Jesus Christ, I was going to die.
I hadn’t had unprotected sex since I made the mistake of getting Eliza pregnant.
But with Tammy, with how I felt about her, it only made this feel right and magnified the pleasure by a thousand.
There were no words to describe what her hot, slippery cunt was doing to me because it was rewriting my heart and soul, my life and my future. The primal fire that blazed inside of me was so strong that I would have killed to feel it—I would kill anyone who tried to keep me from having my dick inside of this woman again. And from having her in my life for good.
Holding her hips steady, I slammed into her, my eyes never leaving her as my dick pounded up against her womb. Her fingers dug into the hay searching for something to hold onto. Her tits bounced like they were fucking cheerleaders there to spur me on. Harder. Faster. More. More. More.
She was so wet, I couldn’t help but slip in deep. My orgasm spiraled angrily through me like my body wasn’t made for pleasure this good. I was so damn close, but I realized I didn’t want it like this. Not the first time.
Stopping my hips, her eyes flitted open in dazed confusion. I bit into my cheek feeling my dick pulse with the need to erupt. Gently lowering her legs off of my shoulders, I leaned over her body bringing my face in front of hers. Only then did I move, rocking back into her. Her legs crept up around my hips and I felt her muscles begin to quiver against my cock. Holding my orgasm back like this should have qualified me for a fucking Olympic medal.
“Nick,” she moaned into my ear.
“It feels incredible, Priss. You feel incredible,” I whispered, nipping at her neck as I slid slowly in and out of her. We were both right there. I tortured us both, leaving us on the edge of the promise of incredible. And then I continued because I knew she loved when I talked dirty to her. “Your tight little pussy pulling on my dick, begging me to fill her with my cum.”
Knowing I was going to come deep inside her was like a fantasy come true.
“Nick.” Her hands gripped my shoulders as her gaze locked on mine.
“You’re mine,” I bit out, moving faster—losing control. The way she gasped and moaned made me insane knowing how much she loved when I took her roughly. “I promise you that you’re mine.”
She screamed as her cunt clenched and spasmed, drawing me in deeper. My name was her chant as her warm, wet release gushed over my dick. And then I was gone, losing everything in her—to her. With a shout that caused some commotion in the stalls below, I came like a fucking tidal wave. Each pulse shot cum against her womb and jerked my body into hers. She said she couldn’t get pregnant, still I pushed the tip of my cock tight up to her womb, daring it to keep from claiming that part of her, too. The brief image of her carrying my child flashing in my mind only wrung more of my release from me trying to make it a reality.
My mouth locked onto her neck—a mix of biting and breathing until my heart rate returned to normal. But that wasn’t why I stayed still. I remained frozen because I wanted to memorize this moment. No, I wanted to live forever in this moment.
“You know when you come, your whole body flushes rosy fucking pink for a split second?” I asked hoarsely. “It’s like I can see your orgasm spreading right through every cell in your body.”
She flushed again and I chuckled against her skin. God, she was so damn perfect. Perfect and mine.
“You know I can’t go back now,” I continued with a demanding low voice. “After that, I can’t go back to wearing condoms inside of you. No fucking way.”
I felt her try to laugh in between labored breaths. The movement made me hiss as her muscles tensed around my dick.
Pushing onto my elbows, I positioned my face over hers. I moved the hair away that stuck to her face gently kissing her lips.
“Tamsin Lucas,” I murmured, feeling her racing pulse in that soft flesh, “I belong in you like a fish belongs in water. Outside of you, I can’t breathe. I can’t move. I can’t live. Only in you… drowning in you… can I survive.”
I’d finally found it: the place where my chaos inside was understood and my heart felt at home.
I’d finally found her…
“Are you saying you want me to drown you?” she asked with eyes that already were doing just that.
“I’m saying that I need you to,” I said as I rolled to the side and pulled her with me.
I’d already said too much, but still it wasn’t enough.
I needed a new plan. ‘No promises’ wasn’t fucking cutting it anymore because if I had to lose Tammy, then I’d better be ok with losing my goddamn heart right along with her.
“She was without any power, because she was without any desire of command over herself.”
—Jane Austen, Sense & Sensibility
“CALL ME WHEN YOU GET home,” my mom said as she hugged me tight. “Whatever you need, honey, you know I can be there in a matter of hours.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I whispered thickly, determined not to cry anymore this weekend.
“I love you.” She squeezed me tightly.
“I love you, too,” I returned, slowly letting my arms fall to turn to say goodbye to the rest of my siblings.
Nick held Lila’s hand as they made their way through the receiving line that was the Lucas family. She hugged each and every one of them, promising that she would return. As I hugged Jenny, I saw my mom walk up to Nick and wrap her arms around him. If there was one other thing that one should know about my mother, besides that she would never get her kid’s names right, it was that her idea of a whisper wasn’t a whisper at all. Maybe that’s what having eight kids will do to you. But her voice level of a whisper was loud enough that the people in close proximity—like myself—could still hear.
“You probably know this,” she began, still holding him to her, “but Tammy is strong. She’s the quiet kind of strong that holds up the entire world while no one is looking.” My throat tightened as she continued, “But giving someone your strength is easy; it’s sharing your weakness that is hard—that makes you vulnerable. You are the first person who has made her feel safe enough to do that.”
And then, she didn’t give him a warning not to hurt me. She didn’t tell him to take care of me or to make sure that I was okay. No, she finished by saying, “Thank you.”
That was what our family believed in—that gratitude was one of the greatest gifts and one of the most powerful forces in the world. It not only validated the worth of what one received but because it also built up the one who gave it. And someone hadn’t built Nick up like that in a long time.
True, he’d surrounded himself with good friends—a good support system to make up for the family that he lacked. But there was a difference between having the unconditional love and support of friends and being told that you’ve done something for someone that no one else has been able to do.
His face looked the exact same as the other night when Lila had wrapped her arms around him and hugged him—like he’d been given the most precious gift in the world and he didn’t know what he’d done to deserve it.
“We should get on the road,” I said softly, touching Nick’s arms and pulling him from his trance.
Nodding, he moved past me to shake my dad’s hand. My dad, however, was a whole different story.
“You take care of my girl, you hear?” he asked sharply, gripping Nick’s hand tight. “Because, I’ll tell you what, son. I have a gun, a field, and a shovel—and I know how to use all three.”
Oh, God.
My hand came up to cover my mouth before I scolded my own father; I could take care of myself.
“I will, Jack,” Nick replied sincerely with just the faintest hint of a smile on his face, mirroring the one on my father’s at his only partially joking threat.
In a moment that should have been quiet, my sibling burst into noise arguing over something to do with Easton’s horse again. I laughed, buckling Lila into her car seat and getting in the car. My family made one last conce
rted effort to yell goodbye as we backed up and turned down the drive before they all scattered—my parents to the tasks of the ranch for the day, my older siblings to help, and the younger ones peeling off toward the barn and what I felt was a poor, unsuspecting pony.
“That was the best trip ever!” Lila exclaimed as soon as the horses were no longer in view. “When can we go back, Daddy?”
Nick groaned and gave me a look that said ‘I told you she was going to do this.’
“I don’t know, sweetheart. We’ll have to wait for Tammy to invite us again.” He grinned deviously, turning all of the pressure onto me.
“Mammy!” My heart still jumped when she called me that. “When can we go back?”
“Let me think… Maybe in the summer when it’s warm and we can go for a trail ride,” I answered, deciding that offering something ambiguous in the future was the best bet in case things didn’t work out.
“What’s a trail ride?”
“That’s when you ride the horses outside of the ring and go exploring. Sometimes we ride them down to the river. Sometimes we ride them to the edge of the mountains.”
“I love exploring!” she exclaimed. “Just like Dory!”
“Yes, just like Dory.”
“You won’t lose me though, will you?” she asked, her voice suddenly somber.
I turned in my seat so that I could look at her. “Of course not, Lila. We would never lose you.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said ‘we.’ I kept my eyes away from Nick just in case.
“Okay…” Her voice trailed off. “If you do, it’s ok. I don’t have a memory loss. I know what to ask for.”
“And what’s that?” Nick interrupted us, looking at her through the rearview genuinely wondering what his daughter’s response would be.
She grinned like her answer was the key to the universe. “For my family.”
So much for not crying anymore this weekend. I sank back into the passenger seat and quickly wiped a tear from my cheek. Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I searched frantically for something to say.
Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of things that needed to be said. The biggest one was about my cancer. It should have been said last night in the barn. But after the first time… there had been a second time. And after the second time, I’d had a panic attack that my family was going to send out search and rescue for us. And when search and rescue involved two parents, seven younger siblings, and probably a few innocent animals, being caught in the hayloft with straw—and Nick—stuck to all sorts of unmentionable parts of me was not how I wanted to end my weekend at home.
And now, with Lila in the car, I couldn’t bring it up. She was too young to have to know about that—to understand. I didn’t want her to see me upset. She was my family.
Nick’s phone buzzed in the cup holder and then rang through the Bluetooth in the car. ‘E. Blackman’ appeared on the center dash. He hit the ‘end call’ button on the steering wheel like it had personally insulted him. The tenderness that had been on his face after Lila’s ‘family’ comment vanished, replaced completely with pure, white hatred.
Who was E. Blackman? I wondered. Instead, I nervously opted to ask, “Is everything okay?”
I wanted to kiss the muscle in his jaw that vibrated violently with the anger that suddenly radiated through him.
“I have to make a phone call,” he said shortly, picking up his cell and tapping on a contact.
Dimly, I heard the line ringing.
“What’s your status?” he asked the person on the other end of the line. I couldn’t hear much from the other voice, except that, judging by its depth, he’d called a man.
“Next Monday? Another week…” He broke off, swearing underneath his breath. “Yeah. I’ll be there.” He hung up, looking agitated.
“Yeah.” Silence. “That was the PI I hired to look into… Stone.”
I couldn’t tell if he was hesitating because there was something he didn’t want to tell me—something to do with E. Blackman—or if there was something that he just didn’t want to say in front of his daughter.
There were a lot of things said between us—but none of them were promises. So, I turned my gaze back out the window, my fingers rubbing over the edge of my book.
I jumped when I felt Nick’s large, warm fingers close over mine. My eyes met his as he pulled my hand off of my book and up to his mouth. My mouth parted as he kissed my palm, sealing over the space that he and Lila had taken in my heart.
I set down all of my bags as soon as I stepped inside the familiar coziness of my apartment, breathing deeply of the organized air. My phone vibrated again in my purse. It had started going off non-stop since I stepped out of Nick’s truck. Ignoring it, I kissed Lila’s sleeping forehead and then her father’s delicious lips, assuring him that I would be just fine carrying my stuff up to my apartment by myself—that he couldn’t leave Lila alone in the car just to help me.
Walking into the tiny kitchen, I dug in my purse until I found the offending electronic. The number and rate of notifications could only mean one thing—Ally and Jessa had finally caught up with me.
Alright, mostly I’d been too distracted with Nick and overwhelmed with the depth of emotions between us that I hadn’t told them any of it—including just how successful their plan had been. It was just a lot. And I’d kept it to myself because I was selfish. I wanted to hold onto all of it. Tightly. For as long as I could before—like all other things I wanted this badly—something took him away from me, too.
ALLY
How did it go with Nick???
J and I just realized that you never told EITHER of us. I know we’ve been crazy busy lately, but you can’t avoid us forever, Tam.
It’s been a whole week and we’ve been dying to know and we can’t take it anymore. So, I’m going to be the Nosy Nancy and ask.
TAMMY
He hated it. He ripped the blue bra.
JESSA
Hate to break it to you, babe, but that doesn’t mean that he hated it…
ALLY
Yeah. Sorry, Tam. Emmett threw my underwear in the fire one time because he ‘hated’ them.
JESSA
OMG! You didn’t tell us about that.
ALLY
This is not my interrogation.
ANYWAY… What happened after he ripped it???
First, I typed ‘We had sex.’ But that didn’t seem right. Then I typed, ‘What was supposed to happen.’ That didn’t seem right either. I didn’t know how to describe something so memorable. Instead the stupid dots flickering next to my name as I typed all the wrong responses were the perfect description for how I felt.
Because I, too, was waiting for what came next.
ALLY
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!
DID YOU GIVE NICK FROST YOUR V-CARD?
TAMMY
…
JESSA
OMG! Holy shit. I should not have read this in the car. Chance thinks someone died.
We’re coming over tonight. No debate.
ALLY
Must. Have. Details.
TAMMY
I can’t.
We just got home. I have to unpack.
ALLY
What?
We?
Who we? From where?
TAMMY
Nick, Lila, and me.
We went to my parents’ for the weekend. It’s a long story.
JESSA
Tamsin Lucas. If you think that you can just text us about losing your virginity to Nick Frost only to follow up with that he’s already MET YOUR PARENTS, you have another thing coming. Ally and I will not survive through the weekend if you don’t tell us what happened. So, we are coming over tonight and you are going to tell us all about the Frosty sex.
If you say no, hurricane Jessa will make a Category Five appearance in your apartment this week when you won’t have time to clean it up.
TAMMY
Blackmail…
JESSA
What are best friends for?
ALLY
WOOT!
“I’m back here!” I yelled as I heard the front door unlock with the key that Jessa still had from when she’d lived with me. I never asked for it back; she was always welcome. Plus, I never knew when she might need to use it.
“Tammy!” Ally squealed as she ran down the hallway and jumped on me, almost knocking me over onto the bed.
“Hey, guys,” I said with a chuckle.
“Alright, stop folding your dirty laundry just so that you can wash it, and give us all the details,” Jessa demanded, holding up a case of La Croix like it was a bottle of wine. “I know you can’t drink while on chemo, not that you would anyway. So, I brought the good stuff.” With a wink, she turned back and headed for the couch, Ally and I trailing behind her.
Sipping the sizzling, fruit-flavored water, I gave them all the details I thought I would have been more embarrassed to share. Their squeals made me excited and their sharing of similar naughty stories—including the burning underwear event—made me comfortable.
“Oh my God! That is amazing! I can’t believe he ripped it!”
“How many times? I’m telling Emmett he needs to step up his game!”
“In the barn? Holy shit that is so dirty and so hot! Man… I need to find a barn around here…”
My entire body warmed all over again, reliving the scenes from the past few days… weeks… I’d fallen off an edge—of what I couldn’t tell you, maybe fear—and into something so much more consuming. As much as I was glad to be here, opening up about all of this to my girls, I also wished with every breath that I was still with him—that I was staying at his place tonight. But, Lila was going to be there and I hadn’t slept in my apartment in what felt like months. I needed one night to preserve the semblance that I hadn’t fallen head-over-heels into the deep end with Nick.
The Winter Games Page 135
