I knocked on the door, and Tommy answered it. In the background behind the door, I could hear Ben screaming. Tommy rubbed his eyes. “Hi, sister.”
I beamed at him. “Hi, brother.”
He motioned for me to enter. “How is Ari? I hear you laid into him pretty badly outside of the Mess.”
“We’ve worked it out. We’re dating.” Felt very weird to say that. “I’m also seeing Jackson, Canyon, and Rohan.”
My oldest brother was silent for a second before he broke out in a grin. “Pretty significant family group you’ll have if that all works out. Lots of strong personalities. Might even give Paloma a run for having to manage egos.”
As he was including himself in that, I couldn’t help but laugh. Tommy leaned on his cane. I wished we could fix the injury he’d gotten at the hands of our father, but there wasn’t any way to undo what had been done. Tommy didn’t seem to have let it slow him down much.
Paloma looked worse for the wear. I’d never seen her so not put together. She’d been stunning just days after giving birth. Now, dark circles marred her face, and I wasn’t sure when last she had washed her hair.
“Cash has checked him twice,” she answered my unasked question. “Colic.”
I winced. That was hard. Paloma paced from the window to the couch. “Tommy had him for a couple of hours doing this. He’s not hungry, he’s not wet, he’s not anything I can fix. He’s not sick or in pain. He’s just screaming.”
I walked over to her, pulling her into a hug. Ben’s screams were loud, but they didn’t cause me the kind of physical pain they had to be shoving onto her. “He’s just screaming.”
“The problem is she can’t sleep even when one of us has him. We’re all too nervous to take him outside given there are always traitors around and we were recently attacked.”
I took the baby from her. He didn’t stop crying, but I took over the rocking. “There aren’t traitors around. Jackson would know.”
My brother smirked. “You trust him, do you?”
“Completely.” I realized as I said it, I did. “He’s risking life and limb traveling through time. He’d know if there were traitors.”
Tommy made eye contact with Paloma. “Maybe it’s okay to take him for a brief walk.”
He came over and took the baby who was still crying. “Are you here to finally get some answers?”
“I am. But it’s obviously a terrible time.”
Paloma shook her head. “Hold on just a second. You’ve already said something about what Jackson is doing, and I don’t know if this place is secure.” She scampered past me and grabbed something out of a drawer. “I asked Keith to get this for me after the last time you were here.”
She pressed a button. “For two minutes, no one can hear in here, not even the Super Soldiers. We tested it. All three of them confirmed they can’t eavesdrop. Just in case. Evander has Super Soldiers, a lot more than we do. We don’t want to risk it. Makenna isn’t real. She’s a fabrication. A computer model we created. Sandler Cartel and Evander Corporation are searching for her. We just look like a base.”
I wanted to be horrified, but it was brilliant in its simplicity. They couldn’t find our leader because she wasn’t real. Makenna could be anywhere, anytime. My father and Evander Corporation had to be chasing their tails. Still, I’d been one of the people looking for her on the screens, and she wasn’t real.
“I know that it’s… betrayal.” Paloma nodded. “And even though it was my idea, I struggle with it. I don’t lie, by nature. Somehow we have to all get through this. Win and not always be running from whatever is left of these terrible people when it’s over.”
I supposed that made a certain kind of sense. “I feel sort of stupid.”
“No.” She grabbed my arm. “You should have known from the beginning and everyone believes it. You had just gotten here. You were settling in. I didn’t want you to be overwhelmed. Your father believes it. The powers that be at Evander believe it. You’re meant to believe it. Canyon made it so they even fool technology.”
So, my guys all knew. I kept my face impassive as I digested this news. We were all just starting out. They didn’t know my secrets. I certainly didn’t know theirs. Or at least not all of them. I shouldn’t feel hurt. My temper rose instead of my sadness. By the universe, Ari was right, I was totally a Sandler.
“Who does the talking? It changes, right. I knew it did. I kept wondering why her phraseology altered.”
Paloma paled.
“It’s obvious. Well, to me. And if it is to me, it’s likely for someone else, too. You all have roles. The people take orders from whoever is Makenna then, thinking it’s her doing the talking. Okay. Um, I’m going to go. I won’t tell anyone, obviously. Who knows?” I could answer my own question. “You guys. Diana’s crew. Melissa and her people. My guys.”
“You can be involved now, too, if you’d like. You can be Makenna.”
I held up my hands. “Not me. I don’t want anything to do with it.”
Tommy strapped Ben to his chest in a carrier. “However you feel about this, please know we feel worse doing it.”
“Oh, I doubt that. But tell yourself that if you feel better. Lying is lying. You know that better than anyone. I’ll get over it. I’m sure I’ll come to understand.” I patted Tommy’s arm. “I hope Ben starts to settle down soon.”
I left before we could say anything else. All of the people I cared about the most in the world had been involved in a massive deceit. Could we lie this much and still be the good guys? We were hiding time travel and making up leaders. At what point did one of us become my father?
Or were we more on track to become Evander.
I didn’t know. I couldn’t think about it right now. I needed to work. People still needed my help. We weren’t committing atrocities. Paloma, Diana, Melissa… they never would. I didn’t get to judge. I didn’t have to make decisions.
I marched into the Med Bay. Dane was on today. He was always funny. I was just going to do what I did. I had to get over myself. What bothered me more? That they did it? Or that I didn’t know?
I started organizing the tools. Dane raised his eyebrows at me. “All okay? Guys doing okay?”
I nodded. “When I left them, the guards were outside and they were well.”
“Good.” Dane side-eyed me again. “Nothing is easy, is it?”
He was talking about the time travel. “Nope. Nothing ever is.”
Someone came in with a cough. And we were on. I’d deal with all of this later.
It had been twenty hours since I’d seen the guys. They wouldn’t be up for another ten, and it would be the middle of the night for me. I could go over there and see them, but I just didn’t want to. Having been left alone most of my life, I was used to a certain amount of solitude. I wasn’t proud of my reaction to what Paloma had told me. What did it matter if Makenna existed or not?
Well, when it came down to it, I wanted her to be real. A larger than life woman who would save us all.
I didn’t want this to all be on people I cared about. I didn’t want to know they, and possibly I, were shouldering that kind of responsibility alone.
I pinged Paloma, and her face showed up on my tablet. “Waverly, I was going to come by at least three times. But Ben, as you can hear, is having a day.”
He wailed in the background.
“Does he ever stop?” Maybe Cash should look at him again.
“He does. Sleeps for an hour. Awake for three. Tommy doesn’t remember exactly, but he thinks Quinn was like this.” She sighed. “Okay, listen. I feel… awful. I don’t want to say specifically why, but please know this has been eating me inside. Every day and,” she choked on her words, “I would still do it. I do believe that as a whole, we have to be safe here for as long as we can be.”
I understood her. The eyes were not here if they were searching for Makenna. We’d had just a taste of battle the other night, and it was hell. “Paloma, I pinged you to apologize. I’m
not… I’m not qualified to make judgment on any of this. Thank you for all that you do.”
Ben let out a particularly high-pitched wail. “I’ve got to go.”
I washed my face, cleaned up the rest of me, and settled down to read my book. A thought dawned on me, and I pinged Paloma again. She looked even more haggard. “Waverly, it’s a really bad night.”
I got up on my knees. “Has anyone remembered that Dad is sensitive to milk?”
Clay’s face appeared in the viewing area. “What?”
“He’s not allergic, but it gives him terrible indigestion. Are you drinking a lot of dairy, Paloma?”
She and Clay exchanged a look, and she scrunched up her whole face. “Yes. A lot of it. I’ve been craving dairy.”
“Maybe you could try cutting it back. Or stopping it altogether.”
Clay sighed. “Thanks, Waverly. We didn’t know that about our father.”
What we didn’t know about Dad could fill this room.
I curled back into the sheets. Sleep came slowly but it did eventually take me under.
I woke up to the sound of pellets on the ceiling. It took me a moment to realize what I heard. I dragged myself up. Hail. Or frozen rain. Or some other horrible winter thing. I wasn’t working today at all, which was weird. I stared at my tablet. Another two hours until my guys woke. The weather was going to keep me inside today. I’d ping them to make sure they were okay.
Maybe Ari was right. My room should be over there. I could have my alone time and see them regardless of the weather. With nowhere to go, I made myself some tea and got back under my covers. The cheese and crackers I had in my fridge and cupboard would be my food for the day. I yawned.
Half-way through my book, I dozed off. A knock on the door woke me, and I rubbed my eyes. Someone was here? I got out of bed and cracked open the door. Ari was there, dressed like he was going out in a blizzard, half covered in snow. I threw open the door. “Hi.”
He stepped inside. “Hi.”
I waited while he took his outdoor clothes off. “You and I are both off today, and it’s our day to have a date.”
I blinked. “You walked through all this weather to go on a date with me?”
“Waverly, I’d push through lava to get you alone for a bit. Thank you for the food, again. Don’t think I said that last time.”
“Well, you might have, but I was too busy yelling at you. You mentioned it last time, too. Here.” I took his stuff. “Come sit down. I’m not dressed.”
He smirked at me, and not the mean smirk, the adorable one. Warmth flooded me. “I can see that. Go get dressed. There’s a party going on in the Mess. An actual party. I’m taking you.”
I groaned. “I hate those parties. Loud. No one talks.”
Ari took his hands. “I want to dance with you. It’ll be fun because we’ll be together.”
“I’ve never danced. I mean, ever. I think it’ll be one of those things I’m bad at.”
Ari shook his head. “If you don’t have fun, we’ll leave. Or we can stay. If you don’t want to go, I’m not going to force you.”
I did like the idea of being there with him. He was Ari. Everyone knew him, and we’d be there together. It might give me a chance to know what it would be like to be with him in public, outside of the cocoon we’d made for ourselves with all of this time travel. “Okay. Give me a minute or two.”
He sat down and crossed his legs in front of himself. “Take your time.”
I grabbed some clothes and made my way to the bathroom. Ari looked great. He was in jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt. Of course, Ari could wear a sack and look amazing. I didn’t ever have the right clothes. In the end, I put on a long black dress that had pockets. I’d been given it by a woman who stopped here with her husband on the way to the Dark Planets. She was tall. The only woman I’d ever seen who was as tall as me. I’d told her, and she took pity on me and left me some clothes.
I didn’t know if this was exactly right. It was cold. I was going to have to wear my boots with it. Then there was my hair. I went at it with the brush. No matter what I did, the curls tangled. Well, in the end, I tried.
I came out, and Ari rose. “Hey, you look incredible.”
“Stop.” I waved my hand at him.
“Hmm.” He took my hand in his. “I get to compliment you when I want to. I get to do that. You will say thank you, Ari. Or oh Ari, you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Something like that.”
I laughed, a full-blown giggle that came out of nowhere. He leaned down and kissed my lips. “I want to drink in your happiness. I want to bring it inside of me.”
I forced myself not to argue with him, not to doubt. It was hard. Every other second, I battled the need to tell him he should go give this incredible attention to someone who was better suited for it. I wanted to tell all my guys that.
It was like a physical struggle.
He led me from the room and into the hallway. It was chilly but not like being outside. Hail still pelted the ceiling. Sure enough, I could now hear the party up ahead. “I can usually hear the parties in my room.”
Ari kissed my cheek. “Jackson changed the noise ordinance. He didn’t like his girl’s sleep being disturbed.”
“Oh.” I’d had no idea. “He didn’t have to do that.”
Did everyone hate me? I was spoiling everyone’s fun.
“Sure he did. It’s not like he said it was for you. He just said it was too much.” We reached the Mess. Music played, a song with a pretty good beat. Couples danced together and large groups of people who weren’t paired off swayed around them. My earlier protests hadn’t been manufactured. I never danced.
“Ari,” several people called out to him, and he waved.
“Come on,” he pulled me into the center. “They’re starting a slow song. We’ll dance to that.”
Dread warred with curiosity. What was this going to be like? Was I about to make a fool out of myself?
Ari wrapped my arms around his neck, then our bodies were close together. The song was slow and easy to basically sway to. I let him lead me to the small beat. Okay. I breathed. This was going to be all right.
He captured my gaze, and I didn’t dare look away. How were his eyes so blue? I sighed. He really was beautiful, and I was here with him. His smile was small but filled with happiness. “You finally relaxed. I can feel it.” He squeezed my waist.
“Thank you for this.” I didn’t know which part I was really expressing gratitude for. The dance? Getting me here? Being kind?
He whispered in my ear. “If we were still on Sandler One, the way it should have been, not the way it was, I’d have done this with you a lot. In fact, I’d only have seen you at this kind of event.”
“Ari,” I whispered back, “I never got to leave the house. I didn’t go to dances. I’m not… or I guess I should say my father said that I’m not fit for people.”
His hand on my waist tightened. “I don’t mean the way it was. We’re playing a game.”
“Oh, a game. Okay. Go ahead again.” I really hadn’t understood.
His laugh was light. “I’d see you at dances. Tommy wouldn’t want me to talk to you. I have a bad reputation, but I’d be really persistent. Then, eventually, I’d convince you to let me come over.”
I let him tell me this story. It wasn’t so much what he was saying as much as how he was saying it. The music was low, his body rocked against mine, and he whispered in my ear. I shuddered, my body coming alive next to his. I wanted this man. I’d had fantasies that involved this, and it was happening.
He must have felt it. His breath hitched. “Waverly.”
“Ari, I…”
“Hey.” Shannon broke the spell, grabbing onto Ari’s arm. “I want the next dance.” She smelled like booze, and I groaned. “Did you hear me? I want the next dance. I think it’s mean what you’re doing to this girl. You’re just being nice, but it’s really mean.”
Ari pushed her hand off his arm. “I�
�m sorry, it’s Sharon right?”
I almost laughed. Had Jackson told him about this? Her teeth gritted. “It’s Shannon.”
“Oh, right. See, Waverly? I told you. I have no memory for names of people who don’t matter. Could you go away? I’m dancing with my girl. Stop embarrassing yourself.”
He tugged me back against him, and Shannon disappeared in the crowd. I sighed. “That’s going to happen a lot. Women love you.”
“I only want one woman to love me.” He pressed our foreheads together, his blond hair falling down against my shoulders. His body hardened as we swayed. I couldn’t help but notice it, and he had to know I did.
He gave me the adorable smirk again. “And you thought I wasn’t attracted to you.”
There was any number of ways I could have denied what he said to me. We were rubbing against each other, and it had been a long time since he’d had sex. He’d yelled at Shannon, it got his blood going. But I didn’t.
He looked at me with such longing, and sure enough, he was absolutely hard. Ari said he was attracted to me. Why couldn’t I believe it? The first step might be pretending I did. “I have fantasies about you.”
That must have been the right thing to say. His eyes widened. “What am I doing in them?”
I pursed my lips. “Well, I…” I swallowed. “You know I have no experience with this, right? I could tell you, but honestly, it feels like the words are going to choke in my throat.”
“Hmm.” He made that sound a lot. It was what he did when he wasn’t sure what to say. “Too much too soon. I get it. There will come a time when you will tell me all of your deepest fantasies, Waverly. I promise there will be that time.”
I pressed myself closer against him. “I… I’m not sure how to tell you what I want.”
Ari pulled me, fast, off the dance floor. We practically ran from the Mess. Well, we’d made it through one dance. That was good. I could officially say I’d done that. He slowed his pace, and I walked next to him instead of behind him.
Dark Demise Page 13
