by K. R. Grace
“It’s like she’s speaking in code.” Bruce looked at Morgan like he was examining a rare creature.
“He’s Misaki’s boyfriend in Junjo Romantica,” I explained. Being around Morgan enough, I finally figured out all her Anime references.
“Huh?” Bruce raised an eyebrow.
“Never mind.” I waved him off.
Cam stuck his finger in his pudding cup and swiped up the residue still clinging to the inside edges. “Why do you need a book to help you get a boyfriend? All you have to do is ask a guy out.”
I gave Reese a Can you believe this guy? look before answering his question. “Because I don’t want just any guy. I want to go with the guy I am in love with. Prom is the highlight of senior year. I will not remember it as the time I went out with a dud I hardly knew.”
“But seriously, Mace, why the book?” Reese’s brown eyes looked at me solemnly as if she was expecting me to crack at any minute.
“You could take one of my robots. They make the best dates. It’s in their hardware,” Teagan Brown offered. He was our resident inventor. Always coming up with something new that was supposed to make life easier. His latest invention was the shower helmet. A helmet designed to wash and dry your hair without you lifting a finger. Judging by his fluffed out, red hair that looked like he was a poodle straight from the groomer, he still had a few kinks to work out.
“That’s sweet of you to offer, Teagan, but forget it. I knew you all wouldn’t understand. At least Wen is on my side.” Wen Li was the foreign exchange student from South Korea who suddenly appeared at our table one day. She never spoke, nor did she make any attempt at nonverbal communication, but she always showed up whenever the gang was all together. She merely blinked as she scooped up a spoonful of mashed potatoes.
I stuffed the iPad back into my bag and grabbed my sack lunch before disappearing down the hall to the yearbook room. The only place I ever really felt safe.
I’d spent all night reading through every Wendi Cooper book I owned, making a list of the tropes that worked for her heroines. By the time I was finished, I knew I’d found the secret to my forever happiness. All I had to do was act on it. So, why couldn’t my friends just be happy for me?
I shouldn’t have been surprised that Cam followed me, but I was a little.
He climbed onto the desk in front of me, propping his feet on the chair and crossing his arms over his knees so he could rest his chin in the nest his arms created. All so he could peer at me like some alligator. He knew I couldn’t stand people staring at me and was using my weakness against me. Jerk!
I squirmed in my chair, determined to ignore him and finish my peanut butter sandwich.
“Are we going to talk about whatever is really bothering you or do I have to stare at you like this for the rest of the day? We both know I can.”
He could. When we were seven, we’d had a staring contest. First one to look away had to eat a refrigerator concoction. I got distracted within fifteen seconds…he’d followed me around for the rest of the day, staring at me just to prove a point. And the refrigerator concoction…I still got cold chills when I thought about it. Yuck!
“There’s nothing to talk about. I had an idea. You think it’s stupid. I’m still doing it. End of story.”
“I didn’t say it was stupid. I said it was unnecessary.”
Appetite lost, I shoved the remainder of my sandwich into my lunch bag. “You know what, I don’t expect you to ever understand why I would need to resort to a book for dating advice.”
I occupied myself with searching for my iPad in the bottomless pit that was my backpack.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he demanded.
I shoved my hair out of my face as I looked him dead in the eye. “It means you, oh great one, don’t know what it’s like to be rejected. All you have to do is wink and girls throw themselves at you.”
“That’s not true.”
“I just broke up with a girl for you because you were already too preoccupied with the new girl you were dry humping in the parking lot, for crying out loud!” I’d hit “drama queen” mode: arms flailing, voice at falsetto levels, spit flying, and face flaming red.
He blinked once before taking in a deep breath. “I don’t want to see you get hurt, Mace.”
“I can’t go through life only known as someone’s friend or someone’s daughter. I need to be someone’s world. It might be a foreign concept to you, but I crave it.”
“But a romance novel, Mace? Those things are nothing but unrealistic fantasies.”
I closed my eyes so I couldn’t see the truth in his. He didn’t think I could pull it off. Was I really that undesirable?
He took in a deep breath and let it out. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do. I’ll let you prove me wrong, but if I’m right, you have to be my date to prom.”
“What?” My eyes flung open. “Why do you want to go to prom with me?”
“Because, like you said, prom isn’t supposed to be spent with someone you don’t know.”
“I figured you had an orgy extravaganza in the works for prom night.” I snorted.
He pulled the green pick from his pocket and began twirling it across his knuckles. “Nah, too wild for me. I don’t want to go down in high school history as the guy who banged a girl on prom night. Too cliché.”
I eyed him warily but he was right. If I wasn’t successful, it would be better to go to prom with my best friend than with some random guy I didn’t have a connection with. “Let’s say I go along with your bet. What’s in it for me if I win?”
His face twisted into the look he always gave me when he thought I was being dense. “You get your magical prom night with the guy of your dreams.”
There had to be more to it than that. “That’s it? No refrigerator concoction or something equally gross if I lose?”
“That’s it.”
I didn’t know what game he was playing, but any chance to prove Cam wrong was a chance I was willing to take. “You’re on.”
Two
Wendi Cooper’s Guide to Catching a Man
1. Every Man Loves a Damsel in Distress
2. A Lady Worth Having is Hard to Catch
3. If a Man Wanted a Parrot, He’d Buy the Bird
4. Men Love to Compete Against Each Other
5. If Men Aren’t Working for You, Try Batting for the Other Team
6. A Makeover is the Way to a Man’s Heart
7. Every Good Romance Starts in the Bedroom
8. Arranged Dating - It’s Still a Thing
9. Date Your Best Friend’s Sibling
10. Fake Your Way to Love
Three
1. Every Man Loves a Damsel in Distress
Now that I had a plan, I needed to figure out how to execute it. Specifically, I needed a viable target. With no prospects in mind, I uploaded the mockup for this year’s yearbook and began scanning the pictures to see if anyone stood out. My eyes landed on Aidan Marcus. President of the National Honor Society, captain of the debate team, a vocal pacifist and feminist, and already had been accepted into Harvard, Yale, and Stanford. He had the hot nerd vibe going on with his short brown hair, thick-rimmed glasses, and blinding smile. We were compatible in the classroom and would match each other in intelligence. A good pair-up in my personal opinion.
With a target in place, I shut down my computer and crawled into bed.
The next morning, Cam waited for me in the kitchen as he talked to my mom over a glass of orange juice and a piece of toast.
“Have you thought about college?” Mom asked.
I cringed. Mom and Dad were both academic buffs. Mom with her two PhDs in psychology and sociology, which she used for the teen counseling center she owned and operated, and Dad with his medical degree with a long list of specialties attached to it. They didn’t understand that there was another world out there of people who didn’t feel that college was the best option to pursue their dreams. People like Cam who wanted to
make it big as a musician, not become a music teacher.
“Yeah, I’ve thought about it,” Cam answered vaguely, and I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing as I walked into the kitchen, making my presence known.
“Macey, dear, don’t forget Clayton has soccer practice this afternoon.”
“I know the drill, Mom,” I groaned as I retrieved a bottle of water and a yogurt cup from the refrigerator.
“Well, you forgot him before.”
“One time. One time I forgot about him, and she never lets me live it down,” I said in Cam’s direction as I fished out a spoon from the cutlery drawer.
Mom looked at the gold watch on her slim wrist before rising from the table and coming toward me. “I have to be going. Have fun in school today,” she said and kissed me on the forehead.
“I will. Love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too.” She grabbed her briefcase from the kitchen counter and gave Cam a kiss on the top of his head. “Stay out of trouble.”
“I’ll try.” Cam chuckled and winked at me.
Mom disappeared into the living room where she said goodbye to Clayton who was playing his newest FIFA video game, aka some sort of soccer game that he and his friends were obsessed with. Clayton was the wannabe athlete in the family. At thirteen, he knew the names of every player on every soccer team in the world, including the new leagues popping up in the United States. However, on the field, he was lucky to stay upright. What he lacked in coordination skills, he made up for in spirit, which was why the coach kept him on the team as a guard…or was it called a defender? Whatever it was called, he was pretty good at intercepting passes by tackling the ball.
Clayton lived and breathed soccer. Every day he wore a different soccer jersey and had begged Mom to let him cut his hair so he looked like a European soccer player. You know the hairstyle: really short on the sides and long on the top. I personally thought he looked like a frontrunner of a boyband, but what did I know?
“Time to shut that thing off,” I said as I walked into the living room after hearing the front door open and close, signaling Mom’s departure.
“Just five more minutes. Please?” he called out without taking his eyes off the TV.
“Nope. Either shut it down now or I’ll unplug the thing.”
“Fine,” he huffed and powered it down.
“She’s a slave driver, isn’t she?” Cam grinned from where he leaned against the arched entryway to the living room.
“Whatever,” Clay growled as he stood and grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder.
“Did you eat breakfast?” I asked as I grabbed my own bag from the hook near the front door.
“Yeah.”
“Such a talker,” I said to Cam as we followed Clay out of the house and over to Cam’s dad’s car.
“He’s a teenaged boy. Be thankful for what you get from us.”
After we deposited Clay at the middle school, Cam made a pit stop at a gas station for what he called rations, aka powdered donuts and Mountain Dew.
“I don’t understand how you can eat all that sugar.” I grimaced as I watched him devour a mini donut.
“Mmm, so good.” He smiled, revealing cake-coated teeth.
“You’re so gross,” I groaned as I looked away. “If any of your flings saw you like this, you’d suddenly find yourself single and frustrated.”
“Nah, they’d still come knocking. Everyone likes to ride the Cam Davis express.”
“Can your ego get any bigger?”
He washed away his donut with a deep chug of Mountain Dew before clearing his throat. “So, I was thinking Friday night would be a Scorsese night. We’ll watch Goodfellas, Taxi Driver, and Casino.”
“Oh, so we’ve reinstated Friday night movie night, huh? Well, I’m not really in a Scorsese mood. I’m feeling more of the Spielberg war movies. Schindler’s List, Saving Private Ryan, War Horse.”
“Still has guns and guts. I’m good with that.”
It wasn’t until I was on my way to my government class that I realized what I’d done. If I wanted to land a boyfriend, I needed to keep my Friday nights open. Then again, I’d missed movie nights with Cam. Lately, he was either with his latest conquest or at band practice, leaving me to spend my Friday nights babysitting Clay.
Our movie nights were the best. We gorged on junk food and threw out random facts we knew about the movie or the actors. I always cheated by looking up the movie trivia on IMDb, but Cam let it slide.
I almost forgot about my target until Aidan walked into the classroom and took his seat three desks away from mine. Rather than listening to Mr. Praxton drone on about the Watergate Scandal, I tried to devise a way to come across as a damsel in distress without looking obvious. My parents raised me to fend for myself and to be my own hero, so trying to think of ways to make myself helpless was a struggle.
The bell rang, bringing me out of my musings. Great, I’d gone the entire ninety minutes without producing a single good idea. Mad at myself for failing at the task at hand, I shoved my books into my bag and walked out of the classroom and right into Aidan.
“Whoa,” Aidan said as he reached out to steady me.
I looked up into his eyes and noticed for the first time that they were hazel.
“Sorry. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going,” I answered before catching myself. Here was my window of opportunity. I couldn’t blow this. “I had to get away from that new student, Linc”
“Has he been bothering you?” Aidan asked, concern written on his handsome face.
“A little. I guess he doesn’t handle rejection well.” I avoided making eye contact for fear he would see the truth in my eyes.
“Well, he messed with the wrong person. If there is anyone who can put a guy in his place, it’s you.”
I blinked several times, trying to process whether or not what he’d said was a compliment. “Thanks?”
“See you in Calculus.” And he was off.
I stood there motionless, completely confused as to what had just happened.
Not one to accept defeat, I spent the rest of the day devising a better plan of attack. At the lunch table, I utilized my access to guys and decided to pick their brains for some ideas.
“So, if a girl said a guy was bothering her, would that bring out your protective instincts?” I blurted as soon as I sat down in my usual seat.
“Hello to you, too.” Cam smirked.
“Why are guys supposed to have protective instincts?” Teagan blinked, looking up from a piece of a motherboard he was tinkering with.
“Because it’s their job to protect women.” I nodded indignantly.
He stared blankly. “That’s news to me. Scientifically speaking, a male and female are equally capable of taking care of their own personal needs. To say one must protect the other is an indication that the other must be a weaker and inferior subject, which is incorrect.”
I let out a dramatic sigh. “You’re missing what I’m saying, Teag.”
“It’s the twenty-first century, sweetheart. Who’s to say it’s not the woman’s job to protect the man?” Bruce tossed back.
“You’re wasting your time with these yahoos,” Reese said as she leaned in across the table. “They’re just defensive because they know a kindergartner could whoop their butts any day.”
“You get what I’m asking, right? What makes a guy want to come in and save the day?”
“I guess it depends on the guy.” She shrugged and sat back.
“You have to have a relationship like Mei and Totoro. He came into her life when she needed him most,” Morgan offered as she wielded her string of red licorice around like it was Excalibur.
“So you’re saying my mother needs to be dying in order for a guy to want to save me?” I frowned.
She yanked off another bite of candy before shaking her head. “No, I’m saying there has to be some sort of legitimate reason and connection for a guy or girl to want to come into your life and h
elp you in some way. You can’t make that happen.”
“But I can.” I smirked.
Oddly enough, Cam remained silent on the subject. Probably because he’d rather die from loneliness than avail himself as a knight in shining armor.
With my friends being a dead end, I finished my turkey sandwich and carrot sticks before making my way to college English.
By the time AP Calculus rolled around, I was prepared. Aidan and I sat next to each other in this class. All I needed was to get his attention and the trap was set. I made sure to take my time entering because he was always slipping in at the last second due to his previous class being all the way on the other side of the school building up on the second floor. I made sure to slightly bump into him as we both attempted to enter the classroom at the same time and smile sheepishly.
Once seated, I took out my notebook, making sure I leaned in his direction as I did so. Once the lesson started, I pretended to take diligent notes, gnawing on my lip as if I was struggling to grasp the subject. After class, I hurried to stash away my books so we could leave together. I let out a dramatic sigh as I walk up next to him.
“I think I’m going to fail this class.”
“Why?” Aidan looked at me like I’d admitted to having two tongues.
“I’m having a hard time catching on to this subject. It’s so much harder than trigonometry.”
He snorted. “You’re being modest. I know for a fact you’ve already completed all the assignments for the next three weeks. You’re probably the only one with a solid A in this class, thus clenching your title as valedictorian.”
