She threw her arms around me like she hadn’t seen me in weeks, instead of at their engagement party… Shit, had it really been that long?
I squeezed her tightly and stepped back, pretending not to notice the sympathy in her eyes that said she still wished I was the brother she could look up to.
Sorry, Lil. I don’t think I’m ever getting back on that pedestal.
“What’s cookin’?”
She grinned. “We’re just waiting for the pizza man to get here.”
“I see you’re still not cooking,” I teased.
She stuck her tongue out at me. “I may have a ring on my finger, but at the risk of him still being able to back out of the deal, I’m holding off any and all cooking attempts until after the wedding; he doesn’t know I have any faults yet.”
I let out a bark of laughter only to realize that Wyatt had done the same.
“Hey!” Channing pouted. I don’t think I’d ever seen my sister pout before. What had Olsen done to her? I watched the famous snowboarder walk around the island and wrap his arms around my sister, pulling her back against him to whisper in her ear, turning her cheeks red.
Fuck. “Are you trying to ruin my appetite?”
Lil rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Don’t even get me started on all of the things that I’ve had to see you do over the past… lifetime.”
“Chance, can I give you a tour?” Wyatt interjected before our sibling banter got out of control.
I nodded, holding my twin’s eyes. We would finish our little discussion later.
There wasn’t much to fucking see—it was a condo. I nodded politely to my future brother-in-law as he said something about the hardwood in the living room, following as he led us towards the stairs.
“How’s physical therapy going?” He and my sister were like a broken record with this shit.
“Fine.”
“Really? I fucking hated PT. Turned me into the most miserable asshole this side of the continental divide.”
“Yeah, it sucks.”
We’d stopped in the hallway upstairs and I realized that this was never about the fucking tour of their condo.
“Now that Channing and I are back, I wanted to talk to you because we’ve broken ground on the school.”
“Yeah? Need someone to help you decorate?” And even that I probably wasn’t good for anyway.
“I think your sister,” I raised my eyebrow, “your other sister has that under control.” Ally. Right. “I want you to come teach.”
“Yeah? So you said before. But I’m a lousy teacher.” I laughed. “And probably an even fucking lousier rider now.”
“Bullshit.” Fuck you, Wyatt-fucking-Olsen. “So, you broke your fucking knee. You can still ride once you’re done with PT. I don’t want to hear that shit. You’re a good enough rider to know that you aren’t done with the mountain—not by a long shot.”
“I’m done with competing.”
The sound of the front door opening and then closing drew our attention for a second as Channing presumably grabbed the pizza from the delivery man.
“So what? So am I,” Wyatt continued.
“By choice,” I growled. I was hungry. This was not a good conversation to have while I was hungry.
“Not quite, my friend,” he smirked wryly. “Thing is, I’ve been in your shoes and I’ve also been in the shoes of someone who has won all those competitions. If I had this opportunity—to really make a difference for other people and not just myself—I would have taken it.”
“Don’t you have someone else who can do it? What about Channing?” I asked, not wanting any part of that conversation.
“She can’t teach everyone. Plus, you were on track to be the best, probably better than me but don’t tell your sister that… Shit.”
Wyatt rubbed his temples while I just waited, wondering if he was going to dig himself into a bigger hole.
I’d disliked the guy the second that I found out my sister was… with him. I’d only marginally come around to the idea when I saw how happy he made her—and that he was going to marry her whether I liked it or not. Well… that and the fact that my other candidate for brother-in-law was Emmett. Fucking King and my little sister. At which point, Wyatt Olsen found himself the lucky winner of the lesser-of-two-evils award—an award that he was about to lose if he didn’t tread very carefully about what he said next.
Mr. Always-Wins ran his hand through his hair before continuing. “Look, I don’t know you that well yet, Chance, but I want to because you’re her twin; you and I would both die for her. So, I didn’t say that to rub salt in your wound but because from what I do know, Chance, you’re cutting off your nose to spite your face. You didn’t lose a fucking leg. So, get your shit together and come work with us.”
Yeah, well, when competing was the only leg I had to stand on, it sure fucking felt like it.
My cheek twitched. I didn’t know what to say. I was honestly surprised that this was coming from him of all people.
“And Channing didn’t want to ask me?”
“I did.” Wyatt spun and we both stared as my twin appeared in the hallway. “Pizza is here.” She turned and left us again at which point, Wyatt gave me the Sparknotes version of the rest of the tour before we made our way back downstairs.
We were all hungry, closing in on the pizza boxes like vultures. At least, Channing and I were—both of us inheriting the mutual ‘hangry’ gene; we dove into the pepperoni pie while Wyatt calmly took a slice of the plain cheese, eating half of it before continuing our conversation
“I told her that I wanted to be the one to ask you—and don’t worry, she gave me shit for it.” I saw my sister glare lovingly at him, annoyed at the twinge I felt wishing Jessa’s glares at me looked like that. No, she looked at me like I’d fucking stuck gum in her hair or spilled beer on her favorite brightly-colored outfit; she glared at me like I was the irremovable stain on her past except—I shifted in my seat—except when I touched her. Then she glared at me because I set her body on fire.
“Even though everything I do is with her… for her,” Ugh, fucking gross blubbering, “the school is technically mine and I wanted to be the one to officially offer you the position as the head of our snowboarding department.”
“Seriously?” I hadn’t even been on the mountain since I fell and they wanted me to head up the whole fucking department? “Sorry, going to have to turn you down right now.” I sat back having eaten enough to speak without being a full-fledged ass. “I haven’t been on the mountain for six months. And I’m shit at teaching people anything—Lil, tell him.”
“I mean, you taught me…“ she mumbled.
“Right, but you’re my sister. What about Frost?”
She scoffed. “Totally not the same deal, Chance. Frost can be a bigger ass than all of you combined, of course you get frustrated with him. If I didn’t know any better, he was probably goading you on purpose.”
She had a point there.
“Look, I’m not asking you to sign your life away here to our school. I’m just saying that you are a fucking good snowboarder, Ryder, and I know that the last few months have been shit; I know you have no clue what getting back on the board is going to be like, but I think if you put one-tenth of the determination you had to win the X Games into this,” he tapped his fingers on the countertop, “I think that you could make a much larger impact here than you ever could with a medal around your neck.”
My eyes narrowed on the both of them as they looked at me expectantly.
Expectantly.
Just like Frost, they should have known better than to have any expectations for me. Lately, the only thing I was good at was falling short on those.
“Just say you’ll think about it.” Channing’s blue eyes met mine. She knew I’d been about to turn them down again. “We purchased the old Snowmass resort lodge—the one that’s a few miles further down the same road. The plans were approved by zoning while we were away, construction has started, and we’re hoping the renova
tions will be complete by summer so that we can start getting kids in right away. So, you have some time to think. Maybe get back on the mountain a little before the season ends.”
My fist clenched at my side. On the mountain. I tried not to think about that phrase. My jaw twitching, I just nodded, no longer in the mood for an argument. I needed a smoke.
“Thanks for the pizza.” I stood and they both did as well.
“We’ll talk soon.” Wyatt stayed behind as Channing walked me to the door.
“Chance…” I turned to face her. “You know I love you, right?”
“Even when I’m being a stubborn asshole?” I couldn’t help my half-smile.
She grinned. “Even then.”
“Love you, too, Lil.” I pulled her in for another hug. No matter what shit was going on in my life, this would never change. “I’m happy for you.”
Pulling back, she looked up at me and said, “And I want you to be happy for you. Chance, you and I know better than most that snowboarding is like life. Sometimes you fall and you fucking yard-sale out, but just because you lose everything, doesn’t mean you can’t get back up, get back on your board, and make it to the bottom of the mountain. Just because you fall doesn’t mean you can’t get back up and enjoy the ride.”
“Goodnight, Lil.” I pulled her back in and kissed her forehead before letting myself out the door.
For the first time since I’d come back, I began driving as though I were going to my house instead of Frost’s. About a mile out I realized and quickly pulled a U-Turn, driving away from one more reminder about who I no longer was—and what I no longer had. Including the pink-haired girl who’d given me her virginity in my bed in the basement.
‘Get back on the mountain.’
My self-deprecating laugh was audible over the hum of the radio. Under the cover of night, in the solitude of my Cherokee, I acknowledged what really bothered me about their offer.
I was afraid to find out what would happen if I got back on a snowboard.
What if Olsen was wrong? What if I literally couldn’t fucking board at all anymore? What if it was all gone?
They assumed that I would have skill enough to teach. I’d assumed that I’d be competing in the X Games. Assumptions fuck you big time.
Hitting the button, I waited for the gate to open to Frost’s place, wondering just what kind of shit-show I’d be walking in on tonight. I pulled past the main house, noticing two cars parked out front that usually weren’t there, continuing slowly on over towards the guest house that I parked in front of.
Silence.
Strange. I shut off the engine. By now, I should hear either music or moaning, depending on just how far gone my good friend was. He’d wait until his daughter, Lila, was asleep before coming back here. He couldn’t stand to be in the main house when his mom and step-dad, Stone were there.
Frost hated them but he couldn’t take Lila and leave. He was stuck here in purgatory as a condition of his parole. But that time was soon coming to an end and if I knew Frost, it was going to end with a bang. There was more going on between him and his parents than even I knew about, but he’d share the rest of the story when the time came. That was the blessing and the curse about Frost: full-disclosure wasn’t always required.
It was only when I went to punch in the code that I heard yelling coming from the main house. I was tempted to stay and listen, but I’d had enough fucking drama for one day. I needed to relax.
A few minutes later, I was naked in bed, a blunt in one hand, my dick in the other, and Jessa’s drenched pussy and perfect tits on my mind.
I swear to God, if I caught her wearing underwear again, there would be hell to pay.
The Hanged Man: You are feeling stuck or restricted in your life. You need to get in touch with why you are feeling this way and release yourself from those restrictions. In this way, the Hanged Man is about letting go in order to find an emotional release. You need to accept present circumstances, become more vulnerable, and give up your need for control. When you let go of these concerns, they will let go of you.
“HEY, JESS. WHAT’S UP?” ALLY answered before I even heard a ring.
“Wow. Hey. Sorry, I hit your name and you answered right away. So weird.” I shook my head, hopping into my truck. Wincing as I sat down. I’d just done legs—and they were already sore. Not a good sign. “I wanted to talk to you about what you said the other weekend.”
“About Chance?” The warming lamp inside my body turned on.
“No. About me maybe being about to stay at your house until I find a new place.” There was a loud crash and I heard Ally curse underneath her breath. “You ok?”
“Yeah,” she whined—clearly only a minor injury. “I’m actually there now, if you just want to come over and chat.”
“Sure. I’ll be there in fifteen.”
I wasn’t expecting the offer, but I’d be glad to take her up on it especially after the afternoon I had with her brother—not that I was really planning on going into detail about that.
Guiltily, I’d begun to dread going back to Tammy’s—not because of anything that she’d done, but because I was too much in my own head right now, swimming in the sea of asshole that I’d submersed myself in.
Tammy was going through something and I didn’t know how to help her. I should be able to be there for her, talk to her, and try to ease some of her concern, but I couldn’t focus on anything but Chance.
And even if I could, she wouldn’t want my help—that was what grated on me the most. For Tammy to ask for help would be more shocking than Atlas asking for a hand to help hold up the world. She alone was responsible for her world, no matter how many hands raised in assistance.
My back tires sliding on the snow jarred me from my thoughts. They caught traction a second later and pulled me up Ally’s driveway.
“Hello!” I yelled, knocking on the front door even as I opened it. My body shuddered as I walked into the hallway; it always did. One of the many reasons why we usually hung out elsewhere when it was girls’ night. For some reason, my body insisted on reminding me that this house was where I’d lost my virginity.
And my heart.
“In here!” Ally’s voice echoed from the kitchen.
“Oh my God! Does Emmett know this is what you are here doing?” I exclaimed at the sight of her. The girl was standing on the countertop, pulling down appliances from the higher-up shelves.
Her head jerked to me, eyes wide, “Don’t even think about telling him unless you want to be homeless,” she threatened.
Crap.
“What are you looking for?” If she wasn’t going to get down, I was at least going to spot her; Emmett would have my head if something happened.
“Appliances and kitchen utensils to take with me to Emmett’s. The man literally has nothing… and I refuse to let him buy stuff that I have.” She huffed, finally locking her fingers around a stack of mixing bowls and pulling them off the shelf, handing them to me. “So, what’s going on? Tammy finally kicking your messy butt out?”
“No.” I sighed loudly. “But, I got the official notice from my landlord at work today saying that the building is going to be out of commission for the foreseeable future and that all residents will need to look for housing elsewhere.”
It was the cherry on top of my already disaster dessert of a day.
“Oh my God! Seriously?” She turned and crouched down, hopping back onto the floor. “I can’t believe you even moved in there. He better be giving you more than your deposit back.”
I laughed. “Yeah. Doubtful. This is what happens when you’re living on student loans; you don’t have much of a choice.”
My parents had offered to pay my living expenses until I got a job, but I wanted to do this on my own. Even in Texas, I’d refused to let them help me pay for anything while I was in school. I needed to be self-sufficient; I needed to be independent. I’d needed to know that I could stand on my own after leaving Chance had taken me to my
knees.
“Well, you are absolutely welcome to stay here. Both Channing and my rooms are open.” It went unsaid that so was Chance’s.
“Thanks. I don’t have that much, so I’ll probably be able to get it all here by the end of the week. I don’t plan on staying long. It’s just been so crazy with the new job,” and your brother, “that I’ve been terrible at looking for a new place.”
“Seriously, Jessa, don’t worry about it. Channing and Wyatt have their condo. Emmett would chain me to his bed if I even mentioned leaving. And Chance avoids this place like the plague. So, you are welcome to it,” she said with an oomph.
“Thanks, Al.” I ran my hands through my hair that was wavy in all the wrong places from how I’d had it tied up on the top of my head all day. “Tammy hasn’t talked to you, has she?”
“No. Why?” She spun to face me, concern etched on her face. “Is everything ok?”
I let out a pained laugh. “That’s why I was asking you. I haven’t really talked to her. I mean, I’ve tried. But even when she’s there… she’s not. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m not trying hard enough, like I should be doing something more—”
“Jessa.” Ally’s stern voice stopped my train of thought. “You know her, even more than I do, so you know that she will take care of herself to the bitter end—only telling us what is absolutely necessary so that we don’t worry. It’s not your fault.”
Our best friend’s need to always be self-sufficient, to never ask for help, was weighing on both of us.
“I wish we could just make her tell us. I feel like it would be such a huge weight off of her shoulders.”
“Well, we could threaten to mess up her apartment again.”
“Yeah… think I’ve already got that covered and she isn’t breaking,” I laughed ruefully.
Her arms crossed over her chest. “Why are you really feeling guilty?”
Channing had once said—only partially in jest—that her sister sometimes had these moments where she just perceived more than most. Sometimes, Ally was like a human tarot card, giving a name or a face to a situation that was hard to decipher.
The Winter Games Page 83
