‘Dad’s fixed the boat so it’s all set to go, said we shouldn’t have any trouble with it for now.’
‘Sick. Fingers crossed it’s a bit drier by then too.’ Sean took a large bite of his chocolate donut, reminding me of my own hunger.
I pulled out some kind of muesli slice from my bag as a leaf from the overhanging maple tree fluttered onto my shoulder. I put the slice on the table and picked up the browning leaf, twirling the stem between my thumb and forefinger. I loved our maple. We never had a short supply of gum trees around our school and town – they meant home – but there was something magical about this tree. Something provoked a sense of wonder every time I sat beneath its shelter. I looked at it in awe, the same way half the school admired the German exchange student, simply for being foreign, for being native of somewhere exotic and fanciful.
Sometimes I imagined I’d been transported to the tree’s homeland in Canada, no longer at school, but out travelling the world. Oh, who was I kidding, the thought terrified me. Like the bed sheets in the school sick room, you could never be sure what you’d get. Home, on the other hand, was like a quilted blanket – warm and familiar. Although not always perfect, and even if there were stains, at least they were yours. I recognised the stains from home, found comfort in them even. I’d just have to snuggle up in my blanket and pretend to be in Canada, it’d have to be enough.
‘Hey Luce, you mind if Tyler joins us on the weekend?’ I flicked my head up. Say what? Cal waited expectantly on the other side of the table, his forearm resting on the wooden slats.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer that question. I glanced over at Amber, and then Max and Sean on either side of me, equally curious looks on their faces. I frowned. ‘Why you asking me?’
‘’Cause you’re the only one who hasn’t answered.’ Right. I guess they said yes, then. As usual, I was caught daydreaming and left with little choice in my response. Say no and I’d look like a jerk, because even if I was a little guarded around Tyler, what reason would I have to say no?
I hated that there’d be no escaping him while at the lake, but then I could never escape my dreams anyway so that’d be no different. And what would it mean for him? To get a break from the grief that surrounded him, even if momentarily. Maybe my first opportunity to make a difference just presented itself.
I shrugged. ‘Sure.’ I tore open my muesli bar and halfway through my mouthful, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, Tyler showed up and sat directly across from me. I nearly choked, and tears sprang to my eyes as I tried to contain the urge to cough my food out everywhere.
Cal patted Tyler on the back. ‘Hey dude, you’re here. Luce said you weren’t at school today.’
‘She did?’ He glanced my way as I rapidly finished chewing. ‘I wonder what made her think that.’
I swallowed, praying the pieces would go down. ‘I…uh…didn’t see you in class. Sorry, I…assumed.’ Everyone turned and stared at me. My cheeks warmed and I wanted to slide under the table, or even better, board a plane and fly to London.
‘Don’t be sorry.’ He didn’t take his eyes off me. ‘I’m just surprised you noticed.’
I scrunched my face. It wasn’t like I’d been ignoring him. ‘Yes, well…’ I didn’t know what to say and broke off a piece of the slice, popping it in my mouth, immediately regretting my decision. I was far too tense to chew. The table grew quiet, all eyes on us, flitting from Tyler to me.
‘I got held up at home,’ he said. I recognised the sad lift of his lips, that half smile you feign when you feel anything like smiling. God, how many times had I used one of those?
Conversation shifted and frivolity clamoured around the table again. My mind drifted away, but with all his enthusiasm I couldn’t ignore Cal bragging about coaxing his teacher into an extension.
‘Ms Lincoln ended up giving me that extension on my English essay. She had to take pity on the school’s best soccer player for all the extra practice he’s doing.’ He puffed out his chest, but Cal didn’t need to inflate anything, his presence alone was enough.
Amber’s brows bunched together. ‘She does know it’s natural born talent and no extra practice was necessary, doesn’t she?’ She patted Cal on the knee.
‘Yeah, nah, kept that detail to myself. But ya see, that’s what happens when you’re the best player: everyone knows it and you reap the rewards.’ He hit his hand on the table, affirming his achievement.
Max rolled her eyes. ‘You’re such a charmer.’
‘Why, thank you.’ Cal displayed his usual all-consuming smile, where his eyes thinned to almost nothing and a white grin filled half his face.
With my elbow on the table, I rested my head in my palm, looking sideways to Cal before biting into my muesli bar. ‘How do you manage to care and not give a crap all at the same time?’
He shrugged. ‘It’s not easy.’
‘That’s okay, you might be the best player’ – Sean nudged Tyler with his elbow, a grin plastered across his face – ‘but I’d rather be the best looker on the team any day. At least I get the attention of the girls instead of the teachers.’
‘You sure your looks are getting the girl’s attention, Sean? If they are they mustn’t know where you live.’ Max raised her perfectly shaped eyebrows at her brother, not even bothering to hide her amusement.
‘Aaah, she got you there, dude.’ Cal’s shoulders shook with enjoyment. ‘I on the other hand…’ He wrapped an arm around Amber’s waist, pulled her close, and planted a kiss on her cheek.
‘You really think you can take that one as well? Which one of us did Luce choose, huh?’ Sean said, glancing across the table, shoulders back, laughter in his dark eyes.
‘Keep me out of this.’ I held my hands out in defence.
‘Yeah, and it must’ve been your incredibly good looks that kept her around,’ Cal said, tilting his head to the side as if I hadn’t spoken. ‘Oh, hang on?’ He scrunched his brow, mocking.
I started to laugh, but as I looked over at Sean and saw the flinch at having his still-painful bruise prodded, a surge of regret landed in my guts. Not regret that we were over, regret that Sean wished we weren’t.
‘All right, Cal. No need to torture us with reminders of our sordid affair,’ I said, trying for a touch of humour.
‘Is that what you’re calling it now?’ Amber surveyed me, and I focused on the thin scar above her left eyebrow to control the heat in my skin.
‘No, I was just hoping to shut Cal up.’ I elbowed him in the side, dreading it may’ve done the opposite. Stupid mouth. ‘Besides, it was never a competition.’
‘I know.’ He cast a tender look at Amber, then trying not to laugh said, ‘Sordid, hey?’ Crap, I wouldn’t live that one down.
I gulped a swig of water. How the hell did I land myself in this mud? Being reminded of my rotten lapse in judgement was bad on any day, but with Tyler as witness? Kill me now.
‘I like the word sordid,’ Amber said. I groaned and lowered my head onto the cold table top. She ignored the chuckles and continued, ‘All the thoughts that one little word has conjured up make you two seem so much more interesting all of a sudden.’
I raised my head. ‘Keep those thoughts to yourself. Nothing sordid happened. Imagine away, it won’t change anything.’
‘Except now everyone thinks we’re sordid.’ Sean winked and huffed out a laugh.
Shaking my head, I ripped off a piece of crust and threw it across the table at him. ‘How did this conversation start?’
‘Soccer, good looks, and a sordid affair,’ Amber answered cheerily as always.
‘So…’ I chanced a look at Tyler, amusement in his eyes, arms folded over his chest. ‘Do you have more siblings or only Jada?’
He smiled; he knew exactly what I was doing.
‘Just her.’
‘What do your Mum and Dad do, Tyler?’ Amber must’ve thought my question granted her permission to interrogate further.
Tyler’s easy posture stiffened
, a fleeting expression of pain hovered over his face. ‘They’re actually not working at the moment,’ he said, trailing off. Panic surged through me. I needed to say something before Amber tried to dig further. Tyler needed that dirt.
‘So what do you do?’ I jumped in, my voice not quite up to speed, choking on the words and attention. The relief in his eyes gave me the kick I needed to finish my sentence. ‘In your spare time, that is?’
He closed his eyes, mouth curling up in a chuckle. ‘Surf. Fat lot of good that’ll do in a place like this.’ Had anyone else noticed the pain behind those words?
‘It’ll actually do you a lotta good come winter and we get you on a board,’ Cal said.
‘You reckon?’
‘For sure, dude. You’ll be beatin’ us down the hill in no time.’
‘Beating you, you mean,’ I said, smiling at Cal.
‘All right, beating me. You won’t beat Luce. No one can.’
‘Is that a challenge?’ Tyler studied me, the idea of it dancing behind his eyes. The thought made my pulse quicken.
I held his stare. ‘Only if you like to lose.’
‘Not particularly.’
‘Looks like you’ve met your match, Luce.’ Cal bumped his shoulder against mine.
‘We’ll see.’ I reached into my bag for nothing except a reason to act unaffected by Tyler’s expression of admiration and the traitorous and nasty butterflies that’d returned.
*****
Everyone had long gone to bed. Intermittent bursts of bright light from the neighbour’s sensor light being set off by a stray cat irritated me more than usual and prevented me from sleeping. That, and my mind slipping back to thoughts of Tyler, along with the tug of feelings his looks had elicited. Could it be any more confusing, being around someone who I was both terrified of and attracted to? I gave up, threw off my quilt and tiptoed downstairs to scrounge up something to eat.
I found some left-over chicken wings, a piece of garlic bread, and a row of chocolate – that’d do, considering I wasn’t even hungry.
I curled up on the couch and switched on the TV with the hopes that any late night re-runs might block out my personal horror screenings.
Australia’s Next Top Supermodel – uh, no thanks.
Escape to the Country – already there. The escape part sounded good, but no.
X-Files – better. I placed the remote beside me, content with my choice for now.
Mulder lay in a hospital bed with Scully standing beside him.
‘…there’s only my hope that you’ll be able to see past this delusion.’
‘You have to be willing to see,’ Mulder said.
‘I wish it were that simple.’
‘Scully, you have to believe me; nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will.’ Mulder’s voice was laced in desperation as he looked up at her. ‘You’re my one in five billion.’
They stared at each other dramatically, and then it went to an ad break. I flicked the channel to find something else and got smacked right in the face with pictures of a train wreck – I’d switched over to the news. The remote dropped from my hand and I sat in panic-induced shock.
Words scrolled along the bottom of the screen below the images of a fatal accident that killed a mother and child earlier in the day.
‘No…’ I puffed out a hollow protest.
I didn’t want to see this one. Acrid revulsion coated the walls of my mouth as I gathered the images together.
The remains of a small white car. The train derailed and sitting perilously with its front two carriages lying off the tracks. An orange SUV truck sat guiltily to the side with only a dented front bar as evidence of its involvement.
‘…and a man has been charged with drink driving. He’s being held without bail…’
I closed my eyes and a small whimper escaped. I’d already been dealt some crappy cards this week, and now I’d been given an even worse hand to play tonight. I’d seen enough. I switched back to the X-files, stood with bitter annoyance for my lack of control, and paced the room. Why had I turned it on to begin with? So stupid. I whacked my palm against my forehead, as if it could somehow jar the images from my mind. If only. I switched off the TV, threw the remote back on the couch, and stormed from the room.
I crept out the back door and stomped across the grass to the fence, spun around and crossed the yard again. The damp earth seeped through my socks, sending a shiver across my skin, but I wasn’t about to climb into bed when I knew what worse fate that would spew up. Wet feet were nothing in comparison to a darkness filled with death.
But how long could I really last? Mum would throw a fit if she caught me out here refusing to go to bed. It’d never work either, never had – sleep always won.
My irritation quivered, and I ripped my socks off and marched to my room. I welcomed the warmth, but not the dread. It settled in like a dull ache upon my chest as I laid my head on the pillow, but my eyelids were heavier than the fear, and sleep finally arrived.
I stood outside the front of an aging, sand-coloured, weatherboard house in desperate need of a paint job. The blinds were still down, smothering the sounds of early morning activity behind them. It reminded me of our mornings at home, rushing around preparing to leave for the day.
A car sat to the left of the house on a gravel driveway – a little, white Pulsar, with a child’s booster seat in the back. The one I’d seen earlier when my eyes betrayed me, and I’d had a glimpse into the tragedy about to unfold.
The door to the house opened abruptly and today’s victims appeared. The mother and child. She was young, they both were. I stumbled back, the shock ramming into me. I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t this. The mother appeared about twenty, no older than twenty-two, but either way not much older than me. She had long beach-blonde dreadlocks pulled into a low ponytail. She wore black slack pants and a white shirt with a pale blue logo above the left breast pocket. She held her son’s hand, not for pleasure, but rather out of a need for him to hurry along. Too little for school; child care, perhaps. He carried a small, brightly coloured dinosaur backpack on his shoulders, and his undone shoelaces flopped as he scurried along. Tears welled in his eyes as they rushed down the stairs from the front porch, climbed into the car, and reversed out the driveway.
I was in the car with them then, my body propelled by the driving force of the story.
Dreadlock Lady’s fingers tapped impatiently on the steering wheel. Her agitation filled the space, and I clenched my teeth as anxiety charged through my bones. We rounded a corner as the boom gates to the train track lowered.
‘Damn.’ She smacked the steering wheel and brought the car to a stop. We were the only ones there, peak hour hadn’t surfaced yet.
My body returned outside the car, with a better vantage to see everything.
The still morning illuminated the crispness in the air, and the garbled chirp of the birds rose above the rumble of an oncoming train not too far behind me. Dreadlock Lady looked in her rear-view mirror at her son. As though resigned to the unwelcome delay in her morning, she began to sing. The tune sounded familiar, but she’d changed the words.
‘There was a mum who had a boy and Benji was his name-o.’ She grinned, a reflection of the chuckles coming from the back seat. The tiny voice of the boy joined hers. ‘B-E-N-J-I. B-E-N-J-I…’
The roar of a speeding car pierced the early dawn, the increasing vibration as out of place as laughter at a funeral. I glanced over my shoulder. A large orange SUV sped down the road – too big, too fast, and too drunk. No way in hell he’d be able to stop after he rounded the corner.
‘B-E-N-J-I, And Benji was his name-o.’
A tear slid down my cheek, my legs trembled. The little boy’s soft curls bounced as he giggled and sang. Please don’t let them die.
The dream shoved me back, and I jumped with the force, naturally attempting to distance myself from the blow as the SUV careened toward us, toward them. Brakes screeched to a lock, an
d orange collided with white as the solid SUV crunched into the back of the car.
Oh, God, no.
The impact propelled the bodies forward and slammed them backward as the car lurched onto the tracks.
‘No!’ I shrieked, lunging forward.
Dreadlocks flung around the lady’s face as she turned to take in the oncoming train. Screeching train tracks muffled the sound of her scream.
My legs buckled, crumpling in a heap on the cold bitumen. My hands pawed at the rough surface under my fingertips, dragging myself closer, drawing blood. But nothing, not my blood, not her hands splaying in front of her face, or the raging desperation in my heart, could stop the freight train from barrelling into the car, wrapping the frame around the engine and carrying it down the track.
My body jerked awake, and my scream fractured the still quiet moments of the night. Tears stung my eyes, and I closed them tightly, focusing on the rise and fall of my chest and slowing my racing heart. The drum of my pulse timed the seconds before Mum appeared in my doorway.
‘Was that you?’ she whispered, her voice clogged with sleep.
‘Yeah sorry. I watched The X-Files last night.’
‘Oh, okay. You good now?’
‘Mmm.’ I gripped the blankets under my chin and eased my eyes open. Darkness greeted me, morning barely inching in at the edges of my window. The clock beside me read 5:25, I wouldn’t be going back to sleep. Sinking into my pillow, I let the tears fall.
— 8 —
All morning my attention remained on the little boy and his mum, Dreadlock Lady. My body on autopilot, I shuffled through school to Geography and slouched in the chair with a groan. I chose a seat by the window and instantly regretted getting out of bed, when Tyler arrived and sat at the table behind me. And I thought I could feel his breath on my neck last week. Thankfully I’d left my hair down today.
Lucid Page 6
