I walked into this room.”
“Oh, please. You can drop the innocent act. I can guess exactly why you’ve been lying to me this entire time. I know what you’re thinking, that it’s my fault all those people were shot and killed. I’m the big bad bully who pushed Einstein over the edge, I provided him with the fucking weapon to do it, and you wanted to see me pay for that.”
“That’s ridiculous.” She stomped her foot and glared at him. “I didn’t even know you were the one who led the bullying against him until today. And I sure as hell didn’t know about the gun until just now.”
He looked up at the ceiling and gave a hard laugh. “Well, please excuse me while I don’t believe you. Your track record with honesty isn’t exactly stellar in my book.”
“Oh my God!” She threw her hands into the air, still just as confused and frustrated and enraged and hurt as ever. “I’ve never done anything to hurt you, Jonah.”
“Never?” He glanced at her as if he truly hated her. “What about when you contacted my football coach today so he could come straight to my hospital room to kick me out of school? I’d say that’s a pretty decent revenge.”
Tess’s mouth fell open, momentarily too shocked by his accusation to defend herself.
He snorted. “Or what about…what about coming in here every day and making me think you cared? Pretending like you were the perfect, devoted girlfriend. Yeah. You found a way into my head to attack on a totally different battlefield.”
“No.” She shook her head. “You’re wrong. I do care. And I didn’t…I only went to Coach Whitely to tell him where you were so he’d visit you and you wouldn’t feel so alone.”
“Bull…shit.”
She groaned out a growl of irritation. “Why won’t you believe me?”
“My God. Why do you think? Because everything you’ve ever said to me has been a lie.”
“Not everything. Not when I opened up my soul and told you all my secrets, even the stuff I can’t tell Bailey.” Tears filled her lashes. “Not when I kissed you. Oh…God!” She gasped when an idea struck her. “All those times we…and you knew I wasn’t your—” She set her hand over her mouth while tears streamed down her cheeks. “You totally took advantage of me.”
He flinched and turned his face to the side. She watched him draw in a breath as if he was in physical pain.
But she was experiencing her own misery. “If you honestly thought I did all this just to wreak revenge on you, then why? Why would you kiss me like that? Touch me, flirt with me like you really thought we were—” Her voice choked out on her when she began to remember everything they’d done.
“Oh, God.” Poleaxed, she slid her hand down to cradle her stomach, which churned with dread. “Was that your way of paying me back for what you thought I was doing to you? Pay the awkward, shy redhead a little attention to make her think you really meant all that sweet bullshit you said, then crush her fragile ego by admitting it was all a hoax. Was that your way of exacting revenge before you thought I was going to?”
When he just closed his eyes and refused to answer, she gagged on her own horror. “You are an awful, awful person.”
Staring at him one last time, she realized how much of a coward he was because he couldn’t even open his eyes to let her see his guilt. Pathetic. With a sniff, she turned around and walked from the room.
Chapter Fourteen
TESS RETURNED TO CAMPUS, but she didn’t return to her room. The thought of facing Bailey right now revolted her stomach. Not only had her best friend been right about everything, but she’d been right about everything, even the idea of Jonah faking his amnesia.
A dramatic I-told-you-so was more than she could take right now, so she wandered into the food district instead. Feeling wild and defiant, she marched through the center of the walkway, despite all the fear ambushing her, and even entered The Squeeze where Paige worked to order a drink. Thank God, her friend wasn’t on duty; she didn’t feel like talking. Still needing to face her fears over this place, she then found a bench at the edge of the district, sipped her latte, and thought about all the horrors that had happened within these few blocks.
Would Einstein have gone insane and started a killing spree if he hadn’t taken Jonah’s gun? Would he have even felt the need if Jonah hadn’t harassed him into it? It was impossible to say. He’d always been unhinged. Anything could have triggered it. But Jonah’s involvement was so deeply entangled with everything that had happened, she thought she should feel like blaming him. And yet she didn’t.
She should probably hate him right now, too, but she couldn’t do that either. She’d lied to him just as much as he’d lied to her. They’d both crossed the line. And besides, thinking about how all the motives behind the intimacies he’d shared with her had only been a lie still hurt too much for her to feel the full force of her anger quite yet. She just couldn’t believe he’d only been playing along to cast his own revenge for the revenge he mistakenly thought she wanted to get.
Some lies she could handle, but that wasn’t one of them. Knowing he’d faked his feelings crushed her.
“Tess?” a hesitant male voice called from a couple yards away, startling her.
Swiping her arm over her face one last time to hide all traces of her crying spree, she looked over to see Logan closing in, concern written on his face.
“Paige and Bailey have been looking everywhere for you. They’re pretty worried.”
She drew her knees up to her chest to hug them. Focusing her gaze on a stone sculpture of a lion, the Granton mascot, she said, “I’ll go back soon.”
Logan nodded, but he surprised her by joining her as he eased himself onto the opposite end of the bench. Silently, they sat that way, staring off at the lazy afternoon of the campus around them. Then he let out a breath.
“I did a little research on your friend at the hospital, hoping to help you find some of his acquaintances. But I’m guessing you already know what I found.”
She nodded slowly. “I know who his roommate was, and who he used to pick on.”
“Yeah,” Logan said softly. “I’m sorry. I know you had higher expectations from him.”
Wiping at her face and glad to find it dry, she nodded. “I am too. I mean, I didn’t even realize I did expect anything from him, but after today…” She shook her head, still keeping her legs tucked up against her chest. “He faked his amnesia.”
Logan winced. “Ouch.”
“And, oh, my God. I just realized he totally let the truth slip last night. He said, ‘When I was a kid,’ and then cut himself off. I didn’t even catch it because I was so stupid and enamored and…I’m not even sure if I’m allowed to be upset about this. I mean, I lied to him first, right? He was just protecting himself, playing along so he could find out what my ulterior motive might be, because God forbid someone to be nice to him and help him for no other reason than to be nice and helpful. But I get that he didn’t know that. Still…Did he really have to do some of the things he did, and say some of the things he said? He made me feel like…”
Pressing a hand to her chest, she choked out a humiliated sob and gritted her teeth as the tears came again.
“Why would he act like he wanted me to keep coming back to see him? Why would he tell me things, such personal things that made me think he cared? Why…why would he be such a total sweetheart to me, with no bullying tendencies whatsoever, and then turn a complete one-eighty, telling me this was all about revenge? I don’t…I just don’t understand. Any of it. It makes no sense. It doesn’t fit. I…it can’t be true. If only I had one minute inside his head to know what he was thinking, how he was feeling, or why he was doing any of this, I’d just…I don’t know. I’m so confused. And hurt. And mad. I’m so fucking mad.”
When she turned and focused on Logan’s face, she realized how far off the deep end she’d gone. But at least now she could admit she was mad, too, not just hurt.
“And why I am I talking so much to you?” she demanded. “I don’t talk to super-hot guys. I’m, like, physically incapable of it. But since meeting Jonah, I can…Dear God, what the hell has he done to me?”
“Well…” Logan scratched a spot behind his ear and cleared his throat. “Okay, I have no idea what happened between you two. But I know a little of what he’s done, and I know what he’s been through. From my own personal experience, I know doing something that is unforgivably wrong, something that not only affects your own life but the lives of many others, will change you. I have no doubt he is a completely different person now than he was on the day of the shooting. But I’m also pretty sure he has no idea who he is, either. If he’s anything like I was, he’s pretty upset with himself right now. And remorseful, and scared, depressed. Guilty. I’m sure he’s full of a lot of uncomfortable emotions he doesn’t want to feel. And I bet he’s grasping for something to save him, but he’s even more afraid to reach for it because he knows he doesn’t deserve it.”
Glancing at her, Logan smiled softly. “I bet anything his meeting you did help him, until the truth came out. I’m still just guessing here, but I doubt he liked realizing you finally knew all his imperfections. My biggest fear was always worrying about people finding out what I’d done. Now that he knows that you know, he could be ashamed and pushing you away so he can’t see any negative reaction you’ll have to the real him. Or maybe he doesn’t think he deserves you.”
“So, you’re saying I should go back and give him another chance?”
With a shrug, Logan sighed. “I’m not saying everyone deserves a second chance, but I do know not everyone throws them away either. Some of us actually appreciate them and work our asses off to justify them.”
His words made sense. Out of all the confusion brewing in her head, his common sense felt like a light at the end of a long, black tunnel. She could actually find her way out of the dark now.
“Thank you.” Going with the urge claiming her, she sprang forward and threw her arms around him for a hard hug. “You have no idea how much that just helped me.”
“Oh, uh…yeah.” He patted her back awkwardly. “You’re welcome.”
He smelled good. Tess took a moment to inhale his spicy male scent. For some reason, it reminded her of Jonah. He had his own unique aroma, and the thought of possibly never smelling it again made her nearly sick to her stomach with anguish. It didn’t even matter that she shouldn’t want to smell him again. He had used and hurt her. But, God, just one more sniff would be—
No. No, she wasn’t going to go there. Returning her attention to Logan, she pulled away to give him a watery smile. “Paige is a lucky girl to have such a wise man.”
Logan shook his head. “Actually, it’s the other way around. I’m lucky to have her. I’m lucky she gave me a chance when she had no reason to whatsoever. Her forgiveness and acceptance saved me in ways you can’t even imagine.”
Tess nodded. “I think I understand. I’ll definitely think about that.” Then she blew out a breath and returned to her side of the bench. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk so much.”
With a soft chuckle, Logan sent her an amused sidelong glance. “Ditto.”
Logan escorted Tess back to Grammar Hall. They walked in silence until she unlocked the front door and pulled it open. The stairs Einstein used to hide under were the first thing to come into view.
Jonah used to chase him here and throw things at him, or least his group of bullies did. She shook her head, still unable to picture it. Jonah, a bully. It just didn’t fit. But neither did the reason why he’d gone along with her lie and acted the part of her amnesiac boyfriend. She’d completely bought into e
very smile, touch, and sweet thing he’d said to her.
Shivering, she brushed her hands up and down her arms and hurried up the steps to the second floor.
“Paige hates coming in this way, too,” Logan said. “I think she avoids it as much as possible and comes in the side and back entrances whenever she can.”
“There’re so many memories here,” Tess agreed. “I don’t know how she handles it.”
“She’s getting help.” Logan paused behind her when she stopped at her door. “And she’s working through it. I know what he did was awful, and he honestly tried to kill me.” He ran a hand over his chest where his bullet wound was still healing under the cloth. “But he stopped himself before hurting Paige. I think that’s what’s hardest for her to deal with. Somewhere in his deranged little head, he remained her friend. Even though I know she doesn’t want to, a part of her still feels bad for him and mourns him. It’s hard to accept truly evil people have any kind of good, redeemable qualities in them.”
“Or that good people have awful, unforgivable flaws,” Tess murmured, wondering which category Jonah belonged to. Was he bad with a little bit of good, or good with a little bit of bad?
“It’s easier when things are in stark black and white,” Logan said as she opened the door to her room to reveal his girlfriend was inside, trying to calm a frantic Bailey.
“Where the hell have you been?” Bailey stormed forward the grab Tess’s arm and haul her into their room. “It’s already after supper, and you didn’t answer any of the hundred and fifty text messages I sent you. Did you want to scare me half to death?”
Tess sighed while Logan went to Paige and drew her into his arms to murmur quietly into her ear. It was hard to watch them together. They had this connection, a connection she thought she’d formed with Jonah.
God, how could she have been so wrong?
Shoulders dragging and spirits drowning, she sent Bailey an apologetic wince. “I’m sorry,” was all she found the energy to say.
