by T. M. Meek
In his film, Lewis began: "Anyone who has ever been over to my house has seen the pictures on our walls of my dad with a lot of different famous people." The next few shots were of Lewis' dad and various popular music artists and their autographed photos and other famous people. A hot music beat played in the background as the video rolled.
"My dad used to negotiate contracts for musicians and their record labels. He was the one a music artist would go to whenever they wanted to be signed by a record label to make a lot of money and become famous. But sometimes he and the artists he worked with would get ripped off. An executive producer would find some loop hole in the contract that would keep them from having to be honest or fair with what they paid the artist and what they required the artist to do for the money. So my dad taught me that it's a very common thing for artists and others to get ripped off in the music industry by various music executives through bad contract agreements. I bet you all are wondering what in the world the common dishonesty of various music executives have to do with my subject today of Sexual IQ vs. Sexual EQ, am I right?" Much of the audience nodded and chuckled in agreement. Alex was eager to learn where Lewis is going with all of this. Lewis continued.
“Well, as I answer that question, let’s clarify what I’m talking about even more. Let’s change the word sexual to misery or miserable as we use the analogy of something called One-Way contracts. But when we talk about Win-Win contracts, then we’ll think of the word beautiful. Okay?” Along the right side of the video, there remained a vertical sentence as a banner that read, Sexual is miserable when it’s One-Way selfishness. That sentence remained pinned as a banner that changed colors every few minutes inside the film as it played. Then along the bottom of the video, another sentence would appear as a white banner for a few seconds and disappear every five minutes. It read, Sexual is beautiful when it’s Win-Win selfless consideration.
"Well, music industry contracts are a lot like my subject today in that two or more people are entering an agreement by choosing to perform certain tasks and then they get paid a certain amount or a certain way for the tasks they perform. Some agreements are in writing and require signatures and others are simple verbal agreements that people enter into. So today we're going to discuss what's more important to have, a high Beautiful IQ or a high Beautiful EQ because they both deal with what we agree to in our relationships but one method is more important to master than the other.
“So some of you may be wondering, well what is EQ vs. IQ? So let me ask you this. How many have heard of an 'IQ Test?' The test that measures a person's Intelligence Quotient or level of intelligence?" Lots of hands went up in the air. "How many of you have heard of EQ or Emotional Quotient? Also called Emotional Intelligence?" he asked. Only a few hands were raised. "Okay, so just a few of you have heard of EQ. That doesn't surprise me. Well, EQ is essentially a measure of a person's ability to be sensitive to another person's needs. It's like having compassion or even the ability to understand that a person will have certain emotional needs in advance or as a result of a certain event or experience.
“EQ is a measure of a person's tendency, or the lack thereof, to feel and express compassion for another whether it be compassion for a human or an animal. It's your ability to sympathize or empathize with someone else and treat them with respect and consideration. It's basically when you're nice to someone because the situation calls for it. Now before I go further, I'm not talking about being nice to some stranger who says you should get into their car when you feel it's wrong to do. Don't be nice then because being nice in times like that can get you killed. You should scream for help while you run away in a situation like that of stranger danger. But there are lots of times in school when we can be nice to one another and be thinking of what someone else needs that's right and how we can be kind.
“So how does this tie into the idea of contract agreements and what I've learned of some of my father's experiences? Well, since IQ is basically a measure of knowing facts with an emphasis on the mind and intellectual comprehension, EQ is more about matters of the heart as well as the mind. EQ is about thinking smart with the heart and our relationships. EQ is about how your choices may affect others for good or for bad. It's about choosing to be considerate of others and having a healthy respect for boundaries. Ultimately Beautiful EQ is about understanding true love as evidenced by personal beliefs, high moral values and heartfelt convictions and behaviors or actions, not just words. The highest form of EQ, whether sexual or not, is about matters of the heart and the bigger picture of one on one relations that affect entire cultures and societies. And it's common sense that what's best for people in all societies is to have both a high EQ as well as a healthy IQ. But if you had to follow only one or the other for relationships in general, having a high EQ is best because it shows you have the ability to treat others appropriately in a variety of circumstances and types of relationships, both sexual relationships and nonsexual relationships.
“What I've learned is that both Beautiful IQ and Beautiful EQ are similar to three different influences in life. The first way is with contract agreements. For those of you who may not know, a contract agreement is a piece of paper that has a bunch of rules typed up on it and then there's a place after all of the rules that has a blank line where you are supposed to sign and the person who offers you the contract is supposed to sign. All of the rules are called 'terms' or 'terms of the agreement' which means that each little paragraph of terms is what you and the other person are agreeing to. A contract is usually considered to be a legal document which means that if you or the other person who signs the contract agreement breaks one of the rules, then the person who wants justice can ask that a court of law get involved and try and make things fair. That's when you pay a lot of money to hire an attorney who is supposed to help you get fair treatment after you think someone has cheated you out of something or broke an agreement they signed that they would agree to.
“Now generally speaking, in the music industry, as well as in most all other professions, there are basically two kinds of contracts. The first kind is what's known on the street as a 'One Way' contract and the other kind is generally understood as a more fair and flexible 'Win-Win' contract. Now it's important to understand the difference between the two kinds of contracts because if you sign one, you can become a victim and get ripped off, but the other kind will take what you want into consideration and be more fair and even compassionate. So which one is the good kind of contract and which one is the bad kind? The good kind is the more fair and flexible 'Win-Win' agreement. The bad contract is the 'One Way' agreement.
“Professionals in the music industry, fashion industry, television and movie industry, in magazines etcetera - they all too often offer the greedy 'One way' contracts to rip off people who want to become famous in music or TV or fashion etc. They often use selfish terms in the contracts they offer new people since new people, especially young people, are naive to what is fair in a contract so the often greedy and selfish and rich professionals in these industries will push you or politely yet deceptively persuade you to sign and legally agree to their selfish, and at times, even harmful, agreements before they'll pay you a dime for the work they make you do.
“One way contracts are like playing a video game where the computer always wins and you always lose. Who would want to play a game like that? Not me!
“These two kinds of contracts, the Win-Win versus the 'One Way', are a lot like deceptive tricks and miserable peer pressure we experience from our peers and various media influences around us. Hopefully by the end of this video, you'll be able to see what kind of metaphorical contract agreement you are being offered by other classmates you know from school as well as metaphorical media contracts as offered by TV ads, radio ads, magazine and internet ads etcetera
“One way contracts are dangerous in that they are usually deceptive and the person or company who offers you such a deal usually has the agreement filled with terms that satisfy the person who offers the contra
ct more than the person who agrees to accept the terms by signing it.
“But the better contracts, the Win-Win types, are much more flexible and mutually beneficial. Win-win contract agreements often include options in the form of good choices you can select from in the event you feel like something is wrong with the agreement. Win-win agreements are good in that they often provide 'escape clauses' which free you from having to do things that might be non-beneficial to you or otherwise harmful to you.
“Because Win-Win agreements may be more easily recognizable by studying what is opposite in character to it, I will now focus more on recognizing the characteristics of the metaphorical One Way contract agreements.
“Here's a very important thing to note: The metaphorical One-Way contract is not clearly marked as such. It is not clearly marked as selfish in that it serves the person offering the contract more than it serves the person who is being offered the contract. So we'll call the person who is offering the self-serving contract: 'The Payee' because they are receiving a form of payment or benefit. They are getting you to pay for something so they can gain from an agreed upon relationship with the person (you) who is agreeing to accept the offer of the contract. To further clarify the relationship that exists with One-way contracts, we'll call the person who is considering accepting the contract agreement: 'The Payor' because he or she will be paying something to the person who will be receiving payment. Got it? So the Payee is the one who stands to benefit from the agreement the most and the Payee is the one who will lose the most once he or she agrees to the contract by signing it.
“Remember, the One-Way contract is not clearly labeled 'One-Way' nor is it clearly labeled for the selfish and greedy arrangement that it truly is. The One-Way contract usually masquerades under some other legitimate sounding, respectful legal title according to the purpose it serves.
“So you might be wondering to yourself, 'Well, if it's not easy to know by its title if a contract is a selfish one that will make me do things I don't want to do or otherwise rip me off, then how can I recognize it for the dangerous and unfair agreement that it really is?'
“The answer to that question is that you have to read every word in the contract to understand what you're agreeing to because once you sign it, you can go to prison or lose all of your money or both if you break one of the rules in the contract. So for example, if you sign a fashion or magazine contract but you don't read everything that the contract makes you agree to, they can force you to become a person abused in the pornography industry by forcing you to do nude photo shoots or they can use pictures of your face and put it on someone else's naked body and post it on the internet or in magazines etc. If you don't read what you sign or if you make the mistake of trusting them to interpret it for you instead of an attorney you hire who has no relationship, no friendship, no association with the person who is offering you the contract, then you might accidentally agree to do things that you are not comfortable with sexually and if you don't do it they can sue you in a court of law. But most people that are evil and corrupt enough to trick you into agreements that turn you into a miserable object to be used and abused by the porn industry will also threaten you and your loved ones with physical harm too. Be careful with who wants to hire you and have you sign an agreement because you can agree to do things that you would never normally do and then find you're ripped off in the process.
“Smart people ask questions of other smart people when they need to understand something better. So when you have someone pushing you to sign a contract, telling you that you're going to be a rich and famous super model or a rich and famous music artist or big and famous TV or movie star but only if you sign their contract today, right now – you will likely find that you are being lied to and ripped off if you sign and thereby agree to something that could harm you and even your family and friends.
“So how do you know who to ask the right questions to? How do you know if someone is smart about contracts and will actually give you advice that seeks your safety, happiness and best interest as well? First don't trust the person who wants you to sign the contract to give you good advice. You need to find someone else to trust who is smart about contract laws and the specific tendencies for abuse in the industry you are considering (such as the music industry or the fashion industry or TV or movie industry). That means you need to ask an attorney who you trust (not that the contract offerer or 'the Payee' recommends) that will help make the right choice for you regarding what may be okay for you to sign and agree to in the contract and what may not be okay to sign and agree to.
“So how do you make sure that any contract you sign and agree to follow is a safe one to sign? How do you make sure that you only sign a contract that is good for you as well as being good for the person who asks you to sign it? “First, you take the contract home and read every word in it. Are there words you don't understand? Mark them with a highlighter. Pick up a dictionary to help you understand what the words mean. If you have to refer to a law dictionary also, do it. Hire an attorney to help you understand just exactly what the contract is asking you to agree to do in every sentence and paragraph before you sign a thing.
“Second, remember to make sure that the person or attorney you use to help you understand the contract terms or rules is a person who cannot directly benefit such as benefiting by the company or person that wants you to sign the contract. Otherwise, the person or attorney has a 'conflict of interest' and will not give you unbiased advice that helps you in the very best ways you need.
“Third, if you don't like what the contract says you have to do, or if you don't like what it says about what someone else can do to you or with your money, you can ask them - before you sign it - to change the contract to agree to those things you think are best for you and not harmful to you.
“Fourth, You repeat step three until both you and the person who is asking you to sign the contract feel that it is fair for both you and them. Your goal with step three is to ensure that the terms or rules are as equally beneficial to both of you as much as possible. Then after those changes are made and after you have read them to make sure it is written in a way that you accurately interpret or understand, then you may feel better about signing it and agreeing to the rules or terms of the contract agreement. Asking the person who offers the contract to make changes you prefer to it is also called 'negotiating.'
“The fifth and final step is vital: DO NOT SIGN ANY CONTRACT with any person or company until you have done all of steps one through four.
“Unfortunately, too many people in the music industry, fashion industry, TV, radio and movie industry treat people as if they are disposable worthless trash after they boost your ego by telling you how attractive or mature or smart or talented you are. Too often they, first, praise you, then trick you and bind you in a One-Way contract and then trash you so they can move onto to do it all over again with the next naive gullible person who will fall for it for their ultimate selfish profit.
“Here is their trickery and greed cycle: First, they have you sign a One-Way contract. They hide their deception and greed with a smile and gifts of so-called generosity (with tons of manipulative hidden strings attached) and then they persuade you or push you to sign a contract that is mostly in their favor and hurts you a lot for years and years. They make a lot of money off of your pain and while they make money, they force you to smile and hide your pain.
“Second, when they cannot make money off of you anymore, you are metaphorically speaking, cast off to the side of the road and left to die while you are usually alone, in pain and often with no food, no money and few if any real friends.
“Third, they do this to people just like you all over the world every day and they don't care how much pain it causes you. They don't care about you. They care about their money. They don't even care if you go to jail for doing what they want you to do. If they get their money and they don't get caught, they don't mind at all that you are the one who is punished for it. They far p
refer that you pay all of the negative consequences of their selfish actions anyway. That's a fact with those who offer One-Way contracts.
“Ladies here is an important message for you: if any guy or any girl or any of your friends or anyone you know tries to get you to do something that you don't want to do it's like they are pressuring you or smiling and tricking you into signing a contract that has no guarantees for you and no benefits for you. It's like they're getting you to agree to being ripped off but they are tricking you into believing you are getting something beneficial. So-called ‘friends’, who try to talk you into doing something miserable to go farther than you really want to go, are not your friends. It's not cool to trick someone or push someone to do something they really don't want to do. It's not cool to insult someone who is trying to do what he or she feels is the right thing to do.
“Real friends let friends have a Win-Win agreement. Real friends are flexible and let you have options and encourage good choices. Real friends encourage you to turn down offers by others to do things that may harm you. Real friends help you to understand exactly what you may be agreeing to in the metaphorical fine print wording of a One-Way contract.
“If someone encourages you or pushes you to commit sodomy, which is to also say to give oral sex, what they are really offering you is a chance - a really strong chance, that you'll get gonorrhea of the mouth and throat. So they enjoy the pleasure and you get to experience the pain sooner or later and possibly in a way that never stays away. People could even make fun of you when you cough or have a sore throat because you have earned an immoral, ugly reputation for being one that will let someone else abuse them through sodomizing them. That's like a One-Way agreement where one person's pleasure or profit comes from your pain. They're offering to rip you off and leave you to suffer.
“If someone is encouraging such an activity or peer pressuring you into it this person or these people are not your friends. They are only interested in their own selfish satisfaction. Your suffering later as you get a painful and embarrassing Sexually Transmitted Infection (S. T. I.), doesn't matter to them. They just want to satisfy themselves and their ego. Who cares about you? Not them!
“Whoever it was that made it popular to hurt other people as a means of satisfying a greedy, selfish miserable desire is one really mean and heartless person. If there are a group of these kinds of kids at your school, stop seeing them as friends. Avoid them. Recognize them for the heartless, arrogant and selfish people they really are and walk away.
“Can you do that? Yes, you can! Why? Because you have options. You have choices and if you are one of those kids who deep down inside your heat you don't want to give someone oral sex, if you're not comfortable with that because you truly feel in your heart that it's wrong for you to do, then you are not alone! There are other kids in your classes who secretly agree with you and they don't really want to do those miserable things either.
“All it takes is for one of you, just one of you, to have the courage and the strength to say to one of your friends that you don't want to do those things and you've decided now to just say no and to avoid other kids that think that it's 'cool' to encourage others to do things against their own conscience. Say you’ve decided to avoid other kids and adults that think it’s ‘cool’ to do things that they feel in their heart are wrong for them personally such as to give oral sex or let someone see you naked. Just stop hanging out with those kinds of kids and start talking about what's right for you and how it's okay and even right for you to say no to becoming miserably active with someone else when you don’t want to. Start talking about how you are choosing not to say yes to sex not even once yet and when you do this, slowly but surely you're going to find good friends who agree with you and who encourage you to say no and stay safe and comfortable and happy.
“Remember, just three really good friends who help you make good choices are better than a thousand popular fake friends who manipulate you and take advantage of you and hurt you and leave you embarrassed and in pain all for their own selfish satisfaction. How would they embarrass you? Telling all of their friends about what they got you to do selfishly and if they can, they'll plaster it all over the internet with pictures that make you look like a stupid fool. That's what selfish people do. They offer you One-Way ‘deals’ and fake friendships. Good friends offer you good choices and let you know that it's okay to say no to anything you are not comfortable doing.
“Most of us are too young to realize that the popularity of miserable promiscuity now is like the popularity that tobacco was years ago. Smoking was known to be hazardous to ones health back when tobacco first became popular, but the health hazards were rarely talked about so that people could think they were acting cool by destroying their own health. Who benefited the most from it all? The tobacco companies. Who suffered the greatest losses? The people who thought they would be cool for getting themselves sick with disease and addiction: the smokers.
“Anytime you buy into an idea that hurting yourself will make people like you more, you buy into a stupid idea that will only cause you to suffer. Any so-called friends who talk you into doing something that you know or feel is wrong, they are not your friends since such friendships are very short lived. They might be your friends for the moment, but will they stay by your side when disease strikes you from participating in an activity you probably didn't even want to do to begin with? Most friends who get you to hurt yourself are not usually going to be around when you need them most. This has been proven over and over again by so many people. The tobacco industry, just like friends who want you to do some miserable act with them, often ignore the potentially fatal consequences that can come to the person being abused by the activity. So long as the abuser is satisfied, either financially or sexually, they don't care about the consequences that occur to the person being abused. The tobacco industry has often brushed over the fatal consequences of the unique form of abuse to the body that tobacco use brings. This is similar with STI's.
“Is this what you want to happen to you?” He then had videos of anonymous patients that had various warts, sores, rashes and other ailments that made their bodies sick and socially ugly without showing any private parts of their bodies. The music was no longer cool. It was ominous. “This is what you will get if you are miserable with just one person that can get you sick like this because he or she had sex with someone else that could get them sick. But they might want to be miserable with you with the lights off so you don’t see their sores or rashes. Or they’ll say they’re too busy to be miserable with you, not because they are busy, but because they have one of these kinds of sores or warts and they’re waiting for it to go away after they try taking some medicine. Once they think they can trick you that you won’t catch anything from them, they’ll be back to pushing you for sex again.”
“TV, magazines, miserably explicit music and videos - all forms of media are like tobacco products in that they also focus more on the lie that it's cool to be miserably promiscuous while rarely discussing the heartbreaking facts of the negative consequences, the pain and suffering people experience by trying to follow the bad examples shown on TV with famous actors, and in the music industry with various singers and in magazines and movies. Far too many of these irresponsible media examples publish base and immoral photographs, fashion styles, music and movies without any real regard for the destructive social consequences that ensue so that they can make a ton of money.
“If more TV shows, movies, songs and magazines openly showed the people they paid money to for playing a miserably promiscuous character or singing a song that promotes miserable immorality with a variety of people before a marriage of full fidelity, if they showed just how many different S. T. I.s these same people have, how embarrassed they are and the lies they tell to try and hide it and how it destroys their ability to enjoy sex and also show years later these same people they paid to act like living a miserable immoral life is the happy and safe way to go were all lies, if they openly
showed these same people years later dying at home or in a hospital from a miserably transmitted infection or virus, maybe more people would learn from the suffering of others and thus prevent not only their own misery and early, painful and likely embarrassing death, but the suffering and death of so many others.
“So realize you have a clear choice. You can either choose to get people to like you by doing something miserable that you think will bring you happiness, only to find that you get an STI and get sick and of course, dumped by the person who probably gave you the STI to begin with. But it doesn't stop there. Someone else will come along and lie to you that you can be happy taking a chance being miserable with them and then when you do it and it doesn't work out, you break up again after breaking out in some warts or rash all over your privates that keeps people from wanting to date you and the cycle continues.
The music then changed back to more upbeat, popular tunes. “OR you can believe one very simple and important truth: NOT EVERYONE IS DOING IT. I want to repeat that again because it's true and it can not only save your life, but save you from a lot of unnecessary heartache so I'll say it again: NOT EVERYONE IS DOING IT. There are some people who have both a high Beautiful IQ and more importantly a high Beautiful EQ and these people are the ones who really do wait to have sex until after they are married. And studies have shown over and over that they are happier than those who get miserably involved before marriage. People who choose of their own free will to wait to have sex do NOT feel unfairly restricted. When they say no to sex before marriage, they are also saying no to tremendous heartache. They are saying no, I will not be another statistic to teen pregnancy where over 80% of them wind up becoming a single parent who lives the rest of their life in poverty and in high crime areas because they guy who said he'd marry her backs out just like so many of them do sooner or later.
“When a person says no to sex before marriage including saying no to oral sex they are saying I will not get gonorrhea of the mouth and throat or HIV AIDS or HEP B or any other of a number of STI's some of which can give me cancer and kill me. They understand that when they say no NOW and mean it and stick to it no matter what – then it becomes impossible for them to get an STI and it becomes impossible for them to have to experience the deeper heartache that comes from getting miserably involved so soon in life. They are saying no to being labeled as a whore. They are saying no to being treated like a whore.
“They are saying no to the mass variety of forms bondage that comes from the limits STI's force on you, the labels STI's force on you and the heavy sudden financial responsibilities that stay with you for life from medical bills that STI's force on you not to mention the great financial demands of parenthood and childcare needs that become yours and only yours for the rest of your life when you experience an unplanned pregnancy and wind up becoming a single parent when the father of your child gives up and leaves soon after the baby arrives because of the social, financial and emotional limits and demands childrearing brings upon you when you choose to keep and raise a child. It costs about twenty thousand dollars a year to raise a child for eighteen years that's three hundred and sixty thousand dollars well over a quarter of a million dollars just to raise one child to adulthood. That's why most single parents wind up either homeless or living in poverty like in a mobile home park where the average mobile home has about 500,000 roaches and other bugs crawling all over inside the house. Is that a cool way to live? And all because one person wanted you to get miserably involved with them so you could feel more liked and accepted.
“Just how liked and accepted will you feel when only after a few weeks or months you get dumped so they can go be miserable with someone else and repeat the cycle of STI's and heartache all over again. The difference between one STI or one unplanned pregnancy is just one miserable experience. That's it. You can get a fatal STI from your first miserable encounter. Yes. It's possible because it's happened with young people before. It can happen to you. But if you say no, it won't happen to you. Some people see sex like a game. But the fact is, you can’t lose, if you don’t play.
“Ads that show or otherwise encourage risky miserable behavior are a lot like second hand smoke of tobacco is. These ads, like second hand smoke, are forced upon us by someone else's decision to put us in close proximity to it via miserably based advertisements including songs and videos that encourage miserable promiscuity. “An individual's choice to act out what they see or hear in miserably promiscuous TV, music and movies can be fatal. It's not just HIV AIDS or Hepatitis B that are fatal. Being murdered by your boyfriend or girlfriend or a stranger you decided to get drunk with or have sex with is something that happens every day right here in America and everywhere else in the world. And just like the pushers of tobacco, those who want you to do something miserable with them too often don't care about what might happen to you but if they think they can't get any sex from you until they lie to you by telling you they love you, they'll do it if that's what it takes to get you to give in. They'll lie to you just so they can get the sex because they are in it for their own selfish desires.
“Here's a vital fact: Anyone who truly loves you will be able to wait to have sex. They'll wait for years and years if needed when they truly love you. Just look at the example of Jacob in the bible. He waited seven years to marry the woman he was in love with. That's true love. When sex is not a person's top priority, when they love being with you without having to be miserable and alone all of the time, that's real love and only real love is the kind that lasts. Even the best of marriages fail when sex is made to be the priority rather than love and growth in the relationship towards the creation of happy and enduring family bonds.
“Just as misery loves company, many of these TV and music and movie advertisers who use miserable images to sell a product or service are often addicted themselves and in pain and they'd rather knowingly hurt someone else than to be alone or give up their addiction. “But eventually the vast majority of people who play the popularity game by promoting miserable promiscuity and those who buy their products and services are, symbolically speaking, thrown away, cast off to the side of the road to die when such people are no longer profitable. The promoters of such immoral products and services will treat you like worthless trash, like someone who is disposable because the behavior of miserable promiscuity is trashy behavior and so many people are willing to be trashy so they can be 'popular' but what they find are fake friends and lots of them.
“None of them really stand out as someone 'special' because they're just like everyone else who they've trapped. They're miserably active and not married.
“To be one who stands out, to be someone truly special, is to be someone who is so priceless, someone who is worth so much that these big, rich companies cannot afford you specifically because you say 'no' to their greed, their lies, their One-Way contract offers to get you addicted. To know you are truly special and priceless is to be someone who has higher values that keep safe both physically and emotionally which proves you have both a high Beautiful IQ and a high Beautiful EQ because you are especially careful with who you share your body with and who you show the most private parts of your body to and why you do so or not. To know you're priceless comes from how you treat yourself by having higher values that keep you physically safe from STI's as well as physical abuse and even murder as you wisely avoid the dangers of dating the wrong kinds of people such as those who push to control you early on in the relationship and push or talk about mutual exclusive commitment too soon in the dating experience.
“To know you're priceless comes from how you treat yourself by having higher values that keep you emotionally safe as well so you'll be happier sooner and longer and enjoy good friends who provide a pressure-free social environment of true freedom with lots of good choices and support to escape dangerous people who hide behind the smiles and hollow laughter of the real sadness and misery of so-called popular trends.
“Having a high Beautiful EQ and IQ is to be a fri
end that offers Win-Win contracts and to surround yourself with the same kind of Win-Win friends too. Good friends let you know it's okay to say no to oral sex and anal sex and full miserable intercourse and that it's okay to have other choices like to just kiss or snuggle or hold hands.
“The most popular lie you can ever be dumb enough to believe is that 'everyone else is doing it too.' THAT IS A LIE. I'd like to repeat that because it can save your life. The most popular lie you can ever believe is that 'everyone else is doing it too'. Again, that is a lie.
“Those people who believe that are those with a low Beautiful IQ and an even lower Beautiful EQ.
“Here are a few facts that those with both a high Beautiful EQ and a high Beautful IQ know are true:
1) Some people in these modern times have successfully chosen to wait to practice any beautiful activities until after they are married. Although it might not be popular to wait until you are married to enjoy beautiful activity there are many teens as well as adults who wait. They successfully and more happily practice total abstinence before marriage and complete and total faithfulness after marriage. Yes, it's true, many people have successfully waited until after becoming married to give beautiful expression to their feelings and emotions and they have done so with full fidelity throughout their marriage. Unplanned pregnancies don't occur in your teen years when you wait to have beautiful intercourse after you're married as an adult.
2) Yes, it's possible to enjoy dating that sticks to just kissing, holding hands or cuddling. Practicing such limits willingly and cheerfully shows your boyfriend or girlfriend true respect. It shows you have both a high Beautiful EQ and IQ because you care about the negative consequences that will come and hurt both of you if you don't set the right limits of mutual self restraint before you go out on a date. This is proven not by what you say you'll do, but by what you actually do or don't do. Our actions are often more believable than are our words.
And finally, 3) To have a high Beautiful EQ and IQ, you must realize that giving into or applying miserable peer pressure is a lot like joining a gang or being a miserable bully. Joining a gang only ends up in one of two ways: You'll either wind up in prison or you'll get killed (sometimes both).
“How often do those that join a gang either wind up in prison or get killed? One hundred percent of the time. “These are statistically proven facts. “How is joining a gang like having a miserably promiscuous life? You can end up in prison for any of the following reasons: If you decide to participate in sexting you are choosing to promote child pornography because you are an underage minor and therefore you are what the law calls a 'minor child.' Sexting is child sex abuse. It's child abuse in one of its worst forms. If you take a picture of one of your classmates naked or of any private part of their body as a miserable image you are creating child pornography and that is breaking the law. If you let someone do this to you that is child pornography and it's against the law. If you take it further and send it to someone else by 'sexting' that is especially illegal because you don't know what can happen as a result of it.
“Here's the thing about bad choices: we are free to make a mistake, but as soon as we make a bad choice we lose our freedom to choose the consequences if that mistake. Making bad choices causes us to lose control of what happens next.
“What are some negative consequences that have already happened to others who choose to participate in sexting? The person who said they would not share the naked photo lied and shared it anyway where over one hundred other classmates saw the picture also and made fun of the naked person by cyber bullying and other forms of bullying and harassment. The humiliation experienced by one girl whose picture was sent all over the school committed suicide.
“One boy who took a partially naked picture of a girl was later beaten up so badly by five other boys that he'll never be able to walk again. One student sent a sext to a wrong number that happened to be the number of a stranger who later kidnapped, raped and murdered the student whose picture was taken. The students who sent the sext were sued by the parents of the murdered child and the guilty students went to juvenile prison where kids are often abused by adults as a form of punishment.
“You can also wind up in prison for being miserably promiscuous if you drink alcohol or take drugs even prescription drugs that you don't have a prescription for. DUI's (traffic tickets called 'Driving Under the Influence') don't occur when you're sober and on a date. Being arrested and sent to jail for possession of drugs doesn't happen when you choose to stay sober and associate with good friends who choose to be constantly sober too. DUI's that end in fatal accidents don't happen when all drivers involved are sober. Is there prison time for a driver who is guilty of a DUI event that kills another? Absolutely!
“And for you young ladies who choose to drink alcohol on a date and then get raped by your date too many times the guy isn't appropriately punished by the legal system because the legal system is still unfair in that rape is the only crime where the victim gets blamed more than the rapist. Why? Because too many men (and some women) view the girl or woman as guilty of a lack of vigilance for choosing to drink something that could interfere with her ability to either make a good choice or protect or defend herself if she were in danger. If you're that girl or woman, how do you know if the guy you're about to date has the sinister intent to rape you after getting you drunk? You can't tell by drinking with him until it's too late.
“But some of you girls here are smarter than that. Some of you here will live to see a change in the law where the focus comes more on the fact that a female under the influence cannot legally consent to a miserable experience which means that it's rape by the guy or guys who have sex with her. If someone is too intoxicated to give permission for sex, it's rape. The more people see that fact for what it ism the more easily guilty men will be appropriately prosecuted and the fewer the victims so often females will be blamed for becoming the victim of such a horrible crime. Some of you girls here today will live to see that change for the better occur, and some of you will play a vital role in bringing it about. Hopefully some of the good and noble guys out there will support the girls who grow up to see and make that positive change in favor or protecting the victims happen.
“How often is alcohol or drugs involved in miserable activities? Approximately ninety-five percent of the time.
“How often is alcohol or drugs involved in gang rapes? One hundred percent of the time.
“The only way to nearly guarantee your date has good intentions and will respect your decisions, is that he will show certain behaviors that are more likely to give credibility to any claims he has that he will respect you and treat you kindly: He'll enjoy both of you being sober. He won't be offended that you bring your own drink (so that it cannot be tampered with, such as bottled water) He'll enjoy a date with you that keeps both of you in public places often via group dates. He'll treat you well (won't insult you in the name of humor or yell at you or physically harm you) and he won't try and get you alone (because if he's not trying to get you to be with him in private and out of the view of others who could interfere to save you if it appears he's trying to harm you, he is more likely to be a safe date).
Lewis then showed a clip of a famous and very attractive female music artist speaking to a bunch of young people at a school.
The woman said, “This question is only for the women and the young women here in the audience today. I’d like for any young woman here to stand up if you have ever experienced any of the following: if you have ever been held down physically or held back verbally by a male simply because you were born female, or if you have ever had a guy make a sexual comment (a.k.a. miserable comment) to you that was insulting, threatening or otherwise unwanted by you, or if you have ever been ‘cat called’ or if you have ever trusted a male to protect you but instead of being protected he violated that trust and harmed you either physically or miserably or made you feel you were to blame for his harmful actions or if you have ever been made to f
eel less intelligent than a male or less valued by a male or of no worth at all simply because you were born female, if you have experienced any of these things or a combination of these things because of a male, please stand.”
Every single young woman there stood. They had all experienced one or more of these awful things already in their young life. The adult women stood too. The famous music artist continued.
“How painful does that feel to have your brother, your father, your uncle, your grandfather, a teacher, a man at a store, or your boyfriend or any other male figure do these things to you? How does it feel to be oppressed by a male just because he is physically stronger than you? How does it feel to experience these things by those who are literally in the position to protect you from these things and yet they don’t. Too often the men in our lives and the men around us as women give us good reason to fear them, to fear becoming a statistic as a victim of violence and miserable abuse.
“You young men that are listening, have compassion for your sisters, your mothers, the young women and other females you call friends. Don’t let one more day pass where you see or hear some other guy treat a girl badly in the ways already discussed and make the mistake of just standing by and letting it happen. Stand up and protect those who so often cannot protect themselves. And certainly never ever let yourself be the one who is making the miserable remarks or physically holding a young woman or girl or adult woman back. Here’s something you may not realize: Every single girl, every single young woman and every single adult woman has at one point in her life dreamed about finding a good guy that will treat her well. Don’t destroy these dreams by becoming her nightmare. Be the good guy and you’ll find you attract a lot more girls than by trying any other strategy.” The film cut back to Lewis speaking again.
“Ladies, if there are any of you here who have experienced any of those abuses just mentioned or more than one of them, please raise your hand.” In his film he allowed several moments to pass in silence so that all of the females present could have the time and opportunity to raise their hand. Again, every single girl and every woman at the North Ivy assembly raised their hand. After a few more moments, Lewis continued.
“Guys, we can do better. We must do better. And I believe that you want to do and become better. So let’s not be afraid to show the girls we know, the young women at school and our sisters, moms and friends that we don’t have to treat girls or women bad or let others treat them bad in order to feel strong or like a ‘man.’ Because as you can hopefully imagine, these young women obviously think that the men and young men that treat girls and women well are the cool guys that they want to be with so they can feel safe and enjoy hanging out with you. I know that showing the proper respect for girls and women is a vital part of being a real ‘man.’ Now back to the girls for a moment.
”Ladies, good guys really do still exist. And anytime you find a good guy, thank him for being so cool. And if you have a crush on him, even if he likes someone else, maybe he won’t be so surprised. Again, there are good guys out there.
“Someone once said that all it takes for evil to spread is for a good man to do nothing. Let’s not be like that. Let’s do something by standing up for what’s right, speaking out against the bad examples of others who harm others by their actions or words or by their lack of proper action.
“If your date male, or female, accidentally gets you too drunk (especially if they don't know you're on a doctor prescribed prescription that isn't safe to use with alcohol) and you die from an alcohol overdose (or death from a fatal drug interaction) is there prison time for that as a consequence? Absolutely!
“Giving into peer pressure to drink alcohol, do drugs or give someone else a miserable experience that literally kills them can easily result in going to prison. How often are prisoners beaten and raped in juvenile prison and adult prisons? It happens to various prisoners both males and females in prisons across the country and around the world every day.
“Those people who try to steal alcohol so they can get their date drunk to have sex, when they get caught for stealing? What happens? The thief goes to jail. Do people ever set someone up to appear to be guilty of committing a crime and make them get caught and go to jail? All of the time. It's called ‘framing’ someone else when you get them to look as if they have done something illegal that they would never do and then they get turned in to the police by you. The fact is, when you choose to be friends or associate with people who break the rules, you put yourself at risk.
“And you should also know that being miserably promiscuous at any age young or old isn't the only way to die. By now most of us know you can die a very painful death by HIV-AIDS.
“But did you know that you can be murdered or worse, tortured first and then murdered for being miserably promiscuous? A guy in California had a reputation for having sex with a lot of different people in his life. He became friends with a young woman but there was no romance or sex involved at all. None. Just friends. But because he was known for being miserably involved with several people whenever he wanted, the young woman's boyfriend automatically assumed the miserably risky guy was trying to get the younger woman friend to be miserable with him and the young woman's boyfriend kidnapped the guy, tortured him for three days straight before finally murdering him.
“So if some guy thinks you're trying to have sex with his girlfriend, since you're a guy who has a known history of promiscuity as proven by your behavior with others, a guy kills you. The immoral guys past behavior of lots of miserable activity with lots of people proved him to be unreliable when he tried to convince the boyfriend that no romance was involved that time. The young woman's boyfriend could not trust the guy’s word because his past behavior showed clearly he was selfish and not trustworthy because of his miserably careless life. He had left a lot of women heartbroken and many of them pregnant and he showed no remorse, so few others –– especially good people –– could really believe he was trustworthy because he was not.
“So just like the music industry, the movie industry, fashion magazines, TV, Radio, tobacco, alcohol and drug industry, giving into peer pressure is often like joining a gang. It will cause you to behave trashy, feel worthless and be treated like garbage and figuratively speaking be dumped and left on the side of the road and left alone to die when they have no more use for you when you are no longer profitable to them or otherwise useful for their own selfish gratification.
“So who are the people with a low Beautiful IQ and a low Beautiful EQ who are basically selfish and dumb? Those who push One-Way contracts that primarily benefit themselves while harming you and/or others or treat you or others unfairly. Those who know a certain product or practice has a high risk of being harmful, addictive or even fatal but they push it on you and/or others anyway –– especially when they push it on you with a smile. Those who want you to join in their misery is a lot like joining a gang in that it can only end up in one of two ways: Prison or death.
“You do not want to be friends or otherwise work with people who have a low Beautiful IQ or EQ. To really enjoy life and have more freedom away from addictions and the dangers of oppressive peer pressures, choose friends who offer metaphorical Win-Win, flexible contracts. To have lasting happiness, choose friends who have a high Beautiful IQ and high Beautiful EQ because they are the ones who will show by their choices that they care about your happiness and safety both emotionally and physically.
“How do you know if someone has a high Beautiful EQ that shows they are smart in matters of the heart? These are the friends who encourage the more flexible, Win-Win contract mentality who remind you that there are other options, other choices that you can make other than being miserably careless –– especially when deep down inside, you'd rather not give into someone else who is pressuring you to do some kind of miserable favor for them. These are friends who remind you that once you make a poor choice, you are no longer free to choose the consequences of that choice so you should therefore avoid choic
es that can harm you or lead to addiction in all its varieties
“These are friends who won’t encourage you to do something that is against your principles; they won’t pressure you to do something you either already feel guilty about doing or may feel guilty about doing.
“These are friends who remind you not to believe the popular lie that is told on TV, in magazines, music, movies and the internet the lie that 'everyone is doing it.' Lewis then gave a long pause.
"See it for the lie that it is and choose friends who decide to do as others have done and still do which is to wait to practice any beautiful activity until after you are married. Decide now long before you go on that date with someone you are attracted to. It's so much harder to make the right decision when you're 'in the moment' so make your decision now, before you're in a challenging dating situation. In this modern world, the happiest of people really do still wait and you can too. You have other choices other than to give into someone's social, miserable pressure.
“A true friend is someone who does not want to do anything that could cause you to go to prison or to die. A true friend will not encourage you to drink something like alcohol or use drugs or participate in an activity that can cause you to be raped, or get a DUI or accidentally kill someone.
“The next time you hear someone say, 'Everyone is doing it' remember it's a lie. TV, magazines, music, advertisements, movies and internet promotions they don't go to jail when you follow their bad examples or bad advice, they don't believe they're guilty of killing someone if you accidentally kill someone from trying to be cool like a music artist or movie star who teaches the lie that miserable promiscuity is harmless and cool. These various media outlets spend billions and billions of dollars to get as many people as possible to believe the lie that 'everyone is doing it.' But they don't care who they hurt to spread that lie. They don't care about you or me. They only care about their money and the profits they can make even if you get addicted, harm yourself or others in the process or even die.
“Now, can people change? Of course they can. If someone says they don't want to be promiscuous anymore, believe them and encourage them to change for the better. But ladies, still stay wise don't let yourself be alone with someone you suspect has a miserably risky past. Believe it only after you see them change for the better consistently over long periods of time. Believe their positive behavior not just their words. Behavior is much easier to believe than words alone.
“How do you know if someone who was once miserably risky, selfish, irresponsible and not trustworthy is now truly trustworthy? How do you know if they've really changed for the better and can be trusted? It will show in their behavior, in their choices not just in what they say. They won't shy away from accountability. They will take responsibility for their actions. They'll be considerate of others, patient and respectful of their boundaries and limits. If you say, 'No, I'd rather not do (whatever activity that that you believe or know would harm you in some way)' and if they respect your decision and let you choose to say 'no' then that's a good indicator that they are changing for the better and treating you right. If they won't pressure you impatiently to change your mind which is another way to manipulate or control someone then that's a good influence. They'll encourage good choices and be more concerned for your happiness and wellbeing over any selfish desires they may feel.
“Let me start by practicing what I'm preaching. I hereby make a public pledge to wait until after I'm married to have any sexual relationship with someone. Join me. Give your pledge and plan on a more happy and successful future for yourself and the one you may someday marry.
“The ultimate intimate union, sex, is best enjoyed with someone you want to have a family with who also feels the same about you. Bad choices and selfishness always destroys families and creates road blocks to the successful fulfillment of your dreams. Who you choose as your friends is one of the biggest indicators of your future level of happiness and success.
“So choose friends who encourage your true, lasting happiness and wellbeing and you'll surround yourself with friends who have a high Beautiful EQ which is more important than IQ alone and you'll become smarter, happier and more successful for it.
“Wishing you the happiest of friendships and love relationships. I'm Lewis Perry. Thank you." His film then began to roll the credits as more great music played.
Appendix D: The Power of Our Youth Today: Everyone’s Hope for a Brighter Future
