My heart flipped over. The three of us sitting down with his friends for the holiday. I wanted that.
“Nonna eats early,” he added. “I’ll have something with her first, but later, I’ll head to Henry.”
“Um. Gloria and Jessica invited us over.” I busied myself with the dishes, but not before catching Matteo’s disappointed look.
But what about how Matteo was acting? How he wanted to stay with me at night? That was different from before. Maybe…I was afraid to let myself hope that things could turn out differently for us this time. That he might put me first.
“Okay,” he said, and I had to fight hard not to give in. “What’s going on today?”
I hadn’t made plans, but I said, “I have grocery shopping to do, and I want to take Cooper to the library.” Yesterday, I would have invited Matteo to come along. But now? I wasn’t ready to give him up yet, but I didn’t need to give my son more time with him. “Maybe we could get together Friday night. Gloria and Jess have been wanting Cooper to stay over again.”
A few seconds went by before Matteo spoke. “Sure. That’s sounds good.” He wandered off, and I heard him talking to Coop a moment later, praising his effort with the bed-making and then helping him with brushing his teeth.
“Is this a bamboo toothbrush?” I heard him mutter.
“Daddy doesn’t like plastic,” Cooper said matter-of-factly, making me smile despite the dark cloud that had blown over me.
“Of course. I knew that. Your daddy is a responsible guy. He knows plastic hurts the planet.”
Fuck, Matteo, why do you have to make it so hard?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Matteo
I had just entered Nonna’s house after leaving Flynn’s when my phone rang. I was kind of hurt Flynn hadn’t asked me to come along on his errands with Cooper, but I told myself to stop being silly. Why would Flynn think I’d want to grocery shop with him? Hell, why did I want to? Just to be with him, my mind supplied. To be with them both.
“What’s up, man?” I said by way of answering when I saw it was Cane’s number.
“Tony tells me you’ve been thinking about my offer. I could really use you here, Matteo.” When I didn’t speak right away, he added, “I know you think it’s just because we’re club brothers, and in a way, it is. I want people I trust here. But you’re good at what you do, or I wouldn’t ask.”
I got that. Cane had filled many positions with people he knew. I’d want to do the same if I were in his shoes.
“Okay,” I said. I’d already made up my mind anyway. “I’m in.” I marveled at the immediate relief I felt having accepted the offer. I’d been with the same security company for years, working at a club in Manhattan, and had no real complaints, but working nights was beginning to take its toll. I wasn’t as young as I used to be, and I both needed and wanted to sleep when everyone else did.
When Flynn did. With Flynn.
I pushed those thoughts away. Of course, I couldn’t always sleep with Flynn—there was Nonna to consider. But she’d been getting along without me for several nights a week for a long time, so why couldn’t she continue? I wouldn’t even have to apprise her of the change.
I thought about what Tony had said about Nonna living for another ten years or more, and my heart sank a little. I immediately felt bad. I loved Nonna and didn’t want anything to happen to her. But would she really be around that long? Would I have another decade of hiding who I really was? I could hear Flynn’s voice in my ear saying, It’s your choice.
My conscience kicked me at that thought. She had to know. What if she needed me and couldn’t reach me on my cell phone? She needed to be cognizant of where I worked.
Cane sounded pleased as he told me to come to the office so we could finalize things. I promised I would after lunch.
“You look nice, Caro,” Nonna said as we sat down to eat the lasagna and salad she’d made. As she always did, she’d applied makeup to her face. Even if she never planned to leave the house, she always put it on. She didn’t look as old as she was.
“Thanks, Nonna. This smells delicious.” It really did. No one could cook the way my grandmother could. I hadn’t eaten since pancakes that morning, and my stomach rumbled.
“I spoke to Maria yesterday,” she said. I just nodded, mouth full. “She came by to see me, sweet girl. The church ladies had put together a basket for me, wasn’t that sweet? Full of lotions and things. So nice. Maria asked about you.”
I raised a brow and took a drink of water.
“That was nice of her,” I said after it became clear Nonna expected me to say something.
“I invited her to have our Thanksgiving meal with us.”
I paused in cutting my lasagna with my fork. “Doesn’t she have family?”
“Her parents will be out of town. I didn’t want the poor girl to be alone on the holiday.”
“Oh.”
“She offered to help me cook. I know for a fact she makes a wonderful pumpkin pie. Your favorite, Matteo.”
“Hmm,” I said, continuing to eat. I couldn’t exactly protest when Maria was going to be alone on Thanksgiving, and Maria had to know I wasn’t interested after the awkward date we’d both suffered through along with the fact I’d never suggested another. Flynn had turned me down about going to Dante’s, so I wouldn’t be in a hurry to get over there.
My grandmother looked pleased as she kept talking, and while I was glad, I knew it was because she pictured me and Maria married with two point five children and a dog. Relieved when the meal was over, I cleaned up the kitchen and left Nonna watching a nature show while I went to see Cane.
Winter’s Corporation was housed in a large, luxurious building on the Upper West Side. As I entered, I waved hello to Jay at the reception desk and headed for the private elevator. He unlocked it for me from his desk and the doors slid open.
Cane’s and Tony’s offices were on the top floor and inaccessible unless admitted by the front desk, as were the residential floors where Cane and Tony, as well as Nick, had apartments. Not too long ago I’d looked at one for myself, having had the fleeting idea I might be able to move and still keep an eye on Nonna. It hadn’t taken me long to realize it wouldn’t work.
As the elevator opened, I walked out onto the parquet floor. Nick was on the phone at his desk, and when he spotted me, he gestured toward Cane’s closed door and made a finger and hole gesture along with an eye roll that I gathered meant Cane and Tony were going at it in there. I grinned and headed that way anyway and, after listening for a moment to the rhythmic jerking of a desk accompanied by a lot of grunting and groaning, knocked sharply on the door.
I grinned wider when Cane cursed followed by the sound of something falling over.
“What the fuck, Nick?” Cane yelled, and I looked over my shoulder at Nick, who was still on the phone and scowling at me.
“It’s me,” I called. More fumbling followed until the door finally jerked open, and Cane stood there, suit jacket off and dress shirt poking out of the zipper of his expensive slacks.
I broke into laughter.
“Very funny,” Cane said.
I looked behind him at Tony, who had done a better job righting his clothes but looked irritable.
“Would it have killed you to have waited a few more minutes?” he asked.
“Shame on the both of you,” I said, striding into the room. “Screwing around at the workplace.”
“I own this building. I can damn well fuck my man in it if I want to,” Cane said.
Tony leaned up and kissed Cane. “We’ll make up for it later. Good to see you,” he said to me on his way out.
Cane shut the door loudly. “Fuck you,” he said before sitting behind his desk, but when he looked at me again, his mouth twitched.
We spent the next half hour talking about the job, and then he sent me to personnel to finalize things.
When I was finished there, I dropped by the security firm I’d worked at for years and told them I
was putting in my two weeks’ notice. Harvey, the owner, tried to talk me out of leaving, offering me more pay, which made me wonder why I hadn’t thought to ask for it before.
“Sorry, man. Going to work for family.”
When I left there, I found myself not particularly eager to go back to Nonna’s, so I headed for the clubhouse on my bike. Walking in, for the second time that day I heard the sounds of two guys fucking.
“Man,” I muttered as I went to the refrigerator. I’d thought the sounds were coming from Blaze’s room, but when the pounding on the wall stopped and Tease appeared a moment later looking disheveled, I realized he’d come from Adam’s room.
“You two really hooking up?” I asked, cutting a piece of cherry pie I’d found in the fridge. “Could’ve sworn you were into chicks.”
“I am. It’s just a casual thing.”
I looked at him. “You sure?”
He nodded. “We’re friends.”
I licked the gooey cherry filling from my thumb. “Then why’re you fucking?”
“Adam suggested it. He doesn’t want to put himself out there right now, and I like to fuck.” Tease cut himself a piece of pie, then called out, “Adam! You want pie?”
“Yeah. Be right there,” Adam called back. A moment later, he appeared, looking rumpled in a Grateful Dead T-shirt and a pair of cutoffs. “Hey, Bullseye,” he said when he saw me, using my club nickname which I’d earned by my prowess with a dartboard.
“Hey, man.” I hooked a chair leg with my boot, pulling it out. I sat at the table, and Adam and Tease joined me.
“You find another job?” I asked Adam. He’d recently been let go from security due to his seizures.
“Nope. Nobody wants someone who’s going to blank out on them at inconvenient times.”
“Things’ll get better. Didn’t your doctor say it can be controlled by medication?”
“If we can find the right one. As it is, none have worked, plus they all come with side effects I’d rather do without. I’m lucky my dick still works.” He ran his fingers through his dark hair and sighed.
I felt awful for him and wished there was something I could do. Man, I hoped that wasn’t why Tease was fucking him. Nobody wanted that kind of pity. But as I watched the two interact, I could see they were good friends and really felt it was a casual thing. I wondered what I would have done if Adam had approached me instead, as I was one of the few club brothers left without a significant other. Before I’d known Flynn was back, I guessed I would’ve agreed. It might have been a temporary answer to my problem of not being able to hookup easily. But now I couldn’t imagine sleeping with anyone other than Flynn.
And you need to figure out what that means.
The three of us decided to watch a football game on TV. A couple hours later, as it became clear my team wasn’t going to win and I was getting ready to leave, Blaze walked in the back door.
“Hey,” he greeted me.
“Hey. You been filming?”
“Yeah.” He looked around. “I’m thinking maybe I’ll take care of—you know—on Thanksgiving.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “Ask him in front of everyone.”
“Sounds romantic. Wait until I get there if you can, although I might be late. Nonna’s invited some girl from church to eat with us.”
Blaze made a sympathetic face and slapped me on the back.
I headed for my bike just as the sun was setting, painting ribbons of red and orange over the skyline.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Flynn
Thanksgiving dinner with Gloria, Jess, and their friends was pleasant, but I couldn’t help wishing Coop and I were with Matteo.
And I shouldn’t. Really shouldn’t. Because I’d not only opened the door on a lot of heartache for me, but for Coop too. And since when did I stop thinking about my son first when I went into a situation? I could kick myself.
Matteo’s tough good looks and charming personality had lured me in, and the sex had fried my brain.
God, I was an idiot.
Still, I wanted to be with him and clung to the thin thread of hope that maybe it could work this time.
I checked my phone for the dozenth time to see if there were any messages.
“You’ve got it bad,” Gloria said as she handed me a beer.
Overwhelmed by my thoughts, I could only nod and take a long pull off the bottle.
Jessica sat down next to Gloria, resting her hand on her wife’s knee. Gloria automatically reached for it and laced their fingers together.
“Cooper loves Tafari,” Jessica said softly.
I regarded Coop on the floor playing dolls with the little girl. They were the same age. Tafari was Jess’ friend Rikki’s daughter, and she was cute as a button with dark skin, big doe eyes, and a sweet Cupid’s bow mouth. She was wearing a yellow turtleneck and a brown jumper with a turkey on it with a matching hair band that held her tight black curls from her face. She’d kicked off her shoes and her pale-yellow tights were evidently too large, as several inches of material hung off her toes. It brought to my mind Peter Pan’s shadow and how Wendy has to sew it back on.
“Rikki takes Tafari to a daycare at the Methodist church on Lilac Street three days a week,” Jessica told me. “It’s only for the mornings, but Rikki can get her errands run, and Tafari loves it.” She smiled. “Just throwing that information out there.”
“I’ll think about it,” I promised her. A month ago, I would never have entertained the idea, but seeing how Coop had blossomed from our outings and was making friends, I couldn’t argue it might be good for him.
And good for me too. I’d made a few friends myself in the past few weeks. Joey and I had become closer, and I texted with Liam regularly since we’d taken the kids trick or treating Halloween night. Jack had cut my and Cooper’s hair at his shop, and we’d planned to get together next month for lunch with the kids.
“Thanks for encouraging me to get out there,” I said to Jessica. Then I turned to Gloria. “And thank you for bullying me into it.”
Gloria smacked my knee. “I did not bully you! We just want you to be happy.”
Jess patted my shoulder as Rikki came out of the bathroom and she and her husband, Perry, started gathering their things.
My phone vibrated with a message.
Finished a little late. Leaving for Dante’s. Sure you don’t want to come? Still at your friends’?
“Tafari,” I heard Rikki call to her daughter. “Come on, love. Time to go home.”
The little girl crossed her arms and jutted out her lower lip.
“I don’t wanna leave. I love Cooper.”
Coop turned his dark eyes to me. “Daddy, can she stay?”
“Her momma and daddy say it’s time to go. We’ll be leaving soon too.”
Tafari dramatically threw herself at Coop, who hugged her back fiercely while I exchanged Aw, how sweet glances with her parents.
Rikki passed the empty casserole dish to Perry and approached Tafari. Fat tears rolled down the little girl’s cheeks as her mother adjusted her tights and put on her shoes. Coop ran over to me and climbed on my lap to whisper in my ear.
“Make them let her stay. Please?”
I kissed his head. “I think you know I can’t. But I’ll tell you what. Would you like to go to the same group Tafari goes to some mornings? You could play with her and other kids while Daddy goes to the grocery store and other places you don’t enjoy.”
Cooper’s face lit up. “Yes!”
“I’ll arrange it, then. Run tell her about it.”
Cooper scrambled off my lap. “Tafari, I’m gonna see you again soon!”
I looked down at the message and considered a moment before tapping out Jess and Gloria’s address.
****
The sun was setting behind the trees in an array of gold and red by the time I drove up the long driveway leading to Dante and Isaac’s house. We’d left Matteo’s motorcycle in Gloria and Jessica’s garage and driven my car, and Coop
had predictably fallen asleep in his car seat during the ride. I figured that was probably for the best, as it would keep him from getting cranky later.
“Mick’s out of the hospital, isn’t he?” I asked.
“Yeah. But Axel said he’s been kind of depressed. I think he’s staying down at Caleb’s rather than eating with everyone else.”
“Poor guy,” I said.
Cooper woke when Matteo parked in front of the large older house. I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned in my seat.
“Do you remember being here and seeing the fireworks?”
Cooper looked out the window. “Yeah! And ducks! Where are the ducks, Mad?”
“I’m sure they’re around here someplace.” Matteo got Cooper out of his car seat more easily than most people who weren’t used to being around children. My heart flipped as I watched him carry my son toward the house.
“Welcome!” Isaac said, a large smile on his face as he stepped back from the front door to let us in. As I took off Cooper’s coat, my son’s eyes stayed fixed on the three dogs jumping around him.
“Down! Butch! Angel! Banjo!” Isaac scolded them.
As soon as Cooper was free from his coat, he began running back and forth with the dogs, giggling and squealing.
“You’ve missed the excitement,” Isaac said to me and Matteo. “Guess who’s decided to get married?”
Matteo’s eyes went straight to Blaze, who had come to stand next to us.
I saw something pass between the two men before Blaze said, “Axel and Caleb. Isn’t that great?”
“That’s wonderful!” Matteo headed into the living room where Axel was getting up from the couch.
“We’re gonna do it Christmas Eve,” Axel said as he shared a back-slapping hug with Matteo. “Can you be there?”
“Wouldn’t miss it, brother,” Matteo said.
Axel turned to me. “You and Coop are invited too.”
I smiled. “I appreciate that. We’ll come if we can.” I hoped I’d still be with Matteo then. If things really were changing.
The Single Dad and his Soul Mate Page 10
