“She’s so fucking sexy,” I groan. Time to push. “You should hit up Maria.”
“Not interested.”
“You guys appeared quite cozy earlier.”
“She’s just a friend.” Well, fuck. This isn’t going anywhere. Whatever. I have better things to do and stumble away to get my hands on my sexy girlfriend.
I grab her and turn her in my arms before smashing my lips down on hers. She startles before realizing it’s me. I get a high every time I kiss Liz. She knows exactly what to do to drive me fucking crazy with lust. Honestly, I think that’s just all her. I can’t imagine I’ll ever get tired of how she nibbles my lower lip, her tiny pink tongue sweeping across the edges like she’s memorizing its shape. I groan into her mouth and lift her up. She wraps those long, toned legs around me, her skin glistening with sweat from dancing around the bonfire.
“Your body is so goddamn lethal,” I grunt and walk off with her to find a more secluded spot. I weave a little and wonder if I’m more drunk than I thought.
Like every time we kiss, Liz is lost in the sensation and doesn’t notice that we’ve left the bonfire until I press her back against the side of a tree across from the dilapidated warehouse.
“What are you doing, Jayson?”
“Kissing my sexy girlfriend,” I respond, lifting up her green blouse and then her bra to cup her breast. A tiny whimper leaves her. Hell, yeah. I’ve got her right where I want her.
I use my weight to hold her against the tree and nudge her up a bit because I can’t wait another damn second to get my mouth on her. I pinch her nipple until it hardens and then move my head down to take it into my mouth, swiping my tongue in a circular motion. I lavish the tiny bud, suckling and nibbling until her whimpers become moans and her body writhes against the coarse bark of the tree trunk.
“Jayson, not here,” but she whimpers, wanting me to stop but also wanting me to continue. My tipsy brain disagrees with the former.
Liz and I decided a while ago not to rush into having sex. Do I want to? Hell, yes. Every damn minute of every hour of every day. She walks in a room and I get hard. When I’m in my bedroom and can hear her voice from her open window, I get hard. I wake up every morning after dreaming of her, and I am hard as a rock. The fact that she and I breathe the same air makes me hard. My desire for her, knowing I’m the only man to be with her like this, is enough to bring me to my knees and beg. I love this girl so fucking much. But I know she’s not ready to take that next big step yet. However, like I said a second ago, my drunk mind doesn’t care. My insecurities are high tonight. Old fears about her and Ryder wage a war inside my psyche creating a need for me to claim her, to hear her shout my name as I give her euphoric bliss over and over.
I nip her breast one last time before I step back allowing her legs to drop from around my waist. My hands immediately go to the waistband of her jeans.
“Jayson, stop.”
I don’t listen. I pull at her zipper, my need to claim her, make her want me like I want her, driving my impulses. She doesn’t shove me away or yell at me. I deserve it though, shame sneaking its way into my drunken brain for how I’m behaving. She gently cups her hands around my face and pulls me up. She kisses me once on the mouth and once on the forehead.
“Baby,” she speaks to me soothingly, “we’re in the middle of the woods and you’re drunk.”
I try to focus on what she’s telling me, but all I see is two of her, the four beers I practically inhaled in minutes showing their effects. The only thing I can do is nod and lay my head against her chest. God, she smells good.
She turns me around, taking most of my weight on her delicate shoulders. “Let’s go find Julien.”
Elizabeth drags my sorry ass away from the tree and back toward the bonfire. I’m starting to feel a bit sick to my stomach, beer sloshing around in my guts. I should have eaten before we came out here tonight. As we pass the side of the warehouse, Elizabeth suddenly halts in her tracks, jostling me which makes my stomach heave. I raise my head and see two forms, one standing and the other on their knees, face at crotch level.
I hear Elizabeth’s pained gasp, “Ryder?” And then I throw up.
Ryder
Jayson is carrying Elizabeth off, and my stomach plummets. I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on in his mind after seeing him grab her ass and lift her up. Why can’t I move on from her? Why am I still so obsessed with Elizabeth? I sit by and pine away, wanting her to notice how I continue to hold my heart out to her in my hands, pleading for her to take it. She’s still my best friend. She still loves me, I assure myself, so shouldn’t that be enough? To have her in my life even though I can’t have her in my arms? Thoughts of what she and Jayson are probably doing right now cut me like a thousand daggers, shredding me. Have they had sex yet? Are they having sex now? Has she given her body, her innocence to him, like she’s given him her kisses?
A movement beside me catches my eye. Jacinda slides in next to me holding out a bottle.
“Hey,” she purrs. I chug the rest of Jayson’s beer and take the one she’s offering.
“Hey,” I say back.
“You’re not here with anyone tonight I see. And I’m not with Fallon.” She slides her hand across my stomach, moves closer to me. I quirk an eyebrow at her. She smiles up at me and slides her hand lower. I think of Elizabeth, picture that it’s her hand touching me, and my dick twitches.
Jacinda smiles wider and rubs her hand down to cup me over my jeans. “Want to get out of here?”
Do I, I wonder? Part of me is desperate to move on, to try and find a semblance of happiness with someone even if it's not with Elizabeth. She’s with Jayson. She’s happy. Me? I want one goddamn minute to not live in my pathetic self-imposed seclusion. I want to feel alive like I do when I’m with her, feel the rush like I do when I race. Just one minute to forget.
“Yeah,” I say, taking Jacinda’s hand and pulling her toward the warehouse.
Jacinda slinks her hand down the front of my jeans as we walk, giggling. “God, you’re big.”
I don’t want to hear her voice right now. It’s not the voice I crave. I just want to forget. I know I’m being a bastard. I’m about to use a girl who I could care less about just so I can escape my need for the girl who has always owned my heart. I justify what I’m about to do by telling myself that Jacinda freely offered. She was the one to approach me, to come on to me, to make the first move. She knows the rules. She should because she’s been the go-to girl for most of the boys at school when they want a quick hook-up. She doesn’t care who she fucks, never has.
I pull Jacinda around the side of the warehouse, out of sight from the bonfire where darkness can shroud us. She reaches up to kiss me, but I jerk my head to the side and maneuver to her neck. Jacinda moans loudly. I close my eyes and imagine a different scene playing out, a different girl. God, I’m an asshole.
Getting disgusted with myself, I’m about to pull away from her and say fuck it and leave, when she turns me around and pushes me up against the cold steel metal of the warehouse. Jacinda drops down to her knees in front of me and hastily unzips my jeans. I squeeze my eyes shut and give up, let it happen.
Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth, I chant, as Jacinda pulls my engorged dick out and immediately puts her mouth on me and begins to suck.
I don’t remember much of what happens next, but I know it doesn’t take long for me to come in her mouth. I should feel sated, but all I feel is dirty, hollow and empty.
And then my worst nightmare happens.
A sound of a gasp. A voice I would know anywhere because it haunts my dreams.
“Ryder?”
Jacinda stands up and wipes her mouth, glaring at Elizabeth who is holding on to Jayson.
I can’t tuck myself in fast enough. I zip up my pants, shame dousing over me like gasoline and Elizabeth is the match ready to burn me to the ground.
Jacinda curls herself around my waist, a smug grin aimed at Elizabeth.
&n
bsp; A strained silence filled with regret and remorse hangs over us as the crickets chirp and the voices of partiers drift over from the bonfire.
Before I can say a word or rush over to Elizabeth and beg her to forgive me, Jayson vomits all over her shoes.
Chapter 13
Elizabeth
It’s Valentine’s Day and Jayson is taking me to Anaïs, a very exclusive restaurant located in the next town over. Maria and I went dress shopping last weekend and I found a gorgeous dark blue V-neck chiffon A-line midi dress. I pull the plastic protective covering off the hanger and place the hook over the bathroom door. I’m streaming some benign Top 40 pop music, shaking my butt to the beat as I finish straightening my hair with the flat iron. My phone pings and I see a text from Maria.
Maria: What do you think? Too much?
She attaches a picture she took of her herself in the full-length mirror inside of her closet. Maria’s wearing the yellow cocktail dress she bought. It looks good against her tanned skin and dark hair. She’s paired it with gold t-strap five-inch heels. Her hair is twisted up on top of her head with loose tendrils curling around her ears and neck. She looks stunning.
She and Ryder started dating a month ago and I’m trying not to act weird about it around her. If there was anyone I would approve of for Ryder to date, it’s my girl, Maria. She’s so smitten with him and it’s good to see him smiling. Maria is such a goofball, you can't help but laugh when she’s around.
Me: You look beautiful.
Maria: I’m so nervous.
Me: You will break hearts tonight. Have fun.
Maria: OMG! He’s here! Got 2 go xxoo
I go back to the bathroom mirror and pick up my mascara, needing to hurry because Jayson will be here in ten minutes. My hand shakes as I bring it up to my eye. Dammit. I toss it aside and lean against my bathroom counter to stare at myself. My eyes take in my light blond hair. I cut it some, about 5 inches, so it hangs at my shoulder blades, and had some layering put in to give more volume along the sides. Jayson says he loves it and runs his hands through my hair every chance he gets. I look deeper at my sage green eyes. I wonder if Jayson can see what lurks behind them. I wonder if Ryder can.
My phone pings again.
Julien: Our boy is about to climb the walls waiting to come get you.
Me: I’m almost done getting ready.
Julien: Hold on…
My phone starts going off and I see Julien’s name requesting a video call with me. I swipe accept immediately.
“Hey sexy girl,” Julien chirps as soon as his face comes up on the screen. I must look ridiculous in full make-up and hair wearing my unicorn robe. I squint at the screen because Julien’s face is hard to make out.
“Where are you? It’s really dark.”
“I had to hide in the laundry room so Jay couldn't hear me. You look ravishing, Liz.”
I snort. “Yeah, right. Are you about ready to head out too?”
“Yeah. I’m going to wait for you guys to leave first, just in case. And I want to see what happens.”
“What’s going to happen?”
“You’ll see,” he grins widely.
Even though he’s full of teasing right now, I know Julien is apprehensive about his date tonight. I’m the only one who knows about it, and he has sworn me to secrecy. He still hasn’t come out to his parents, to Jayson or Ryder either. I feel guilty as hell keeping secrets from Jayson, but it's not my secret to tell and I will not betray Julien or the trust he has in me.
“Where are you and Elijah off to tonight?”
“We thought it would be safer if we went to dinner in Fayetteville. No one should know us or recognize us there.”
When I first found out that Julien and Elijah were in a relationship, my mouth dropped. To say it was a total shocker is an understatement. All the times Elijah showed up to the events, races, and parties we went to wasn’t for him to see me. It was Elijah’s opportunity to see Julien. They are both scared of what will happen if their friends or kids at school find out about them. It makes me mad that there are still such close-minded, bigoted people out there. Julien and Elijah are two of the kindest, most loving, people I know. I love Julien with all my heart, and he deserves to be happy without having to live his life in fear or feel shame because of who he is. Because to me he’s already perfect.
I’ve always liked Elijah, and he and I have gotten closer since Julien told me about their relationship. I’ve grown quite protective of Elijah, and he trusts me like Julien does. I make plans for the three of us to hang out together alone when Jayson isn’t occupying every waking minute of my life. I want to give them every opportunity to be able to express their relationship with one another, to provide for them a moment where they can hold hands, kiss, and be affectionate, without fear of being judged. I cherish those times with Julien and Elijah because I see how much they care for and adore each other. I know Jayson and Ryder would feel the same way as I do if Julien would give them the chance.
“Julien, Fayetteville’s like over an hour away!”
“Better to be safe than sorry,” is his reply. “Liz, hold on. I think I just heard Jayson leave the house.”
“Shit! I’ve haven’t even put my dress on. Love you!”
“Bye, Liz. Keep our boy in line tonight.”
I snicker, “Yeah, you know that’s not going to happen.” I blow him a kiss and end the video call.
I hear my mom calling my name from downstairs. I rush to shimmy into my chiffon dress, step into my yellow strappy heels, spritz on some perfume, and dash downstairs. If I wasn’t holding on to the stair banister, I would have tripped and fallen down the stairs, making this Valentine’s very memorable. The reason for my falter is the handsome man standing at the bottom, looking up at me with love and adoration in his eyes.
I have not once seen Jayson in anything fancier than khaki slacks and a dinner jacket. Tonight, however, he’s wearing a dark charcoal men’s dress suit, blue dress shirt, and dark tie with blue and silver accents. He has styled his thick brown hair so that his bangs are parted to the side and up. Jayson’s resting his shoulder against the bottom banister, one hand casually in the pocket of his slacks looking every bit like a GQ model. He is breathtaking.
Jayson’s intense gaze slowly rakes up my body in increments, from my strappy heels, to the panels of my dress that seem to float around my knees, to the deep V of the dress’s bodice.
“Liz, you are captivating. So damn exquisite.” The butterflies in my stomach wake and scatter into a million fluttering wings.
Thankfully, my unsteady legs are able to make it to the bottom of the stairs, but I’m not going to take any chances. As soon as Jayson offers me his hand, I latch onto it, but he stops me on the next to the last step. Careful of my hair, he reaches one hand around my neck and spreads the other across the dip of my spine, pulling me in. He holds me like that, mercurial eyes travelling over my face, before inching in and capturing my lips in a sensual kiss. My toes curl and my center throbs.
“If I didn’t have to make the reservation months in advance, I would take you upstairs right now and eat you for dessert,” he mumbles against my ear. Oh my. Yes, please.
Mom clears her throat behind us. So embarrassing. She and Dad are standing at the front door, camera in her hand.
“Is this how it’s going to be at prom next year?” my dad asks her.
“Oh, much worse, I’m afraid.”
My dad groans.
We stand for what seems like hundreds of pictures because once Mom is done, Hailey jumps in with her phone to take more.
Jayson apologizes to everyone saying we’ll be late if we don’t leave now and guides me outside, hand placed possessively at my back.
On our way to his truck, bright twinkling lights catch my attention. Our oak tree, which I call our date tree now, is lit up from top to bottom with lights, and an old-fashioned swing hangs from the bottom branch. When did that happen? Among the crystal lights, silver origami stars hang
down from the branches. I take it all in and decide that it’s the most wondrous thing I have ever seen. I look over to Jayson who is beaming at me with pride knowing his romantic gesture is what put the awestruck look across my face. I decide that the tree is the second most wondrous thing - Jayson is the first.
“I’m speechless. It’s so magical. I don’t have words.”
Jayson threads his fingers with mine and brings them up to his mouth for a reverent kiss on each of my wrists. He leads me over to the swing and holds it steady for me to sit down. “Aren’t we going to be late for dinner?”
“Already planned for that. Trust me,” he smiles waiting as I smooth down my dress and gently lower myself to the polished wood board of the swing.
Once I’m settled, he gives me a small push. “You keep surprising me,” I say tilting my head back to look up at him.
“I used to daydream about doing this for you when I was younger.”
“Your dream was to push me in a swing?”
“Actually, yeah. I would daydream of you wearing your blue princess dress, the one you wore the first day we met, and that plastic tiara. Your hair would be loose and tumbled down your back and every time I would push you, it would whip back and float down like a cascade of golden silk. I imagined your smile and your laughter as you swung high into the sky to catch the stars.”
He lifts his hand and pulls one of the silver origami stars down from its string that holds it tied to part of a branch and hands it to me. “Open it.”
I place my feet down to stop the swing from swaying and carefully pull apart the star. Just like the paper gifts he used to leave me on my windowsill our first summer together as a couple, this star is also filled with writing. Inside he has written “a daughter who has your eyes and your smile.”
Curious, I ask him, “What’s this mean?”
Jayson bends down to my upturned face and whispers to me, “Inside every star is a wish. My wish.”
All Our Next Times: Fallen Brook Series: Book 1 Page 13
