I may have told them about the deaths and the regenerations, but I decided to leave out a few things.
If only they knew what really happened, every time I had a run in with the blood red eyed monster. My thoughts flicker back to one of my most recent run ins with the creature. One I dare not share with Killian and Shadowbolt.
Not so long ago…
“Are we having fun yet, Little Bird?”
“Does it bloody look like it?” I spit back, blood mixing with my saliva and trickling down my chin.
“Ah, such a potty mouth. You would think after all this time, you may have started to show me respect. But no, Little Bird always has to have it her way. Well, tough shit. This is my game, and I want to play.”
The beast turns away to grab something from behind him. I hate his toys. Oh, he had a vast array of what he calls his ‘toys’, everything from pliers, bone saws, wavy daggers, poisons. All different weapons, and all laced with iron. How he knew about my existence and my weakness still baffles me. Only one other person knew about those and he’s not here. Just the monster before me, choosing his next ‘toy’ to play with.
“Ooh, I found something. You remember this beauty, don’t you? The fun I had with this baby. Do you remember?”
How could I forget that one?
His personal favorite. He twirls the only non-iron blade between his hands. His cold blood red eyes stare back, as a sinister grin spreads across his features. “Ah, you do remember. See this blade? This blade has gutted countless people. But my favorite, yes, my favorite, has to be that time I drove it through your lover boy’s back. Ah yes, good times.” He moves nearer, clutching the wavy edged dagger. “And you know the best part?” He leans closer as if to share a secret, “I never clean the blade. The blood of everyone I have ever mutilated or slaughtered coats this blade. Like a memento of all the fun times I have had over the years, wouldn’t you agree?”
He doesn’t give me a chance to reply before he swiftly draws the filthy blade across my cheek, slicing me to the bone. The pain stings and burns as it should, but it is nothing compared to the excruciating pain radiating from my wrists and ankles.
I’m once again trapped.
Strong rusty iron chains bind me in place, the metal scolding my skin. I don’t make a sound as the torture continues. I won’t give him the satisfaction.
“Always so quiet. Why do you have to ruin my fun, hmm?” He licks the knife tainted with my blood, smiling, “I remember the first time we did this. Do you?”
Of course, I remember. How could I forget?
Before I even have a chance to fully reply, he brings his face close to mine, his dead eyes staring back at me.
“Do you know what? Over all the years I have had lots of opportunities to maim and mutilate people, but you are by far my favorite. Even though you no longer scream, and decide to keep your mouth shut for most of what I inflict on you, I know you are still screaming in here.” He uses the tip of the blade to tap against his head, glaring at me, “I can see it in your eyes. You scream out in your mind. And I know it’s not just from the games I so love to play with you. It’s because of this,” he uses the blade to gesture his face, “this face haunts you, doesn’t it? Knowing what you had and what you lost. Words cannot describe how happy it makes me to watch you suffer, over and over again. Oh, I know it’s true. I have been doing this for so long, I know my prey and the best way to torture them. It comes from years of practice.”
“I just wish you would tell me why. Why me? All these centuries, you pursue, torture, and always kill me. But you never tell me why?” I ask, listening to the sizzling of my bare skin against the iron chains.
“Why should I? Have you ever thought I just do this for fun? Hmm, or is that too difficult for your tiny brain to comprehend?” he asks tilting his head, tapping the blade against his lip. His tongue darts out to lick the remnants of my blood. A moan escapes his lips and I shudder with disgust as I notice his growing bulge.
“Everyone has a reason for doing something, I just want to know yours.” I meet his eyes which are filled with malice, a sinister smirk tugging at his lips.
“You really think I would tell you? What, you think I’m going to stand here and monologue like a Bond villain? Ha, is that what you think? That I’m going to tell you all my deepest darkest secrets? Or maybe you think you can reveal my softer side? Hmm is that it, Little Bird?” He steps closer again, only to run the dagger down both arms, cutting through the muscle down to the bone. “Newsflash, there is no softer side. I get off on pain, torture, and killing. And nothing you say is ever going to change that. I will do this every time. I mean I may change it up a little here and there, maybe a new toy for our little games, you just don’t ever know. I will hunt you forever if I have to.”
“If you say so, buddy,” I snarkily reply, trying to appear strong against the pain. “Nothing lasts forever. Not even you.” I hold my head up as high and proud as I can.
“Ha, if that’s what you think, then we have many, many enjoyable centuries to go. Anyway, I’m bored.”
He grasps the horrible dagger tightly, the moonlight reflecting off the jagged metal.
“Times up bitch. See you next time,” is all he says before he thrusts the iron dagger straight through my heart.
Present Day
“Anything you want to share with the rest of the group there, Sparky?” Shadowbolt's voice shakes me from my memory.
“Hmm, what? Oh, uh, no, not really,” I mumble.
“What was that, Love?” Killian asks looking to me.
“Uh, nothing much. Shadowbolt was just asking how I was feeling.”
“Lies. Don’t tell the poor boy lies, Sparky. How are we meant to help if you keep things to yourself and then lie? It’s most unbecoming.”
That bloody horse. I swear sometimes I want to smack him one.
“Hey, I heard that.”
“Good, then maybe you could stop prying in things I don’t wish to share,” I snap back.
“You’re doing it again.” Killian says, staring at me with his arms crossed.
“Doing what?” I reply.
“Talking in your head again. I swear that must be a habit. I wish I knew what you two talk about,” he huffs out, gazing at Shadowbolt and I.
“I don’t mean to do it, it just sometimes happens.”
“I know. I’m just a little envious of the bond you two share. I know I shouldn’t be, it’s just I wish —” he stands and walks closer to me “—I wish you would let me in, like you did with him. I’m not asking for your secrets, you can keep those. I… I just wish. Ah hell, I don’t know what I wish anymore.” He stops in front of me with a tiny smile playing on his lips.
“I think Sweetcheeks has finally lost it,” I hear Shadowbolt let out a small chuckle.
Killian reaches his hand up to gently brush it against my cheek. When was the last time someone was that gentle with me? Too long.
I gaze into his warm chocolate eyes. He’s so close I can make out little flecks of gold swirling amongst their depths.
He stares back at me, his eyes flicking across my face as if he was drinking in all my features to remember for a later time.
His thumb ghosts over my bottom lip and he stares at it intently. Biting his own as if contemplating what to do next.
The air around us grows heavy. My body tingles and I feel it warming.
“I wish that I could know you better Alina. I wish you would let me in. I wish I could share a bond with you. I… just… I—”
He doesn’t finish the sentence before his full lips are on mine.
His lips are soft as they move tentatively against my own. His stubble grazes across my chin and I relish in the feel of it. I feel his arm snake around my waist as he draws me closer, his fingers splaying across the small of my back, tenderly digging in.
It’s been mere moments and yet, I still haven’t responded.
My body wants to, my heart does too somewhat, but my mind? Well, tha
t’s a different matter.
I place my hand on his firm chest and push him back a little, breaking the spell. He looks down at me, his eyes full of heat and want.
I should want this. Why can’t I?
“Killian,” I say on an exhale, “I… I can’t.”
His faces turns solemn as the words leave my mouth. He loosens his grip on me, but not completely.
“Alina. I’m sorry. I just got carried away. I wasn’t thinking. Please forgive me.” A faint flush creeps across his cheeks as he offers me a weak smile.
“There’s nothing to forgive. I promise you, it’s not because I don’t think you’re wonderful; I do. It’s just —” deep breath, “—I can’t be what you want. I’m not emotionally capable of, well anything to be truthful. I have too many scars and too much baggage to be a good choice for you.” His shirt material scrunches up in my hands as I ball my fists against his chest.
“Isn’t that my decision to make? Whether you are the right choice for me? I know I must seem crazy, the fact I haven’t known you that long and everything. But I have never felt this way about anyone the way I do about you.” He glances down at my hands, bringing his up to un-ball my fists so he can entwine our fingers together.
“Call me crazy. Call me stupid. Call me anything you want, but please stay.”
“I don’t think you’re crazy or stupid,” I pull one of my hands free and place it against his cheek, which he leans into. “If I was even a little bit normal, I would be yours, no questions asked.”
“But?”
“But I am too fucked up in my head and in my heart to even try to be normal.”
“I don’t want normal. I want you.”
I step backward, shaking my head sadly. My fingers fall away from his touch, missing his warmth as they fall to my side.
“Please, I’m just asking for a chance. Just one. Let me prove to you I can be a good man.”
“I know you’re a good man. That’s not the problem. I lost my first love in the most horrific way possible. I have been attacked, tortured, and spent all my lives running from a monster. Not only that, I’m immortal. Do you know what that means?” I ask, watching his every movement, but all he does is stand still and watch me.
“Let’s just say I did give you a chance. Say we make a wonderful life here together, a future here on the farm. Do you know what would happen? I would have to watch you grow old. I would have to watch you wither to nothing, maybe die in my arms. And then what? I end up suffering more. I would have to watch another man I care about leave me. No.” I shake my head, putting some more distance between us.
“I am going to live forever. There’s nothing I can do to change that. That is my fate, one I must live with. Just no. I’m sorry, but no. I can’t go through that again. I’m better off alone,” I finish, wrapping my arms tightly around myself. I let out a few shaky breaths trying to calm down my clenching stomach.
“No one is better off alone. I know that’s not what you really want. I know you are just trying to protect yourself, I understand that, I do. I will do whatever you want. I won’t put any pressure on you—”
“Protect myself? Is that all you got from that whole thing? What part of I have to watch you die do you not understand?”
“Everyone dies, Love. It’s just a matter of when,” he whispers with a sad smile.
I’m stunned for a minute. He’s right. Everyone does die. I quietly voice my thoughts, “you’re right, everyone does die eventually. The only difference between them and me, is that they stay dead.”
“I think I should go. I don’t want to cause any more upset than I need too.”
“No Alina, you don’t need to go. I’ll lay off okay. I apologize. I should never have said or done anything.”
He goes to reach out to me, but has second thoughts and places his hand back at his side.
“You have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry if I led you on. I like you. I do. But I think we’re better as friends.”
“As you wish,” he sadly replies, casting his eyes downward.
“Thank you, Killian.”
When he looks up again, I offer him a friendly smile. After a few moments he returns it.
Hopefully we will be okay.
“You’re being awfully quiet. Usually, you don’t shut up in times like these,” I ask turning to look at Shadowbolt.
Except, he’s not there.
‘SHADOWBOLT’
My hooves pound into the forest floor, kicking up dirt and broken twigs as I run.
I wish I could share a bond with you.
That stupid sentence plays on repeat in my mind. What point is there in having a bond when I can’t say or be who I want to be. I’m sick and tired of being left in the dark, cast into the shadows just to be forgotten. I’m probably cowardly and petty for running away, but I couldn’t stay there another minute. Not when Killian’s lips touched hers, or when his arms pulled her in closer.
I couldn’t bear to watch them, so like a coward I took off running. Bolting out of the barn as quickly and quietly as I could.
Why must I be this way? Why do I let stupid emotions cloud my judgement? I’m not even sure what I’m doing anymore. I’m meant to be helping her, but it seems Killian can do a better job of that.
Jealousy bites into me. I am not usually jealous or angry, choosing rather to be patient and kind. But this? This is just too much, even for me. I’m trapped watching things unfurl before me with no way of doing anything.
Enough.
I come to a standstill in the clearing from where I had first arrived. I can still remember the ground opening up and the feeling of being sucked through a tunnel. Teleportation is a weird thing.
My mistress had used magic to transport me here. The momentum of it had caused nausea, but it was soon forgotten when I saw Alina. I’m not angry at her, not in the slightest. I’ve just grown too fond of her in such a short amount of time. Something about her calls to me and I feel powerless in her presence.
Finding the crack in the ground where I pierced through I still, looking around me.
“Mistress! Where are you? I know you can hear me. I know you’re watching. Where are you? Mistress, I need you!” I mentally shout, my annoyance evident as I tap my hooves against the ground, the sound echoing through the trees. “Goddess Neris I’m talking to you. Get your bangle clad ass here, right now!”
“Bangle clad ass? Whatever has gotten into you my dear boy?”
I hear her voice before I see her. Turning around there the Goddess Neris stands watching me intently, a small smirk playing on her lips.
“Mistress. My apologies. I shouldn’t have spoken out of turn. I just… I’m frustrated and I need your assistance.” I reply bowing my head low.
“My assistance? Why on earth do you require that?” She steps forward her glowing white eyes pierce through me; questioning.
“I wish to change back to myself again,” I say quickly, moving closer.
“And why pray tell do you need to do that?” There is no anger hidden in her words, just curiosity.
“I feel I would be more useful to Alina if I was in my true form.”
I gaze down at the earth beneath my hooves, worried about her answer and whether she would work out my true intention. There’s not much you can hide from the Goddess of Knowledge and Wisdom.
“More useful? Ahh, I see what the problem is here,” she uses her hand to tilt my head up to look me in the eyes, “jealously is at play here. Am I correct?”
“Umm, no mistress. Not at all.”
“Why do you even try to lie? It is perfectly clear you are. Even in this form, I can read all your expressions, sense all your thoughts and feelings. Your mind is like an open book. Except at the moment every page spells out the same thing clear as day. Alina.” Raising an eyebrow, she presses her lips together in a thin line, clearly not impressed.
“I don’t know what you mean mistress. I just want to help, that’s all. That’s what you wanted from me
, was it not? To help her, comfort her and be there for her.” Lying was always difficult for me, though even more so in the presence of my mistress.
“I know exactly the way you wish to comfort her. Do not try and take me for a fool, Pet.” The last word leaves her tongue with a bite, obviously growing annoyed with me. “You think I don’t know how you’re feeling? I can see inside your mind, I can reach into your heart and soul and know you are consumed by jealousy.” She turns away from me, her raven black hair gently floating in the breeze around us. “I know you, probably better than you know yourself. You were created as a companion for me, to do my bidding. And my wish is that you stay in this form until your mission is complete. Are we clear?” She bites back over her shoulder.
“But Neris, if you would just let me change, just for a moment, then I can—”
“ENOUGH!” She spins round, her hair wildly thrashes around her as her eyes glow brighter, blue streaking the edges. “You do not talk to me that way. You are my pet. You will do as I command. I will allow you to change when I deem fitting, not the other way round. Are we clear?” Her voice booms around us, the ground shaking with the intensity.
“Yes, my mistress.” There’s not much else I can say, not when she has her mind made up.
“Well, now that we have that cleared up, I will take my leave. But mark my words, Pet, if you dare summon me again without a good enough reason, I will not hesitate in making sure that you stay in this form forever. Things happen for a reason. We should not question what is beyond our control.”
I bow low again as she disappears before me, leaving quicker than she arrived.
Well that went well.
“Shadowbolt! Shadowbolt!”
I hear shouts in the distance, shaking me from my self-pity.
“Ah, there you are. We were worried about you,” Killian pants, breaking through the tree line before me. “Alina! He’s over here!” he shouts looking over his shoulder.
Echoes of the Past (The Alina Chronicles Book 1) Page 10
