by Paul Clayton
“You’ll see,” said Rad.
“A surprise. Okay, I’ll play along.”
Tawny smiled as she and Rad walked up the hill to the SamTrans stop. A bus came along not long afterward heading toward Daly City. Rad followed her up the steps, paying the driver and dropping down into a seat beside her. “What’s happening at the job?” she asked him.
Rad shook his head. “Eh, nothing much. No big changes. Sometimes no news is good news.”
Tawny nodded, then watched out the window as they passed one of the tree nurseries of South San Francisco. Then Rad took her hand.
“C’mon,” he said, “this is our stop.”
They got off the bus in front of the Eternal Green Cemetery on El Camino. The sun was full but not strong and Tawny caught the fresh smell of newly mown grass. Shaking her head, she looked at Rad as if he was crazy. “What is this? Some kind of joke? Why did you bring me here?”
Rad took her hand. “Tawn, c’mon… I told you it would be a surprise.”
Tawny pulled her hand from his. “Yeah, it’s a surprise all right… a date in a cemetery?”
“It’s a tour, Tawn. C’mon, chill out. A Halloween tour of the cemeteries.” He smiled and took her hand. “The tour bus will be here any minute.”
Tawny frowned, but allowed him to lead her along. “A tour of the cemeteries?”
Rad smiled. “Yeah, it’s a Halloween thing. You’ll enjoy it.”
A few moments later the tour step van arrived and they climbed aboard. Tawny relaxed further as she met the three other members of the Colma Cemeteries tour—a mid-forties divorced dad and his twelve year old daughter, and Doris, a plump, jolly woman in her fifties who had just moved to Colma from Philadelphia.
The fall weather was comfortable, the foliage beautiful, and despite Tawny’s initial uneasiness, she enjoyed the rush of air into the van and the emerald green of the cemeteries and their ornate reproductions of classic architecture and sculpture. Soon they disembarked from the step van and met Katherine, the tour guide. They all stood on the curb as a white pickup truck filled with rakes, shovels, leaf blowers and lawn mowers rattled by on Hillside Boulevard.
Katherine turned to Tawny, Rad and the others. “This is one of the most popular stops on the tour,” she said, “the Pet’s Rest cemetery.”
Doris turned to Tawny and her smile constricted slightly. “Oh, God. I had to have my little Tony put down two years ago.”
The euthanasia of Doris’s dog brought Tawny uncomfortably close to thinking of her own situation and the decision she had to make.
“What kind of dog was he?” she asked.
“A toy poodle.”
Tawny nodded sympathetically. “You never replaced him?”
Doris laughed bravely. “I’m not going through that again.”
Katherine and the single dad and his daughter started up the steps and onto the lawn of Pet’s Rest cemetery. Doris, Tawny and Rad followed.
Some of Tawny’s initial concerns returned and she was afraid the experience would be dark and depressing. But the cool fall weather, the open spaces, Katherine’s interesting anecdotes on some of the better known residents of the cemeteries, and even jolly Doris’s determinedly-upbeat banter, all began to lift Tawny’s spirits.
Rad and Tawny fell behind the others to look at some raised beds of flowers. Then they approached the other three tourists who stood facing Katherine, who was standing before a flat black granite marker the size of a microwave that was set into the earth.
“This is where Tina Turner’s little dog lies. The story goes that she had him laid in the box wrapped up in her favorite mink coat.”
Tawny smiled at the thought as she looked down at the marker. She looked over at another a few feet away. A picture of two parakeets was carved into the stone—Pete and Repete, the epithet read, brothers, born together, died together. The epithet didn’t say how. Tawny was amazed that people had gone to so much trouble and expense for two little birds. She imagined a lonely old woman had owned the birds. People needed love and companionship, no matter where it came from. They visited three more cemeteries and a half dozen graves of notables and then they were back on the van for the last stop on the tour—The Olive Grove Columbarium.
After the driver parked the van, Tawny, Rad and the others went into the marble courtyard. The day had waned and the high stone gates already blocked the sun, casting the stone courtyard in dark shadows. Tawny felt a chill and a great weariness came over her. “How many cemeteries did we visit?” she asked Rad.
Rad looked as tired as she felt as he turned to her. “Five, I think. There’s more, but this is the last stop on the tour.” Tawny nodded as she looked up at the dying light. She took Rad’s arm and they went inside.
Katherine and the others had gathered around a nondescript black urn. Katherine was talking as Tawny and Rad approached. “This is the ashes of Ishi, the last wild California Indian.” As Katherine recounted how Ishi had shown up naked, freezing and starving in a rancher’s barn, Tawny stopped listening. She already knew the story, having read the book. She remembered how moved she’d been by it, and how saddened. They’d even removed the man’s brains after he’d died for study, like he’d been just another species or something. She grabbed Rad’s arm tightly and pulled him away. “Let’s walk,” she said.
The building consisted of corridors intersected by other corridors, and seemed to go on forever. Each corridor was roofed with tinted windows like a greenhouse. The sun had set and the light was muted and calming. They walked down an empty corridor and Tawny stopped and turned to Rad. “After this is over I want to go some place quiet.” she said. “But not as quiet as this.” She tried to laugh. “Some place where we can get something to eat and talk.”
“Okay,” said Rad. Some plaques a few feet away caught his interest. “Wow,” he said, “most of these people died in the mid 1940s. Must be WWII vets.”
Tawny nodded absently. Rad went over to examine one urn closely and Tawny walked off toward a beautiful arrangement of flowers well lit by a spotlights situated near the end of the corridor. She felt drawn to them like a bee. She needed flowers now, bright yellow, red, and blue flowers. She should have never agreed to this outing, she realized. It was too much; but it would soon be over.
She approached the floral display and saw with disappointment that they were imitation. She stared sadly at them and was about to go back to Rad when she heard a cry. It was a little boy. She listened closely. It was not the petulant crying of a spoiled child, or an angry child. She had never heard a child cry like this—plaintive and devoid of all hope. It came from around the corner. She frowned. He’d probably gotten separated from his mom on a trip to pay respects to a departed grandparent. That kind of experience can be pretty scary for a little kid. She looked back at Rad. He was still reading the inscriptions on the urn and apparently hadn’t heard it.
Tawny went to the end of the corridor and turned left. Marble tiles stretched into the distance. There was no one there. She listened. The boy’s cries were faint now, but still distinct. Was he in the next corridor? She walked to the end of the corridor and turned. The intersecting corridor was empty, but the boy’s cries still echoed in the distance. Tawny felt faint and decided to go back. If a little boy had gotten lost back there, the security guard would have to go get him. This place was big and labyrinthine. She felt weary and sad. She started back toward Rad. He looked up when he saw her and came up to her.
“Take me back to the others, Rad. Please.”
“Sure. Everything okay?”
Tawny said nothing as they walked quickly, their footsteps echoing sharply off the marble tiles. They turned a corner and saw the rest of the tour group. About thirty feet away from them a security guard spoke with a man in a black suit standing before a kiosk. She walked up to them, Rad beside her. The man in the suit looked at her and nodded.
“I heard a child crying back there,” she said.
The man blinked his intelligent da
rk eyes and turned to the security guard. “Check it out and make sure nobody walked off.”
The security guard nodded and left.
Tawny and Rad walked back to the tour group.
“What was that about?” said Rad.
Tawny spotted a ladies room off to the side. “I’ll tell you in a minute.” She went in.
When Tawny came out, the others had moved on and Rad was waiting for her. “They’re around the corner,” he said.
Tawny nodded. “Let’s go. I’ve had enough of cemeteries to last me a lifetime.”
“You don’t want to wait for them?”
Tawny shook her head. “Let’s go.”
Rad smiled. “Okay. I’m sorry if it was too much for you. Let me tell them we’re leaving.”
They came out of the columbarium in the twilight under a gold and red sky. Small birds or bats, Tawny wasn’t sure which, flitted in and out of the big eucalyptus trees nearby. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just couldn’t stay in there anymore.”
“Sure,” said Rad, “don’t worry about it. The bus stop is just two blocks down; we can walk it.”
They started walking. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he said.
Tawny nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay now. I heard a little boy crying in there while you were looking at that urn.”
“And…” said Rad, with a wry smile.
“There was no one there, Rad.”
Rad’s face grew serious. “Katherine was telling ghost stories while you were in the bathroom,” he said. “She said that that wing we were in is where all the preemies are buried, the ones from St. Claire’s Catholic Hospital.”
“I didn’t hear babies, Rad. This was a boy, one particular little boy. He was lonely and scared, and crying like he had no one in the whole world to help him. I’ve never heard anything so sad in my life and it was tearing me up inside!” Tawny’s eyes teared up
Rad gave her a worried look and took her hand. “C’mon. We only have a block to go.”
They came to the bus stop and Rad pulled a bus schedule from his back pocket and studied it. “Should be one coming along in seven minutes.”
Tawny nodded while she dried her eyes with a Kleenex. Ten minutes later Rad stepped off the curb to look down El Camino. No big SamTrans buses were rolling towards them from either direction.
“Anything coming?” Tawny asked.
“No. I don’t know what the problem is. They’re usually on time.” Rad looked over toward the little access road next to the cemeteries that paralleled El Camino. “There’s a building over there,” he said. “There’s a sign; McCoy’s. Must be a bar.”
Tawny looked. “A bar? It’s in the cemetery, Rad. It’s probably a Funeral Home.”
“No,” said Rad, “it’s not in the cemetery. It’s on that little road next to it. What’s it called? Anyway, we could get something to eat.”
Tawny frowned. “After that tour and that… experience…” She shook her head. “I don’t have much of an appetite, Rad.”
Rad laughed. “Well, we could go and just have a few beers before the bus comes. You know, sit and talk.”
“I can’t, Rad,” said Tawny. She looked nervously down El Camino.
“Why not? You give up beer for the Buddhists or something?”
“I’m pregnant, Rad.”
Rad turned to her and swallowed hard. “Jesus! Really?”
She nodded.
“Mine?” he said.
Tawny looked at him, annoyance hardening her features. “Yes, Rad. There’s never been any one else…” Her voice rose, “unlike you and her!”
“But… you were taking the pill! I don’t get it.”
“Yeah, well, I was, and I wasn’t. You know the saying, shit happens.” Tawny felt disgusted with herself for using such a crudity to describe what had happened to her. She wiped away a tear. “I don’t know what happened. It didn’t work, that’s all.”
“How old is it?”
“Almost two months.”
Rad was silent for a while. “Jesus Christ!” He stepped out onto El Camino and looked toward South City. “A bus is coming.”
Tawny said nothing.
“Well,” said Rad, “what are you gonna do?”
“What am I going to do? Is that all you can say? Like you didn’t have anything to do with this, like this is all my problem?” As she looked at him she saw hurt in his face. It tempered her anger, but only a little.
“Well,” he said. “I mean, okay, what are we gonna do about it?”
“Nothing, Rad. I’m going to do nothing.”
“Tawn,” said Rad in exasperation, “you’re not even two months yet. This is the time to get it taken care of.”
Tawny turned to him. “You really don’t care about me, do you Rad?”
Rad’s face reddened. “Of course I do, Tawn. But be real. What the fuck are you and me and a baby gonna live on? My salary at the fucking skateboard shop? C’mon!”
Tawny’s face was taut with anger and incredulity. “I thought maybe you had grown up some, Rad. That’s why I agreed to see you today. I thought you would step up.”
The bus pulled over to the curb with a squeal of tires and a hiss of the air brakes. Tawny shook her head and got on without waiting for him. He hurried after her.
Chapter 35
1015 Skyview Drive. Allen Collins came home from work early. He passed Reynaldo’s bedroom. Inside, Tina was putting Reynaldo’s things in a cardboard box. The mattress had been stripped of bedding and was folded in half at the foot of the bed. The sight unnerved him.
“Couldn’t you at least wait a while before you did that?” he demanded in a voice thick with anguish. “He’s only been gone two days!”
“His room is a mess,” said Tina, “and it stinks.”
“Oh my God!” said Allen loudly. “After what’s happened… and you’re talking about his room? Oh, what’s the goddamned use?” He walked out of Reynaldo’s bedroom and back into the living room. He sat in the chair and put his head in his hands. Tina came into the room a few minutes later and sat on the couch. She said nothing to Allen and picked up the remote and turned on the TV. They sat in the room saying nothing while occasional waves of sitcom canned laughter washed over them. Finally Allen sighed loudly and got to his feet. He looked at her. She turned to him and said, “You don’t do any of the cleaning around here. Why is that? You think I’m a servant?”
“What?” he said. His face contorted with rage. “After all that’s happened you want to talk about house cleaning?” He put his jacket on and went out, closing the door softly.
Tina watched the TV for an hour after Allen had gone. She turned it off and got to her feet. She went over to the front window, parted the curtains and looked out. The van was gone from its space. She went back to the couch and sat, turning the TV back on. The sun moved slowly across the sky and after a while bold golden light was slanting in through an opening in the curtains. She got up and pulled the curtains closed, darkening the room. She sat down again and stared at the TV. She thought she heard something and turned off the TV. She went into Christine’s room, but she was still well into her nap. She closed the door softly. She went into Reynaldo’s bedroom. There was nothing there, of course. But his curtains were parted. She went over to close them and froze. A boy stood with his back to her in the yard by the fence. He was the same size and color as Reynaldo, but she could not see his face. She studied him as her heart began beating faster. She tapped on the glass, trying to get him to turn around. He did not move, continuing to stare out across the field. She went outside and around to the back yard. There was no one there. She went over to the fence and looked left and right, seeing nothing. The field below was empty. She walked around to the side of the house and her brows knit with suspicion. The crawlspace door had been unlatched and left slightly ajar. She looked around and satisfied herself that no one could see her. She knelt and pulled the crawlspace door up, looking inside. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust. She s
aw the reassuring sleeping bag shape of the bundle up where the crawlspace rose up slightly. She closed the crawlspace door and latched it and went back inside the house. Sitting down on the couch, she took the airline tickets from her purse and studied them. She and Christine would have to be at the airport bright and early for their flight to Costa Rica. She picked up the remote and turned the TV back on.
On Wednesday business was very slow at the board shop. Rad found himself thinking about Tawny and her situation. She hadn’t told his mother anything about having an abortion and he wondered if she’d do it. Part of him found the idea distasteful; the fetus had some of him in it, his DNA. He knew there was more to it than that, but he didn’t want to think about it. A big part of him just wanted it all to be over and done with. He felt sorry for Tawny but he couldn’t help her or even make her feel better. She hadn’t spoken to him at all the whole way back from the cemetery tour and he’d felt like crap. He still felt like crap most of the time. He wished he could take a trip for a couple months and come back and find it all over with, with maybe Tawny moved out of state, or maybe even married to someone else. That was really what she wanted, to be married. And he didn’t have shit now, just enough money to pay the rent and that was about it.
Finally it was time to leave work. As Rad walked to Jen’s dorm, thoughts of Tawny and her problem began to fade and thoughts of Jen grew, making him feel a little lighter. Jen made no demands on him. All she wanted was to be with him and to make it with him. He didn’t think she loved him, not really, and he wasn’t sure what he felt about her. He thought he loved her, kind of. He knew that he wanted to be with her a lot, and could hardly keep his hands off her.
When he got to Jen’s door his erection was pushing painfully against his pants. He rang the bell and Jen let him in. He tried to kiss her but she backed away. He looked around. The little apartment smelled prettily of scented oil and there was no evidence of Cait. As he began taking off his jacket she said, “I tried to call you to tell you not to come, but you must have just left.”
Rad smiled and pulled her close, running his hands down her back, kneading her buttocks. “Must have,” he said.
