“Okay,” she said, nodding.
“Now, when was the last time you had anything to eat?” I asked.
She shrugged. “No idea.”
I should have been taking some of my own advice, as I hadn’t eaten since first thing that morning either, but I wanted to join Casey while he was putting together the teams for the launch, and make sure I secured myself a spot.
I found them all out by the launch platform. Casey had a data pad in his hand, standing in front of the flight teams we had assembled, and was matching members of crews to their spacecrafts. The other Athion, Leif, was by his side. These were Athion spaceships, so it was important that they had a say in who got to man each craft.
My attention was drawn beyond them for the moment toward the ships behind. I sucked in a deep breath, hardly able to believe we were going to be getting the spacecrafts off the ground in a matter of hours. A combination of excitement and fear churned inside me. I didn’t want to be fighting, but I wanted to experience that thrill of a launch and the moment of weightlessness when we hit zero gravity, right before the gravity was turned on. There was nothing like seeing Earth from space and the expanse of stars around us. There was never a time when I felt freer or filled with possibility.
I waited until he’d finished allocating positions to each of the crew and then looked around at each of the guys. “So, which ship are we taking?”
I assumed we’d all be on the same craft. It was important that we all be together at a time like this, and I couldn’t imagine us separating when we had such a dangerous task ahead of us.
Mike spoke up. “I think it would be a better idea for you to stay here. We still need someone to oversee the Observatory while we’re gone.”
I stared at him. “I hope you’re kidding. We have Sergeant Byrd and his team on the ground to protect the Observatory. I’m a planetary scientist, and I’m as much a member of this team as any of the rest of you. There is no way I’m going to allow you all to fight the Trads while I’m sitting here twiddling my thumbs.”
Aleandro at least had the decency to look uncomfortable, but that didn’t stop him. “I think Mike has a point. It’s going to be dangerous.”
“So? It’ll be no more dangerous for me than it’ll be for the rest of you. The only reason you’re saying that is because I’m a girl. You haven’t told any of the others they have to stay behind, so why me?”
“It’s because we love you, Camille,” Mike said. “We want to protect you.”
Casey nodded. “And besides, you know that women are even more precious to us now since the Trads arrived. We’re supposed to be protecting you, not putting you in the face of danger.”
I folded my arms and glared at him for betraying me. “So, what you’re saying is that now my womb is more important than my mind, or my experience, or my education?”
Aleandro frowned. “It’s not about your womb. It’s about you.”
“We love you, Camille,” Casey said, “and we almost lost you before.”
I looked between them all. “What about how I’d feel if I lost any of you? You’re all taking positions on the ships and putting yourselves in danger. Why are your feelings more valid than mine?”
“They’re not. Of course they’re not.” Mike ran his hand through his hair in exasperation.
“No? Seems that way to me. I know the workings of any of those ships just as much as the rest of you,” I said with fierce determination. “I can help, and I won’t be sidelined simply because I’m female.”
Mike shook his head and glanced away. “I’m sorry, Camille.”
“You know what? You’re not my boss. None of you are. You don’t get to say what I can and can’t do.”
I was furious with them, my anger taking control. I turned and marched away, clenching my hands into fists to control the shaking. I’d been present at every step of everything that had happened since the asteroid strike. I’d been there to meet the president. I’d come face to face with the Trads themselves at the government facility. I’d survived a helicopter crash, just like them. I understood they wanted to protect me, but I also thought they all knew me better than that. I wasn’t some helpless princess who sat back and waited to be saved. I was as much a viable member of this team as any of them. Would they still be saying this if we hadn’t been sleeping together? If everything had stayed platonic, I doubted they’d have dared try to control what I did.
For some reason, allowing them access to my body made them all think they had rights to the rest of me as well.
Chapter Eight
There was no way I was going to allow myself to be kept off this mission.
I spotted a pair of familiar broad shoulders, topped with a blue-tinged neck and a shock of black hair so dark it was iridescent like the wings of a crow or oil on the road, and I hurried to catch up. “Irus!”
He turned at the sound of my voice.
“Hey, Camille. You almost ready? We’re scheduling take off in less than an hour.”
“Yeah, I’m good to go. I want to be on a different ship than the others, though.”
His smooth brow furrowed. “You do? Why?”
“I’m concerned they’re going to put too much energy into worrying about my safety rather than concentrating on the job.”
Irus nodded as though he agreed with my point of view. “As long as you’re sure that’s what you want.”
“It is. And don’t mention it to them, okay? I know they’ll get all hurt about it.”
I felt bad that I was using how Irus felt about me to manipulate the situation.
“Camille,” he said, catching hold of my hand. “I want you to know that they’re not the only ones who will be worrying about your safety. You know that, don’t you. It may have only been a few weeks, but it’s been an intense few weeks, and I don’t think I’ve been able to hide the way my feelings have grown for you in that time. I realize things are...complicated...but I can’t change how deeply I’ve fallen for you. I don’t expect anything in return. I just wanted to tell you in case things don’t go our way up there.”
My heart ached with longing. “You’re still a part of us, Irus, even if things haven’t been physical.”
He gave a sad smile. “It’s not the same, though, is it? I’ll always be on the outside because of who I am.”
An Athion.
“It’s not because of who you are,” I told him. “It’s because of where you come from. The guys are frightened you can offer me something they’ll never be able to.”
He nodded. “I understand.”
“I saw you watching me with Aleandro,” I said suddenly, studying his face carefully for his reaction. I didn’t know why I’d decided to mention it—perhaps it was in part because I was angry with the others. Would he deny it?
His cheeks bloomed a darker shade of blue, and he glanced away.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude on your privacy. I was looking for Leif and just happened to come across you both. I know I should have turned away, but I’d never seen anyone having sex in real life.”
I widened my eyes at him. “You haven’t seen someone else having sex? Or you haven’t come across sex, full stop?”
He bit his lower lip, the action stirring something deep in my core. “The second option.”
“Oh.” Fuck. Irus was a virgin. Of course, the possibility had occurred to me before, but this was the first time he’d admitted it.
“There are a shortage of females on our planet, remember? That’s the whole reason we’re here. Plus, I’ve been part of the Custos since a young age, and we’re all male. There aren’t many opportunities for meeting females when you’re on a ship in space.”
I gave a coy shrug, trying to eke information out of him. “So, the men didn’t...” I sought for the right phrase to use. “...enjoy each other then?”
“Some of them did. I don’t have anything against it, but it’s not my thing. They’d argue that a hole is a hole, but I’ve preferred to stick wi
th my hand.”
“Did you use your hand when you saw me and Aleandro together?” I asked, curious. “I was thinking about it when Aleandro was inside me.”
His gaze lifted to mine, a new spark of interest and realization inside them. “You were thinking about me pleasuring myself while Aleandro was having sex with you?”
“I couldn’t help it. I saw you standing there. I could tell we’d gotten you excited.”
“But you didn’t tell Aleandro,” he pointed out.
It was my turn to be embarrassed, heat burning my cheeks. “No, I didn’t. And that was wrong of me. Aleandro can be pretty kinky, and I know he doesn’t have a problem with other men. He’d probably have been more than happy to let you watch. But it’s difficult.”
“Because of Mike, you mean?”
“I don’t think it’s just Mike.” This was the first time we’d talked about the difficulties of our situation and brought out into the open that I was interested in Irus, and him in me. “And it isn’t you, either. It’s that you’re another link to Athion, and they’re frightened they’re going to lose me.”
“What if I promise to keep you on Earth, Camille?”
“You can’t make that promise. It’s not yours to give.”
The truth of that statement finally sank in. Was that why I could never take Irus to be a part of our group? Was it because if I did, and I eventually decided I wanted to go to Athion, it would be him everyone would blame? And not only that, he would be the only one who’d be able to come with me, which would mean I’d have chosen him over the others, and I could never live with myself if I did that. At least if I chose to go to Athion because it was what I wanted, I’d know it had been my decision and mine alone, and I’d know that Irus had never played a part in it.
Not that I had any intention of leaving Mike, Aleandro, and Casey—even after the stunt they’d just pulled. But still that little niggle wormed through my heart—a longing of wanting to experience life on another planet, and knowing that if there was no possibility of the men coming with me, that I would be forced to leave them behind. Mike was well within his rights to worry about this. It wasn’t as though I could say one hundred percent that the chance of living on Athion didn’t appeal to me, however wretched that made me feel.
“I’ll make sure you get a spot on one of the ships,” Irus said.
I shook my head free of my thoughts. “Thank you. And good luck up there, Irus.”
“You, too, Camille,” he said and leaned in and placed his cheek against mine, his lips softly brushing the corner of my mouth.
My heart and head danced in circles, and when he drew back again, I was lightheaded and breathless just by his proximity.
Then he turned and walked away, and I watched his broad shoulders and strong back move beneath the tan shirt of his uniform, until he took a corner and vanished from sight.
Chapter Nine
I felt bad for deceiving the guys, but at the same time I was filled with a self-righteous anger. I wouldn’t be forced to do this in the first place if they weren’t being so controlling. I was their equal, and it was only because the goddamned Trads had turned me into some walking womb that needed to be protected that everything had changed.
Keeping my head down, I made my way over to the ship Irus had allocated me a position on, hoping none of the others would spot me as I hurried down the walkway and climbed on board. The protective outerwear I now wore for the trip into space was identical to that of everyone else taking part in this mission, so I hoped it would be enough to disguise me.
“Hey, Miss Harran,” the captain of the spacecraft—a forty-year-old human who’d been trained over the past few weeks to use Athion technology, called Jeffrey Bruner—said. “You joining us today?”
“Certainly am,” I replied, dropping into one of the seats and strapping the four-way belt across my chest, clicking it into place just above my breasts. “I want to bring those sons of bitches down more than anyone.”
“You lost a friend to them?” His tone softened with sympathy.
“Yes, I did. She was one of the first.”
He nodded, his lips pressed together. “I lost my niece. She was only nineteen.”
“God, I’m so sorry.”
Sometimes it was easy to forget how many of us had been affected. I got so caught up in my own problems that I didn’t give enough thought to the millions of people across the globe who’d been impacted by the Trads.
He gave me a tight smile. “Guess we all have a reason for taking the sons of bitches down.”
“Yeah, we do.”
Several others entered—two men and a woman in her late forties to early fifties, I guessed. I recognized them all from our joined time at the Observatory but had never had a one-to-one conversation with any of them. Since the strike, the Observatory had filled with multiple different departments and people I’d never worked with before.
Captain Bruner introduced me to each of them. ‘This is Miss Harran from the research department of the Observatory. She’s one of the original team. This is Trish Johns, Gil Lynes, and Nigel Applegate.”
“It’s Camille, please,” I replied, smiling around at each of them and hoping they weren’t going to start questioning me about why the rest of my team were on a different ship. Thankfully, they didn’t.
Each of the new arrivals did exactly what I’d just done and chose their seats before strapping themselves in.
“How far out are the Athion fighter ships?” Captain Bruner asked one of the other crew.
“Estimated time of thirty minutes,” Applegate replied. “We’ll be ready to launch soon. Those Trad fuckers won’t know what’s hit them.”
The captain nodded. “Let’s hope so, and we’re not just playing straight into their hands.”
That possibility concerned me, too, but we didn’t have any choice. We’d been waiting for an opportunity for the Trads to show themselves, and now they had, we needed to take advantage of it. We couldn’t just sit around and do nothing. From the determined energy buzzing around the inside of the ship, I could tell the rest of the crew felt the same way. I experienced a pang of longing for the others, wishing I was with them instead of a crew of virtual strangers, but they’d made things impossible for me.
I only hoped we wouldn’t all end up living...or dying...to regret it.
With us all strapped in, Captain Bruner leaned forward and flicked a number of switches on the dashboard. “T-minus three minutes, six seconds until lift off,” he said to the co-captain, Gil Lynes.
The engines started up around us, the sound almost deafening. I placed my hand to my ear, making sure my earpiece was in place. We’d need them to communicate with the engines so loud.
Gil’s voice came through my earpiece. “First stage boosters are a go.”
Vibrations worked their way through my body, and my stomach churned in response. I gripped the armrests tightly, my knuckles white. Cold fear had leached right down to my bones. This wasn’t my first space mission, but it was the first one I’d been on where I knew we’d be facing attack.
“Second stage boosters are a go,” Gil announced.
I wondered how the others were feeling and I felt a pang of emptiness at their absence. We should all be together right now, and I hated that we weren’t, but then that hadn’t been my doing, had it?
The engines increased in volume once more, and over my earpiece, a countdown started: Ten, nine, eight, seven...
“Command release,” the captain said.
I sucked in a shaky breath and closed my eyes briefly, centering myself. There was no going back now. The rocket launchers poured white smoke from either side of the ship, and I knew the other rocket ships around the huge launch pad would be doing the same. I was fully aware that with the amount of fuel needed to get us into the air, we could explode at the simplest miscalculation.
The captain spoke, his voice slightly tinny over the earpiece. “Three...two... Go for launch.”
The
ship jolted as it detached from the launch pad and the immense power of the launchers thrust us into the sky. The back of my head slammed against the headrest, the g-force pushing back, compressing my lungs and pinning my body in place. I knew it wouldn’t last—once we left our atmosphere, the g-force would vanish—but that didn’t mean it wasn’t unpleasant as hell while it was happening.
Through the windows, I caught the flash of flames and smoke as the other rocket ships took off around us. I couldn’t decide if it was reassuring knowing the others were also in one of the ships or if I’d have felt better if they were back on the ground. Of course, they didn’t know that I was also in one of the ships, but I figured they’d learn about my deceiving them at some point soon.
The rocket continued to blast into space, climbing higher and higher, leaving Earth far behind us. Soon the planet would be no more than a breathtaking sphere of blues and greens.
“Maximum dynamic pressure reached,” the co-captain said. “Trajectory looking good.”
The relentless pressure of the g-force suddenly fell away, and I was able to lift my head from the seat and my arms from the hand rests and finally breathe.
We leveled off, changing direction so we were now flying horizontally rather than up. Captain Bruner gave us a relieved smile. Take off was normally the most nail-biting part of a mission, except this time we still had the Trads to face.
“Everyone okay?” he asked.
I flashed him a thumbs-up sign.
He leaned forward and flicked a number of switches on the dashboard and spoke into his headset. “Reporting down to base. Echo-two-seven-six at cruising altitude.”
A stranger’s voice came back to us. “Copied, echo-two-seven-six. Good luck up there.”
Ahead of us was the Trad ship. They still hadn’t put up any kind of forcefield to protect or hide their ship. I knew what that meant—they wanted us to attack. They were luring us in.
The Exodus: Planet Athion Series (Darkest Skies Book 4) Page 5
