by Sherry Kyle
Her intention when she had left the restaurant parking lot was to go straight home, but after driving ten minutes down the freeway, she turned off at the Park Exit and headed toward New Brighton State Beach. She didn’t know what made her decide to stop, just that she couldn’t go back to San Francisco. Not yet. Not after finding out that Ashley knew about the photo and wanted to hire a private investigator to find her.
At lunch, Bryan had told her she had until Sunday, the day Lauren would give Ashley the photo back, to decide whether or not to contact Ashley on her own. Otherwise, Lauren would tell her the truth—that Kayla didn’t want to be found, she didn’t want to meet and definitely didn’t want a relationship.
Was that what she really wanted?
She stuck her hand into her pocket, grasping the white napkin Bryan had given her with Ashley’s address and phone number written in black ink, a sharp contrast now in the glaring sun. She shaded her eyes and stared at the script, reading the street name over and over until she memorized the sequence of numbers.
What was she doing? She folded and tucked the napkin back into her pocket. It wasn’t as if she planned to drive straight to Ashley’s house or call her. She wouldn’t know what to say.
Not far from where she was sitting, a man and his wife set up a picnic lunch for their three children on a bright red towel. A big umbrella covered their heads. The boy looked to be in junior high, while the younger two girls played close by in the sand.
A tightknit family.
What would it have been like to grow up with siblings to laugh and play with, and yes, even quarrel? As an only child, she never experienced that type of interaction. Never. Not like this family. And not like Ashley’s. An ache gnawed at Kayla’s gut.
But no family was perfect.
Definitely not hers. She’d thought long and hard about her parents’ negative qualities—their controlling and success-oriented ways—to last a lifetime, but they had good qualities, too. Her father took her to the beach on weekends when her mother worked. And her mom wanted to help her succeed as a doctor, as skewed as that turned out to be.
Kayla pulled her feet from the sand, stood, and wandered toward the surf, gradually coming to the water’s edge. She slipped her hand into her dress pocket and once again rubbed the soft texture of the napkin between her fingers.
Bryan had said Ashley was kind and nurturing, determined and loyal. The animals at the shelter loved and trusted her, as did his niece Madison, who requested to live with her for the time being. Ashley sounded too good to be true. She must have some annoying habits. Everyone did.
As beautiful as the ocean was, stopping at the beach wasn’t the diversion Kayla hoped for, quite the opposite. Instead of clearing her head, she was more confused than ever. Coming to Santa Cruz, the place where Ashley had been raised only clouded her judgment. No. A relationship with Ashley would never work.
Another wave pounded against the shore. This time the water rushed up and licked at her calves, the cool temperature sending her scampering back up the beach.
When she started reading her Bible again and had relinquished her life to God, she discovered how much He loved her. She thought she’d conquered her fear of not measuring up, but all the old feelings of failure came rushing back like the ocean against her skin. Kayla picked up her ballerina flats where she’d left them in the sand and climbed the steps up the bluff to the parking lot to go home to San Francisco where she belonged.
Her only regret was that she had given Bryan the photo.
Bryan’s truck was parked in her driveway.
Ashley had seen Bryan many times after work, not overly concerned whether or not she looked her best, but today was different. Because of Tori’s phone call.
All day she’d battled her envious thoughts and realized her deep-seated fear of losing those she loved could swallow her whole if she let it. What would her life be like without Bryan? Tanner? Or letting go of meeting the little girl in the photo?
Everything inside her wanted to keep driving. She couldn’t face Bryan when her self-esteem was at an all-time low.
Too late.
He got out of his truck and waved, a smile on his handsome face.
Ashley pulled her car in behind him, but then thought better of it and parked in the street in front of the beach house. She didn’t want to hem him in. The irony of that thought squeezed the air out of her lungs.
He came up to her driver’s side door and opened it. “Hey, babe!”
She grabbed her purse on the passenger seat and stepped out. “Hi.” Her voice wobbled. Stay strong, Ashley! She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of crumbling in his arms.
“Paul picked up the kids. It’s just you and me.”
And the elephant in the room. No, make that two elephants. Shelly and what’s her name.
He bent down and kissed her on the cheek when she turned her head.
“I’m tired. Been a busy day,” she said.
Bryan followed after her. “But we haven’t been alone in a long time.”
Ashley fiddled with the key in the lock, her hand shaking. Stupid, door. Why did it have to be so difficult today of all days? All she wanted to do was take a long, hot shower to scrub away all her scrambled thoughts and feelings.
“Here, let me help.” Bryan’s hand covered her own, his strong, gentle fingers weaving between hers and doing a number to her senses. She loved him. Loved him with her whole heart. Why does he have to torture me this way?
Instead of fighting him, she gave up her keys, wishing that forgiving him would be as easy.
If he’d open up and be honest—about Shelly, about the other woman, about his love for her—about whether or not he wanted to commit the rest of his life to her and finally propose, she might consider forgiving Bryan and accepting his proposal. But right now, she needed space to breathe.
Bryan stared at the key in his hand. He tucked it inside his pocket. “Listen, Ash, before we go inside, I need to tell you something important—”
Her heart pounded. “Here? Now? Please, Bryan, I need to go inside.”
He ran a hand through his dark hair and several pieces stood on end. “You’re right. What am I thinking? You’ve been on your feet all day.”
She wanted to fix the wayward strands, like she’d done many times before, but she held back. Why give him the wrong impression that she wanted another kiss? Needed it. “I have to take a shower. I smell like the clinic.”
“So that’s it.” Bryan put the key in the lock and laughed. “I’m getting used to dog smell with Tanner. Kind of like it myself,” he joked, his eyes lingering on her mouth.
She pushed her way into the house, set her purse on the small bench inside the door, then stepped out of her shoes. “Give me twenty minutes.”
“Take all the time you need. I’ll make myself comfortable on the couch. Watch a little TV.”
She went down the hall to her bedroom and stood by her closet. Her bed called to her, and she’d like nothing better than to crawl under the covers and drift off to sleep. But Bryan was waiting. Waiting to tell her something “important.” She didn’t know if she could handle important, especially if it had to do with a certain beautiful blonde—or the unknown redhead. She’d never been the jealous type and had trusted Bryan completely until finding out he’d been keeping secrets. Now there were more questions than before.
Mindlessly, she snagged a pair of jeans off the shelf and a teal blouse from the rack, pulled open her top dresser drawer, and grabbed a pair of socks and clean underwear then headed straight to the shower.
It took a few minutes for the water to heat. Chills covered her bare body as she waited, the spray touching her feet. Once it was warm, she swiveled the knob, heating the water to her favorite temperature.
Water soaked her hair and skin. She lathered up then rinsed, washing away the grime from the day. A moan escaped, and she closed her eyes, in no hurry to face the discussion that was sure to follow. If she talked with Bryan now, he
’d see straight to her heart—her jealous, fearful heart.
A knock on the door startled her.
“Ashley, I’m going to pick up a few things for dinner at the grocery store. Saw a recipe on the Food Channel, and I want to try it out.”
Since when had he started cooking gourmet? Maybe he wanted to let her down slowly. Give her a meal before breaking up. She sucked on the inside of her cheek. Being near him for five minutes before escaping to the shower was difficult enough.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m going to make?” His voice cut into her thoughts.
Normally she’d ask questions, but nothing came to mind—nothing worth bringing up now. “Surprise me,” she said.
“Great. See you in thirty.”
Besides the fact Bryan wasn’t the best cook, tonight would expose more than one revelation. And Ashley didn’t know if she was ready to hear the truth.
She had a half hour to get herself together.
What she wanted to do was hop in her car and drive away.
37
The incoming fog fit Bryan’s apprehensive mood.
The parking lot was only a short distance to Hidden Beach Park, the designated meeting spot, which led to the sand and surf below.
Bryan folded his arms tight across his chest and rested his backside against the park bench as he waited. No kids played on the playground, creating the quiet around him, except for the distant sound of the waves and the occasional chirp of birds in the surrounding trees.
His brother-in-law approached, adjusted the cap on his head, and pushed up his sleeves. Was Paul preparing for a fight?
Bryan straightened and pushed back his shoulders, giving his best don’t-mess-with-me look. “Why’d you want to meet?”
Paul held up a hand. “Relax. I just want to talk.”
He quirked a brow. “About?”
“Susan … Madison … the boys.” Paul’s forehead creased.
It’s about time he thought of someone other than himself.
“I’m listening, but I don’t have long. Ashley’s expecting me.” Bryan patted his jacket pocket and felt for the ring box.
Paul let out a breath. “Hang on to her, man. Don’t be foolish like me.”
“Why’d you do it? Why’d you let something get in the way of your marriage?”
Paul shrugged a shoulder. “Stupidity, selfishness …”
“You were the one who pointed me to God, to Scripture.” Bryan furrowed his brows and continued through tight lips, “I looked up to you. You were my role model for what a Christian man should be. Most of all, you were my brother. My friend.” He balled his fists. “I should punch you and get it over with.”
Paul tilted his head, exposing his left cheek. “Go ahead. I deserve it.”
“It would feel good but wouldn’t solve a thing.” Bryan turned on his heel, maneuvered around the bench, and sat. He leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clutched together.
Paul joined him on the bench, keeping distance between them. “I made a huge mistake. I hurt Susan and the kids. I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m hoping to get my family back.”
Bryan gritted his teeth. “You’re right. You don’t deserve it.”
“I’m working hard to earn their forgiveness and regain their trust. Did Susan tell you we’re in counseling?” His tone lightened.
Bryan jammed his hands into his pockets, his breath slowing a bit. He averted his eyes. “She did.”
Paul scooted a bit closer. “I feel a deep responsibility for what I’ve put my family through, you and Ashley included, caring for Madi all this time. Today, she told me how immature she’s been and how much trouble she’s caused. It’s my fault. I’m glad she could rely on you to pick up the pieces. You’ve been a good uncle, and I couldn’t have asked for a better brother-in-law. Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”
Bryan glanced at Paul, his facial expression hopeful, eager. Could Bryan forgive him for what he did to his sister? The boys? Madi?
It took a big man to admit his faults and insecurities, something Bryan had yet to do with Ashley. How could he expect her to forgive him for his past when he had a hard time forgiving himself?
Remorse was written all over Paul’s face. But was it too soon? The pain of Paul’s betrayal was still raw. “Before I answer, I have one question.”
“Anything.”
“Do you promise to remain faithful and never leave Susan again?” Bryan clenched his fists. “Because if there is a next time—”
“I promise.” Paul nodded. “Does that mean I’m forgiven?”
Could he do it? Bryan stood from the bench. “Yes, but don’t let it happen again.”
Ashley spotted Bryan’s truck pulling into her driveway. Tanner sat in the seat beside him. She should have left when she had the chance.
Bryan sent her a few messages saying he had stopped at Hidden Beach Park to talk with Paul. The ingredients he’d planned to buy would have to wait for another day. Instead, he ordered take-out from Panda Inn, her favorite local Chinese restaurant.
Ashley opened the door before he knocked.
A grin spread across his face. “Ready to go?”
He hadn’t mentioned taking her anywhere. “Where are we going?”
“West Cliff Drive, away from the fog. I brought a blanket for a picnic dinner, and I remembered Tanner’s leash so we can walk once we’re through.”
He’d thought of everything, except her broken heart.
She’d go anyway—to have one more meal with Bryan, spend time with Tanner, and take in the breathtaking views of the ocean. If only it were a couple of months ago, back to when life was simpler and she didn’t suspect him of cheating or keeping secrets. She might have even hoped for a proposal.
“I’ll grab a jacket and meet you in the truck. I’ll just be a minute.” Ashley’s voice hitched, and she blinked back the moisture that formed in her eyes. Would tonight be their last date? She pulled out her windbreaker from the coat closet, shrugged into it, and grabbed her purse on her way out the door.
Bryan settled Tanner in the backseat and waited for her to join him in the front. The truck’s engine roared to life as she clicked her seatbelt.
On the way to Santa Cruz, Bryan told her about his meeting with Paul and how Madi was finally home for good. Ashley leaned against the armrest, her head resting against the cool window. “So you forgave him, just like that?”
“It wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing to do. I don’t want bitterness to grow inside of me. I figured if Susan could go to counseling and work on her marriage, then who was I to stand in their way?”
Ashley looked out the side window at the cars driving alongside them on the freeway. Her mind drifted over the past three years since she’d dated Bryan. He was a good guy, a Christian man, someone who loved God and his family. Maybe she had him all wrong and there was a logical explanation. The thought once again set her on edge. Logical or not, she couldn’t help feeling hurt. If there was any chance between them, he had a lot of explaining to do.
Fifteen minutes later, they found a parking spot by the Abbott Lighthouse and spread the blanket on the grass overlooking Steamer Lane, a popular surf spot in Santa Cruz. Tanner lay beside them, chewing a bone, his leash tucked securely under Bryan’s thigh.
Bryan opened the bag from Panda Inn and handed her a pair of chopsticks. “Do you want to start with the kung pao chicken or the mu shu pork? I also bought vegetarian spring rolls and sticky rice.”
He remembered what we ordered the last time. She pushed the tender thought aside. “Chicken, please.”
They ate while listening to the sound of the surf and watching people walk by on the windy path bordering the cliff.
Toward the end of their meal, Bryan broke the silence. “Susan told me she spilled the beans about me dating Shelly back in college.”
How could he be so nonchalant? A bite of spring roll lodged in Ashley’s throat. She coughed, took a
gulp from her water bottle, then swallowed hard.
Bryan’s brows puckered. “You all right?”
That was a loaded question. She caught her breath. “No, I’m not all right. Why would you keep it a secret? Shelly and Peter have been going to our church for what, a year, and you’re just now getting around to telling me?”
“I know, and I’m sorry—”
“I’ve shared with you how she makes me feel, and now I know why. The two of you share a past. And to think I thought it was me.”
Bryan stuck his chopsticks into the almost empty container and reached for her hand.
She pulled back.
“Please, hear me out. I haven’t told you until now because I didn’t understand what went wrong until a few days ago.”
“What are you talking about?”
“After Sunday night’s dinner with your family, I went to Shelly and Peter’s house. I had to talk with her and find out why she left me the night I proposed.”
Ashley sucked in a breath. “You proposed to Shelly?”
“Yes, but it was a long time ago.” Bryan lowered his head. “We’d dated all through college, and I thought she was the one, but I was wrong. We were wrong.” He looked into her eyes now, pleading for her to believe him.
She swallowed hard.
“After getting Peter’s approval, she showed me a photo book,” Bryan continued. “Inside was a picture of an ultrasound. Ashley, she left me because she was pregnant.”
Ashley cupped a hand over her mouth, her kung pao chicken threatening to come back up.
“When Shelly and I dated, she was a Christian and I wasn’t. Honestly, I wouldn’t have found God if we hadn’t broken up. A couple months after she left me, she met Peter, and he was the one who helped her through the miscarriage.”
Miscarriage?
“Babe,” Bryan took her hand. “I haven’t proposed yet because I was scared you’d leave me, too, and I couldn’t bear it. But now that I know the truth of what happened, I’m not afraid anymore. After a lot of prayer, I’ve forgiven Shelly for not telling me until now as well as myself for my part in Shelly’s pregnancy, but I need your forgiveness, too.”
