by Hondo Jinx
Dan, Holly, and Nadia huddled up.
“Let’s head back,” Nadia said. “This isn’t worth the risk.”
“But if we head back now,” Dan said, “the other teams will both be in front of us.”
Holly shouted up at the giant, “How good are you at chess?”
Nimbus shrugged. “I used to be all right, but I haven’t played in a while.”
“Shit,” Nadia said. “Did you hear him? That’s code for he’s really fucking good.”
“All right, all right,” Holly said. “Let’s not panic.”
“Fuck it!” Wulfgar roared. “Let’s play!” Then the impulsive sword lowered his voice as if the others could actually hear him, and asked Dan, “What’s chess? Is that the one where you hop over the guy and he kings you?”
“We’ll play,” Zeke crowed.
A menacing smile spread across the giant’s silver-bearded face.
“No, we won’t!” Nadia shouted. She grabbed Zeke’s arm. “What are you, crazy? Did you miss the part about him grinding our bones to make good ol’ Granny’s banana bread?”
“Yeah,” Holly said, suddenly having second thoughts. “Having a map would be great, but it’s probably not worth the risk. Besides, shortcuts always end up biting you in the ass.”
Not always, Dan thought, remembering Willis’s T&T adventures.
Willis loved tempting his players with high-stakes gambles. If you were bold enough to risk everything and lucky enough to win, the rewards could be staggering. Of course, if you lost, the shortcut didn’t just bite you in the ass. It rose up beneath you like a great white shark and bit off your ass and took your legs with it.
“We play,” Zeke said again, stroking the white patch on Zuggy’s head. “Look, guys, I know that Zuggy might be a hopeless alcoholic.”
The Noobs nodded in agreement.
“And he might get a little violent on whiskey,” Zeke added.
“A little violent?” Dan said. “He almost killed the kid in the bar.”
Zeke nodded and said, “And he might even be in the habit of spitting in Dan’s beer when he isn’t looking…”
“Wait,” Dan said. “What?”
Zeke glanced at the monkey with a tight smile, his voice thick with emotion. “But this little bastard can play chess. I’ve spent my life traveling all over this world and visiting the other planes of existence, high and low alike, and I have never encountered a chess player who could beat my little buddy, Zuggy.”
The monkey grinned.
He and the wizard exchanged a fist bump.
“You want us to risk our lives on the chess play of a monkey?” Nadia said. “No. Fucking. Way.”
Then, turning to the giant, Nadia said, “Hey, Mr. Nimbus, if these guys want to play, and I want to just head back right now, is that cool?”
The giant shook his silvery head. “Sorry. This is one of those group decision situations. One for all, all for one, that sort of thing?”
“Shit,” Nadia said. “Holly?”
Holly bit her lip. “The monkey is a good chess player. He beat Zeke.”
“Zeke’s crazy,” Nadia said, then laid a hand on Zeke’s arm. “No offense.”
Zeke fluttered a hand. “None taken.”
“Zuggy also destroyed that kid in the bar,” Holly said. “Not the one who gave him a shot of whiskey. The smart looking one in the pointy hat. I’m torn. What do you think, Dan?”
Dan’s mind had been racing during the debate.
If they went forward with this game, they could all die.
If they went back to the dungeon, they would almost certainly lose, but they would likely survive.
Nadia said no.
Zeke said yes.
Holly wavered in the center, waiting for Dan’s vote.
Ultimately, however, none of them convinced Dan.
Willis convinced him.
If Willis had designed this adventure, there would be no safe choice. They could live or die, succeed or fail. Willis never slaughtered or lifted up his characters. Their success was always based on their decisions, their actions, and, of course, their luck.
But Willis would never have included an NPC like Zuggy and put all that time into developing the monkey as a chess player if Zuggy wasn’t a great player.
This setup would be Willis’s way of testing the Noobs’ nerves and having a good laugh if the monkey actually saved their asses.
“Let’s do it,” Dan said. “Kick this giant’s ass, monkey!”
51
Thirty-Six Chambers of Death
The Noobs scaled the ladder and stood together atop the great chair. The edge of the massive chessboard was level with Dan’s beltline.
Nimbus was positively giddy, so much so that he offered Zuggy the white pieces and the first move.
“Shall we begin?” Nimbus said, playing it all droll. “Or should I preheat my oven?”
Zuggy grinned at the Noobs and gave each teammate a fist bump. Then the monkey clambered onto the table and dragged the pawn in front of his queen out two spaces.
“Pre-dict-able,” Nimbus said in a singsong voice, and pushed his own queen’s pawn.
“We’re doomed,” Nadia groaned.
“No, we’re not,” Zeke said. “You want to put a little wager on it?”
Nadia rolled her eyes. “Nice try, grandpa. That way, if we survive, I owe you, but how am I supposed to collect if we die?”
“Good point,” the wizard conceded, then he clapped, grinning at the board. “Nice move, Zuggy.”
The game quickly developed into a positional lockdown, with each player building complicated pawn structures and marshalling his forces as best he could, given the locked center and heavily contested spaces.
Zeke hadn’t been wrong about Zuggy. The monkey was obviously one Hades of a player.
Unfortunately, the giant was just as good… and really, really annoying.
Nimbus talked trash constantly, mocking Zuggy’s moves, rolling his eyes, and sighing. He also insisted on snacking throughout the game. He kept reaching into his toga for crackers and biscuits, crunching them loudly, smacking his lips, and then dusting his hands, covering the board in giant crumbs.
The game was slow, neither player rushing to capture material, both of them seeking instead to dominate positionally.
Honestly, it would’ve been pretty boring if it hadn’t been for the whole life-and-death thing.
Then the game got bloody.
An exchange of knights led to a break in the pawn structure. The giant rushed the breach, trading pieces until he peeled open the center.
Zuggy bounced up and down, chittering anxiously, and moved his remaining knight to safety, avoiding the threat and pitching ahead into enemy territory.
Dan held hands with Holly and Nadia. He didn’t know much about chess, but he knew it was bad when the giant lined up both rooks in a menacing battery on an open file. Next, Nimbus would slide his queen in behind his rooks.
Nimbus had ripped center wide open, and now he was looking to force a back-rank mate.
The monkey had to think defensively, had to push a pawn to buy space for his castled king.
Instead, Zuggy attacked recklessly, zipping a bishop across the board to snatch a pawn and throw a meaningless check.
Nimbus rolled his eyes and chuckled with contempt. “Charge,” he mocked, and stretched out a giant hand to capture the bishop.
Then he paused, his huge face twisting with confusion and concern.
Zeke cackled like a maladjusted rooster. “In yo face, Nimbus! You see it now? You were so focused on your rooks that you forgot all about Zuggy’s knight.”
“Wait,” Nimbus said, studying the board with a look of desperation. “This can’t be right.”
Hope surged in Dan. Could this really be happening?
Zeke cackled again. “You take the bishop, and Zuggy moves his knight. Mate in one!”
“Wait,” Nimbus said, still looking for a way out.
; Dan studied the board. Okay–there it was. But Zuggy had to be careful.
Nimbus’s king was trapped. Zuggy’s knight could deliver check by hopping to the right or the left. If he went to the right, it would be checkmate. If he got excited, however, and moved to the left, Nimbus would be able to capture the knight and roll him up in short order.
“Be careful,” Dan said, and explained the situation.
“Stop your fretting, sonny,” Zeke said. “The Zug-Master has this.”
The monkey leaned on his knight, yawning theatrically.
Beaming, Dan squeezed the girls’ hands. Nadia smiled back, finally believing that something good could happen. Holly, on the other hand, was studying the board, a look of panicked revelation dawning on her features.
“You must address check,” Zeke crowed. “Make your move, El Gigante!”
Growling with frustration, Nimbus captured the bishop.
The monkey grinned, picked up the knight, and waddled forward to make his move. To Dan’s relief, he was going toward the safe square and checkmate. Against all odds, they were seconds away from earning that map.
As Zuggy was about to make the winning move, however, Holly slapped the table and shouted, “Stop!”
The monkey hesitated.
Everyone turned in her direction.
“Don’t do it,” she said. “Go to the left.”
The monkey gave her a confused look.
“Why in the world would he do that?” Zeke said. “That would be check, not checkmate, and then Nimbus would just take his knight.”
“Exactly,” Holly said, a bright smile coming onto her face. “Nimbus couldn’t block the check and has no place to run. He would have to take the knight.”
Zeke arched one wintry eyebrow. “Um… you do understand that checkmate is the objective here, right?”
Holly laughed. “In chess, maybe. But this is more than chess. Remember the riddle? ‘Keep going down, Till you reach the sky. You’ll reach the chest, When both knights die.’ Nimbus, what happens if Zuggy throws check from the left?”
The giant made a face. “I take his stupid knight. Duh.”
“You know what I mean,” Holly said, her smile growing sly. “What happens to us?”
Nimbus sighed and rolled his gigantic eyes. “All right, all right. I’m forced to capture the checking piece, both knights die, and I deliver your team directly to the dungeon’s final chamber.”
The Noobs cheered as Zuggy changed directions and threw suicidal check.
Nimbus struggled to repress a grin. “Very clever, little elf.” Then he captured the knight, and the Noobs were again blinded by a flash of bright light.
52
The Chest of Champions
Zipping straight to the final chamber ended up being a mixed bag, in Dan’s opinion.
Sure, there were some really cool aspects.
For starters, they skipped half of the dungeon, along with a ton of tricks, traps, and monsters. The Noobs simply materialized together at the center of a large, ornate hall.
The room itself was even a plus. After crawling through dirty passageways of rough stone, it was pleasant to stand on tiles of polished marble beneath a high-vaulted fresco ceiling supported by massive golden columns. The fountains were a nice touch, too, as were the beautiful tapestries hanging along the walls.
Then there was the treasure. At the far end of the room, sitting atop a sparkling carpet of gems and gold pieces, waited the glowing trunk that could only be the Chest of Champions.
It was a breathtaking sight.
As was the final pleasant surprise, that being the dead hydra spread in many pieces across the shiny tiles, its eight decapitated heads orbiting the big corpse like sour moons. Dan felt a rush of excitement, seeing the intact treasure and the far-from-intact guardian, lying very dead on the floor at their feet.
There was really only one downside to their arrival. Though, in all fairness, that was a pretty big downside.
Sword points slid against their throats as they appeared.
Dan stood on his tiptoes as the blade pressed into his flesh, threatening to open his throat wide.
“You did not heed to my warning,” Broadus said, holding the blade to Dan’s throat. “This you should have done.”
A quick glance told Dan that all of the Noobs had blades to their throats. The Sell-Swords had gotten here first, killed the hydra, and waited for the Noobs to arrive.
“I understand that now,” Dan said with a nervous smile. “But I don’t get it. You won. You beat the dungeon, killed the hydra, and earned the treasure. Why wait here for us? Why not grab the Chest of Champions, head up to the surface, and claim your victory?”
Broadus shook his head. “If only things were that simple. We release you now, yes? But on your honor, you do not attack us?”
The Noobs happily agreed to those terms, and the blades came away from their necks.
Broadus spread his arms and turned. “All a lie,” he said. “A death trap.”
Dan shrugged. “But we made it. We all made it.”
Broadus shook his head solemnly. “The true fight, the thing that brought us here, is behind that wall.” He pointed his sword toward an ornate tapestry.
“But the treasure is right there,” Nadia said, pointing at the glowing chest. “Is there some kind of trick or trap? Why not just carry the treasure up those stairs?”
“We did not come here to win,” Broadus said.
“Works for me,” Nadia said. “Mind if we, um, you know…”
Broadus waved his hand dismissively. “The treasure is nothing. We do not care about money.”
“Don’t care about money?” Dan said. “You’re mercenaries.”
The Sell-Swords laughed hard at that.
The wiry thief reached into his tunic and withdrew a chain, upon which a circular pendant glowed like a miniature sun. “We’re not mercs, kid. We’re Legionnaires.”
“Legionnaires?” Dan asked, totally confused.
“You’re members of the Legion of Light,” Holly chimed in, sounding excited.
Broadus gave a little bow and made introductions. The burly dwarven cleric was Kord; the black-haired sorceress, Talia; the wiry thief, Maurelio.
Holly was beaming. “My grandmother told many stories about the Legion of Light. She spoke very highly of you.”
Broadus turned to Holly and seemed to study her face for several seconds. Then his expression softened. “The likeness is striking. The hair, the eyes, everything.”
Holly smiled warmly. “You pay me a gracious compliment, sir. My grandmother was a great woman.”
The Legionnaires exchanged troubled looks.
“Your grandmother saved my life,” Broadus said, and then gestured to his companions. “All of our lives.”
“I am pleased to learn this,” Holly said, her face growing wary as she scanned the Legionnaires’ troubled expressions, “but I sense that you have more to tell me.”
Broadus explained the day, months earlier, when the Legionnaires, investigating a gathering of dark forces in the Forest of Rothrock, had descended into deep catacombs, where they were overwhelmed by the powerful necromancer Griselda.
As the evil necromancer was preparing to kill them, Holly’s grandmother had appeared. She and Griselda fought a terrible battle with an even more terrible outcome: both women died.
“We tried to warn the barbarian of the dangers, yes?” Broadus said.
Maurelio spoke up. “Of course, we did not know then who you were, Holly, or we would have chosen a different clue.”
Broadus nodded. “Maurelio placed a tiny head in the boy’s pouch. A hint, since he had not listened to my warning.”
“I’m so confused,” Dan confessed. “A hint? A hint at what?”
“A hint of the horror awaiting us behind that wall,” Talia said. “You had seen the real head before, correct? It spoke with you?”
Dan nodded. “Yeah, but I still don’t understand the hint… and how do
you know this, anyway?”
“I saw you in the crystal heart,” Talia said.
Goosebumps raced over Dan’s body. “How?”
“I practice divination,” Talia said with a small smile. “In the same way, I—”
“Wait,” Holly interrupted, her face suddenly horrorstruck. “The head… does it belong to…?”
Maurelio put a hand on her shoulder and nodded, frowning. “I’m sorry, Holly. Again, if we had known—”
Tears welled in Holly’s purple eyes. Dan went to her side. She didn’t seem to even notice him. Despite the tears, there was steel in her voice. “Where is my grandmother’s head?”
Her grandmother’s head? Dan thought, shocked.
Holly glared at Broadus, her knuckles white around the glowing staff. “My grandmother’s head disappeared the day that she died saving you. This is how you repaid her sacrifice? By taking her head?”
“We did not take the head,” Broadus said, “and we do not have it.”
“Griselda has it,” Talia said.
Turning to the sorceress, Holly said, “That’s ridiculous. Griselda is dead.”
“Some wizards are too ambitious for death,” Talia said. “Through dark sacrifices and the foulest magic, they carry on after death, as undead abominations of unfathomable evil.”
“Griselda has returned?” Holly said.
Talia nodded. “Several months ago, I began to see horrific images in the crystal heart. Night after night, the images returned, becoming increasingly detailed until I understood two things: Griselda had returned from the dead, and she was planning to strike here, today, at the conclusion of Campus Quest.”
“Here?” Holly said, scowling. “My grandmother’s murderer is here, now?”
The sorceress nodded. “Griselda plans to spread darkness over the world, to blot out light and life forever, and then to rule over a dark and lifeless planet, worshipped only by her death cult, The Acolytes of Eternal Darkness.”
