“I have to use the bathroom,” I excused myself. Once in the bathroom with the door securely closed, I turned to the mirror and stepped into my mind. Violet was sitting in an overstuffed arm chair, the one across from her was vacant. Waiting for me.
“What is going on?” I repeated. She looked me over once and frowned.
“You always ask the wrong questions,” she said. I growled under my breath and set her with a hard stare. She sighed and said, “Me and your demon speak, the same as you and I, because you and it are the same. It is a part of you, even more than I am. It will be here long after I am gone.”
“What are you?” I asked, no longer trusting the entity in front of me. I fell into madness and clung to her. I killed my sister and embraced her. She lied…but I didn’t know what to do without her.
“I cannot answer that,” she said.
“Can’t or won’t?” I demanded, the hairs on my neck bristled.
“Can’t.”
Bullshit.
“Why not? Who’s stopping you?”
“I can’t say that either, not that I expect you to believe me.”
Damn straight I don’t believe you.
“You won’t tell me what you are, but you’re not a figment of my imagination, or my demon. That doesn’t encourage trust. Why should I not shut you out again?” I asked, vaguely aware that someone was moving in the bedroom outside the door.
“I cannot protect you if you push me away, and your demon will get out of control. If you want to live long enough to see revenge, you need to find the Crone and kill Anastasia. It is the only way.” This was the most forward she has been, and it made me wonder why. Violet never did anything out of the kindness of her heart. She also never hurt anyone I cared for. I did that all on my own.
Someone knocked on the door and I knew I was out of time to chat.
“Why do I feel again? It wasn’t supposed to be this way. You told me—”
“I am not the one that took away your emotions, Selena. You cut yourself off from them because you were grieving. Your signasti broke the lock you held on them. Your nightmare opened the door. You can choose how much or how little you feel. That power does not lie with me,” she said. Her words echoed over and over in my mind. Numbly, I flipped the light off and went to answer the knock. Blair gave me a hard smile.
“How are you doing?” she asked.
“Truthfully?” I asked. She nodded. “I don’t know. I feel like there’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t add up and someone’s in the background pulling the strings.” She let out a breath as we walked towards the door that led back into the living room.
“Yeah, it does feel like that right now.” That was all we said to each other before we sat down, but it was the most real interaction I’d had with anyone in days. It was almost…nice.
I nearly jumped out of my seat when someone touched my shoulder.
“I’m not mad at you for what happened back there. You didn’t know you have a bloodthirsty, evil entity living inside you,” Amber said. I think she meant it partially joking, but I wasn’t laughing. Her lips quirked up and she settled back onto the couch.
“I don’t suppose either of you know how this happened?” Johanna asked. She motioned to Alexandra and me, but we shook our heads. Behind her, Elizabeth opened her mouth. I flicked my gaze up and cocked an eyebrow, prompting an answer from her. She closed it abruptly and shook her head.
“Oh no you don’t,” I muttered. Mentally I dragged her forward by the throat until she kneeled in front of all of us. “You were going to say something. What was it?”
Her eyes started to water and I eased my hold on her throat. She shook her head back and forth, like that would stop me from getting what I wanted. I moved from my seat to squat down in front of her.
“What. Do. You. Know?” I asked, enunciating each letter painfully clear. It was right then that she finally understood that I had no problem hurting her here and now. I didn’t care that there were people around. Johanna wouldn’t stop me. Blair wouldn’t stop me. No one would save her.
Her shoulders slouched forward as she whispered two little words. “My mom.”
“Your mom?” I repeated. Elizabeth swallowed hard and her eyes darted to Blair. I looked to my blonde cousin who watched her sister struggle. If she felt sorry for her, she didn’t show it. “Your mom knows how we became part demon?”
“If she did then she didn’t tell me,” Blair said.
“I don’t know if she did or she didn’t. She was paranoid and obsessed with the truth. She went crazy when your mom died. If anyone knew anything, it was her,” Elizabeth said. Her whole body was sweating profusely. I loosened my mental grip on her even more.
“Why do you keep talking about her in past tense?” Blair snapped. Elizabeth swallowed hard, looking at Blair with water sheening her eyes. She opened and closed her mouth three times, when Johanna spoke what Elizabeth could not say.
“Because she’s dead.”
Chapter 102
“What do you mean she’s dead?” I don’t know who asked the question, but between Elizabeth’s shaking and Johanna’s pained expression, I didn’t doubt it.
“I mean she died. Her soul is…beyond here now,” Johanna said slowly, weariness weighing on her slender shoulders. Blair blinked once, frozen in the moment.
“Beyond here?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “And how would you know that?” I was more than a little defensive after the questioning I’d just received. Johanna’s lips thinned as she turned her glowing gold eyes on me.
“Her soul is lingering to say goodbye,” Johanna said, both by way of answering and a non-too-subtle reminder of who she was and what this meant.
“Goodbye?” Blair murmured, like it was only just sinking in.
I pressed my lips together and averted my gaze.
Not in my life had I cared for Mariana, but I never wished her dead either. With her gone, our trail ended in smoke. I knew that’s what I shouldn’t be thinking right now. I knew I should probably be shocked. Sad even. But there was simply no room left inside me for grief.
No room left to mourn.
No room left to…break.
Not when my own sister’s death was still so fresh in my mind.
Blair let out a choked sob, collapsing on the ground in front of the couch. She wasn’t loud and noisy like most people were. She was silent, in so much pain that she couldn’t move. She couldn’t cry. She probably couldn’t think. I knew what that felt like. I remembered the day my parents died.
Johanna slowly eased herself away from the couch, coming to crouch in front of my cousin. Whatever pity she felt, it didn’t show on her face. She leaned forward, offering Blair her hands. “She cannot stay for very long, Blair. It’s not the way of the world, but you can see her one last time to say goodbye. Take my hands.”
Blair latched her fingers around Johanna’s, squeezing so tight Johanna’s fingertips looked swollen, but she didn’t complain.
“Mom?” she asked tentatively. She blinked twice, like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. I squinted at the spot she was staring at but saw nothing. Mariana must have said something because both girls were crying within seconds.
“I love you too, Mom. I’m sorry I didn’t understand. I didn’t know.”
“Didn’t know what?” Violet asked.
“I’m not asking her right now. This is her goodbye,” I whispered back even though it was only in my mind. The moment was both so touching and utterly tragic because not a person in this room hadn’t suffered. Not a single person.
“I’m so sorry, Mom. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I didn’t warn you—I…I thought it was better if we didn’t call. I thought you would be safe. I’m so sorry, Mom. I’m so sorry.” She repeated it over and over again, closing her eyes and surrendering to the tears that froze and clung to her skin. The temperature dropped a good ten degrees in seconds as Blair succumbed to grief.
Right then, I knew. I just knew that Anastasia had
something to do with this. It was too convenient. Too perfect. The same day I evaded her again, the only relative we had left that wasn’t with us died.
“It’s almost time, Blair. She needs to cross.” Johanna was gentle, guiding as she spoke. I could tell it pained her to do this, that tonight would be rough on her when this was all said and done. Like everyone else, she had lost friends, family, only days ago. The death toll was mounting by the hour, and we were helpless to stop it right now.
But not forever. We will avenge them. All of them.
“I will kill them. I will kill every last one of them. I will make them hurt as you hurt. Please,” Blair pleaded. “Please don’t leave.” She blindly reached with one hand, and just for a second, I saw a ghost of something grab her hand.
“I will protect her. I promise. I promise. Just please don’t leave.” Blair was on her knees begging. Reaching for the ghost of her mother, but it was too late. She begged, she cried, but in the end, there was nothing she could do.
I knew the moment she was gone. The sudden unending sadness that seemed to consume the room as my cousin cried out. The floor turned to ice as Blair screamed.
I think that was the moment my heart finally broke for her. Broke for her loss, when I thought I had nothing left to break. I got on my hands and knees and crawled across the icy floors, mentally shoving the geode table aside. Blair released Johanna’s hands, and collapsed into me. She didn’t shake the room with her grief, but she froze it. Ice crawled up the walls and across the ceiling. Blair and I curled together as I pulled her on my lap and rocked her back and forth.
“Shhh…” I whispered, brushing her hair aside as it bled white from the roots to her ends. Her pain…I did not know how to ease it or make it better. I knew from experience nothing I did would help. It wasn’t about me, and therefore I could not fix it. I hated that. I hated myself, because just like my own sister, in the moment it mattered most, there was absolutely nothing I could do. For all my gifts and power, I could not heal anything I touched because I only knew how to destroy.
“I will kill them,” Blair sobbed over and over again.
I believed it. If her mother told her who killed her, Blair would hunt them to the ends of the earth. She would use every trick I’d taught her. She would craft a punishment just for them, but in the end, it wouldn’t bring Mariana back. None of us had that gift. None of us were saviors. We didn’t heal. We hurt. We killed. It’s what every single one of us had been trained to do, outside Elizabeth, but she was no exception.
I turned a fraction to my youngest cousin. Her dark grey eyes swirled like the clouds of a coming storm. Unlike Blair, she hadn’t screamed or begged. She didn’t give apologies. She didn’t break. I despised her. Hated her, and yet, in that moment…she and I were the same.
Both of us feeling in the only way we knew how. I held Blair through the shudders that racked her body, but Elizabeth, she held herself. Maybe it’s because she knew no one else would, or maybe it’s because she finally knew she was truly alone.
I don’t know how much time passed, but we stayed in the living room that night. At some point in the early morning, people started to trickle back to their rooms. But not us. Blair and I stayed on that floor through the night while Alexandra watched from her place on the couch. We banded together to grieve our losses in our own ways.
I didn’t cry because I had no more tears. I wondered if I ever would again, and decided it’s probably best if I didn’t. I thought I lost everything when Lily died. I thought I died too. Sitting here on the icy floor in a Vegas strip club…I still had something to fight for. People needed me. Maybe I would never be the same as I was, but could I really continue down the path I was on? Could I continue to strip myself of emotion, losing more of my humanity in the process?
I had been through so much. Learned so much. To continue like this would be letting her win, letting Anastasia win. And that was something I simply could not allow.
It was a tragedy what happened at Daizlei, but I could not let it be the end of me.
Somehow.
Chapter 103
“What in Nyx’s name happened?” Cade stood in front of the elevator, arms crossed and pissed off. I stretched languidly, popping my joints to relieve the tension within them.
Ice still coated pretty much everything, but it was beginning to melt. The cold water made my clothes cling to my arms and legs like a second skin. I groaned, pulling myself out of the slush that was the apartment living room.
“Hold that thought while we go change and wake the others,” I said.
Fifteen minutes later, the group of us gathered in the magical elevator and we were on our way down.
The tension was thick, suffocating, when the doors opened.
Once again, the strip club was empty. Only this time we were meeting Tam, the alpha of the Las Vegas pack.
“Hello, lovelies.”
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but the man at the bar was not it. He was short, only an inch or two taller than me, wearing a glitter red vest and leather pants. His short black hair had spikes of blue and gold, complementing his sea-blue cat eyes. His smile was sneaky and goading, like he knew something we didn’t.
“Tam,” Cade said by way of greeting. Tam smirked and led us to a lounge off to the side. His hips swung as he walked, reminding me of a cat that was full of itself. He sat fluid and graceful in the only armchair, throwing one leg over the arm like he was king. Think much of yourself?
“Well, well. What do we have here?” he said, smacking his lips together obnoxiously. “The Wraith of London.” He eyed Johanna shrewdly but was already moving on before I could ask.
“Heirs to Fortier, Graeme, and Kearney.” His eyes flicked between Oliver, Scarlett, and Liam.
“The Maiden.” He gave Camilla a wink before turning borderline cold.
“The right hand of Anastasia Fortescue.” Alec bristled under his passive aggressive glare.
“Aaron White and his signasti, Nyx’s blessed. You are quite possibly the Council’s worst nightmare if the rumors are to be believed.” He grinned savagely at me, either not noticing everyone’s discomfort, or simply not caring.
“And you brought friends. How delightful!” He nodded to the others, making the merely uncomfortable silence downright awkward.
“Thank you for taking us in,” Johanna said diplomatically. I got the distinct impression she took it upon herself to thank him because it didn’t look like anybody else was going to.
“It’s a pleasure to have so many interesting and highly sought-after people—”
“They need to explain what happened last night,” Cade interrupted.
“What happened last night?” Tam asked.
I stayed quiet, twisting the ring on my pinky finger as Johanna gave him a recap of the night before. Blair clasped and unclasped her hands, twisting her fingers in a way that had to be uncomfortable. Her leg bounced up and down, thrumming so intensely that I doubt she knew she was doing it. I reached over and placed my hand on her knee, squeezing lightly. She stopped fidgeting instantly.
“Sorry,” she murmured. I nodded once, noticing Tam out of the corner of my eye. He had moved his hands, drawn together in a steeple under his chin. His cunning cat eyes watched me with peculiarity.
“You’re a demon? That is simply fascinating.” His shrewd smile didn’t win him any favors.
“Part. I’m part demon.” His smile only widened.
“And how did that come to be?” He phrased it as a question, but it was surely rhetorical. I didn’t know if he really wanted me to answer, or if his staring meant he wanted to figure out the puzzle himself.
“They don’t know. And their only living relative that may have known died last night,” Johanna murmured. The red tinge around her eyes had finally faded, and here to replace it was the dark circles of sleep deprivation.
Tam sat up straight, putting both legs on the ground in front of him. “Died?” he asked. Johanna nodded in confirmation.
“How do you know?”
“Because she came to me,” Elizabeth whispered. My eyes snapped to the girl curled tight in a ball. The lifeless expression on her face was ghostly. Callous.
“She came to you?” he asked slowly, stroking the blue-tipped hairs on his chin. Elizabeth nodded robotically in response. “Did she say who killed her or why?” Elizabeth shrugged and turned to Blair. Even from across the room, the motion was clear.
“Yes and no,” Blair said. She wasn’t whispering, but there was a hoarseness when she spoke. I had a damn good idea who was responsible, but I waited for Blair’s reply. “She told us someone was hunting her. That they wouldn’t let her go because she knew too much. After finding out they’re part demon…”—she swallowed hard, avoiding my gaze—“I can only assume it had something to do with them. It’s no secret Anastasia is hunting Selena, and no one knows why. Maybe my mom did. Maybe that’s why they killed her.”
An uneasy sensation spread across my skin, like an itch just out of reach. There was something there, at the very corners of my mind, reaching out to me and trying to tell me something, but I didn’t know what.
“Your mother had information and you think the Head of the Supernatural Council killed her for it? That’s a hefty claim, but I’ve heard worse. You got any proof to back it up?” Cade asked, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
“They saw her ghost, not her body. I don’t see how you can expect proof of anything when Anastasia can slaughter a school without repercussions. If Mariana did have information, it probably died with her,” I said. Around me the club music turned on, EDM and R&B melting together to induce a euphoric mood, but there was nothing euphoric about the conversation we were having.
“Unless she recorded it,” Elizabeth said.
The skin on her face was drawn and tight, all semblance of the mourning daughter and pathetic prisoner wiped from her demeanor.
“You think she recorded the killing?” I asked.
“No. I think she recorded whatever she knew. My mother was a truthsayer, and it made her obsessive. She went over the edge when your mom died, thinking that people—someone—was trying to find us. If she learned something, then it’s somewhere in that house,” Elizabeth said. I wouldn’t argue that Mariana had been paranoid, but I don’t think I ever realized how deep that paranoia ran. I turned to Blair who had gone stiff.
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