Maths was a greater than usual effort. How could I concentrate on the banality of numbers when depressing images of the plane crash lingered in the forefront of my mind? All those lives, gone.
I slumped into the desk beside Sean. He was Max’s twin, but aside from similar dark hair and soft brown skin, they were unique individuals. Sean was also my ex.
I opened my internet browser and brought up the news article from ten months earlier when flight S108, bound for L.A. from Sydney crashed into the ocean off the coast of Hawaii. The initial stories were filled with fear and speculation. Then details emerged as the wreckage was found, and all three hundred and twenty seven souls on board were confirmed dead.
I glanced up at Mr Blythe, droning on as he paced the front of the class. I heard nothing but the numbers of those lost swirl around my mind.
I clicked on a more recent story from two months ago. Angry family members claiming there were still no answers as to why the plane had gone down. There was also a story about the pilot, Charles Sims, heralding his experience in the industry, and the high regard his fellow pilots had for him.
I closed the tab and let my gaze drift to the window. Cotton clouds floated in the otherwise clear blue sky.
Ouch! A searing pain shot through my foot. I flipped my head toward Sean, his eyes darting sideways letting me know I faced the wrong direction.
I looked to the front of the class where Mr Blythe stood with hands in the pockets of his vomit-coloured vest.
‘Care to join us, Lucy? Or do you have something more entertaining going on up here?’ he said in his monotone voice, tapping his finger three times on the side of his forehead.
‘I, ah, sorry I–’
‘Her cat died last night, Mr Blythe,’ Sean said. I didn’t have a cat.
Sean’s eyes were full of gentleness and sympathy. One of the by-products of growing up in each other’s pockets; an effortless familiarity. It’s what I loved most about my friends – the ease. With Sean the ease had gone away for a while, and sometimes I felt I was trying to get it back.
Sean and I fell for each other for the same reason we went to this high school – because it was convenient and easy. He was also cute and made me laugh and happened to be one of my best friends. But none of that helped when, in my desire for someone to hear me, I told him about my dreams. A bit like his sister, he laughed me off, then looked me straight in the eye and said, ‘You know how delusional that sounds?’
We never talked about it again. He’d said sorry, but I forced him to swallow the rest of his words. Our friendship was more important than trying to savour what was barely more than a childhood crush. Eventually the regret, hovering in the air between us, cleared, and our easy friendship came back into focus.
Funny how six months ago he couldn’t handle my truth, yet today he oozed understanding without knowing the reason for my inattention. Still, it meant a lot to me, and I thanked him through blurry eyes and a small lift of my lips.
‘Right, well, I’ve never let that excuse stop me from enjoying quadratic equations before,’ Mr Blythe said and returned his attention to the numbers at the front of the room.
I somehow got through Maths, trudged out, shoulders high, straight for my free lesson in the library where no teacher could get in the way of my investigation. I found my favourite table near the rack of European history and ancient Egypt books, in the back corner where I could keep an eye on the room.
Quiet chatter trickled from the tables around me. Turning up my music I reached out to the only other place that might hold answers. I typed in my username, @LucidLucy, and scrolled the dream forum I’d frequented since my online search led me there years ago. My pursuit to find out all I could about my nightmares, their meaning, and about dreams in general, left me with a search history of pretty much every website on the topic, plus some.
I never found anyone else who dreamed repeatedly of real-life events. But I kept coming back, on the off chance I’d find someone who was like me. My dreams weren’t like those of a lot of forum users, but it was still a place I felt less like a freak and more like a member of an extended family. I knew Granny Tess was both family and like me, but sometimes it was easier to ask strangers my questions, and sometimes I simply preferred to read their discussions from the outside.
I couldn’t find anyone asking about my particular problem, so I started my own thread. ‘Seeing someone in a dream before meeting them in real life.’
I knew my dreams contained accurate accounts of reality, especially the faces of those who died in the dreams. But I always believed that, unless they played major roles in the disasters I witnessed, they were imagined extras on ‘the set’ of my dream, white noise.
He was clearly not.
And as much as the fear of the unknown terrified me, the need to know the answers propelled me to learn more. I’d have to pluck up the courage and confront him about what he knew. What was his connection to the crash, and how the hell did he recognise me?
— 4 —
Lunch arrived, and the weight of the last couple of hours lifted at the prospect of a carefree forty minutes with my friends. Aside from Amber, who we’d only met a little over two years ago, I’d grown up with my friends being as dependable and constant as if they were siblings. And in a world of eternal shifting sand they were my mainstay.
But first I needed food, and I hurried to the canteen in the hope I’d get there before all the Vietnamese cold rolls were gone.
Damn it!
The queue snaked out the door. Why didn’t I leave the library earlier? Now I had to trade some of the best part of my day for standing behind two pimply thirteen-year-old boys whose voices pitched higher than the gum trees outside.
The school was brimming with cumbersome, hormonal teenagers who wouldn’t notice me if I passed out at the top of the stairs, which only made me love my friends more. There’d been six of us growing up, including Jake and me, and with less than two years in age between us we took it as a sign we were meant to do everything together. If one of us was climbing a tree, the other five weren’t far away. Chicken pox and nits were shared equally, and lasagne and mud pies were made in bulk.
But life can be as precarious as our misshaped mud pies, and ours began to crumble to pieces six years ago when Cal’s older brother, Richie, lost his battle with cancer. And the following year Jake headed off to high school without us, creating a distance almost as large as the one Richie left behind.
Things changed a lot since those carefree years climbing trees and living in each other’s pockets. We always imagined we’d be together forever, but imaginations were wild and unpredictable, and forever was only for fairy tales.
I reached the front of the queue, and my day extended its punishment by revealing the canteen had sold out of cold rolls. I left with a consolation lunch of a BLT wrap, but at least I didn’t land lukewarm fries.
I rounded the science building, and the old maple, with its mass of golden leaves carpeting the ground, beckoned me. Max and Sean’s raucous laughter reached me moments before I saw them. Everyone had beaten me today; Amber and Cal sat beside one another, across from Sean and Max, and someone else. Who was that? My stomach dropped; that hair looked startlingly familiar.
I sucked in a breath.
You’ve got to be effing kidding me!
I stopped dead. My heart raced toward detonation. How could he? How could he be there with my friends, in my space? It was bad enough to have him appear at my school, but to infiltrate the one thing that was mine – argh. I scanned around for an escape. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t talk to him. Would I be able to leave without drawing attention to my movement? Should I keep walking, and hope no one noticed me?
‘Lucy!’ Max waved.
Crap, crap, crap.
He turned in my direction, and I had no time to look away. His eyes were on me, and the shock I detected in them earlier returned, followed by the same memorable smile from my dream. This was almost dreamlike too �
� surreal, obscure, and a little bit hazy.
I pasted a painfully fake smile onto my face, forced my leaden feet into action, and made it to the seat beside Amber, once again face to face with someone whose presence in my regular, normal life freaked me out. I refrained from looking at him as I sat.
‘Hey, Luce. Where you been?’ I found Sean’s eyes. Maybe if I held onto those I could use some of his strength.
Nerves gathered in my throat, and I swallowed, holding up a brown paper bag. ‘Queue was long.’
Sean’s eyes left mine, and I plummeted to earth, scrabbling for an anchor, a hook, anything. Cal banged his hand on the table, making me jump. Damn his permanent enthusiasm, as if my heart needed to pick up more speed.
‘And this is Lucy Piper, or just Luce.’
I drew in a deep breath, and slid my gaze over the table toward the far too good-looking boy from my dream, to James Dean. His mouth sat in a straight line, but his eyes held the glimmer of a smile, as if he found enjoyment in this moment. His lean arms rested on the table between us, hands folded in front of him, sitting too comfortable for my liking, and what was with his floppy hair? So imperfect, it made it perfect. Oh boy.
‘Luce meet Simsy, aka Tyler Sims. He’s just moved to town.’
No kidding. Hang on. Did he say Sims?
Sean whacked Tyler on the back. ‘He’s joined the soccer team, so he already passed the first test, hey Cal?’
‘Shit yeah. All the best guys play soccer.’
My head grew foggy, registering the name – the connection. ‘Wait, what?’ I clasped my hands tightly in my lap, waiting for answers to the rampant questions of the past two hours. Had it really only been that long?
‘Yeah, I know, sorry, Luce,’ Sean said. ‘Another soccer nut, we’re multiplying.’
‘No. Not that.’ I flicked my head to look directly at Tyler. ‘Your name…’ The words chafed my dry throat.
His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. ‘Just Tyler.’ The smooth voice of earlier now cracked and coated in unease.
And right there was the answer. He didn’t want anyone to know who he was: the pilot’s son.
I cleared my throat and steadied myself on the seat. If anyone understood what it meant to hide your true self it was me. ‘Right, sure. Nice to meet you.’ My lips trembled, but I forced them upward, offering him the reassurance he needed.
‘You too, Lucy,’ he said, saying my name slowly, like it was a flawless piece of music on his lips. And then he grinned, eyes conveying a mountain of gratitude for not outing him.
‘So you just moved here from Sydney?’ Max asked.
‘Yeah, yesterday. Unpacked the truck last night, ready for first lesson this morning.’
‘You don’t muck around, do ya?’ Cal said.
‘Not when it counts.’
‘So what’d you move here for?’ Amber asked. ‘We came a couple years ago, Mum and Dad wanted a fresh start.’
‘Yeah, sea-change for us too, without the sea of course.’ He raised his eyebrows and spoke with mock disgust. Or maybe he really was annoyed we had no sea. I couldn’t tell.
‘But we have mountains and snow.’ Amber hovered the spoon of yoghurt halfway to her mouth. ‘And a lake.’
‘So they say,’ Tyler said with barely a hint of a smile in his eyes even though his lips turned up.
‘You have any other family here?’ Amber pressed her spoon against her lips.
‘Dude, we don’t normally interrogate the newcomers.’ Cal wrapped an arm around Amber.
‘You did me.’ She shoved at him, sat up straighter and leaned her arm on the table staring across at Tyler. ‘You should’ve seen their faces when they found me here on my first day, at their table. I was Goldilocks.’ She jiggled her golden hair, her smile reaching the edges of her blue eyes. She nudged the air with her thumb. ‘This lot, the four bears.’
I laughed at the memory of her ignorance to her intrusion, and my nervousness drifted away, making way for complacency, and I accidently caught sight of Tyler. His eyes met mine. My stomach lurched into my throat, my inhibitions returning in full force with an ever-present barrage of butterflies. His eyes pulled me in, and I darted mine away.
‘But then she shared her peanut butter, chocolate cupcakes with us,’ Max said.
A collective moan broke out around the table. Those cupcakes – too good.
‘So…family?’ Amber’s soothing voice made the push come across as a gentle nudge, but I wanted to elbow her in the side. Leave the poor guy alone.
‘No, we know no one, and no one knows us,’ he answered, sounding briefly dispirited. ‘Although I did run into someone earlier who looked familiar.’ He surveyed me across the table, amusement in his eyes. ‘Or should I say, she ran into me?’
Great, like I needed a reminder of my earlier humiliation. I wanted to smack that look off his face. I also wanted to hide under the table, or maybe climb the tree behind me.
Instead, as the conversation continued, I sat fixed to the seat, whilst those butterflies launched an attack on my insides, willing me to be sick. I tried to come up with an excuse to leave but couldn’t find one. Nothing that wouldn’t send off alarm bells with my friends who sometimes knew me more than I liked.
It was torture. Like trying to contain a rabid dog. So many conflicting emotions I needed to squash before I came across as some kind of psycho. There’d be absolutely no reason to look freaked out and shaken up. Nothing I felt would make any sense to these guys unless I told them why.
I managed to steal occasional looks at my mobile, creating a barrier around me. Nothing like a phone to deflect conversation.
‘Are you all right?’ Amber said quietly. ‘You’re extra quiet. Bad dream last night?’ I’d never confided in her or Cal about what my dreams were made of, but still, she cared, and in that particular moment, it made an excellent distraction.
‘Yeah,’ I answered. A nightmare – sitting across from me.
‘Need to share?’ I always felt safe with Amber. She’d never connected my dreams with news events, and I usually removed certain details that might implicate me, but this was one dream I wasn’t willing to divulge.
‘Nah, that’s okay. Thanks.’ I slid my eyes away, and Amber left me alone with my thoughts – curse words included – as they screamed inside me.
My head ached from the effort of ignoring my inner ramblings about what he might be thinking. It was even harder to avoid looking in his direction. My eyes kept betraying me, fleeting to meet his. But it didn’t matter how exquisite they were, constant, involuntary, out-of-focus glances across the table were not my idea of a peaceful lunchtime. Even worse was feeling his eyes on me while I distracted myself.
When the bell finally rang, I shot up faster than a SpaceX rocket, slamming my knee on the underside of the table as I tried to bolt.
‘Shit.’ I winced and slumped back on the bench.
‘You okay?’ Amber placed her hand on my back as I hunched over.
I gritted my teeth, avoiding all five sets of eyes as I stood again and threw my bag over my shoulder. ‘Perfectly fine. Gotta get to class.’
I left them gathering their own gear and hurried up the path to Geography. Heavy footsteps quickened behind me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin when Tyler appeared and matched my pace.
‘I wanted to catch you before you left.’ He brushed his fingers through his hair and tucked his hands into his shoulder straps. ‘I know you recognise me.’ His eyes pleaded with mine, the desperation evident in the tremor and speed as he continued, ‘Please don’t say anything, no one can know.’
Was he talking about the plane crash? No, he said recognise, which I did. My pulse gathered momentum. Was he talking about the dream, about being like me?
I’d been living alone on a deserted island for so long that when the rescue boat sailed past I forgot how to shout. It stood before me but I was lost for words.
I shook my head, gave myself a virtual slap in the face and asked, ‘You m
ean about the dreams?’
‘What?’ Tyler slowed then caught back up. ‘No.’ He shook his head. ’About my dad, the crash. You recognised my name, please don’t tell anyone.’
The boat sailed straight past and I slammed back into the sand. I stumbled on a crack in the cement and steadied my feet if not my heart. ‘Right, yeah, that’s what I meant.’ I turned away from him, my feet picking up speed. How humiliating.
Of course he hadn’t recognised me. Even if he saw me in the dream he wouldn’t remember it when he woke – I wasn’t really there. In my eagerness, I’d jumped to the wrong conclusion, and once again embarrassed myself because of this Goddamn supposed gift.
But I couldn’t let my anxiety stand in the way of his. I turned to Tyler. ‘I won’t say anything. I get it. Your secret’s safe with me.’
He let out a breath. ‘Thanks.’
I nodded and the large double doors ahead burst open. We jumped aside as half a dozen blue and white uniform-clad students spilled out. We manoeuvred around them and made our way inside.
Tyler glanced around the room, looked down at the timetable in his hand, and then up again, eyes wide. ‘Jada. What’re you doing here?’
A girl maybe a couple of years younger than Tyler, but with an identical shade of hair, dark brown with natural light streaks, rounded the corner from the library.
‘Trying to work out where I’m meant to be,’ she mumbled and shrugged a shoulder, staring at her own slip of paper.
‘Want some help?’ I asked, leaning to peer at the timetable. She angled it toward me, and I ran my finger over the days. ‘G12E, Maths.’ I stuck out my tongue and imitated a gag.
Her face remained lifeless, but Tyler laughed. ‘Jada loves Maths.’
My face fell. ‘Oh, sorry.’ I brushed at the loose strands of hair around my ears.
‘Lucy, this is my sister, Jada. Jada meet Lucy.’
She parted with a weak smile. ‘Hi.’ I couldn’t tell if her lack of vitality was due to shyness, grief, or her personality.
‘Nice to meet you.’ I placed a foot on the bottom step of the stairs, resting my hand on the railing, and shifted my attention back to Tyler. ‘Where you headed?’
Lucid Page 3
