by Nicole Casey
I couldn’t call Molly because she was probably pissed that I slept with her brother. I couldn’t exactly call home because I didn’t have the money or the time to fly all the way back. I couldn’t call Alex because he –well, you know. So my shaky fingers navigated the touch screen until I found Jenna’s number. I dialed it, holding my breath as I listened to the dial tones over the receiver.
“Hello?” she greeted.
I sniffed. “Hi, Jenna. It’s me, Tia.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked immediately.
“I, er,” I stammered. The first tear spilled over, streaking my flushed cheek. “Listen, I’m so sorry to trouble you, but I really need a place to crash. I… I won’t stay too long. Just a couple of nights until I can get my own place.” I started to sob hard, hiccupping desperately for air. “I-I promise to be tidy. I promise to clean up after myself. Y-you won’t even know that I’m there. P-please, I just–”
“Okay,” she said hurriedly. “But just for a few nights.”
“Thank you,” I sighed in relief. “Thank you so much. I’ll make my way over.”
“Okay. See you in a few.”
She hung up quickly after that, leaving me alone once again with my thoughts. But the peace wouldn’t last for very long. My phone started to blow up, vibrating and dinging with new text messages, with recently left voicemails, with urgent calls from Alex. A part of me was curious, wanted to know what he had to say for himself. But the other part of me was angry, too stubborn and too hurt to even acknowledge the messages. I just really needed sometime to myself.
I put my phone on silent.
11
Alex
I wasn’t used to being ghosted. It’d never happened to me before. Ultimately, Tia left me no choice but to confront her at the office. I hated the thought of doing it, hated the risk of embarrassing her in front of her colleagues and my father –her boss. But she wouldn’t reply to any of my texts of apology, wouldn’t answer the phone so that I could hear her beautiful voice. I desperately wanted to know if she was okay, if she was, at the very least, at some place safe. So when I saw her the next day at work to find her eyes red and swollen from an entire night’s worth of crying, I went to her without hesitation.
“Tia,” I called to her. She had been standing by the water cooler, doing her best to ignore my presence. It was weird being back at the office, especially considering how absent I’d been as of late. I thought it was peculiar how it was a woman –my woman—who finally managed to get me back to work.
“Not here, Alex,” she said. She sounded different. Her voice was raspy, words clipped and concise. She sounded professional, distant and a little cold.
“Tia, please, just listen to me–”
She turned on her heel, started to walk away. Instinctively, I reached out of her, taking her hand in mine. She froze upon contact, shooting me one of the most heartbreakingly exasperated expressions I’d ever seen in my life. Her eyes were full of worry, full of frustration. I had to fight every fiber of my being to not kiss her then and there. I fought against the urge to hold her, to hug and comfort her like she so clearly deserved.
“Alex, I said not here.” She sounded embarrassed. With a quick glance around, I could immediately tell why.
Curious eyes were starting to fall on us –on the apparent scene that I was making. Our coworkers were whispering to one another, assumptions tossed around without discretion.
What’s with them?
How does Tia know the boss’ son?
You think they’ve got history?
Looks like a lover’s quarrel.
Do you think that’s how she got the job?
Lucky bitch. I would’ve slept with Alex, too, if it meant I got a promotion.
Tia ripped her hand away, and along with it, my heart. She looked at me furiously, a fire in her eyes I had never seen before. It hurt me to know that I was making things worse, that I was the reason she felt isolated and alone. But I never meant for this to have happened. I didn’t want her to feel like this ever again. Who cared if there was talk at the office? Who cared if Molly was upset with us? She’s get over it, eventually.
I patted my blazer, making out the shape and form of the ring box I had tucked away. This wasn’t the best place to do this, but I wanted to show Tia just how serious I was about her. This wasn’t a game anymore. This wasn’t a challenge. She was the love of my life and I was about to lose her if I didn’t do something to get her back. I started to open my mouth to speak, but Tia beat me to it.
“I’m moving out,” she said flatly. Her words were like icy daggers to my chest.
“What?”
“I’m moving out,” she repeated. “I’ll be back later to get my things.”
“Tia, I–”
No. This was all wrong. How did everything fall apart so quickly? Why was this happening to me? I’d finally found a woman who made me feel complete, and now she was tearing herself away from me. I felt like shit. I wanted so badly to hold her in my arms.
“Where are you going?” I said hurriedly.
“Back to Jenna’s.”
“Jenna? Crazy Jenna? Are you serious right now?” Rage filled me to the brim. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “You think living with her is better than coming back home with me?”
“Alex, stop.”
“Tia, do you hear yourself? This is all just a big misunderstanding. I miss you, Tia. Please just come home. I’m–” I choked on my sentence. I needed to tell her the truth. I needed to tell her, damned the consequences. “I love you, Tia. Please, come home with me. We can work this out.”
Tia casted her eyes to the floor, ashamed. She didn’t say anything, the silence a terrifying shriek in my ears. She turned away fully and started down the hall. She ignored the onlookers and the gossips.
Ignored me.
12
Tia
I hadn’t spoken to Alex in a week. I continued to ignore his calls, his texts, barely acknowledged him when we were at work. To his credit, he actually started to show up to do his job –albeit, not because he actually wanted to do it. He just needed to find an excuse to talk to me, to apologize to me. But I’d find a way to slip out of his sight, to immerse myself in a conversation so he couldn’t bother me. After the fourth day, he stopped trying entirely.
And it hurt.
It hurt when he stopped. A part of me wanted him to keep trying, to find a better time to talk to me. Ideally in a place that didn’t drastically affect my professional work life. But seeing as our relationship had already made it to the status of watercooler gossip, I really shouldn’t have cared. Today was my first day off since starting with the law firm. And it was a good thing, too, because I felt like absolute and utter shit.
I had my head resting on the cold toilet seat, violently vomiting up my breakfast. I gripped the toilet bowl, hoping that it would somehow keep me grounded and steady.
“Jesus,” hissed Jenna. She had been freaking out all morning, rummaging through her cupboards for some Pepto-Bismol and paper towels to clean up my mess. “Jesus, what’s wrong with you?” Her words came out harsher than she probably meant. She was worried, I could tell.
“Probably just ate something bad.”
“Like what?” she questioned, trying to play detective.
“I did have some of that leftover chicken parm.”
“I had some, too, but I feel fine,” she hummed as she thought.
“Weird.”
I took a deep breath before lurching again. My stomach did a terrible flip as it contracted harshly, forcing the contents in my tummy back up my throat to meet their pitiful demise in the toilet. I reached up and pulled the lever, watching the mess swirl down the pipes. Jenna passed me a glass of water, which I gratefully drank. I tried to rinse the taste of bile and leftovers out of my mouth.
“Hey,” she started gently. “Do you think you’re… Do you think you’re pregnant?”
“What?” I gasped, wiping at my sweaty b
row with the back of my forearm.
“I mean, you did say you slept with that guy, right?”
“Yeah, but–” We used protection.
Jenna shrugged. “I’m just saying. The food was fine, so that’s really the only other thing I can think of. And you don’t exactly look like you have a cold or anything.”
I swallowed uncomfortably. “Maybe,” I mumbled.
Jenna sighed, turning to give me some privacy. “I think there’s a pregnancy test in the medicine cabinet somewhere. If you want to check, that is.”
“Thanks,” I managed.
I sat with my back leaning against the cold porcelain of the tub, allowing the coolness to seep into my skin. The temperature change forced a shiver down my spine. It was a temporary relief, if anything. I slowly got up on my feet and made my way to the bathroom door, making sure to press against the wood to ensure it was probably closed. I locked the door before turning to the medicine cabinet, fishing through boxes of soap, prescription bottles, and makeup until I finally found what I was looking for. It didn’t even cross my mind as to why Jenna happened to have something like this at the ready.
I took the test. I waited. Nervously picking at my fingernails, I counted down the seconds. According to the tiny instructions printed on the pregnancy test’s packaging, I was supposed to wait two whole minutes. And it was agony. When I finally picked the pregnancy test up from off the rim of the sink, I felt my throat squeeze up, preventing me from breathing.
“Oh, shit,” I hissed.
“Did you do it?” came Jenna’s muffled voice from the other side of the bathroom door. I opened it, found myself face to face with her.
“I’m…” I felt dizzy. This all felt so surreal. “It’s positive.”
“No fucking way!” exclaimed Jenna. “What are you going to do? You can’t have a baby. They’re messy and loud. And they poop and barf everywhere! Not to mention the mess that your morning sickness will cause. Are you going to keep it? Where’d we even keep the baby? Oh my God, I don’t think I can handle having a baby around the house, Tia.”
Jenna’s meltdown didn’t help to settle my nerves. I needed space. I needed to think.
I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. I felt different, but in a good way. But there were so many questions, so many uncertainties that lingered over my head. What was I going to do? I definitely got the sense that I wouldn’t be staying at Jenna’s for much longer, what with her aversion to all things unhygienic. But that was only the start of all my worries. What if I kept the baby? What would become of my career? Where would I go? Who would help me raise the child? And what if I decided I didn’t want to keep it? I could make everything go away, all my problems, all the financial burden involved with raising a child –it’d all be gone. But something didn’t sit right with me about it, didn’t make me any more at ease.
This was Alex’s child. Mine and his. And there was something akin to exhilaration bubbling up in my chest that made me hopeful.
My fingers itched for something to do. Before I knew it, I had dialed Molly’s number. I needed to talk to her. She seemed like the only one I could turn to right now, the only one with an unbiased opinion about this whole mess. We hadn’t spoken since her outburst at Alex’s apartment, but I was pretty sure she was the only person willing to listen to me.
When she answered, she was very terse. “What do you want, Tia?”
Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was this whole crazy whirlwind between me and Alex, but my voice cracked, and I began to sniffle. “C-can we talk? I really need help right now, and…” I sobbed, cutting myself off.
“Okay,” she agreed, her voice softer than when she had greeted me. “Okay, it’s fine, Tia. Don’t cry. Do you want to meet up?”
“Yeah,” I sighed. This was good. This was working. I really wanted to talk to a friend face to face. “Remember that little bistro you took me to? Before you went on your trip?”
“Yeah, I remember. I’ll meet you there in fifteen minutes.”
“Thank you.”
I found the bistro easily enough. It was a warm and sunny day, a rarity considering it was still the middle of February. I was the first to arrive, so I had the hostess show me to a small table out on the patio where I could get plenty of fresh air. My stomach had settled down, but the crisp breeze that passed by was exactly what I needed to officially clear my head. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on the sound of traffic, the gentle chatter of bistro patrons, the cooing of pigeons who were resting on building ledges.
Molly sat down abruptly, the chair screeching under her weight. I opened my eyes, startled.
“What’s this about?” she asked, right to the point.
“I’m… Well, I’m–”
Before I could make a bumbling idiot of myself, the server arrived. He seemed nice enough, but there was a feeling of air headedness that radiated off of him as he smiled like there was no tomorrow.
“Good afternoon, ladies,” he started. “My name’s Tom, I’ll be your server today. Can I start you two off with any drinks?”
“We’ll have two Bellinis, please,” ordered Molly.
“Actually,” I interjected, “just one Bellini. I’ll have a water.”
“Excellent, I’ll be right back,” said the waiter before disappearing indoors.
The look on Molly’s face was priceless. It was a combination of stunned horror and delightful surprise. Her eyes were wide, eyebrows raised, lips slightly parted from speechlessness.
“You’re pregnant,” she said. This was a statement, not a question.
“Yes,” I sighed. My eyes were starting to sting again, an unbearable heaviness becoming evident on my chest. I started to cry again, weeping into my hands. Damn hormones. “I don’t know what to do, Molly.”
“Does Alex know?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t seen him since… Since we…”
“Since I stormed out,” she concluded.
“Yeah,” I sniffled. “You were right. I should have been smarter. I just… I really love him, Molly.” I had never said it aloud before, never admitted to myself my own feelings. But it was the truth. I was in love with Alex and I was so scared that I was just playing into his game. His apology back at the office, him telling me that he loved me… What if it wasn’t true? What if I fell for it? Molly had said Alex had done this before. Who’s to say this wasn’t a part of his ruse?
Molly bit her lip, brow furrowed into a concentrated point. “You really love him?”
“Yes. I really do.”
She sighed, bringing a hand up to rub her right temple. “You two are idiots,” she grumbled.
“Huh?” I could only blink. What was she on about?
“You need to talk to him. He needs to know.”
“I can’t,” I whined. “I’ve been avoiding him for days. What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? What if he’s over me already? What if I’ve hurt him so badly that he doesn’t want to give me another chance?”
She reached across the table and took my hands in hers. She was surprisingly gentle and tender. Molly looked at me with fondness in her eyes, the frustration from before seemingly having melted away into nothingness.
“The Tia I know would never leave something like this up to ifs. Go talk to him, Tia. We’ll go together. Okay?”
I breathed in slowly through my nose, exhaled through my mouth. I felt a little better. But only a bit.
“Okay.”
13
Alex
This was the worst Valentine’s Day ever. I couldn’t bring myself to go outside. Especially not today. Today, I would just be bombarded with constant reminders that this Valentine’s, I had no one. I was alone. Freaking fantastic. I contemplated going out to a bar, drinking my sorrows away. But I didn’t want to even look at the Valentine’s Day drink specials, what with all the fruity red and pink drinks and two-for-one combos. It would just be a reminder of how lonely I was, how terribly single I had made myself. I may or may n
ot have been wallowing about my apartment in my own self-pity. The one time I managed to find a girl that I was dead set on loving for as long as I lived, and everything went wrong.
Tia probably hated me. I hadn’t heard from her in days. I stopped going to the office, instead choosing work from home. Work may have been a bit of a stretch, though. What I was really doing was pouring over case notes with a bottle of scotch in one hand and a pen in the other. I wasn’t too concerned with the quality of my work. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered if Tia wasn’t around to encourage me, to praise me, to love and to hold me. My whole world had turned grey and dull, old interests suddenly no longer able to keep my attention.
So, when I heard three gentle knocks at the front door of my apartment, I was stunned. I didn’t move from my spot on the living room couch. I wasn’t expecting any visitors. Maybe it was the lobby manager bringing me that pizza I ordered an hour ago. There were three more knocks at the door, which confirmed to me that I didn’t make it all up. I groaned as I forced myself onto my feet, trudging all the way down the main hall. I opened the door wide, fully expecting to see that delicious pizza I’d ordered. But it wasn’t the pizza. It was something much, much better.
“Tia,” I breathed. Was this real? Was she really here? Was I dreaming? Because if I was dreaming, I didn’t want to wake up.
“Hi,” she whispered, a small, polite smile on her lips. I sighed in relief. Seeing this gorgeous woman before me was like a breath of fresh air. But something was off. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. She looked a little worried, nervous, like she was afraid I might bite her or something. I so desperately wanted to know what was wrong, to lift that worried expression right off her face. But I didn’t ask anything right away because I didn’t want to scare her off. I wanted to give her some space, some time to think.
