by Leigh Lennon
“Oh, hello, Lila, it is always good to see you,” then he laughs, “Crap, I can’t even fake those words.”
“It looks like congrats are in order, sure hope the baby favors Rose.”
“Me, too, Lila.” His muted tone is not lost on me.
As they walk in bantering with one another, I say, “I guess I never realized how much animosity you two have for one another.”
“Oh, it's called joking, my dear,” Lila says as Brody rolls his eyes behind her back.
“This should be fun,” I say sarcastically. “Lila is staying with me until Sunday morning.”
“Don’t worry your pretty little head, Brody, I will be giving you plenty of alone time with Rose, that is after we watch Bad Moms tonight.”
Brody walks into the kitchen and starts grabbing plates. He walks up to Rose, “Hey there, I forgot to do this, Toots.” He leans down and kisses me on the cheek, then continues to set the table.
“This is the sweetest thing, really. And he’s setting the table. You’re training him already. Like a loyal dog.” I give my best friend a glare, which could start world war three, and she only smiles at me.
Lila finally says out loud, “All right, I'll be nice. I'll give you a couple of minutes alone. Let me bring my bags in.”
He walks over to the couch and sits down, taking my legs and putting them over his. “How was your day?”
“It was good, but apparently there is more to you and Lila.”
“No, she’s your best friend. She’s just a bit over the top for me is all. But it doesn’t matter.”
“Over the top, that is a great way to describe Lila.” I know most people use the word ‘bitch’ which seems to fit her just fine. Lila never bats an eye at this word. Sometimes I wonder if Lila is truly my mom’s daughter instead of me.
“Yes, it really is.” He smiles, taking my hand in his.
“I will make sure she behaves herself.” Bringing myself in toward Brody, I take in his scent as I place a simple kiss on his lips. “I'm looking forward to spending the day with you on Saturday.”
“Me, too!” Taking in my belly, he gives a slight smile, “I was wondering what happened to that undershirt of mine. It looks good on you.” I only smile, I like it, too. “When is your ultrasound?”
“Not for another month. We need to decide, though, if we will find out. I know it was important to you to be surprised.”
It is easy with Brody, always. Why does he have to be so perfect?
21
Brody
I look at my clock on Sunday morning as I wake. I heard Lila on the phone yesterday at Rose’s making plans to get to the airport before Jones arrived at Rose’s house. Seeing the time, my heart sinks. It surprises me that Rose would agree to such an early time. I need something to get my mind off of Rose and what she might be doing with Jones.
I want to shoot her a quick message but that wouldn’t be fair to her or Jones. He has stayed out of the way and has not seen her since earlier in the week. Rose needs to know I trust her.
Before I can even drag my sorry ass out of bed, my phone rings. In hopes it is Rose, I grab for it but silence the ring when I see my mom’s name appear. I can’t go around with my mother today because our conversations always seem to center on Rose and if she has made a decision yet. More so than me being hurt if Rose picks Jones, it's my mom. Plus, she’s up my ass about bringing her next week. Both Rose and my mother have worked out this plan behind my back for a visit. I told Rose no but my mother is being about as stubborn as Rose is. I just flat out told them both no to any planned visits until Rose makes up her mind, yet with those two sneaky women, I'm not sure how to make them see my view on the matter.
Walking out into the kitchen, I grab a protein shake before I go on a run to offset the fears I’m experiencing today. As I turn around, I see Marah and Trent emerge from their room with his arms fully encompassing Marah’s body. I have to get out of here. Watching them makes me realize what I want with Rose.
Before I can leave, Marah stops me. “So today is the day Rose is spending with her ex or non-ex or whatever he’s to her?”
Thanks for the reminder, Marah, is what I want to say but I don’t need one, this fact is fresh on the forefront of my mind. “Yes, she’s spending the day with Jones.”
“She loves you, Brody. I can see it in her eyes,” Marah says.
Yesterday, we spent the day with Trent and Marah, playing games and just hanging out for once at my place. She was able to see how I interact with my own friends, especially Trent, who I have known since I was sixteen. She saw a side she had not seen before.
“I know that, but she loves Jones, too.”
“True, but Brody, she’s carrying your baby. That means something and if I’m being honest, you two are hot together.” She turns to Trent who only laughs. “I mean in the way Trent and I are. We are in love—but it is the fucking passionate, I have got to make love to you, then fuck you fast, then make love to you again, kind of way.”
Trent wraps his arms around Marah again, “Wow, if you say fuck any more, I’m going to just do that to you.” He kisses her cheek with the same affection that I kiss Rose’s with.
“You know, Marah, I’m not sure I would phrase it in that eloquent kind of way, but yes, I can see that sort of passion with me and Rose.” I sigh, filling up my water bottle. “But you two are disgusting and if I'm going to get through today, I think I need to burn some energy.”
“Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I can yell at Trent for the rest of the day.”
“Marah, that will just turn him on more, I assume,” I say.
“Yeah, sorry, buddy, it will.” Trent acknowledges.
I throw up my hands and say, “Yeah, you two are disgusting.” And then I leave to run this pent-up frustration off. I may be gone all day.
22
Rose
Jones arrives at 9 am on the dot. Opening the door, still in my PJs, I say, “Sorry, Jones, I'm really tired. So very tired. Could you give me a couple of hours? I can barely function.”
I walk back up the stairs with him right behind me. I crawl into bed and he sits down on the chair near my bed. “We can just stay in today if you want, rent some movies, hang out and talk.”
“I’m so sorry, I know you had this long, drawn out day planned. But quite honestly, your suggestion sounds like heaven on earth.”
“It’s fine, sweetheart, I can go down and cook something?” He’s as attentive as ever to my needs but when he says the word sweetheart, I feel a familiarity in this term of endearment. He has called me sweetheart for years but somehow, it's not the same as Toots.
“No, I'm not hungry right now,” I say, handing him the remote. “Watch whatever.”
He sits on the bed next to me and holds my hand. This gesture instantly wakes me up. “You loved it when I laid next to you, watching you fall asleep. Remember when we put a moratorium on sex when we were still in high school?”
I smile slowly, “Yes.”
“Well, I would lay next to you, to be close to you and watch you sleep. To me, that was way more intimate.”
“Jones, I really have missed you.” I start to cry. “My emotions are all over the place.” I sit up with my hands in my lap, feeling guilty for missing Brody while another man, a man I love, is lying next to me.
“Why are you crying?”
“I’m…this is not fair…to any of us.”
He stands up immediately and rakes his hands through his thick black hair. He’s in complete contrast to Brody. Where Brody is carefree, Jones is more serious, more analytical and his sense of humor, though funny, is certainly dry. Even their features are polar opposites. Brody is blond with deep blue eyes whereas Jones has dark features and is not much taller than I am. Brody towers over me. But now, it's Jones who is in front of me looking as serious as ever. I know a deep thought is brewing in his head. “Rose, I feel we have an invisible third person in the room now.”
“I still love you.�
�� There is no doubt as I look at this man.
He slowly smiles. “And I love you more than ever, Rose. However, there is a but in there.”
“Yeah, and you know what it is?” I say.
“No, it is more of who it is. Let me ask you a question. Do you both talk about me when you’re together? I know you have been spending quite a lot of time together.”
“We have spent a lot of time together and yes, we talk about you when it is warranted.”
“Have you slept with him?”
“Obviously, look at me,” I say bluntly.
“No, I mean since reconnecting?”
“No, we haven’t, but it’s not for the lack of me trying. He feels it should only happen if I’m ready to make a commitment to him.”
“Okay, first, let me be clear, I don’t feel the same way about us. If given the opportunity to be with you, I will take it and here is the reason—besides the fact I love sex and I love it with you—I feel when we are intimate again, we will have the connection back and if we don’t then we will know it’s over. I highly doubt the latter, though.”
“Nice argument there, counselor. Instead of a doctor, you should be a lawyer,” I tease.
“No, I'm serious. Really serious, I told him I would play fair and I’m. I'm not going to hog you all up for just me but I want to be close to you. Intimately.”
“Well, now I’m wide awake, maybe we should start our day,” I say with a small little laugh.
“I have a feeling once you lay your head down, you will be out like a light. Just go to sleep, I will be here when you wake up.”
“Thanks, Jones, I guess I actually am a bit more tired than I thought.”
“By the way, being pregnant suits you.”
“You brought up the baby?”
“Well, yes, I’m going to love this baby and you know why?” Jones asks.
“Actually, yes, I would love to know.”
“Because she or he’s going to be a part of you.”
After dinner and watching three chick flicks, Jones sits next to me in bed, “Hey, why don’t we get away for this weekend? I can pick you up Saturday and we can go to the Oregon coast, like we always used to do. Remember all the times we would lay out on the beach, bundled up in a blanket, looking at Haystack Rock, going a little too far? But then, at times, going all the way, which I liked so much better.” A wide smirk covers his face. “I will get us a place at The Sea Sprite on the beach and we can go to The Driftwood for the fish and chips we both love.”
This little stroll down memory lane reminds me Brody and I are supposed to go to Oregon, but to the Buchannan’s house and not the beach. “Oh, I can’t, not this weekend.” I can tell Jones is mad. “I'm sorry but I made plans already, you can’t be mad.”
“No, but I do feel slighted. I was fine staying in today. We had fun but I did make plans. I know you were out all day yesterday, but don’t worry; I'm not spying on you. I called your mom yesterday to find out if I could go over to see her. She told me you were out for the day. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to discover that info. Now, you have plans this weekend, the whole weekend. I really feel slighted.”
Fucking Lila and her mouth that is how he found out. I only say, “Yes, I know but when you decided to pull away, when I needed you most, I turned to someone else and we already have plans for this weekend. There was a void and unfortunately, Brody filled it.”
“You said you didn’t blame me, though.”
“I don’t blame you, not at all, this is a screwed-up situation. I admit that, but it's life. I just needed someone.”
“Are you saying it's too late?”
“No, I'm not, I’m telling you how it happened,” I try to explain.
“How can I get close to you, if he’s always around?”
“Jones, I have plans this weekend, not for the rest of my life.”
“I'm going to go, Rose.” No, I can’t let go of him. He's my safety net; he's what I know.
“Jones, please don’t leave.” I sigh, then amp up my tone, “I didn’t take you as a quitter, this is getting to be a pattern with you.”
Turning towards me, I see the anger in his eyes disappear. Lunging at me, he doesn’t stop at the bed while he takes me in his arms. It feels like home to me, the way we always have been. Taking off his glasses, I place them on my nightstand. I take his lips in mine and don’t stop him as he moves his hands down to my butt and he starts to unzip my pants. Moving down to his belt, I unbuckle it. My bra is the next item he takes off of me as I unbutton his shirt. “Rose, I have missed you so much.” We spend the night together in each other’s arms, making love.
“Jones,” I say to him, needing to tell him more. I really thought this would affirm where I belong, but now all I am is both confused and feeling guilty for doing this to Brody.
“Don’t say it, Rose, let’s just be like this for now.” And I'm quiet.
He knows me too well, but I still say, “Okay, but we have to discuss this eventually.”
“I have missed you, I have never felt any closer to you than now.”
“I know, Jones, that was wonderful, I've missed you like this.” And it was wonderful, yet I'm still unsure of this decision to make love to Jones. I'm in love with another man, while still loving this man I’m lying next to.
“Then just keep this in mind, Rose, I love you.”
“I know you do,” I say. I did miss him, it's obvious, but Jones feels like home only because he’s familiar. I don’t regret my time with Jones, but I feel like I'm missing something.
23
Brody
I have texted Rose ten times throughout the morning. When she doesn’t return any of my texts, I start to worry. I won’t lie, I'm fucking worried about yesterday but my feelings shouldn’t come into play. It would be narcissistic to think this is all about me. However, at my lunch break, since she’s not far from me, I drive to the health department to check on her. I'm relieved to see her car in the parking lot.
I have picked her up here before for lunches, but I’ve never been inside her office building. I find her office easily and knock on it. “Come in,” I hear her say.
“Rose,” I say, relieved.
She’s surprised to see me, no; shocked to see me is a better way to describe the look of panic that covers her pretty face. “Brody, what are you doing here? You okay?”
“Hey, Toots, I guess I could say the same about you. Babe, why haven’t you been returning my texts and calls? I was starting to worry.”
“I have been so busy, I haven’t even looked at my phone.”
“This is not like you, Rose. Are you sure you're all right?” When I call her Rose instead of Toots, she must know I’m mad.
“No, I'm fine.” Though I don’t believe her.
“But Rose, I always check in on you in the mornings, you said it was our thing.” I'm hurt and am over thinking the idea of Rose being with her old boyfriend all day yesterday.
“Brody, I'm sorry. I was insensitive to you, truly. I’m sorry.” Her words linger as she insists how very sorry she is. However, there is more she seems sorry for besides not returning my texts.
“Well, since I’m here, want to get some lunch?” I ask. I need her near me and I'm going out of my fucking mind since her spending the day with Jones. Then I realize that her ignoring me afterward is too much of a coincidence.
“I can’t today, maybe another day.” She’s completely shutting me out.
“Rose, do you have something to say to me? Have you come to a decision and that’s why you’re acting like this?”
“No, Brody, I have not made a decision and I can’t handle you becoming insecure every time I see Jones.”
“That's not what this is, Rose, and you know it. What's going on? You have completely shut down on me. But I understand, right now is not the time, I just came here to check on you.” I walk over to her as I try to affectionately comfort her. I lean down to kiss her, but she flinches the second I touch her. �
�I will be over tonight to finish this conversation and don’t tell me that you can’t. We are going to get this straightened out regardless of what's going on.”
“Brody.” She’s now annoyed, but before she can protest, I’m leaving her office.
I stop for one second, looking at her as I say, “Rose, save it. I will see you tonight.” With that, I shut the door and leave her with only her thoughts.
24
Rose
This is the worst thing I have done to another person. Certainly, we aren’t together, or at least I tell myself this, just to feel better. My mind has always been rooting for me to get back together with Jones; however, my heart is rooting for Brody. In a twisted type of way, I thought if I slept with Jones, my mind would convince my heart that Jones is the right choice. He’s the logical choice.
Making love to Jones was familiar. It was nice, but do I want to settle for nice after having the sort of burning passion I felt with Brody? And somehow, I know I won't have to make love to Brody to prove it will be hands down perfect. I really thought after making love to Jones, my heart would return to him but now all I feel is disgust, as it will only hurt the man I love deeply and passionately.
How could I do this to a man who has been so patient with me?
As I work out what I should do in scenario form, I think of Jones with another woman. He’s bound to find someone, he’s a catch and as loyal as they come. How would I react to seeing him with someone else? I don’t really feel a pit in my stomach at this idea.
But with Brody, our paths would cross all the time. He would find someone, eventually. Family is branded in him. How would I react to another woman in his life, raising our baby together? In a flash of jealousy, I feel my insides seethe with anger.
After pulling into my complex and walking up to my front door, I see Brody sitting on my front porch with a pizza box in his hands.
