“If you want my honest opinion, I can give it to you. But you might not like it. Are you prepared for that?”
Morgan took a drink of her coffee from an oversized purple mug. They were sitting in the coffee shop by Kinsley’s office. Chris was hoping she’d catch Kinsley, Paxton, and Wes heading back into Kinsley’s building after they finished looking at houses. She faced the window. Morgan faced her.
“I need to hear it,” Chris replied.
“Wes is seventeen. Your parents died when he was so young… He doesn’t have the memories of your mother that you do. This is your mom’s mother. She’s someone that can tell him more about her.”
“She’d only known her when our mom was a kid,” Chris returned.
“I doubt that matters to Wes, though. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment: if you’d lost them when you were six years old, what would you even remember about them?”
“Not much,” she replied. “I remember my dad would read to me at night. My mom made me breakfast; eggs and bacon on Sundays.” Chris smiled. “She smelled like oranges on those days, since she used a juicer to make orange juice for me. In my mind, I see her wearing green a lot when I was that age. But I also know it was her favorite color because she told me later. I’m not sure if I’m making a connection when there’s not one, or if she really did wear green that much when I was that young.”
“And Wes doesn’t have that because he didn’t get later,” Morgan suggested. “All his memories are from a time when he was so young, things were kind of blurry. He has you; and that’s great… But you didn’t know your mom as a kid. Her mother did, though. Maybe he just wants to have a conversation with her to learn more. Maybe he wants a relationship; I don’t know. But it doesn’t sound like you listened enough to know, either.”
“I planned to make that up to him today. But when he woke up, he went to Paxton’s instead.”
“And that’s the thing you’re really upset about, isn’t it?” Morgan asked, taking another sip of her coffee.
“I’m upset he ran off without telling me, yeah.”
“No, I mean you’re upset that he ran to Paxton.”
“Why would I be upset about that?” Chris asked.
“Two reasons. One, because he didn’t come to you; which hurts. Two, because you and Paxton just started this relationship. You’re scared, Chris. What if he comes to rely on Paxton, and you and Pax don’t work out?”
Chris swallowed hard and replied, “I don’t like you all that much right now.”
“I warned you,” Morgan said with a chuckle. “You wouldn’t like what I had to say about this.”
“Pax is so much more than this place. Doesn’t it feel like that sometimes?”
“What do you mean?” Morgan asked.
“Just that she grew up in this big city. Her apartment was amazing. She owns her own business. She’s still running it from here, which is amazing. She just decided one day to buy an old hotel and rebuild it from scratch. She’s buying a house here now, instead of just renting, because she can. She can do so much. She can pick up tomorrow and run off to Africa if she wanted. She could move to Brazil and sell houses there, or run a mountain town inn in Switzerland.”
“Has she expressed an interest in doing any of those things?” Morgan asked with a smile. “Because the Pax I know wanted to live closer to the sister that she loves, build this hotel that for some reason she’s really attached to, and fall in love with a woman she met in South Lake Tahoe.” She paused. “Pax wants to settle down, Chris. She’s not looking for adventures out there. She wants to have them here, with the people she loves.”
“What if she changes her mind, though? A few months ago, she was happy in Seattle.”
“Was she?” Morgan asked. “Have you actually asked her what were the reasons she was so fast in moving here?”
“No, but–”
“Chris, you’re making a lot of assumptions about your girlfriend. You should probably talk to her, because I don’t think that any of them are true.”
“I’ve been afraid to,” Chris admitted.
“Why, though?”
“Because what if they are, Morgan?” She paused on a sigh. “I could fall in love with this girl.”
“Or, are you already?” Morgan asked thoughtfully.
Chris looked out the window. She caught sight of Kinsley’s car pulling into a parking spot. Kinsley got out of the driver’s side. Wes climbed out of the back seat. He was smiling and laughing at something someone had said, it appeared. Paxton got out of the passenger’s side. When Wes walked over to her, she smiled at him. She then said something that caused his smile to disappear. He nodded. Then, Chris watched him pull something out of his pocket. Chris squinted to see it. A moment later, he put it away, and they all headed into the building. Her phone chimed. She glanced at it on the table. Wes had texted her that he was okay and would be home for dinner. Paxton had asked him to text her that he was all right. Wes had listened.
Chris texted him back that she’d make his favorite, macaroni and cheese. Then, she texted Paxton back a simple message of two words. Before locking her phone, though, she added something to her message of thank you to Paxton and sent another message to her. Then, she locked it and took a drink of her coffee. Her phone chimed moments later with Paxton’s acceptance of Chris’s dinner invitation.
“When are you going to tell her?” Morgan asked.
“Tell her what?”
“That you’re in love with her and terrified that she might leave,” Morgan replied.
“Oh, that.” Chris laughed softly. “I’m not sure I will.”
“Chris, you have to be honest with your girlfriend. I can tell you every day what I think about Paxton’s plans, but she’s your girlfriend. You need to ask those questions, talk about what the answers mean for the two of you, and decide if you’re taking any of those steps together.”
“I’m crazy about her.” Chris smiled at Morgan. “She’s the first girlfriend I’ve ever had that’s understood my relationship with my brother and why it’s so important to me.”
“Then, you should tell her that, Chris.”
CHAPTER 24
“Pax, what do I do?” Wes asked her.
They were sitting in his car. He’d driven them back to his and Chris’s house. Paxton thought about driving herself, but Wes had asked to drive them. It meant that if she and Chris had another argument, she’d be calling a car to pick her up, but she wanted to give Wes what he wanted, given the difficult weekend he’d had.
“Wes, you’re almost an adult. This isn’t something I can tell you how to handle.”
“She’s your girlfriend,” Wes replied, looking over at Paxton.
“And she’s your sister. You’ve known her a lot longer than I have,” she countered, punching him lightly on the shoulder. “Chris is important to me. You are important to me, too. I want both of you to be happy.”
“I just feel like I should call her.”
“Your grandma?”
“Yes.”
“And you think Chris is going to be upset about that?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “She doesn’t want me to talk to her at all.”
“This is going to get me in trouble later, I think, but it’s your decision, Wes. She’s your grandmother, too. Your relationship with her has nothing to do with Chris. If she doesn’t want one, that’s up to her. But you need to do what you feel is right for you.”
Wes smiled softly at her and said, “Thanks. That can’t have been easy.”
“What?”
“Risking your life like that. If Chris hears you’ve given me that advice, she might try and kill you,” he said with a laugh.
“The only thing she could do that would kill me, would be to break up with me.”
“You really like her, don’t you?”
“Wes, I’m going to tell you a secret. Not even Chris knows this yet, and I want to be the one to tell her. Can I trust you?”
“Of course.
”
“I’m in love with her,” Paxton said. “When I asked you about a hundred times today if you thought she’d like the houses we looked at, it’s because I want her to spend a lot of time there.”
“You asked me if I liked them, too,” he replied.
“Because I’d like you to spend time there, too. You are both important to me, okay?”
“Okay.” He nodded. “I guess we should go in. Have you had her mac and cheese? It’s ridiculous. She puts bacon in it. It’s so good,” he said.
As they climbed out of his car, Paxton laughed at how Wes could move so easily from such a heavy topic to the topic of macaroni and cheese. He opened the front door and held it for her. She walked in before him, saw Chris in the kitchen over the stove, got a flash of what that scene would have looked like in the two houses she’d toured today, and then smiled as Chris turned around.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hi,” Chris replied. “Hey, Wes.”
“Hi,” he said. “I’m going to wash up for dinner, okay?”
“Sure. It’ll be ready in about ten minutes,” Chris told him.
He nodded and moved in the direction of his bedroom. Paxton stood over by the now closed front door with her hands in the pockets of her jeans. Chris stood by the stove. They both looked at one another. Neither of them, apparently, knew what to do or say next. Paxton looked over at the living room and tilted her head in that direction. Chris nodded. They moved to the sofa just as Wes’s bedroom door closed.
“I should start with an apology,” Chris said. “I am sorry, Pax.”
“Me too,” Paxton replied.
“Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I don’t know… Maybe I should have just listened yesterday instead of offering my opinion,” Paxton said.
“Pax, that’s not how this works.” Chris took Paxton’s hand. “I messed up. You only tried to help. I guess I’ve had a lot rolling around in my mind lately, and I haven’t exactly shared it with you.”
Paxton gulped and asked, “Do you… Are you trying to break–”
“Pax, no.” Chris smiled so softly at her, that Paxton knew in that moment that Chris wasn’t leaving her. “I was worried you’d do that to me.”
“What?”
“Not exactly that,” Chris clarified. “I guess I’ve been worrying that you have led this amazing life. You still have things that could pull you back to Seattle at any time. You bought a hotel here on your first visit. What if you get through one hellish winter in this place and want nothing to do with it? What if you go on a trip somewhere else, love it more, and decide to stay there?”
“What? You’re worried I might leave? Chris, I’m trying to buy a house here.”
“But you could buy a house somewhere else, too. You’re a realtor, Pax. You could sell any place you buy just-”
“Chris, I’m not going anywhere.” Paxton touched Chris’s cheek. “I never bought a place in Seattle, remember? There was a reason for that. I’m buying here because I want to make this my home. I told you that.”
“I know. I just can’t help but think you could change your mind.”
“What do I need to do to get it through that thick head of yours?” Paxton asked with a smile.
“I don’t know. I guess that’s my fault, too. I’m not good at this.”
“At what?”
“I’ve never been good at accepting help from others, Pax. When my parents died, it was just Wes and me. We’ve taken care of each other as he’s gotten older. Then, you show up, and things change. I’ve been having a hard time dealing with it.”
“I don’t want to make you feel like I’m coming in and trying to take care of you guys. Chris, you’ve done so much already. You’ve supported yourself and your kid brother through all this with no one else to help you. I just want to be a part of your life.”
“I know, Pax.” Chris let go of Paxton’s hand in order to place her own on Paxton’s thigh. “I know this is new. We’re still figuring things out between you and me.”
“Chris, I’m staying here. I want to be with you. I’m looking for a house that you and Wes will both like, because I’m kind of hoping this thing continues for you and me. Maybe one day, you and Wes would live there with me.”
“Move in with you?” Chris asked.
“Not tomorrow. I was thinking more about once Wes goes off to college.” Paxton smiled at her. “If we get there sooner, that’s fine, too. He could have his own room whenever he comes home on the weekend or for breaks. I want a future with you, Chris.”
Wes emerged from the hallway and made his way into the kitchen. The rest of this conversation would have to be postponed, but the smile Chris was giving her told Paxton that there was hope Chris wanted the same things she did.
“Bacon, mac and cheese,” Wes said.
“It’s probably done. You can pull it out of the oven,” Chris replied while still looking at Paxton. She then leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend’s lips. “To be continued.”
Paxton smiled at her. They stood together and made their way into the kitchen, where they each prepared their own plate before sitting at the kitchen table. It was silent for a few moments as they all got settled, poured drinks, and Wes added hot sauce to his macaroni and cheese for some reason.
“Chris, can we talk about grandma?” Wes asked a few minutes later.
“Of course,” Chris replied.
“Should I maybe…”
“No, Pax. It’s cool. Stay,” Wes said.
Paxton looked at Chris, who nodded and smiled softly in her direction.
“I’m sorry, Wes. I blew up yesterday. I shouldn’t have done that. It wasn’t fair to you.”
“It was surprising for both of us. I get that.” He moved his fork around on the plate, likely out of nervousness. “I want to respect that you don’t want me to talk to her, but there’s something in me that feels like I need to talk to her. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, it does. She’s your grandmother, Wes.”
“I was thinking I could call her first. Maybe she and I could just talk. I know you don’t want me to talk to her. I don’t want to upset you, Chris, but–”
“You won’t.” Chris took a drink of her water. “It’s okay. You should talk to her. Just be careful, okay? That’s all I’ll say.”
“And you won’t be mad?”
“No, you’re an adult. I need to treat you like one.”
“Do you think you’ll want to talk to her, too?” Wes asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe someday. I know I’m not ready yet.”
“She’s old, Chris.” He shrugged his shoulders. “You may not have all that much time left.”
“That’s a risk I’m willing to take, I guess. I don’t want you to take it, though, if you feel like this is something important you need to do. If you want to learn more about Mom, or what happened before or when she left, you should talk to her. She’d know.”
“Maybe I could call her after dinner since I have school tomorrow?” he asked.
“You can call her from your room. I’ll leave you alone,” she replied.
“Pax, are you staying tonight?” he asked, turning to Paxton.
“We haven’t talked about that yet,” Paxton said, looking at Chris.
“Wes, finish eating. You can go call our grandmother from your room. I’ll pack an overnight bag while you do. If everything goes okay with the call, I’ll leave with Pax after, and we’ll stay at her place tonight.”
“Are you sure?” Paxton asked.
“I’m sure.” Chris smiled at her.
◆◆◆
An hour later, Wes was still in his room, talking to his grandmother. Chris had packed her overnight bag. Paxton had already loaded it into Chris’s car. As they waited for Wes to come out of his room, Chris was lying on the sofa. Her head was in Paxton’s lap. Paxton was running her fingers through Chris’s hair while her other hand ran along the skin under Chris’s t-shirt.
“Tell me about Oregon,” Chris said.
“It’s one of the fifty states,” Paxton replied, looking down at her.
“Come on. I’m trying to get to know you better. Tell me about your time at Oregon,” Chris said with a little laugh that Paxton found adorable.
“Oh, I was a business major. Finance, to be exact.”
“Nerdy,” Chris replied. “My girlfriend is a sexy nerd,” she added.
“Is that a good thing?” Paxton laughed.
“Definitely a good thing.”
“I graduated in three and a half years. Does that make me nerdier and, therefore, sexier?”
“Absolutely.” Chris stared up at her.
“You’re so beautiful,” Paxton said.
“I’m already your girlfriend; you don’t have to woo me anymore,” Chris said.
“I’ll woo you forever if you let me,” Paxton replied.
Wes’s door opened. He made his way down the hall. Chris sat up. The mood between them had instantly shifted. Now, they were concerned about Wes. A moment before, Paxton had been about to tell Chris she loved her for the first time.
“It’s okay. I’m okay,” Wes said as he sat next to Chris on the sofa. “We talked mostly about me. She asked about school. I told her about tennis. Pretty basic stuff.”
“That’s good,” Chris replied.
“Yeah. I mean, I asked her about her stuff, too,” he said.
Paxton watched Chris’s expression change. She was suddenly more interested yet cautious at the same time.
“You did?”
“She didn’t want to talk too much about everything. I guess I get it.”
“Did she talk to you about Mom?” Chris asked.
“Only a little. We thought we could meet in person to talk more in-depth about that. She asked me to stop by her apartment next weekend if it’s okay with you,” he replied.
“She said that, or you added that part about it being okay with me?” Chris asked.
“I told her I’d have to check with you. She said she understood.”
Chris resisted the impulse to roll her eyes, because, of course, their grandmother wouldn’t suggest that. But Wes would. Instead, she sighed and nodded at him.
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